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#10275 - 11/07/10 03:25 PM Re: absorbing the damaged life,how? [Re: Just_Miserable]
clearblue Offline

Registered: 09/26/10
Posts: 156
Hello Just Miserable,
I feel for you,your family situation.
I hope you can cope and continue in your support of your grandchildren.
It is a heartbreaking situation.
I appreciate your concern and approach to finding a voice.
The court system is aware on many levels of conduct disorders and Psychopath.
Each judge, at every judicial level is still able to administer the law in his personal opinion.
That places the burden to the prosecutors who intern rely on the authorities,police,cps ect for good intake,subject to criminal codes.
An intake of events in itself if it does not give the requirements to fulfill the codes,rcw or jurisdiction of the law(breaking)
Many inputs will not get to or beyond the prosecutors desk.
Anything that constitutes a fine,payable to the system does get in.
Personal suits involve large amounts of monies to advance a case.
You have to pay to use the court system.
It is very expensive.
Some low income scale law offices take cases.
You need retainer to hire a lawyer,approx $2000.00 down.
If you could afford approx $30,000.00 in associated fees and court fees you can take any case to a court.
It is not affordable,access denied.
Advocates and mediation services are in place to offer support and resources.
They work outside of the court system.
Their voice is more personal.
Sometimes the ACLU takes a class action into court on behalf of victim groups.
Primary purpose is to secure Civil Liberty.
It is not much help for individual families.
Psychopathy is generating a billion plus dollars per year.
It will be hard to stop that revenue flow.
The cash flow line is not going to be broken easily.
When psychopathy ceases to generate such a high dividend society will have measures in place
to protect victims.
The billion will flow to resources for public safety,victims.
Society is not at the threshold for that change.
Making matters worse the victims are increasing,increasing that billion to the system.
Psychopaths are top heavy in society now.
Safety is at the foundation of changing society.
We need safety voices,resources.
All people thrive for safety.
Approaching things from a victim perspective limits society awareness.
Not everyone can relate,many are in denial.
Victims resources are discarded because they do not generate financial gain for society.
Safety is not discarded because it is enjoyed by society.
Safety is the place to start alleviating victim impact.

How,what and where do we effectively provide safety.
What is the working benefit to society,survivor stories supporting the safety goal.
How do we identify the safety needs of society in relation to psychopathy.
This is the think tank we need.
I agree totally with your view,we need a voice.
What resources will it take to secure safety and identify danger.
That is what we need,statistics to support a goal.
A definition of the goal that defines safety.
It is a challenge and goal worth obtaining.

Now the only option we have is to leave a situation of abuse.
Validation is important.

I hope by grace we can bring a change.
Are you in close contact with your grandchildren?
You are their best help person.
You see and know the truth.
That takes a special person to validate their situation.
Your situation is a victim witness.
That is heartbreaking.
You are on the right course.
Good for is not an easy path.
Our voice is getting stronger.
We will be heard.
How do you cope now?
Have you found any helpful coping ideas?
Does the Psychopath know you are aware of the truth?

Thank you for posting and being a voice
for your grandchildren and yourself.
Take good care

Sexual Psychopath Legislation:
Approximately 20 states have statutes that address dangerous sex offenders and sexual psychopaths. These statutes are designed to protect public safety by removing habitual sex offenders from society for extended periods of time. Criminal defendants treated differently from others based on their classification as sexual psychopaths have challenged these laws, arguing that they violate the Equal Protection and the Due Process Clauses, but the laws have withstood such challenges (Kansas v Hendricks, 521 U.S. 346 [1997]; Seling v. Young, 531 U.S. 250 [2001]).

These statutes require that the court must specifically find that the sex offender suffers from mental illness that leads to sexually deviant behavior, and that the behavior is likely to continue in the future, in order to classify the offender as a sexual psychopath. These statutes also permit the state to retain custody of the sexual psychopath, or sexually dangerous person, until he or she is cured of the mental illness. In effect, this allows the state to impose an indeterminate, and often lifetime, sentence.

#10283 - 11/08/10 06:51 PM Re: absorbing the damaged life,how? [Re: clearblue]
Just_Miserable Offline

Registered: 11/07/10
Posts: 4
Thank you for your kind reply. I am trying to help the girls
however the manupilative father has caused them to dislike me.
He manipulates the youngest even more so than the oldest. They
are afraid to put much trust in me because he has lied to them
and caused them to believe that I am their enemy. People who do
not know these sick people would never believe what they can do
to a small child. They enheritly want to believe their Father.

As they get older they seem to be learning what he does but still
they are too small to accept that he is truly wrong. He has no
morals and he teaches them to lie to get their way. It is an
awful existence for them right now. The girls need to be counseled
but he refuses to let them to go a counselor. He has scared them
so badly about going to a counselor that they scream at the very
mention of it. They are old enough now that if they were allowed
to go to a counselor and tell the truth he could be stopped but
their fear is just too great.
Does anyone know if a child can hire an attorney. I would make
sure that they have the money for it if it can be done. I do know
that in the state of Florida that the state's attorney general has
asked each attorney to do pro bono work for children's needs. I
just don't know how we could get around him to get them an attorney.
I would apppreciate any help anyone could give me regarding this.
It is a last ditch effort. We have been at this seven years now and
I am getting older and more tired but I am not beaten yet. I am
going to hang in there for my dying breath. PLEASE HELP IF YOU KNOW

#10285 - 11/08/10 08:33 PM Re: absorbing the damaged life,how? [Re: Just_Miserable]
clearblue Offline

Registered: 09/26/10
Posts: 156
Hi Just Miserable.
I really feel for you.
It is a Psychopath's strength to fool the masses.
Even their own children, families are gripped in fear.
This should get you some help action.

Make a paper trail.
It is important to make your file at each agency.
Be patient.
It may take from immediate action to 1 year for action.

File a report with Child Protective Services.
File a local police Dept report.
Ask police to make a safety check visit to their home.
Report to their school.
Report to their pediatrician.

All the above are under mandatory reporting laws.
All can and must act under the law.
A suspicion is a report.

File on-line report/complaint with your State Attorney General.
Give as much info as you can.
The alert will cause them to make a record of report file(support of you regards to safety of grandchildren)
They will give you further instructions of who/how to contact.

Call an Ombudsman,tell them your suspicions.
They will also file a record of report.
Ombudsman will give you help resources.

Call a children's advocate.
Child advocates can help arrange a forensic interview.
One geared specifically for children of abuse.

Visit your Juvenile court in person.
Talk to the Juvenile Prosecutor.
Tell the Prosecutor your suspicions.
Sometimes they will launch an investigation.
The more people supporting the same suspicion,the better.
If they launch an investigation expect immediate action.
They do not hesitate to assure child safety,public safety.
The children will be appointed a public defender.

In any case arising out of Juvenile court the children will be given an option or appointing of a
public defender.

The State can act on behalf of the child.
It will actually be out of your hands if a law broke.
You will not be able to stop the criminal proceedings in an action.

All the above are mandatory report filing agencies.
All the above are bound by law to act.

This should be all you need to launch an effective investigation.
Let safety be your best tool in all that you do.
Make it a priority subject,concern in all your conversations with the above offices.

An issue of safety,child safety supports action.

Family problems will not get you support.
Try not to mention it as a family problem issue in conversations.
No bitter divorce talk.
No scorned by a Psychopath talk.
No custody talk.

Safety concern is the key.

My very best wishes to you and your family.

#10293 - 11/09/10 07:37 PM Re: absorbing the damaged life,how? [Re: clearblue]
Just_Miserable Offline

Registered: 11/07/10
Posts: 4
Thank you so much for you reply. Unfortunately
we have done most of the things that you have suggested
but the slimey little snake slithered through all the
loop holes and showed up looking like Mr Mom and Mr Dad
at the same time. Florida laws leave a lot to be desired
in safety issues for children. I might try the State Attorney
General that is probably the only one I haven't tried in the
past 8 years except for your suggestion of the Ombudsman.
Where would I get information about whom to contact?

#10295 - 11/09/10 08:58 PM Re: absorbing the damaged life,how? [Re: Just_Miserable]
clearblue Offline

Registered: 09/26/10
Posts: 156
Hi Just Miserable,
I hope this info will get you the services you need.
Do not loose hope.
It will come to light if you keep the switch on.
Here is the info to get you started,

File the online complaint form.
Do not worry about the criteria.
Fill out what is needed.
Even if the wrong department processes your initial complaint they will make a record of it and get it to the right desk.
They will give you more resources also.
Florida Attorney General;

Ombudsman,childrens and family Ombudsman.
Get Florida Ombudsman info from:

Washington Office
Tel: 202-624-5400 | Fax: 202-737-1069 | 444 North Capitol Street, N.W., Suite 515 | Washington, D.C. 20001

There are Ombudsman resources,numbers at your nearest crisis center.
You can tell crisis support about the situation also.
They have resources,numbers.

Unitedway dial 211 services,support center. Listen/use for prompts to service info.

I hope you find help an answers.
Your voice is their voice.
It is wonderful you are in their lives.

Warm regards

#10310 - 11/17/10 02:57 PM Re: absorbing the damaged life,how? [Re: clearblue]
Violet Offline

Registered: 07/08/10
Posts: 105
Hello Clearblue,
I do not have the time at the moment to properly express my opinion of your strength and wisdom. I posted on this forum regularly a few months ago. A change in my work load has taken away the free time that I had been spending on this forum. I just logged back on today to read a few posts. I skipped around a bit, and browsed through a few of your posts. I just wanted to take a quick moment to let you know, your words speak the truth very loudly. You have incredible insight, and it appears that you are willing to share this gift with others. May you have a blessed day knowing that your words are able to extend feelings of acceptance, comfort, and hope to the many people here on this forum. : )

#10312 - 11/17/10 10:18 PM Re: absorbing the damaged life,how? [Re: Violet]
clearblue Offline

Registered: 09/26/10
Posts: 156
Hi Violet,
thank you,many times in kind for being so thoughtful.

You make sharing a joy!

#10313 - 11/18/10 08:49 AM Re: absorbing the damaged life,how? [Re: clearblue]
Violet Offline

Registered: 07/08/10
Posts: 105
Hello Clearblue,

I am writing in response to your post where you said, "I can not believe this was my life." It is so incredible, the way we are linked through our experiences with the various psychopaths. Time and time again, I think to myself, just as others have, "wow, it feels like I am reading my own post!".

Was it only two days ago, while I was reflecting, that I actually said out loud, "Is this really my life?" So very many of the posts here have common themes, thoughts. If we can get past the tragedy of it all for just a moment, it really is fascinating (for me anyway) that we are brought together in similar thoughts and interpretations during the analysis of the aftermath.

Yesterday, I mourned in reflection of the aftermath. I let it comsume me, my reflections on previous denial brought me to the dark room of depression in my mind. Today, I find it fascinating. Drawing conclusions, psychological interpretations of the dynamics involved, particularly in the healing process, absolutely intriguing. Yesterday, alone, I cried. Today, we compare notes, and I smile (wow- we are healing, and look how smart we are too smile Tomorrow, I do not know how I will feel. But, I do know that I can come here. And I know that here, I will find others who will understand.

We were alone when we fell down to the ground. We looked up, with a mouth full of dirt, and nobody was there. But now, we are standing back up, together. One at a time, we are extending out our hand, and helping each other stand back up. We must stay on our feet and continue to walk this road together. There is a path to healing. We are on that path.

#10314 - 11/18/10 07:40 PM Re: absorbing the damaged life,how? [Re: Violet]
Dianne E. Offline


Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2788
Loc: United States
Hi Violet, nice to see you again and the huge steps you have taken. Over the years the most common comment I have read is, you are telling my story. Wounds of any kind particulay with a Psychopath are a process to heal, we are here for you on your journey back to your true self. You were under a spell and now are seeing your way out. One foot in front of the other. You did nothing wrong.

Please keep us posted on your progress. We have so many members due to PTSD, etc. who only read so your words reach more than you can imagine.

The forum is a community for the members and sharing can be a big part of the process.


#10317 - 11/19/10 10:48 PM Re: absorbing the damaged life,how? [Re: Violet]
clearblue Offline

Registered: 09/26/10
Posts: 156
Hi Violet,
your expressions of your experiences,shared experiences are so nicely put.
We have gone the distance and the depth.
It is no easy challenge in life to have a relationship of any kind with a Psychopath.
Learning from it,about it and giving this experience a proper place in our lives has
been difficult.
Sharing does make it easier.
Still it is hard to believe.
It challenged our primary beliefs and principles.
When I have distance from the personal situations, I have to say psychopathy is interesting.
I also find Psychopathy interesting on many levels as an abnormal personality disorder.
Some Psychopath's I have known began their eventual pattern of destruction with their prominent traits
of charm,glib and grandiose type behaviors.
I never would of thought of them as liars,cheats or thieves or dangerous.
Eventually they manifested the most negative traits of psychopathy with sneaky,cunning and
cruel behaviors glossed over with deception.
It seemed like the good core in them had shrunk away.
I know a good place was there,inside once, but I am not sure if they remember it was.
Looking back in reflection it does seem like it literally disappeared.
Beyond retrieval.
All of the elements,facets,varied outcomes and behaviors of psychopathy are worthy of study.
So we study.
Then here we are, left picking up the pieces of shattered life,lives,again and as a part of the study.
Reasoning with ourselves one minute over outcomes of a Psychopath relationship.
Exchanging that thought with "I can not believe this is my life".
Looking for a shard,clue of truth that can mend it,make sense.
We just can't find that shard.
When Psychopath lost truth,we lost ours as well.
Regaining our composure is not simple.
Learning about psychopathy from the involved state is not simple.
The aftermath is very emotional.
Often times because of the missing emotional pieces.
It leaves a wrinkle in the fabric of our lives.
We have mended all the places we could mend.
We keep a warm iron on the wrinkle.
We learn.
I think it is good to have a learning approach to psychopathy.
I think it is wonderful to share experience and find out our experience is shared.
I feel that learning the hard way is justified in sharing,learning and understanding.
It keeps our heart in mind in the right places.
There are to many wrong places where we could have got stuck,if not for sharing.
I feel so thankful there are people like you and the other writers here.
I feel comfort in the posts.
It feels so good to know,read from people who put psychopathy in perspective.
People who have been through it,living the outcomes from it.
People who are living with Psychopath's now.
People sharing,learning and caring.
I feel the truth has been put to the abnormal psychopath personalities.
That is such a relief,a victory.
Thank you for sharing,caring.
You have a wonderful mind to face the difficult times with an open mind.
An open mind is a gift.

You are special.
I wish you all the best.
May your harder days be few.
I appreciate your unique perspective.
I feel the victory of truth.
Thank you!

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