Hi Dianne,

It has been a long gradual process. Much puzzling.
After 2 yrs marriage I got a great shock.

After 5 yrs realised the condition was definite enough that it would have a name - be diagnosable.

After about 7 or 8 yrs decided I wouldnt live like this any more also that I couldnt leave our children in her care so ejected her. We have lived apart since then although associating closely.

Over the next ten years or so exploring and experiencing the condition I gained a lot of insight into and understanding what I was dealing with, all the while seeking solutions and trying to get help both for us and for myself. My craziness. Met with frustration, despair and self doubt etc - just like everyone else I guess. Came to know the malevolence and intractability inbuilt etc. I could go on for ever - I cant go on now. I am struggling to write this, can hardly function.

I am suffering , heartsick and fearful. Grieving. I am 2 weeks into withdrawal from her. I need some support etc.
more later if that pleases you.
Thank you

I'm sorry for what has brought you here. Glad you have found this place though.

The feelings can be quite overwhelming, can't they?

I consider myself to be a pretty stable, emotionally steady, and even reasonable person. Yet nothing brings out the worst in me than interacting with my psychopathic brother. Sometimes I don't even recognize the person that I am when I've interacted with him.

I had a terrible year last year because I interacted with him more in the last year than I had in the last ten years. It was head-spinning, dizzy-ing, and frustrating in way that mere words can't express so I can't imagine the heartache with being married to someone who is psychopathic.

I feel for you.

Hello Dianne,
Thank you for receiving me, I have been back here a few times but finding it very difficult to write anything at all. My head is whirring round when I try to think and I am in great emotional turmoil. In my 62 yrs I have never known anything like this before. Its been going on for near three weeks now but I am slowly settling down, finding some more peace and calm. I have taken leave from my job and am just nursing myself and looking after my children. I am sure it is with a psychopath or very similar that that I have been dealing all these yrs. I will write some more sense when I can but in the meantime I am very grateful to be able to say this much and be received. I guess my experience is similar to many of your members and their experience. It is just so valuable to be able to speak out of this place and be heard.

Thank you again -

ps. I am sure there is recovery and I will find it - getting back to goodness and the beauty that is life.

Hello Starry,
Thank you for your response.
In reply, simply yes they can and I am pretty much overwhelmd at present. But I also want to say there is a quiet inner assurance that I will not remain so always, That I will not be actually overwhelmd!
I am glad of my feelings. They mean I am human. They are like the blood in my veins, the colour and flavour of life - even painful difficult ones, anguish, and despair - I have learnt. They will not harm me. They tell me things about my life and about myself. They are my friends. They mean I am alive!
Yes it is pretty difficult at the moment and so :
It is very nice and much comfort when someone hears and understands - you reach out and touch me with your words
Many thanks again.

Hello Twin,
Thank you for your message and your care.
I would like to be able to say some more to you in response but at present am unable to think properly and do you justice.
I am feeling loved some and warmed. Thank you

Dear Newboy,

Welcome to the most sincere and compassionate forum on the web. I have been a visitor and participant for over 3 years on dozens of message boards and have read thousands of posts from people grieving the nightmare of a psychopathic relationship. Each outpouring of a person's feelings is a sacred and valued act of trust and an aching to be heard and understood. Be assured that what you need to say will come out when your heart is ready to release it.

I know what it feels like to hurt so bad that talking or writing is an impossible chore. You are still trying to wrap your mind around all this. It takes time. We are here for you. Smiles and hugs are being sent your way.

Mouton

Hi all,
Thanks for your kindness and interest
I find comfort in your words
Many thanks again = Russell.

Newboy,
I think you said it perfectly, 'getting back to the goodness and beauty that is life.' When you have been hurt, when you have interacted with someone who is incapable of feeling anything, and yet has masqueraded feelings of love for years, it is a surreal experience. It makes you believe that nothing in the world is real or true or good.

You sound like a very sensitive person, and I am sorry for your hurt. We are all here, trying to recover, trying to move on. I know that is hard. Fortunately, the ones who have recovered or are recovering are here, too, so they can help us see the light. Like you, I am trying to find the happy, joyous, loving, caring person I once was before the wrath of pain, hurt, hatred unleashed upon me by the psychopath.

I wish you a safe journey in continuing the fight to survive and move on.

Hello there Mouton 22,
My apologies to you. My last post that begins "Hi all..." should have been addressed to you ... and all"
It was your response to me that really prompted that post.
I was at the same time very aware of the kindness and goodwill coming to me from all who have responded to me. I didnt acknowledge you personally
You took the time to write to me so:
Please accept my apology, my thanks and best wishes - Newboy.