When I meant someone with ASPD from what I can recall at first things were going great but then he began abusing me and it got worse and worse. He even raped me over and over again, very painfully. I remember bleeding as a result. Even after he strangled me he raped me. I remember times where he nearly killed me. I remember times on the ground being in pain by his physical abusive ways and, hysterical and then him laughing at my reaction to the physical abuse. He even laughed whilst molesting me before. He denies ever molesting me at times. It hurts so much that the first person I love abused me so terribly, over and over again. I miss so much when I was happily in love with him. Sometimes though I hate him so much that it's really no good for me. I hate how even now he is still taking things from me, he sabotages so many of my acquaintanceships and friendships. I am so tired of living this deteriorated life. I need to find happiness. I want to be a blissful person, not a miserable person. But maybe what happened will help me find my purpose in life I feel like it may. But I am tired of all of this misery. I don't get why he still has to be so evil to me. I forget so much of my life because of this person though. He rendered me to black out. I want my memories back though. But I suppose I'll just have to wait. At least some of them are resurfacing. I blacked out lots about stuff about the abuse though. But I must remember to be able to mend the trauma it still ingrains. The trauma is ingrained me. I mean in case that doesn't make much sense to y'all it's just naturally with me. I mean it's so very ongoing. Maybe someday things will work out better. I hope everything does.
Previous Topic
Index