Hi!

It was 8 years ago since I first came on this board - a long time. Since then I decided to make a new life for myself in another country but have had to go back to the town where the ex lives with my sons but I have not seen him for 2 years though I have not done too well in recovery as I still feel the shock somewhat of the way my sons turned against me when he forced me out of the house. I think that his drinking was a primary reason why he wanted shot of me so he did not have me watching how much he drank etc. So now 8 years on and he is in the late stages of alcoholism. I have been to an Al-Anon meeting and would value some support and maybe help my sons cope with living with an alcoholic but the ethos of the program seems to me to maybe harmful if one is dealing with a Psychopath. For a start you are told that they have an illness which makes you sympathise with them and then there are the stories of those who got into a program once their partners got treatment and worked on themselves so that feeds into the magical thinking that maybe you can get back together.

On the 12 steps you look at your own faults but my ex blamed me for all the problems so I feel I don`t need this - I need to be blaming him more not less due to his manipulation which works now with his sons. So I wonder what others here think about the program.

mati

Hi Mati,
I feel complete admiration,support and concern for you.
You as a parent and for having alcoholism and psychopathy to accept in your relationship with your X.
The challenges of alcoholism and Psychopath's are very understated in this forum.
Alcoholism is a problem for most Psychopath's.
As a parent I feel for you and the separation you are dealing with.
I have been separated from two of my son's as well.
I understand how it feels to be isolated,feel rejected and blamed when a Psychopath draws sides between a parent and their children.
The end stages of alcoholism are very rocky times.
Psychopath's will often become more impulsive.
Delirium can be a part of end stages of alcoholism.
Things can be said that will not make any sense.
Medical support may be needed for the Psychopath.
It is a very emotional time for you and your family.
Acceptance may be difficult,we feel cheated out of....
Blame is close to the surface.
It is hard for people not to place,dis-place blame.
Answers will fill in and replace the blame in time.
It takes patience.
There is no easy way to experience the life of a person,Psychopath or not who has taken the path of self destruction.
It is not your fault.
Free will is. Psychopath's do have free will also.
Mourning the outcomes of alcoholism may last a lifetime.
It is okay to mourn.
It is hard to accept that another person has made detrimental choices.
When the choices effect their health in visible ways it is even harder to accept.
Sometimes we strike out with bitter actions.
Those close to us are the first to feel our hope and despair.
We feel so many things,hurt,anger,rejection.
We ask ourselves why our love,care and emotions were not enough to matter.
We feel our intentions were in vain.
Nobody heard,cared or wanted our feelings.
We scream from the inside."what is wrong with me"
"why did I let this happen"
Truth is,we did not.
It was against our will.
No two people have a will working on the same lines.
Every individual has a free will.
Sometimes free will's do not travel the same line.
Sometimes they go head on,like a train wreck.
We kind of know that,so we switch tracks,jump track.
Then we feel like we took the wrong track.
It was never the wrong track.
Maybe shorter or longer.
We are all making our way back.

Support,concern and patience,strength.
If your program offers you those, it will.

Life with a Psychopath,forgiving a Psychopath is accepting that another broke are emotional,loving heart.
It helped me to go back and feel the "life of a child" who became the adult Psychopath.
Forgiving a child's life who grew up a Psychopath allows forgiveness that adult Psychopath's hold from us.
If we let a Psychopath hold our forgiveness we can not heal.
Forgiveness is a great release.
It allows you to accept "what is".
Once you have "what it is" in your hands you can change it.
Change it into your new self,best day.
Decide and create what will be,of yourself.
How old are your sons?
Are you traveling to visit them?

I am supporting,concerned for you.
May comfort and strength fill your path
today and always.

clearblue

Thanks so much for that very helpful reply. I have been stuck and wondering who could help me but I think that you are right and it needs my forgiveness to enable me to heal. One of the things which makes that difficult is that my sons 28 and 24 are methadone addicts after turning to heroin for a while. One son has broken contact with me for 5 years and the other I only see about twice a year but he e-mails me. They see their father as a victim - he has them totally manipulated. It`s funny but the first few years after I left, I would have been happy to hear that my ex was killing himself with alcohol so that my sons would be freed from his influence but now I am just sad for him so perhaps there is some forgiveness there.

I have not been to their house for 8 years because my ex made it look like I only came to upset him when I was going to see my sons so I had to stop. It`s helpful to meet someone else who has also been separated from their kids though I would not wish it on my worse enemy. One other son committed suicide and I broke contact with my daughter - both to my first husband as I believe that she is a Psychopath as well and she was threatening my life.

I think maybe I can never get over the trauma of losing my children. Thanks again. I will try the program and see how it goes.

mati

Hi Mati,
Our sons are in the same age range.
One of my daughters went through/in rehab for meth.
I really hate that drug.
She broke the cycle.
One of my sons went through/in rehab for alcoholism.
He broke the cycle. He deals with suicide impulses.
I really worry.
One of my sons is an alcoholic,drug user now.
His health,liver is damaged.
He is in denial,refusing rehab.
One of my daughters completed a program(True North program)
For drug abuse.
She broke the cycle.
One of my daughters is cutter/self mutilation.
She talks about suicide.
We have been visiting the crisis unit for her self mutilation.
I am watching her close.

I have grandchildren.
One of my grandchildren I was never allowed to see or know.

It was pretty much and decided through he Psychopath influences that I had a flaw.
I was the chosen scapegoat.(blame)
Psychopath convinced everyone in my family that I was flawed,flawed beyond their love.
I do have flaws of my own. The Psychopath invented many more.
All my energy,love and support could not erase my supply of flaws.

Sure I miss,long for and wish I could do it again,do it right.
It is hard for me to bear the thought of them experiencing destruction,pain and hurt.
In my heart of hearts I wanted them to see,know and feel my love.
They did not.
The Psychopath has convinced them my flaws are the cause.
At times they have glimpsed the truth.
It would be hard for them to take truth and sort their lives.
They choose to do this in their own way,no way or in time.
I just stand like a beacon saying,I love,feel and care about you.
They will find me when they are ready.
Because they have free will.
They were precious to me from birth,they will always be precious.
I stand ready,steadfast for that truth.

I can only imagine the grief,pain of loosing your child to suicide.
It must take your every strength to go on in the pain of your loss.
I have lost a friend to suicide.
I have a friends who have lost children/teens.
It is heartbreaking to learn you have lost a child.
Trauma is a good word for your loss.
You identified it.
That is a big step.
Trauma does not leave us.
We learn to live with trauma,sometimes in the background.
Sometimes in the foreground.

I had trinkets and pictures of my children,our lives.(proof against my flaws)
Even though we were separated I had my emotional ties through those things.
It was from the days that were better,peaceful in are lives.
From before our separations.
I had always hope to reconcile,reconnect and share those things with them.
I lost it all to a fire.

It felt so empty.
My word is nothing.
My proof was gone.
There was a death in my immediate family,no funeral or closure.
Those pictures,tokens were gone as well in that fire.

Here is what I have done,it has helped me.
I love in spirit.
I believe in that connection above all else.
I made a spirit shrine of sorts.
Small statues,things that remind me of who I love.
Those I love and miss are near in my thoughts.
My thoughts can have time in this little place.
I believe they(family,friends,pets I lost) can receive my loving thoughts.
I have a fountain,statues,reminders of....
It is a mystical little place.
No one knows my feelings, meanings,they are safe from outside doubt,negatives,influences.
No one can question,weigh or feel my love there except those I send it to.
Feelings do have a secret life also.
Mine are secret in their secret life there.
My special place is of "us" feelings.
I add a lucky stone I find one,let a spider have a web,leaves blow in a weed grows ect.
I observe them,how they come and go on their own.
Nature grows
there too.
Nature looses things,from the pretty flower to the dried leaves.
I feel connected.
I am grounded,I am here.I am here to share memories,thoughts and love.
My spirit self is never grounded.
I believe the the spirit communicates through nature.
I communicate my feelings,nature is doing the rest.
I know I have a part,without a name or label.
I am always changing,my life is changing.

You can use a small table fountain.(even battery ones).
small trinkets,candle or anything you feel or the person you miss would/did like.
It can travel with you, if you move.

You are not alone.
We are still traveling together
From the same place.
My heartfelt feelings go out to you.

Take good care

clearblue

My daughter who I have stopped contact with, is a drug addict and my first son who committed suicide was also on drugs from an early age. Four children taking drugs, who would believe their mother was not a monster. Yet I was the one in the family who everyone would dump on and I even nursed my in-laws, one with dementia and one I nursed till death at home with cancer. I am the scapegoat too and according to the ones who have control, do not deserve to be thought of as a human being with feelings, the psychopaths get all of the love and concern due to the dramas they create. My daughter turned my two grandchildren against me and for a long time I had no contact but my grand daughter has recently made contact by e-mail and says she has broken contact with her mother.

A shrine - I don`t know, I have many photographs but I cannot bear to look at them but I pray for them all frequently and trust that there will be some reconciliation one day. I feel for you to have lost precious things in the fire. But yes I am a spiritual person and believe that we are more than bodies so I can connect with the thought of finding things to remind me of those who are missing and leaving a huge hole in my soul.

Thankyou for saying I am not alone. My heart goes out to you too and I am so grateful for your words of comfort.

mati

Hi Mati,
Thank you for your thoughtfulness.
Like you,I had the pictures,not looking at them in years.
It was just comfort in knowing I had them.
You are absolutely describing how I felt too.
Dumped on,scapegoat. It has left me resentful,angry and tired.
I have forgiven many things.
I have so many more to forgive.
My kids started using drugs,alcohol young.
You are right. I am sure many people have thought about me,their Mom in bad ways.
They are clueless to living with a Psychopath and the dynamics that are behind it all,my part too, included.
I have tried to tell a few people. They do not get it.
Until they live with a Psychopath and death threats,verbal abuse,violence,drugs and alcohol,
they can not relate to it.
I wonder why,if there are so many Psychopath's people do not believe it when they hear about the families.
I guess it is easier to think of,blame dysfunctional Moms,dads then Psychopath's in families.
Society is not ready to take that step.
Of course everyone thinks a person could change it,change a Psychopath.
Having a scapegoat is the easy way out for people to live in denial.
I am continually amazed by the support,sympathy Psychopath's manipulate and maintain.
I feel so many things as empty in my life.

I struggle with the feeling that I have absorbed,rejected to much Psychopath life.
I can not get it out of my system.
I am not a normal person anymore,if I ever was.

Like the lyrics of one of my favorite songs,
"the wheels of heaven stop,
"you feel the devils' riding crop"

I have felt it.

I know we are not monsters,bad moms.
I feel better knowing we know the truth.
Thank you for sharing your feelings.
It is nice to know someone who understands,relates,shares.

You are special,
you have truth.

Take good care

Heartfelt thanks clearblue

I have met so few who can relate and understand. I would feel devastated if the photos I cannot look at were destroyed. It is the only evidence I have that my children were happy when they were small - too small for the Psychopath to get his hands on. Also the thing that gives me peace after all the mind twisting that I have had done to me, is that kids from abusive parents never give up the need to have love and acceptance from that parent - they do not reject genuine demonstrations of love but kids who have been alienated reject even love.

I am outside of society as the first thing people want to know is have I got kids or what do my kids do. This makes it get worse the longer that time passes. And every birthday and Christmas adds up. The only comfort I have is my faith. Have you read much about alienated kids? It helped me to know that the characteristics are obviously in my kids.

Yes I feel that I have been marked and no longer normal. My life is now also just one long fight to add to everything as I have a serious life threatneing illness thast medics do not treat, that is late stage Lyme Disease but I keep going just because I do not want to give up and it really helps to find someone who walks a similar path and thank you so much for the things you said - you are really special and I see you have encouraged others on here.

mati

Hi Mati, I remember you well from long ago. My sympathies are with you and your strength is beyond anything I could have handled. Is there a connection between Lymes disease happening due to a weak immune system? I can't figure it out from looking up Lymes but have always wondered if it came for a bite but a process in the system?

Di

Thanks Dianne. I believe that not everyone that gets bitten goes on to develop Lyme. Mine was missed for 10 years - I only found out last year and I guess it explains why I have had such a tough time getting over things. I was sick when I got the bite but I am sure that my marriage did not help but the worst thing was that I was incapable of getting the help I needed for diagnosis and the ability to self treat and it has only been because I left that I am still surviving and treating myself. It`s a slow process and I might not succeed but I will keep going because who knows one day sons might want me again but until they quit methadone that will not happen. I have a lot to be thankful for however as you say I have found the strength to fight through my faith and the hope that gives me that there is a higher power who can intervene. I can only hope that I will be able to help others like you do one day. Many thanks.

mati

Mati, my hope is that you start to feel better, you know we are here so please keep in touch with what is going on. For some odd reason which isn't logical I keep thinking of auto immune system and Lymes. Do you recall getting a bite? I was curious if the symptoms are in realtionship to auto immune symptoms. Or does a weaker auto immune system set up Lymes to be very strong?

Di

Hi Di

No I do not recall a bite nor do 50% of people nor do they get the bullseye rash.

Autoimmunity is when the immune system turns on the body. Mine is destroying my thyroid - a common problem when you have Lyme. Some researchers think that intolerance to certain food substances like gluten and casein instigate this in a weakened body so some endocrinologists in the US are having success treating patients through excluding these things. Someone with a healthy immune system may be able to destroy the Lyme bacteria, injected via the tick`s saliva after contracting it but a lot of people these days have compromised immunity due to all the toxins we have to live with some of which come from vaccinations. Once the bacteria is in it quickly chnages its DNA to one which the immune system does not recognise and this is why it is so hard to get rid of.

There are many symptoms with Lyme,although many chronic conditions have many of the symptoms and indeed Lyme is very often misdiagnosed as something else. It is called the Great Pretender for this reason. Here is a list of some of them


The Bite
1. Tick, mosquito, flea, deerfly, or horsefly bite
2. Rash at bite site
3. Rashes at other sites
4. Rash basically circular and spreading
5. Raised rash, disappearing and returning
(Note: EM rash appears in less than 50% of lyme patients and MANY never recall a bite)

Skin
6. Acrodermatitis chronica atrophicans (ACA)
7. B-Cell Lymphoma
8. Petechia
9. Hives
10. Shingles
11. Stretch marks

Head, Face, Neck
12. Unexplained hair loss
13. Scalp rash
14. Headache, mild or severe
15. Migraine
16. Twitching of the face or other muscles
17. Facial paralysis (Bell's Palsy)
18. Tingling or numbness of nose, cheek, or face
19. Facial pain
20. Facial swelling
21. Dental Pain
22. TMJ (jaw pain)
23. Sore throat
24. Hoarseness or weak voice
25. Vocal paralysis
26. Difficulty swallowing
27. Loss of smell or taste
28. Neck Stiffness, pain, or pressure

Eyes/ Vision
29. Swelling around eyes
30. Photophobia or light sensitivity
31. Double or blurry vision
32. Increased floating spots
33. Pain or swelling in eyes
34. Flashing lights
35. Tearing and/ or dry eyes
36. Vision loss or blindness
37. Dilated Pupils
38. Conjunctivitis
39. Uveitis
40. Iritis
41. Decreased perception of light and color
42. Decreased depth perception
43. Wandering or lazy eye
44. Drooping eyelid
45. Foreign body sensation

Ears/ Hearing
46. Ear pain
47. Sound sensitivity
48. Buzzing in one or both ears
49. Ringing in one or both ears
50. Decreased hearing in one or both ears

Digestive and Excretory Systems
51. Constipation
52. Diarrhea
53. Irritable bladder (trouble stopping or starting)
54. Frequent urination
55. Kidney failure
56. Splenitis
57. Nausea or vomiting
58. Gastritis or upset stomach
59. Abdominal cramping, pain
60. Abdominal paralysis
61. Bloating
62. Gastro esophageal reflux
63. Difficulty eating

Musculoskeletal System
64. Joint pain or swelling
65. Stiffness of the joints, neck, or back
66. Tendonitis
67. Muscle pain or cramps
68. Joint creeks and cracks
69. Neck and shoulder pain
70. Heal and foot pain (plantar fasciitis)
71. Spinal sensitivity
72. Herniated disk
73. Back pain
74. Bone pain or erosion
75. Shin splints
76. Cartilage erosion
77. Cervical pain
78. Gangleon Cysts
79. Migrating pain
80. Carpel Tunnel Syndrome

Respiratory and circulatory Systems
81. Shortness of breath
82. Persistent cough
83. Sleep Apnea
84. Chest pain or rib soreness
85. Vasculitis
86. Frequent and easy bruising
87. Unexplained fevers, sweats, chills, or flushing
88. Heart palpitations or extra beats
89. Any history of a heart murmur, heart block, or valve prolapse
90. Heart attack
91. Pulse irregularities

Neurological System
92. Tremors or unexplained shaking
93. Burning or stabbing sensations
94. Weakness or partial paralysis
95. Pressure in head
96. Aneurysm
97. Coma
98. Cranial nerve abnormalities
99. Dementia or Alzheimer’s-like presentation
100. Multiple sclerosis-like presentation
101. Meningitis
102. Pseudotumor cerebri
103. Tingling, numbness, or shooting pains
104. Dizziness, lightheadedness, wooziness
105. Fainting
106. Difficulty walking
107. Increased motion sickness, vertigo, poor balance
108. Seizure activity
109. Stroke symptoms
110. Restless leg syndrome
111. Diminished Reflexes
112. Gait problems
113. Clumsiness, dropping things or bumping into objects

Psychological/ Well-being
114. Mood swings
115. Irritability or low frustration tolerance
116. Depression
117. Feeling as if you are losing your mind
118. Overemotional reactions, crying or becoming enraged easily
119. Hypersensitivity
120. Inappropriate laughter
121. Poor judgment
122. Restlessness
123. Easily distracted
124. Apathy, listlessness, or lack of motivation
125. Insomnia. Disturbed sleep, early awakening
126. Panic attacks or panic disorder
127. Anxiety
128. Obsessive-compulsive behaviors
129. Bi-Polar presentations
130. Hyperactivity
131. Suicidal thoughts
132. Paranoia
133. Personality changes
134. Hallucinations- auditory, visual, or olfactory
135. Nightmares or night terrors
136. Eating disorders
137. Schizophrenia-like disorder

Mental Capabilities
138. Brain fog
139. Memory loss (short or long term)
140. Confusion
141. Forgetfulness
142. Cognitive overload
143. Loss of creativity
144. Declining school performance
145. ADD
146. Difficulty concentrating, thinking or reading
147. Tendencies to go off on conversational tangents
148. Difficulty with speech (slow, stammering, or slurred)
149. Word reversals when speaking
150. Difficulty with writing (number and letter reversals)
151. Word finding difficulty
152. Facial recognition difficulties
153. Slowed or inconsistent processing skills- planning, prioritizing, sequencing, or tracking
154. Difficulties with calculations and directions
155. Difficulties with multi-tasking
156. Difficulties completing tasks or meeting deadlines
157. Disorientation: getting lost, going to the wrong place, forgetting your destination
158. Forgetting how to perform simple tasks
159. Orientation difficulties (up-down, left-right)
160. Poor spatial judgment

Reproduction and Sexuality
161. Sexual dysfunction or loss of libido
162. Unexplained menstrual irregularity, pelvic pain
163. Unexplained milk production, breast pain
164. Testicular pain/pelvic pain

General Well-being
165. Unexplained weight change-loss or gain
166. Extreme fatigue
167. Swollen glands
168. Cystitis or nodules under the skin
169. Unexplained high or low-grade fever or hypothermia
170. Continual infections (sinus, kidneys, eyes, etc.)
171. Symptoms seem to change, come and go
172. Pain migrates to different parts of body
173. Early flu-like illness from which you have never fully recovered
174. Increased Thirst
175. Profuse Sweating
176. Achiness
177. Lethargy
178. Malaise
179. Itching
180. Autoimmune presentations
181. Increased sensitivity to allergens, chemicals, or odors
182. Difficulties with Sensory overload
183. Exaggerated symptoms or worse hangover from alcohol
184. Fatigue, tiredness, poor stamina


mati

Hi Mati,
It is nice to share and feel connected.
Being outside the social scene is easier for me too.
Questions and intrusions,personal familial questions are common conversation for people though.
Most do not want to hear the difficult truths.
It causes them to think outside the safe picket fence life they desire and face scenarios they fear.
Most people fear Psychopath's,drugs,alcohol and the outcomes in the top five fear factors.
It is crazy but that very narrow minded thinking actually puts them in higher odds of having a Psychopath encounter.relationship.
Psychopath's will not mess with someone who did not have blinders on.
Psychopath's count on narrow minded vulnerability.
Because we lived it,we can not begin to tell a narrow minded person what to avoid or what it was like.
Having been there ourselves,we know they will see prince charming and not the toad or the swamp.

I am happy we can delve deeper into the dynamics of life,no blinders.
I feel deep grief over the losses you have lived through.

Alienated kids is a very good header, subject for families with a Psychopath member(s).
Alienation is a very important dynamic across the lifespan.
Thank you for bringing attention to the alienation kids,families suffer.
I feel it is also very over looked.
Most times the focus is entirely suitably on the Psychopath.
The other parent has the entire burden of the Psychopath family outcomes to accept.
Psychopath's get on with life without absorbing other then shock value.
It leaves children to reject,alienate.
Coping is not always an option.
A robotic lifestyle can easily take over.

In your posts I read you are having a health crisis?
Did they diagnose Lyme through a lyme Titre or Elisa test?
Did you have antibiotic therapy?
What other measures?

I find it more then interesting that a diagnoses of Lyme is so common place now.
Lyme is present in every wetland,waterway area.
Near rivers,streams and creeks.
It is a big threat to human safety and disease.

If you will,lower your Ph.
Buy a test kit(strips).
Go for the green=life,health.
Use lemon with no sugar in water.
At least two,squeezed or grated lemons a day.
Once you get your Ph to the green zone,you can not be sick or diseased.
Perfect Ph is perfect health.
Disease of any type will not thrive,continue or manifest in perfect Ph.
Your cell damage will heal.
Your organ damage will heal.
Your glandular damage will heal.
Your blood replenishes completely in 3 months.
Allow yourself that time frame.
Bone,muscle and heart tissue take a while longer.
Your body completely replaces itself part by part,totally in a cycle.
After you get your Ph in the zone you can use vitamins for support.
No human food supply can give you what you need in (vitamin) volume.
The body does not store vitamins.
It uses them as needed.
It is better to take powder/digestible vitamins or chewables then a hard tablet.
Build your blood iron with real molasses.
A couple of spoons each day in milk is good,once a week,(daily during menses or pms).
It will help carry oxygen(repair) via your iron enriched blood.
Change from salt(acid) to sea-salt(alkaline)gives you minerals.
This is easy and cheap to do.

Look up low Ph foods to eat.
High acid=poor health,disease.
Low alkaline=good health,disease free.
You will feel a difference.
You can notice in five days.
Your body is like a battery.
Make a good charge.
Good battery is energy,power.
Let your light shine,lol.

You have had so many heartaches,hardships to deal with.
Go easy on yourself.
The body absorbs the pain of our families.
Our dna is programmed to absorb,feel our children's pain.
It takes the guess work out of parenting to have a human map of the feelings.
Its like esp.
Read your body like a map.
What is your pain?
How does it feel,where does it hurt.
Who does it really belong to.
Heal it and you can share the healing wisdom.
Releasing pain is a gift.
Your connections are strong,deep.
That is a gift.
There is a time for your gifts.
You are special and your gifts are special.
Do not let self doubt stop you.
You are important,needed,wanted.
It is a special person who can feel.
You have a talent.
Allow yourself,others to experience your talent.
Not because you have to.
Because you will to.
Accept yourself,how special you are.

I am thankful and happy to know you, how you reach out and share.
It has helped me to focus.
It is comforting.
I have thought of things I did not think of, I missed.
Thank you.

I hope your day is wonderful.

Hi clearblue

Yes indeed, it is a gift to be able to live life without blinders - the psychopaths gift to us - a gift that had a great price to us but was given willingly and happily from them. So we paid the price and lost our innocence and have to live in a world of innocence with the burden of all the losses we sustained.

If you look up PAS - parental alienation syndrome, you will gain some comfort as I did.

Yes I am in a health crisis. I was diagnosed by a doctor in Germany via a blood test which showed late stage borreliosis. At this stage it does not respond to anti-biotic therapy and besides, I am too sensitive to take any medications now and even herbs and vitamins were a problem until I sarted to teat myself a year and a half ago. The thing which made the biggest difference was to exclude gluten and dairy from my organic vegetables rich diet of non-processed foods. I use reverse osmosis water and work hard at detoxification which is the key to healing from Lyme. Even on this regime my ph is very acid. Your advice was welcome and the reminder to drink lemons but molases are out due to Candida and it is best to check for hemochromatosis first as taking extra iron when in this state can be fatal. The supplemts which help the most are magnesium, selenium for the thyroid, liposomic vitamin c which I hope to make myself soon, B vits vit D-3 and iodine as well as colloidalminerals. On top of this regime I am using frequency therapy with a certified medical device I bought in Germany which kills pathogens.

I am so grateful for your support clearblue - it is helping me so much as I have been finding things even harder during my recovery of health and I do not have any support - I should have come back here earlier to seek some support. It is impossible to understand what it is like to be so seriously sick and have no medical help but at least on here, others understand the isolation and to find you who also understands natural healing. It has been a blessing to me. It is hard somedays to keep going with the treatment which takes all of my time up and hav9ing no family makes it seem like a pointless exercise the older I get - 60 now.

mati

Hi Mati,
It sounds like you are very educated and dealing very effectively with your disease.
It is great to read you have a reverse osmosis in place.
Here(us) they are becoming more popular at homes/wells vs ships/yachts.
Some sea kelps are very good dietary help for iodine and nutrients that benefit the body.
Of course be careful with iodine in thyroid,depending on hypo or hyper thyroid needs.
Candida is difficult to arrest.
Molasses(real) is the mineral,stripped out portion of sugar.
Sugar(s) itself and high acid(ph) is troublesome for alleviating symptoms/growth of candida.
An interesting study concluded that thyroid function is affected by depression.
More specifically in postpartum(clinical) depression.
Depression can cause many health concerns.
You may find some more self help ideas in the study of thyroid and depression.

Thank you for the PAS info.
I feel PAS has a very high risk of developing in families where a parent has narcissism.
Psychopath's do use children as resources but I have not noted PAS with those true Psychopath parents.
The true Psychopath seems to gain more when the social circle is larger,including x parents,new spouses,
boy friends,girl friends ect. anything,anyone resources for the Psychopath's use are used.
Many Psychopath's take a friendship with the x,if allowed to keep an emergency resource available.
Psychopath's will even bring others to use a resource to expand their knowledge and resources through an x.
Narcissistic parents however seem to need the admiration and devotion of children at any cost.
Hate that functions to bring all attention to the self and exclusively seem to manifest in the dynamics of
narcissistic parents.
Many Psychopath's are all to willing to dump finances,parenting on to the not so eager outer members of family,friends or enemies and social establishments.
Narcissism takes the "bring it back home to me,only me" approach enforced by fabricated hate "all others" scenarios.
It is a difficult abnormal personality situation to confront and accept in either parent/family scenario.
Pas is another heartbreaking outcome at times.
It must be very challenging not to have health care options available.
It is super great you have a wonderful knowledge of your health,condition and treatment.
Your mental faculty is outstanding.
I have a hard time with retaining info when I am under high stress or compromised health.
Sometimes I feel I just can not think.
I have blank, duh moments,lol,at the worst of times,lol.I laugh at my self.
It is funny for me to be scatter brain at the most embarrassing times when I look back over my day at the
expressions I receive from people who wonder"where was she going with that".
Thank goodness it is mostly when I am stressed out and sleep deprived.

You have wonderful,teaching clarity in your health posts.

I do believe all the lessons we have left to learn, are just as important as what we have learned.
It is nice to read and learn about others through sharing our lives.
I feel that the best thing I have learned from psychopathy is to be open minded.
I know I was narrow minded and clouded by ego in the past.
I used to say never.
Now I say never say never.

Thank you for being strong,supportive and courageous.
I am curious,what do your grandchildren say in regards to their Psychopath family member.
Mine are to young to say yet.
I wonder what views grandchildren can offer.
I have heard few.
Did your x husbands family/parents say or caution you in the premarital days about your husbands
behaviors?
I feel not many families or friends offer caution about Psychopath's to friends/dates.

I hope your day is wonderful,restful.
You are a light in the storms of life.
Thank you for being you and sharing your challenges,wisdom
and compliments.

Take good care

Hi clearblue

I have read that there is some dispute about RO filters, as some say that the water cannot get into the cells very well and that distillers are better. I`m not sure what I think of this. Most kelp is contminated by mercury or so I have been told. It seems that there is nothing that does not have some dispute over it so I tread carefully but my next protocol is to build up my iodine levels with Iodoral and Celtic sea salt for adrenal support on an e-mail list for those who are following the directions of an endocrinologist in Belgium. This will aid detoxification. I will have to balance my natural thyroid meds according to my symptoms of hyper if they occur. I would not have dared to treat my endocrine system without a doctor not so long ago but I have none and my health was deteriorating fast with Lyme so after masses of research I feel confident. It has been out of necessity bourne through my desire to escape the end I know will come for me if the borrlia bacteria wins and others are doing it too so it is not due to any special qualities in myself, it`s just the instinct to survive which is very strong when one gets to the edge. I feel grateful now that the medical establishment did not help me and I had to find answers myself as it means that I will rebuild health rather than join the slippery slope of those who leave their health care in institutions, organisations and people who are in it for profit and do not take responsibility for themselves. Thyroid problems cause depression, I have not read that the reverse occurs but stress affects the endo system. You sound pretty knowledgeable like a naturopath so it is good to talk about health matters which is my main interest, of course I do have extreme cognitive problems and can only get my thoughts together on some days, other days I would lose my head if it was loose What health challenges do you have if you don`t mind me asking?

My grandchildren are extrememely loyal to their mother even though she abandoned both of them, one into care. They think that she is mentally ill and cannot help herself and rather blame others ie me for the problems. My sons think the same way about their father, he cannot help it and others have been cruel to him and don`t understand him - the ultimate victim, they do not hold him responsible for anything

Yes I have seen that NPD's need the attention and devotion of their children and will do anything to keep it and will steam roller anyone who is a threat to that. My first mil was like that with the children from my first marriage and did whatever she could to turn the children against me and they would even tell me the things she told them about me but I was too stupid in allowing her to continue to have access to them. I was just so naive and did not see the damage it would cause them. I see her as a narcissist but she is not the same as my ex and my daughter - they are much more manipulative and manipulate everyone not just the selected ones who were to be their fodder as it were. She did the alienation in a different way ie by criticising me but the other two who I feel are psychopathic did it by making the chiildren think I was treating them badly by crying for example after a phone call from me and acting as though I was messing their heads up. It was done over years and to a fine level of acting. Once they got to 14 the PAS was stepped up as they were recruited as it were to be his and her henchmen and they became clones. I am very interersted in what you are saying about the differences in the two Personaility Disorders though and want to learn more. Neither of these two have any sort of diagnosis.

No I was not cautioned by the second ex`s family but his parents were very relieved when they found I was `normal` and they were very pleased to get him off their hands even though he is high functioning I think due to a stable family background. The marriage took placevery quickly unfortunately - once again I was naive. They never took his word for anything and believed me explicitely. A b-i-l did advise me to leave later in the marriage. I guess those who are not the violent sort escape detection much more and people naively think that love will reform them.

I think the thing I have learned the most is that things very often are not as they seem but yes I have learned to be open minded too.

you take care as well. I am so happy to know you. You are a very special person.

mati

Hi Mati,
I hope the ro filters are done proper. The bladder type?
I would caution the use of distilled water.
Distilled is the condensed steam portion of boiled water.
It is sterile,or what I refer to as dead water.
I would not use it for more then 3 days in a 30 day period.
It will not support cells.
Use it in a survival case for cooking or wound flushing.
It will not support life,cellular life long term.
Living water,deep well would be the best water.
UV exposed or sand filters are effective.
Good old lightening is the best natural germ killer on exposed water.
Science has not got that yet.
If you are trying to clean and nourish with water remember it takes the body
one hour to digest about 12 oz of water.
1 ounce water for each 2 pounds of your body weight is what it takes.
There have been very well documented cases of water healing.
Living water is the better choice.
Generally found in deep wells,springs.
Most water by companies selling water are fancy labels.
The first thing hospitals do is put people on the saline bag.
That is just salt water.
You can do this your self at home.
Good old chicken broth,1 qt. or 1 large can or bottle.
The second course is nutrients.
Good old V8,2 cans or bottles.
When ever you feel sick,catching a cold or rundown if you drink
the chicken broth and v8 within 24hrs nothing will last more then a couple days,
if you catch anything at all.
The medical society does not know what it is in the chicken broth.
They just know it works.

Just blowing your nose several times a day helps to.
Most things come in via air and collect in the sinus.
You can boil one cup of water,add 1 teaspoon salt.
Let it cool. Cover and keep at room temp.
Sniff a couple drops in each nostril then blow nose.
When you have a cold or sinus trouble every 4 hours.
It cures the colds,immune troubles quickly.
Helps the throat and spread of germs to gargle salt water to.

Build immunity by stopping the intro,growth of contagious new germs.
When your body is challenged or weak you easily give germs a host.
If you build immunity germs pass through and you never notice.

Simple immunity is the best.
Fancy diets and medications alter immune responses.
Supporting your natural immunity is the key.
Supplementing is good,not replacing.
The body is a miracle.
All miracles are a mystery.

When you research,look to medical science and animal studies.
All medical treatments were first developed on animals.
All the trials were done on animals.
Vet science is a key to disease in humans.
Animal treatments,medications,vaccines are made from the same batch and company as human meds.
Even aquarium science and marine life treatments.
The dose is adjusted.
The human/guinea pig test is true.
If two guinea pigs survive a test humans get the experiment or vaccine or....
All disease came from a single source.
Even HIV was born out of small pox containment.(early 1980s-science desk reference)
Trace disease and animals.
Many answers are found there.

Lyme info:
http://www.angelfire.com/biz/romarkaraoke/Lymetruth.html

I lived in the woods,on the water.
Had wild animals,contact daily.
Got a bullseye.
I had lyme.
Many false/pos tests.
I had the bullseye.
Chest rash,rashes.
Very ill symptoms.
It invaded my lymph system.
Got into my digestive tract(lymph system in there too).
Made dozens of small ulcers in my intestinal tract.
I could not absorb what my muscles needed.
I could not digest,fermenting food-gastric.
It broke down my collagen in my skin.
My childhood injury scars showed up pronounced.(weird)
It got in my muscles and broke down my fat stores,padding and gristle,lol.
I got bony in places,soles of my feet.
Muscle weakness and tremors.
Hematuria

I made a full recovery in two years.
I seen many specialists.
Some specialists took months of waiting to be seen,long list.
The first year was terrible,Dr.s and many university specialists tried and finally could not treat.
A specialist told me exercise,get as healthy as you can and let yourself heal.
Your body will fight it,heal,adjust and build immunity.

The second year I was weak.
The meds caused muscle weakness as a side effect.
I quit all meds.
I gave myself low dose antibiotic capsule therapy.
I treated my mouth with clove oil.
Mouth is the first point of digestion.
I took co q10.
Grape seed oil.
Flax,molasses.
Fish oil,cod oil.
Aloe vera.
Vitamin E
Vitamin C
Sea kelp
Green tea
Geritol multi vitamin with iron liquid.
I drank ensure.
Instant breakfast,for the vitamins.
I eat smaller meals,to not burden my digestive system.(recommended)

I had taken nutrition,holistic nutrition.
Pathogens/blood science pathogens.
I took microbiology and wastewater/water science also.
Some other natural and holistic science,body systems courses.
I took natural health,natural nutrition.
I took full study courses in HIV.
I did lots of health research.
I never thought I would have a health crisis.
I took the courses for future employment,lol.

I finally do not have health problems now,lol save for my own needs,rest.
One friggin speck sized bug caused me enough!
(I got sick from hornet stings after Lyme)
As a small kid I had polio, fever.(vaccine later)
Post polio flares when you are run down,fatigued,stressed ect.
I went in to a coma from strep once.
I manage headaches and still get migraines.
I quit all msg,canned vegetables and smoked foods.
Red food colorings,dark cheese,it helps.

Abnormal psychology is very interesting.
I believe that many Psychopath persons are just Psychopath types.
Others have dual diagnoses.
Sorting it as Psychopath with bi-pol,Psychopath with Narc ect.
When the additional disorders are addressed the Psychopath personality
has its own unique traits.
Those traits do not have an effective treatment,yet.
That is where the nature vs nurture studies come in.
The devastation in families,society is enormous.

Those of us to have lived and experienced the Psychopath personality are the
greatest help to one another,families and society.
I am so happy to have met you here.
You are a special friend to me.
Psychopath and Lyme,make it all the more.
No easy way through either.

I guess I had warnings from my in-laws.
Like yours,they either do not say much or hope to be over their fears.
Some small clues,things in-laws said were revealing in hindsight.
In my own family,mums the word.
No extended family said or perhaps did not know how to say anything was amiss.
Having a scapegoat silenced them.
Influencing family members against one another,emotional drama on a whim.
Very Psychopath nature.

I hope you have a wonderful day!
May your health and happiness clear the way.
Thank you for being you and sharing.
I feel compassionate friendship for you.
Take good care.

Hi clearblue

I am so sorry for taking so long to reply to your very helpful thoughtful message. I have been having a bad time recently - thyroid problems and I am not sure which direction to take or how to go about getting some tests done when my doctor won`t do them as her lab tests do not show the problem. Things have taken a dive healthwise due to my present circumstances, renting a room in a very messy cold house as I decide on my next step and where to live in a country where there is a desperate shortage of decent affordable housing with landlords who have too much power. Most of my things, some of them I need for my health ie my juicer and portable sauna are in another country and I cannot move them till next May and even then, it is going to be a major event sorting it all out. Everything is taking me ages to sort out.

Anyway, the filter, I don`t know if it is a bladder one. The unit is very small and a travelling one which I have to attatch to the faucet each time I want to use it, then remove it and put it away each time I draw some water. Not ideal. It`s the only available way I can avoid tap water and fluoride. Yes salt - I take a half teaspoonof celtic salt each day. And broth especially chicken YES!! I know it is very good and must get back to making it. I was doing bones in my slow cooker but then I found out that a lot of them have lead in the glaze so stopped.

I don`t have much problem with colds or flu. What I do is take a clove of garlic at the first sign and if I was quick enough it would kill it dead. Now I have a backup with my frequency device and I managed to get rid of pleuricy and bladder infection in 2 days using it. For flu though the garlic is great and I got rid of swine flu in 2 days earlier this year using it. The nasal cleansing sounds good. I have heard there is research to show that colds and flu gain entry into the ear canal.

On animal studies, yes agreed, and one great vet is

http://dogtorj.com/

He thinks that many many people should not be eating gluten soy dairy and corn.

Thanks for the Lyme link. It is amazing that you had Lyme too and I am so pleased to hear that you recovered from it. Well done especially after yo0ur childhood problems. My own childhood problems are a challenge too as I was poisoned with mercury at 6 months old and was seriously ill in hospital and nearly died and then I played with mercury as a child. Thanks for all of the many things you have given me to think about and what you did to get well. I wonder about the iron though as it feeds bacteria and the kelp - it has mercury and arsenic both of which I have already too much. And then you went on to gain so much knowledge. You are an amazing person. I know this from having to recover from having a psychopath in my life as well as a serious health issue too. You got through it and it is a great inspiration for me. And thanks so much for saying you feel compassionate friendship towards me - I really value that and can`t tell you how much it means to me.

mati

Hi Mati,
I hope you are feeling better.
You may be able to buy an inexpensive home test for testing your thyroid.
Ask at a local lab. Ones where tests are sent to from major hospitals or
on-line(more costly. You can ask and get name/number for company direct tests from the lab.
Best thing to do is every (waking time) morning,7-10 days check your temp.
Keep a log of your temp for 7-10 days.
If below/low of normal-average temp then hypo thyroid possible.
If continually higher then normal then hyper-thyroid possible.
Good info on hyper:
http://www.hmc.psu.edu/healthinfo/h/hyperthyroidism.htm
More guidelines on thyroid.
http://www.testmyhormones.com/thyroid_panel.htm

Remember any water you bath/shower in is also absorbed through your skin.
Contaminants get in through high absorption via skin and from dry/cracked skin,shaving nicks.
Foot fungus,ect. increase risk.
As far as lead goes canned foods are still sealed with lead.
Lead pipes and gasoline emissions lead and coal burning all cause lead dust and high levels in humans just in daily exposure. Most personal care products as well.
Gasoline/vehicles lead is in surface dust every place.
Most clothes,furnitures,mattresses are made from fossil fuels/ coal derivatives and so is tylenol and some major drugs used in surgery.
There is almost no way around contaminants.
It is good you are diligent at lessening your exposure.
Garlic is good,like clove oil has antibacterial properties.
Garlic can thin blood and effect clotting and increase heart rate.
Are you saying you have fluid in the pleural space?
Can you or have you had it treated?
It can be very painful.
Please have that checked/treated.

The throat/ear canal in infants/ children can increase growth of germs because it has not matured enough by design fluids(milk,juice) can back flow between ear/throat and germs grow good in that situation.
In older kids through adults it should be mature and have a slight distance and angle in flow from ear to throat.
Swimmers ear and other germs can be aced with one dip each of (1 dip)alcohol and (1 dip) with same cotton tip in peroxide on a single cotton tip to moisten ear canal.
It will work for colds and other germs as well via ear canal.

Cold and dirty housing is sure to make you feel miserable.
What type of heating?
Dampness is not good.
Are you able to have an air exchange,indoor/outdoor?
Molds are a concern in cold damp.

Do you have access to apple cider vinegar?

I hope your health improves and your housing situation does too.
I really feel for you and what you are dealing with in your hard times.
I hope some help and improved health greet you.
Do take good care.
I am sending you well wishes,wishes.
Thinking of you!

Hi clearblue

I already had my thyroid tested privately and it showed hypothyroidism whereas the doctors test showed ok TSH. The problem now is that I have put myself on natural thyroid hormone and am increasing it but have been having hyper symptoms which I believe to be due to reverse T4 which is a build up of T4 in my system so the answer is to take only T3 for a while. I have decided to just treat symptoms and have started taking T3 which has shown me that I was right. My temps are still low as I have not been able to build up the optimum dose yet. But thanks for that information.

On water, I have been thinking of getting a shower filter and you have reminded me so thanks. In the present situation I am having to accept that progress will be slow or maybe I can only stay stable due to the many contaminants around including gas appliances and damp. There is no central heating just a wood burner and twp gas heaters which only take the chill off but I do have a small electric heater in my room. The house is cold through the day and even at night the log fire is not great. I open my window every morning but cannot leave it open long because of the cold.

I don`t have pleurisy, it went with my frequency generator in 2 days but I knew I had it as I have had it before and recognised the symptoms. I guess it must sound strange to you int he US to hear of someone self diagnosing and treating but this is common in the UK where the NHS is a shambles.

My fellow lodger has a terriblecold so I am taking garlic to protect me. I have not tried cloves before. It is good not to have to worry about infections though, they used to drag me down in the past. I even cured salmonella with garlic. It was used in the past for serious infections.

It`s funny but I have started on ACV a few days ago, by soaking ground up egg shells in it for calcium. It`s a great way to get calcium.

Thanks again for your good wishes, it is really helping me to have some connection somewhere where I can be honest and open about the difficulties I am having. Most of the time no-one knows not even on the anniversary of my sons death, I just don`t tell people my troubles. They woulod not understand anyway. It is good to talk to someone who does. I am so pleased that you don`t have Lyme now. I get on a couple of Lyme sites but they don`t understand about the trauma of living with a psychopath or an alcoholic. These last few days I have flet encouraged that I can rise above it to have serenity by working the 12 steps program. And that it will even be to my benefit, all the things I have gone through that is, in spiritual growth.

I have not had time to read more on the site about your won situation apart from knowing your male parent is a psychopath. I must try to read more of your posts to get to know you better.

mati

Hi Mati,
I hope your health is improving.
The Dr.s thyroid panel usually shows thyroid activity for 30 days or more.
It is a very accurate and reliable test.
You can trust this test result.

Eggshell calcium is interesting.
Why are you taking calcium?
I used oyster shell calcium in the past.
It was recommended to me by my Dentist.

Egg shells here in the US are high in contaminants and bacteria.
Egg recalls have been big news.
I had to throw out 5 doz. recalled brand.
Chicken and fowl here in general have a high rate of bacteria even after cooking.

Here in the US the health care system is not good either.
Access is denied and coverage is difficult to obtain.
The cost of health care is very high price.
Many people are self treating more and more.
It is very common to see health food stores.
Many meds have become available as over the counter now also.

I hope you can gain decent housing.
Housing is a crisis here too.
There are many homeless people.
The situation of poverty is heartbreaking around the world.

How are you doing in your program and new neighborhood?
I hope you continue to gain your health.
Lyme does bring personal health awareness to light.

How is your stress and coping with all the changes you are dealing with,moving ect.?
I wish you all the best in strength.

How do you deal with the anniversary of loosing your son?
I can understand how difficult it must be for you to be alone.
I hope your room mate is a friend.
Feed the room mate garlic too,lol.
Are you using an ion exchange machine or energen type machine?
I have read good things about them.

Self diagnoses is a great skill.
You know you best.
You have wisdom and strength.
That makes you amazing,a true survivor with gifts to share.
Be super kind to yourself.
I am thinking of you and wishing you all the best!

Take good care.

Hi clearblue

It`s a myth that TSH shows thyroid function. This is the problem and the reason why many many people have normal tests yet have sometimes severe hypothyroid symptoms. Sometimes they are given Thyroxine and they are ok at first and improve, then they start to show hypo symptoms again - they gain weight and become depressed but their doctors just tell them to get out more and stop eating so much, when in fact their bodies need more medication but the doctors will not go by symptoms, thinking that the blood tests are reliable. It is a scandal. In the past doctors went by symptoms and gave natural thyroid hormone which meant that people were receiving the T3 that many cannot convert with only T4 ie Thyroxine and people did much better than today when doctors are obsessed with blood tests. For a start, error in the labs is high. It is vital to go by symptoms too and not just tests.

That`s a very interesting about the pollution in the egg shells. I buy organic but for all I know they could be contaminated though I do wash them well. Thanks for that, I will have to think about it. Maybe I should boil them first. Chicken in Europe has salmonella and in fact I caught it twice this year so I must boil the eggshells though I am not sure if ACV will kill it.

I look into a supplement after reading whether people with my illnesses have special needs for it for example magnesium is always needed, and then I see if I have symptoms of deficiency, which I have regarding calcium at present, my teeth seem softer and my nails are weak. Then I test myself with self kinesiology.

I have been making a lot of progress with getting the supplements I need, treating my thyroid and getting many things sorted out now that I am back in my own country and back in the benefit system with free health care, not that I get any but if I get run over I will need it lol. However I am not detoxing much and have not been able to use my frequency device to kill pathogens for a few weeks now. I guess I will just have to stay on hold with that though I am starting Nattokinase to get rid of biofilms so hope that will help. It is hard to keep up hope when there is no sign of improvement ie having herxes. It is hard to live here in other ways too as the two people leave a lot of mess but apart from that, they are reasonably healthy and it really shows how little I can do compared to them, who are both over 50 and work full time - it sort of rubs it in for me, but it is good to be somewhere where people are avilable to shop for me if I am unwell as we help each other out like that. I am trying to concentrate on the positive things and know that this situation is probably temporary.

I also feel like I am living in a completely different world to them. They are normal and never think about their health unless they have a bug of course whereas my whole time is taken up working on mine and also they have not had to deal with trauma and still livbe in a world where `bad things don`t happen to good people`. All of my former beliefs have been destroyed but they still have them so it is like living close to Matians lol. They must think the things I do are really strange - like taking raw garlic. They would rather have a cold than do that lol.

It is so hard to deal with my sons anniversary especially when no-one remembers my grief at that time. You never gft over the death of one`s children you just live with it. It is so unatural.

I don`t know much about the ion exchange or energen type machine only frequency generators. I am supposing that you used anti-biotics to get rid of your Lyme. Did they work well? I think that maybe I will never gwet rid of it completely but at least I know how to keep the symptoms at bay.

Thanks again for your inspiring and enlightening posts - I see that you are helping others with your wisdom and experience. You are of great benefit here. I know you cannot generalise but can I ask you how I can open things up with my 28 year old son who still does not see how his father is abusing him apart from the alcoholism? Is it best to just let him work things out for himself regarding the way his father has manipulated hi9m and his brother. How old were you when you ` got it`?

best wishes and gratitude
mati

Hi Mati,
Its nice to hear from you, read your post.
I am amazed at your knowledge about the complexities of thyroid.
There is many things with hormones and metabolic disturbances that can contribute to the
symptoms of Lyme.
Have you had the Thyrotropin Releasing Hormone test? It is a thyroid test more accurate
then the thyroid(blood test)panel.
If you look to skin,skin health changes,dry skin the growth replacement exchange is 28 days.
Your skin being the largest organ is the easiest available organ to check for health.
You can also benefit in using lymph fluid by brush/stroking (boars hair brush good) your skin to stimulate the Lymph fluid
to gather and cleans.
A brake down in your tooth/teeth surface cold be from upper gi/digestion problems.
High acidic gastric juices,acidic saliva,reflux will weaken teeth.
How is your gum and tongue health?

Room mates can be a challenge.
I have had a houseful for so long.
One thing I learned is nobody-me included enjoys a mess,before or after it needs
cleaning,lol.
We have invented the lost sock conspiracy theory at my house,lol.
All of our guests bring joy,some by arriving and some by leaving,haha.

I was 42yrs when I got Lyme.
I knew many people and horses and dogs who had embedded ticks.
We used to use bagbalm on them to draw them out.
No one ever got sick from ticks.
Then I noticed the ill health and red mange in the deer population.
Birds were found dead more often too.
Then Lyme came on the scene.
I think it is a cycle of sorts.
I have lived most of my life in the wilderness,water areas.
I never worried about insect bites.
I rarely get bit by any bug or flea.
Now a person has to be so careful.
Bees,stings carry hepatitis and other disease.
I think I might have actually got a strange exposure to something
when I stepped in bear dung.
The area was swampy and I had a cut on my foot(instep) at the time.
The wound on my foot was slow to heal and grew dark fibers.
It was shortly after I got Lyme bullseye and rash.
Never felt the bite itself.
Yes, I did eventually take antibiotic therapy.
I lowered the dose mg by half after the first 30 days of high dose.
You have to be careful while using antibiotic because a chance it may slowly grow trouble
in your intestines.
Plenty of fluids and counter action foods will keep it cleared.

Remember when you take anything to check the colon storage time,build and re-circulation,body reuse time. Somethings have quite a body life,like a shelf life.
Because of the colon time it is easy to overdose the body systems while taking the appropriate dose.


To begin a conversation with your son I would make simple,sincere invites.
I would like to say..(I love you)...
I have missed you.
I would like to know you.
I would like to listen to you.
I feel happy..(to hear your voice)
I feel joy we have talked.
I feel hopeful to talk again soon.

I would steer clear of victim statements,apologizing or rationalizing.
I would not make "care" statements.
Not because you do not or have not cared.
Only because after a time of separation those feelings can not be mended in minute words.
It would take many right words,exchanges and that requires time.
A first,opening conversation does not afford the time or patience for wrong words either.
Your message should be truthful,simple.
How long has it been since you spoke?
This idea would be for a first conversation with the hope of continued conversations.
I know people and families do have many past,present and future feelings to express.
Once a relationship is stable there will be room for exchanges and growth that include
all those elements.
I feel to much may overwhelm and a heavy heart or a heart on the sleeve can be
more then the first moments of expression,reaction can bear.
You are planting a seed.
Seed of hope,love,joy.
Nurture the seed in feeling,from the heart and the right words will follow.
Be patient with yourself seed after you have planted it.
Will you go in person or by phone or mail?

I really feel for your child loss.
I know in my heart a person feels loss deeply.
Because you feel loss in silence,alone I know you must be very strong.
I hope you make a connection with a comforter.
Even a strong person needs another.


I hope you get over the herxes stage soon.
It is a yucky yuck time.
Its toxin overload.

Maybe your room mates will give you some company and share some laughter.
What is your very favorite spare time pursuit?
Take good,kind care of you.
You have so much health knowledge.
Could you volunteer or join a health group?
Even a diet group could benefit from your wisdom.

Best health, wishes.

The psychopath that I was involved with for 12 years was a recovering alcoholic who had attended hundreds of AA meetings before I ever met him. He quit drinking, quit using drugs, and stopped smoking cigarettes. I admired his ability to turn his life around and become clean and sober. But like everything in a psychopath's life, AA and his sobriety were just things he could use to impress and manipulate people.

Although the bottle, drugs, and smokes were gone, he remained the same vile person he always was. But thanks to AA and the Big Book, this psychopath had an arsenal of clever sayings he could throw into conversations to wow people into believing he was so brilliant and amazing! Some of his favorite quotes from AA were: "practice rigorous honesty" or "the God of my understanding" or "alcohol is powerful, cunning, and baffling." In reality, he practiced relentless lying, hated God, and as a psychopath, he was powerful, cunning, and baffling.

I feel for you being pulled between your sons, your illness, and the alcoholic psychopath. But if I was in your shoes, I'd communicate often with the sons, take really good care of yourself, and not attempt to help the psychopath. There is a good book called: "Broken Open" and it says: "if you didn't break them, you can't fix them." I like that. I've put that thought into practice in my own life and it's helped a lot. Maybe it can help you.

Hi clearblue

I have looked at the Thyrotropin Releasing Hormone test but know my GP will not order it and I have already spent far too much on private tests, none of which have been of much use for the naturapaths who ordered them to be of much help to me. The last one I consulted was supposed to be the best one treating Lyme in Germany but I knew he had not understood the extent of my sickness when he ordered herbal remedies in alcohol when alcohol is the last thing anyone with weak adrenals should take and he wanted me to take hydrocortisone.

Many people with thyroid problems which are not being sorted out by doctors learn as much as me and more. There are a few web sites with really knowledgable people on who teach and advise. I really don`t know that much.

Yes skin brushing us indeed good for the lymph glands and it is anotheer thing that I was doing previously but thanks to your reminder have started again. I have been having a back massage which has helped. These sort of things are not so good in badly heated rooms in winter however. I am not herxing and that is the problem.

My gum and tongue health are farly good which makes me think it is calcium I need. I recently bought an electric toothbrush which does not vibrate too strongly for me to bear so that will help gum health. I discovered that it is the cheaper ones that vibrate badly.

Mosquitoes carry Lyme too and other diseases. I got bitten last year and think that I got another type of Lyme or something else from the bite as my health was much worse after that. Mosquitoes make a beeline for me and I have heard that this is so with anyone with Lyme. Mabe the Lyme bacteria put out a scent to attract insects.

Thanks so much for your reply about communicating with my son. I have not lost contact with him but it is difficult and sometimes I do not hear from him for months and mainly it is e-mail contact. I did see him when I first got back in the same home town after being away for 2 years and he gave me a hug when I answered the door,but things seem very unstable and I think you are right in that I can only speak to him according to the state of the relationship from his side and also not forgetting that he is on methadone. He asks me for money at times when he is in great been ie when he and his father and brother have had to move house which is 3 times now and I have given him money and last time loaned it but there are no signs that it will be repayed and in fact I have decided it was a gift but it will be the last time. Gererally things are on a superficial level but when he told me about his father I got too involved and maybe offered advice when I should not have done. He thought his father was willing to stop drinking and I said I could not see it and indeed he has not. I hate to be dragged back in like this and would rather not know about what his father is doing but my son needs someone to talk to but I guess I should tell him I am not the right one. But there is a pull I can barely stop, of me getting sucked in to help his father again and sort him out lol.

My son does know that I love him and he knows I am there for him and I never make demands from him or tell him about my health or struggles. I have been feeling though that he generally only wants me when he wants money and the rest of the time I hardly hear much from him. I try to stay non judgmental to save the relationship and know that being a drug addict, he will be wrapped up in his own problems. It has been very hard work for me to stay in touch with him he has treated me so badly at times like I have no feelings and do notdeserve the same consideration that other humans have. This is how his father treated me though.

My fellow lodger is getting on my nerves at present as he is so noisy. His voice is loud and he like the tv to be loud, its just his way but I am keeping out of his way for the moment. What I am enjoying at the moment is there are quite a few educational programs on tv about Germany and I have a fascination with the place and language so that is keeping me happy at the moment and I can watch on my computer in my own room and escape the rest fo the house. Hey, you live in a shared house too!

The latest think I am taking ie Nattokinase is great - I already feel a difference in my mental function - it thins the blood.

Thanks again for writing

best wishes to you too

mati