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#16207 - 01/08/14 03:19 AM Re: General Discussion - Part TWO [Re: LarryDarrel'sTaxi]
helpmesurvive Offline
member

Registered: 01/02/14
Posts: 28
Loc: Himalayas
Hi Larry,

I relate so much to your post and your overall descriptions and way of writing.

I was so surprised also to read this post about your mother:
"She is obsessed with a version of me that exists in her own head that has nothing to do with me in real life."

What an accurate description of my own parents and my own mother. She also lies pathologically and for petty things.
It feels so great to see someone else has the same experiences.

I can't thank you enough for this post, it made me feel great, really great. I hope you feel as great too knowing that you are not alone, my friend. It is moments like this that make me appreciate having joined this community, and so thank you for sharing this.

I will read more of your posts now and I have a feeling there will be more good things I will find.

Thank you again for this relief.


Edited by helpmesurvive (01/08/14 03:21 AM)

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#16208 - 01/08/14 03:33 AM Re: General Discussion - Part TWO [Re: starry]
helpmesurvive Offline
member

Registered: 01/02/14
Posts: 28
Loc: Himalayas
Hi starry,

You sound like you really understand well how people behave and when I read your replies to Larry I relate very much.

I've just starting reading the general discussion part two on this forum and Larry's was the first post I read. But the way in which you replied and describe people's behaviors so clearly describes my own family.

You sound like you have managed to get over very hard situations and thank you for letting me and others know a little of your thoughts.

Thank you.


Edited by helpmesurvive (01/08/14 03:36 AM)

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#16367 - 05/18/14 08:41 AM Re: General Discussion - Part TWO [Re: Dianne E.]
DanaD Offline
member

Registered: 05/17/14
Posts: 4
This seems to be a good jumping in point for a newbie to this forum. I'm 56 and I just realized my sister is a psycopath and also my Mom, although there are other things wrong with my Mom, as well.

Someone else said they felt dumb realizing so late in life that they were part of a family of psychopaths. I can say that I feel I have been naive and trusting and was wandering around in life like Bambi in the forest. All was okay unless I challenged my sister and since she had two children and I wanted to continue contact with her for their sake, I learned to back off.

I should give some history about myself. I have a mild brain injury that I grew up with. It was caused by a backyard accident at a neighbors house when I was only 2. I was near a swing glider (2 seater swing set) and got hit on right side of head, had a 20 minute left sided seizure a half year later. I think the seizure was due to a blood clot.

Anyway, I'm sharing that aspect of myself as it weighs in with my development and my relationship to family members. It was profound enough to have my mother stating "We will never know what you might have become" throughout the years since it kept me from holding a job. (I look and speak normally, but over time you can see the deficits and lagged in maturity)


My sister was committed at age 17 for a breakdown. She was on lithium for a while but chose not to take it. She is in her 50's now, my younger sister. I however, always seemed like the younger one and looked up to her as we headed into our young adult stages. She liked being center of attention and I was the introvert who did not understand social engagement. Turns out, neither did she...everyone was there for her and now it has played out with me seeing that her own children are simply her possesions. You can hear it when she speaks of them and this was something I figured out years ago. However, I thought she was just a narcissicist as I did my Mom and brother.

My sister drinks and is in very poor health from alcohol, cancer, double pneumonia that put her in a 2 month coma. (yes, her life is like some bad soap opera) the latter being induced by her drinking and not eating at the time. However, she blames her son for having gotten pneumonia as she claims he had the stomach flu and somehow made her sick at that time. Not at all true and one of the many blame games she makes.

To create some brevity as to where things are at right now that caused me to join this forum, I'll fast forward.

Her children at age 15 (my nephew) and 18 (niece) started talking and reaching out to me and my S/O and my 24 year old daughter. My niece had left the home but was living nearby and discovered that there was no food in house, my sister was leaving and not telling her son where she was going and gone for the night, the house was filthy and when she was home she might be drunk and lying in her own feces with feces on the walls,etc. Hearing this, we all decided my daughter--who had said if my sister passed from her illnesses that she would take care of her nephew, chose to step in and try for temporary custody. We soon discovered that was not an immediate option and she now has gaurdianship at least.

This was where the fun of a psychopath feeling betrayed and her possession--her son-- begins.

After learning of all the neglect and abuse I had my S/O call my father as they had been close. My Dad listened quietly. A few minutes after the call my mother called and my S/O picked up the phone. It was my Mom placing the call. She started by saying--"Thank you for making our day" Then she went on to state that me, my S/O and my daughter were never to tie up the line again and hung up.


A few days went by and I received an angry call from my father. He shouted at me to back off and get my daughter to back off. He asked me if my 6ft, 250 lb nephew looked malnourished, not giving me any time to respond before he again said to back off and my response was simply 'uhhuh" which was meant in sarcasm as I could see he was not going to listen and did not understand his total lack of concern. He said "Is that all you have to say for yourself" and told me that if I did not back off with helping my nephew I would be very, very, very sorry and hung up.


What followed was attempts for temporary custody and finally getting my sister to allow notarized gaurdianship. Not, however, before calling the sheriff out to look at the state of her household and calling Child protective services. My Mom, it turned out, had tipped my sister off and my sister had her alcoholic drinking buddy whom she has let the state pay as her caretaker come over and clean the house.

When my nephew came home from school that day my sister told him she felt like celebrating and wanted to go to a movie with him because as she put it, she had won. He let her know he did not want to go. Kid started putting his foot down and suddenly she found that not only was her 18 year old out of the house and not playing her game of worship and caretaking, but now he was not.


When we picked my nephew up my niece told me that she had spoken to her Mom. She and my sister are not speaking at this point in time...but at that time my sister told her that my S/O and daughter and I were not welcome in the home. She also said a lawyer had come over and the will had been changed, with me being cut out of it.

My older brother has entered the picture briefly with instructions from my Dad to help my sister find a new place to live near them. My nephew overheard the conversation between the two of them. At this point since my sister is coming unglued my brother has backed off. However, I'm quite sure that he's gloating that I'm cut out of the will and knows due to my sisters poor health she wont make it too many more years. While I had not given thought to the money in the same fashion my sister did, the pain from the rejection by them tore me up at first. It still hurts, but I don't want or need family like this.


There is so much more to the story of what has been going on behind the scenes with my sister, including her leaving VM on her son's cell that she was attacked by someone while she slept, twice. She has a pain pump for allegedly bone cancer that she has had for 5 years now..not sure if she really has bone cancer or it's just for back pain. However, am thinking that between alcohol and pain pump she might have had psychotic episode. Or..worse..since she says she spoke to some "professional people" and they suggested my daughter did it,she had ideas of framing my daughter. However, police said there were no signs of entry.

None of us other than her son whom my daughter has made call her, has contact with her now. My nephew just let's her talk. Even in her VM you can see the way she views her son as a possession. She has a part wolf dog that she had to let her alcoholic friend take in (that friend is now being evicted from her home and my sister is speaking of moving into her car with the dog since she doesn't have any money other than disability and can't (oh and the check she had for her son's care..) find a place to take she and the dog. She talks about how lonely she is when she comes home and her dog her daughter's cat, and her son are not there. Always in that order. Dog, cat, son...

It appears to me based on some of her messages that NOW my Dad understands our warning about her. He would never understand that she is a psychopath, though. Her behaviors are classic and we all see it. My Mom at the very least, is a narcissist and both enable her.

I've had days of fear and sadness. I'm doing better now and it's easier since she seems to be cut off from family now and has become increasingly irrational. I however, still feel a loss regarding my parents, illogical though that may be based on their roles in this and things they have done in past that show how they will often ignore problems rather than face them. I simply dont understand the reasoning process of either of them and I am the one with the brain injury.

Sorry for the length of this. I had no clue how to tell my story without background,etc. It's like a damn soap opera and I have never cared for watching them. Who needs them when you have family?? The worst part of dealing with a psychopath though, even one that is unhinged like she is--is that you know that they won't necessarily stop coming after you and your family and as long as there are people out there to believe that they are the victims--it's frightening. She looks so fragile that she readily plays the victim now. She can't charm with her looks and personality as she could before as now her own cognitive state due to alcohol and the lack of oxygen from her coma in past affect how she talks. BUT, there are always dupes like my own parents out there, I guess.

I'm just super happy seeing how content my nephew is and I had to swallow my fear of her when I saw for the first time who she was..but am glad that we all made that choice for his sake. There is more to this history..more from her past that made me realize how dangerous she could be and the harm she has done to others. However, for today, this is all I can manage to share.

I'm sorry this o

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#16478 - 10/14/14 08:01 PM Re: General Discussion - Part TWO [Re: Dianne E.]
PasoGirl Offline
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Registered: 10/13/14
Posts: 6
I am having a very difficult time posting my story. Is anyone else having problems?

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#16480 - 10/14/14 08:28 PM Re: General Discussion - Part TWO [Re: PasoGirl]
Dianne E. Offline

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Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2788
Loc: United States
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#16481 - 10/14/14 08:28 PM Re: General Discussion - Part TWO [Re: Dianne E.]
Dianne E. Offline

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Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2788
Loc: United States
NOTE: We are having some software issues so I am posting for our new member PasoGirl:

Hi. I'm new to this group.

In early September, my 23 year old daughter committed suicide on her and her twin sister's birthday. It wasn't until after her death that we discovered her "secret" life of lies and deception. Her cell phone revealed most of our information via text, Facebook private messages, email and browser history. It came to us as a great shock the things she was doing. We now believe she was a female psychopath, which is not very common. We took the Hares Psychopathy Test for her and got 32. We've also been doing a lot of research via books, documentaries and articles on the internet to conclude that yes in fact she was a psychopath.

Her suicide was very strange. We are not sure if it was an attempt so someone would save her or if she meant to go all the way and kill herself. I'll give you some background and then recall the strange suicide event.

Growing up, we saw some evidence, in hind sight, of her psychopathy but basically she seemed like a sweet, quiet, easy going kid. As far as we know, she never got in trouble in school or law but some things are coming out from her friends. She did do alcohol and drugs but we assumed most kids experiment in high school. She did have a problem making good decisions and usually made very bad decisions. One time in high school, she emailed a prisoner who was getting out of prison soon. It was very sexual and flirtatious. They had made arrangements to meet when he got out and we discovered a note in our mail from him that we were able to intersect. We were very upset with her and her judgment and we now recall how confused she was about how it was wrong. She seemed very unaffected by our disappointment. She has an identical twin sister and her twin sister was always very upset/mad when she got in trouble. We always noted how different they were when they got in trouble. There were other bad decisions she made usually getting taken by scams on the internet where it was so obvious she was being scammed. She was extremely intelligent, on the lazy side and could charm grown ups with her sweet girl act. We did know she had a problem lying, which we would always thought was something she would outgrow when she matured more.

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#16482 - 10/14/14 08:29 PM Re: General Discussion - Part TWO [Re: Dianne E.]
Dianne E. Offline

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Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2788
Loc: United States
continued:

A month before her death, she was kicked out of her house share by her roommates but of course told us they didn't understand her. The truth was she was several months behind on her rent and they found she had stolen a roommates clothes and took scissors to them. She told us her roommates were kicking her out cause they were mean. We let her move back home as she said it would only be for short time but little did we know she had no options left.

She was fired from 2 jobs both of which were very good career building jobs. One employer fired her for being unreliable and the other from stealing money & credit cards from co-workers. During the month back home with us before her death, she and pretended to go to a job every day she did not have. She even came home and discussed her day at work with us.

The day before her death we did find out some of her secrets. Her car got repossessed in our driveway and it was the 2nd time she had gotten so far behind and repossessed the car. Naturally we were upset and confused. We finally figured out she had no money or job and confronted her. She lied 4 layers deep of why and how long ago she was fired. Even the final pressure to give us an accurate answer was still a lie. So every day for over a month, she got up and went to work lying to us about having a job. Inside the belongings of her car, we found pawn shop receipts of family heirlooms she had taken from us. She had stolen credit cards as well from her job she was fired from. My husband and I and her twin sister (who was visiting in town), were very angry with her lies and deceptions that night. She was very stone faced and actually looked kind of bored.

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#16483 - 10/14/14 08:31 PM Re: General Discussion - Part TWO [Re: Dianne E.]
Dianne E. Offline

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Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2788
Loc: United States
The next morning was her and her twin sister's 23rd birthday. We had no idea how we were going to celebrate the day since we were all still in shock and mad at her. My daughter then said she was going to get some air and go outside and do a chore I had been bugging her to do--move manure from the compost to the end of our pasture. We own horses and acreage. So out she went and I watched her do it first half hour, then went into other room for about another half hour. Then when I looked out and didn't see her, I went out to look for her. At the bottom of the pasture, she laid dead. She had convulsed down an embankment and died. By the manure compost bin she left her sweater neatly folded with her cell phone on top and 2 bottles of pills next to it. From the 2 bottles, we presumed she took about 200 Aleve and 80 over the counter sleeping pills. We have not gotten the toxicology back to know if there was something else in her system. We assume so as she went very quickly and both those things take longer to kill you, as we have researched.







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#16510 - 12/28/14 03:38 PM Re: General Discussion - Part TWO [Re: Dianne E.]
Rich21 Offline
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Registered: 12/28/14
Posts: 3
I have a question. Do psychopaths have an oedopus complex ?
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#16511 - 12/28/14 05:58 PM Re: General Discussion - Part TWO [Re: Rich21]
Dianne E. Offline

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Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2788
Loc: United States
Hi Rich, welcome to our community. That is an interesting question. I don't know exactly how to answer it. I think that in many cases a Psychopath might consider the family off limits as far as doing them harm. But as far as the sexual angle no idea. I know someone who works with sex offenders who would be closely linked to sex with children or parents and it seems that many of them were also abused as children. My personal take is they just were passed the gene from the offending parent.

I wish I had a better answer. Do you have an example of someone that you know that you suspect has such feelings for a parent?

Di

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