Dianne,

Sorry for the delayed response. For some reason I thought that I would get an email or something if someone responded (you know - like Facebook ).

I married, procreated and divorced by the time I was 21. Because family is EVERYTHING I lived with my parents raising my son together. So that has complicated the situation with my son. We are now (finally) on the same page. They did whatever they could to eliminate my parental 'power' so to speak. It was pretty rough. They'd always bail him out when he did wrong and never backed me up. It was horrible. I was so caught up in the madness. So now my son is my #1 fan. He finally see's it all. He is very much like me as far as good instincts with people.

Back to your question. We are all from the Chicago area. But now my parents are in Santa Fe, NM and my son & I are in SoCal. And when I tell people where my folks are they can't keep from telling me how lucky I am and hopefully you get to visit often. Because it's so beautiful there.. blah blah. I ask them if they will go for me.

The parents are very old now and mom has Alzheimers. Siblings all have some serious mental health issues and are either willingly or not still under his spell. I'll tell ya, my story is really notable. We are 4, sister age 66 (claims dad sexually abused her - but has returned after 18 year absence), brother age 64 (dad really did him the most damage - he's super bright and dad always put him down. has disappeared for spans of years about 4 times, currently missing for about 8-9 years - he has a son that he is utterly incapable of bonding with), brother 61 (dad's number one fan and near clone - but that doesn't stop dad from crapping on him and manipulating him) and me 55 - i'm perfect (te he)- just unable to trust anyone - I don't believe i was ever under daddy's spell. Never trusted both parents. I had been watching all of them - the observer. He always looks at me sideways. I'm the ONLY really combative one - always spoke my mind, that is logical and holds their ground. And I survived. Lead a pretty stable and reasonable life. He can NOT stand me, but does find me to be a formidable opponent. LOVES to spar with me. Loves it! especially if he can make me cry... SCORE!

Problem is - he never leaves anyone alone. Brother (61) and he talk daily.. sometimes 4-5 times a day. ick. The phone is his number one friend. I rarely answer his calls so instead of a message he calls over and over again. When you speak to him he recites his monologue of all his woes and all the news about other people. He tries to get information from you. He's really manipulative and loves to get a rise out of his kids. And he won't let you get off the phone. LOVES it when you need to get off.. LOVES controlling you. I really feel for the one woman on this thread who had the father who was able to drop by. but that was never his style.. we were REQUIRED to go THERE. When I still lived near them it was my mother who would do crap like drop by - if i didn't speak to her she would send packages - even to my office. She's no prize either. Truth? We all thought the problem was Mom - not Dad. Funny how things turn out.

you know, these people are just so damaging. I can't believe the amount of my life has been sucked out of me by this. Not to mention the damage to my health. Sorry I wrote so much. I think all of us are just so glad to have a place where people understand. No one I know get's it and they all try to give the advise about well, he's your father and he means well. How do you explain NO empathy. None - zip - zilch. But not a criminal..

Thankfully they are leaning more and more. Especially with the fMRI's.

I think I have some stuff for you and your resource section. I'll find it and send it on.

Thanks for starting this...