Page 1 of 4 1 2 3 4 >
Topic Options
#10866 - 03/15/11 06:00 PM General Discussion - Part TWO
Dianne E. Offline

Administrator
member

Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2788
Loc: United States
Part One is now closed as it is getting very full, please carry you, Part Two is now open.

Di

Top
#12528 - 01/13/12 12:48 PM Re: General Discussion - Part TWO [Re: Dianne E.]
LarryDarrel'sTaxi Offline
member

Registered: 12/27/11
Posts: 7
New discussion (part 2) so I thought I would jump on. I'm new to the forum.
I just recently figured out that my mother is a psychopath. I just read "The Psychopath Test" by Jon Ronson and everything fit into a nutshell. I would say my mother scores a 36 out of forty on the Hare checklist.
(Trivial note: I just watched "Rope" directed by Alfred Hitchcock last night, not having any idea that it dealt with a psychopathic crime. I was amazed that even back in the 50's, someone had figured so much of this out, even if they didn't put a name to it. Two killers in the story, the emapthetic one falls apart and the Psychopath revels in it.)

For years I thought Moms behaviour was just parental excentricity; everyone's Mom drives them crazy. When I was a kid I fealt I could trust her implicitly. I now realise that's because I was one of her weapons against my father. She needed me on her side. Now that I'm older, I realise she was very neglectful and much of what I thought was trust, was really me just being left to my own devices. Just as all people are different, I would say all psychopaths are different too. I certainly feel for the people who have really horrible violent pyschopaths in their lives. I didn't see as many posts for people who have charming, destructive ones, so that's part of why I'm writing. But mostly to get stuff off my chest and feel better of course.

I've always tried to hold myself accountable for my own life. I still do on many levels. Much of what I'm not happy with is my own fault and resulting from my own dumb decisions. But, after 45 years I feel now I can give myself a break. As much as it is frustrating, I find that knowing I have psychopathic parent, is liberating. I can forgive myself for a lot. It's helping me shed a lot of low self esteem. Even recognise where I had low self esteem and thought I was normal. If that makes sense?

My mother is not violent. She can be very sweet. There are a great many opportunities I've had in life that she has helped provide. However, my mother has also done as much damage as she possibly could when it has suited her. She is very adept at playing the middleman, manipulating family members and always claiming to act on anothers behalf. She provides when it suits her ego ("My son has a Masters"). She sabotages for the control and the kick. She's waiting there to say you'll always have a roof over your head after she's inflicted the damage herself. Oddly, she's not over-bearing. Unless she's had time to plan, she really doesn't want to have anything to do with you. Regular phone calls and normal conversation seem to leave her at a loss. While I can not point to any one thing she's done and say, that ruined my life, I would have to say that continually screwing things up for your kids over the years is cumalative.

My mother is also very good at asking for forgivness, wanting to have heart to hearts.. Basically to figure out what you have on her. She cries in an almost identical way each time, never says an ounce of truth, and while she's asking to be forgiven, never ever owns up to anything she's actually done wrong. (Unless she thinks you've already figured something out, then that becomes her big confession. Always something vague and large, specifics are blamed on others.) She's fishing to see what you know. When you do forgive her for anything, she never seems to redeem herself, learn, or have any emotional memory her past transgretions. Give her time, she'll stick her hand in the fire again. In Ronson's book, he talked about a psychopath released from hospital who killed someone as soon as he was released. They asked him why he did it. He said, he wanted to know what if fealt like. They then reminded him that he killed three people already. He responded "Yeah, but that was a long time ago."

My mother seems to have two emotional states, un-brideled anger and rehearsed sentimentality. She doesn't love me either. Not really. She is obsessed with a version of me that exists in her own head that has nothing to do with me in real life. I've never heard her talk about being in love. It's always.. "I thought they loved me!". There are no stories of boys (or anyone) she loved in her youth. There are no good men in the world except me and my brother.

Before I realized what my Mother was, I had already started to figure things out and create coping mechanisims. For years I literally fealt my mother had no empathy. I've compartmentalised my dealings with her. I haven't shared anything important from my personal life for years. I now don't share anything important at all. The fact that she lies pathologically, even about the most trivial things, has been evident for years. She lies almost every third sentence. Her favorite memoreys of my childhood are things she's made up.

Someone might look at what I've written and say that my mother isn't a psychopath, but just mean and manipulative.

But, my mother is also not very bright. (I'm no Einstein myself.) I joke that I'm the smartest one in my family (between my mother and my brother) because I'm the only one that doesn't think they're a genius. Much of what my mother has got away with over the years she has managed because I loved and trusted her. I don't anymore. She has confessed to some of her crazy destructive manipulations and antics because she has thought I've already figured them out. She also takes credit for things she didn't do, to try to make herself the center of things.

Maybe someday I can forgive her like I have before. Her latest antics went beyond the pale. I think forgivness is just as important, if not more important for your self than the other person. Resentment and anger poison the soul. I haven't trusted her for years. I now no longer love her.

Top
#12534 - 01/16/12 11:45 PM Re: General Discussion - Part TWO [Re: LarryDarrel'sTaxi]
LarryDarrel'sTaxi Offline
member

Registered: 12/27/11
Posts: 7
To bring a questing up out of all of this. If you're dealing with someone who is still tied to your life. (I'm still part of my family, my brother, step sisters, step fathrer.. All whom I love.) Do you tell a psychopath how they've wronged you?
Condidering whether it's positive or negative, psychopaths get off on the conflict. Are you only playing into their hands or is it sometimes a case of, sometimes you just got to not take it. Plus, my Mom has backed off on things before.. Though she then finds revenge in some seemingly un-related way.

I don't feel it's a problem blocking off even more of my life from my mother. To protect myself. However, I also feel that if I described her misbehaviour to someone who wasn't aware that a psychopath gets off on the conflict.. They would very logically ask if I had explained what she did wrong to her. I know psychopaths count on people thinking that they can appeal to reason. But even if I had a crazy dog, I would still tell it bad dog if it pooped on the rug.

Top
#12535 - 01/17/12 03:58 AM Re: General Discussion - Part TWO [Re: LarryDarrel'sTaxi]
starry Offline
member

Registered: 01/06/11
Posts: 350
Originally Posted By: LarryDarrel'sTaxi
To bring a questing up out of all of this. If you're dealing with someone who is still tied to your life. (I'm still part of my family, my brother, step sisters, step fathrer.. All whom I love.) Do you tell a psychopath how they've wronged you?
Condidering whether it's positive or negative, psychopaths get off on the conflict. Are you only playing into their hands or is it sometimes a case of, sometimes you just got to not take it. Plus, my Mom has backed off on things before.. Though she then finds revenge in some seemingly un-related way.


What I've found is that they may give the appearance of backing off, but it's only because it suits them for the time being. But they don't forget and, as you pointed out, they find a way of getting their revenge in the end. They always need to be right, so if someone makes them feel bad for whatever reason (and that could even be something as straight forward as that other person having their own, differing, opinion) they can't let them 'win'. It's all about the conflict and all about being right for them.

I remember my dad taking his revenge on me for slights that he thought his own mother had inflicted on him (half a century before!), and for things he believed my mum had done to him. I remember being utterly shocked at how raw his anger still was and inching away from him really slowly, thinking 'that's not normal', as he literally foamed at the mouth as he was talking about them.

Originally Posted By: LarryDarrel'sTaxi

I don't feel it's a problem blocking off even more of my life from my mother. To protect myself. However, I also feel that if I described her misbehaviour to someone who wasn't aware that a psychopath gets off on the conflict.. They would very logically ask if I had explained what she did wrong to her.



Absolutely true. But only if you're dealing with someone who is interested in a 'dialogue' with another person, an exchange of views and ultimately taking that other person's views into accounts.

For a psychopath 'the other' has no right to exist. The only purpose 'the other' has is as the object that facilitates the dialogue in their own head. There is no meaningful dialogue with 'the other' as they are not entitled to their status as a separate entity. So I don't think there's anything to be gained from engaging in a dialogue with them over how you feel, or how they've wronged you.

And ultimately, the only person it has to make sense to is you. You don't have to justify yourself to anyone else. You know what you need to do to protect yourself.

Originally Posted By: LarryDarrel'sTaxi
I know psychopaths count on people thinking that they can appeal to reason. But even if I had a crazy dog, I would still tell it bad dog if it pooped on the rug.


They're not crazy. They know exactly what they're doing. They know very well where the dividing line between right and wrong is, and they deliberately choose to step over it and go beyond it (and feel no guilt for it) because it suits their needs.

And they're not interested in 'learning' from their experiences to better their behaviour within society (either society at large, or the society of those people close to them). That's why sending these people to prison doesn't work, they're not interested in learning how to live 'in harmony' with other people, and feeling remorse for the harm they have caused others and changing their behaviour. Their needs always come first, above the needs for everyone and anyone else and so the way they choose to behave suits them perfectly well.

Top
#12537 - 01/17/12 06:56 PM Re: General Discussion - Part TWO [Re: starry]
LarryDarrel'sTaxi Offline
member

Registered: 12/27/11
Posts: 7
Thanks Starry,
Sadly, I think you're right, but I had to ask. The most consistant thing with my Mom over the years is that there is no remorse, no learning, no growth.
Although it has possibly caused some severe damage for me, at least I know I've tried everything I could before I decided there was no hope.

Top
#12554 - 01/20/12 11:52 AM Re: General Discussion - Part TWO [Re: Dianne E.]
F Wright Offline
member

Registered: 01/19/12
Posts: 13
Hi folks.

This thread seems to be a good place for a new forum member to say Hello. smile

There is a great deal of helpful information here from what I've seen so far. Thank you all for this.

For my part I lived with and dealt with a family of psycopaths for 16 years. Add a manager at work for good measure. The wife, her mother, one of her brothers and a cousin and our daughter may all be diagnosed as such... the papers written by scientists and clinicians could have been written about these people, word for word.

It's been over a decade since I got away. Only recently did I realize what a psycopath is. For years I wondered about the bizarre behavior these people exhibited. How could people be so cold-blooded and indifferent to the consequenses of their own actions? Even toward their own family members. I never understood.

My sister has a degree in psychology. We were emailing awhile back and she suggested I do some research on antisocial behavior. As when we were kids, she refused to do my homework for me. laugh

What I've found is amazing. Most importantly, my research has answered many questions I had, questions that no one could address before. While it doesn't change what they are or what they've done, it's good to finally have some answers.

As an aside, I have been involved with online business forums sites since the late '90s and currently serve as admin on a business forum. I know the rules and required etiquette. I'm not here to troll nor sell anything. smile

But I do have some stories to share as well as experience with psycopaths and how I managed to escape and heal.
_________________________
All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.
Edmund Burke

Top
#12585 - 01/24/12 05:42 PM Re: General Discussion - Part TWO [Re: Dianne E.]
blueheron Offline
member

Registered: 10/14/11
Posts: 84
Hello, I'm still here, but haven't been quite as talkative. That's because I found an online group for daughters of narcissistic mothers, and am dealing with some of that as well. It's just as nice a group as this one, and I feel blessed.

I figured as long as so much mud has been stirred up in my life recently, might as well jump in and make use of the opportunity. crazy

Knowledge is power!

Hugs from blue heron

Top
#12751 - 03/03/12 05:58 PM Re: General Discussion - Part TWO [Re: Dianne E.]
Mug42Long Offline
member

Registered: 03/03/12
Posts: 16
Hi, I am 57 and just realised, last XMas that my mother is a psychopath! I now feel betrayed and dumb for not realising sooner. I always felt I was waging an unseen battle, every time I saw my mother. My daughter in law is a psychologist and suggested it. After a particularly awful visit (they always are)crazy, I talked to her about my mother and it sent up red flags.
What is normal behaviour to me, is abnormal to others. My family are so used to her, they see it as normal. Now that it has all been pointed out, we get it.

I have researched, everything makes sense now. I have always felt my mother was evil but couldnít pin it down. My gut feeling differed to how she presented herself to others. I know now, I must listen to my gut. I have always believed I was the horrible person that she has implied that I was. My family are wary of her and know she weird and not very nice. I sent my mother a letter, before I learned fully about the condition, of course she has cut me off. This suits me well, I have decided it would be best for me to sever contact. My children keep in contact, but are torn feeling loyalty to me. I have informed them of what she is, and they agree.

Firstly, we must all realise psychopaths donít think like us. So we should stop trying to analyse them, to excuse their behaviour Ė MISTAKE 1. Blaming poor upbringing, to justify why they are that way wonít help.
They are that way, we canít change that. We must change. We must control contact, or no contact. We must not permit them to hurt us. It is all a game to them.
When I meet someone my mother knows, I get the warning stare. The stare says - what have you told them about me, it better be good. The stare is very animal, cold, evil.
My mother knows I am loyal, thatís how she has gotten away with this for so long. She knows I wonít talk about her behaviour and keep quiet Ė MISTAKE 2. I now talk about it and what she has done, even to her friends. She likes to have the appearance of normality.
By keeping quiet, I have enabled her to continue to abuse me. You start to wonder if you are imagining it, are you the one thatís crazy?

I have now reviewed my past and the behaviours. I now see everything in a different light, and present behaviours are confirming my diagnosis.
I now realise why my mother has no interest in my new home, what I do, etc. Itís all about her and what she wants.
I used to see families and wonder what it was like to have a normal mother. I thought one day that might happen, DELUSION! Silly, naive, me, LOL! Fodder for the psychopath.

As a child I was beaten by a thong (flip-flop) and because I struggled, she got angrier and beat me more, even with her hands, like a demented woman. I then saw the madness. Afterwards, she was nice, I thought she was sorry. I now believe it was so I wouldnít tell my father. Either she did this when my father was at work, or he was weak and did not stop it. Heís dead now, so I canít ask him. I now have negative feelings towards him and feel betrayed.

When I was older, I remember fighting back, to stop her from hitting me. I think it may have scared her. Not that I would hurt her, but someone might hear. She then stopped the beatings. It was more about how I embarrassed her, because I did something wrong. She later made comments that I did not beat my children with a thong (flip-flop) and they were bad.
My children are beautiful, caring adults now, I am proud of them. My mother even told my son not to play with his little car, he was about 10, too old to be doing that! My mother used to have dangerous, brass, ornaments in her house. When I asked her could she put them away when we visited, she said they should not touch them. Try telling a 2 year old that!

I was an only child and had no escape, I left home at 19. When I visited her, it was like prison, she tried to control everything I did. My family wonít visit now, because itís so bleak. I was the only one who bothered. She picks on my daughter, jealousy, because we are so close. She mocks our cuddles. I only got a hasty, clumsy cuddle, always in front of an audience, when I left, at the station from my mother. MISTAKE 3, shows of affection is to give the appearance of normality to others, donít fall for it. She has always been hateful towards me, but speaks of us in glowing terms, to others to, boost her image.

I always get this from her - you never .... so it's all your fault for not ..... I have noticed that everything is because someone else did/never did something and she is the victim of that. She never takes responsibility for her actions, blames others, gets angry when you point it out and changes the subject. She changes the subject when she doesnít like what you say, if you are catching her out. Also I remember how something was so important and she made a fuss. When I turned the problem back to her, getting her to own it, she just forgot it. She dropped it, as if, that didnít work, I must try something else. It had been so important a second earlier. sick

They try a scatter gun approach to see what gets the reaction. I would never have believed that a mother could be so conniving to their child. Thatís how she got away with it. My gut told me she was sticking the knife in, every chance. I chose to believe what I saw and thought she cared for me as I do my children Ė MISTAKE 4.
Donít worry about hurting them by cutting them off, they have no feelings to hurt. Donít feel guilty, they donít. Just remember Ė Despite you and in spite of you, I am successful. Can you say that?
Donít make them successful in hurting you/your family. CUT THE BA**ARD OFF! mad Look after yourself and your family first. Start the healing journer with me.


Edited by Mug42Long (03/03/12 06:06 PM)
Edit Reason: needed a smiley

Top
#12752 - 03/03/12 06:22 PM Re: General Discussion - Part TWO [Re: LarryDarrel'sTaxi]
Mug42Long Offline
member

Registered: 03/03/12
Posts: 16
You are now informed and will have mixed feelings. Being informed is the tool that will free you. You will get opposition because you're being immunised from the hurt, because you are aware an on phyco/manipulation alert.
You will feel guilt that maybe you are wrong. They appear plausible to whoever they choose, you haven't realised this before. They have been playing you. This makes you look crazy, not them.

Now you have the power of knowing, use it to fee yourself.
Whatever you try, it will meet with opposition or they will cut you off.

They may be doing you a favour by cutting you off and you don't realise it, seize the opportunity.
It will make them look bad this time.
Them looking bad is not what they want others to see.

I have been damaged, my self esteem is 0.
I am seeing myself in a different light. I am not stupid, horrible or a [censored] of a thing, as I was portrayed and I believed.

I am examining history and now looking at my mothers behaviour and the results in a different light.
I am empowered, have given up drinking and excelling in studies.
I am becoming free of the mire she created, I am 57.
I feel contempt and betrayed.

When I don't contact my mother, I am happy. Phone calls used to be about her spewing her guts out about her stuff. No interest in me or my kids, she asked but before you could open your mouth, she took over the conversation.
No more!

Top
#12754 - 03/04/12 07:31 AM Re: General Discussion - Part TWO [Re: starry]
Mug42Long Offline
member

Registered: 03/03/12
Posts: 16
It's funny how they aren't interested in learning anything...

My Psychopath mother has mats all around her house, on the step, three in the dining room, etc.
She is elderly and the lady who assesses their homes, to help them cope living at home told her to get rid of them.

My mother isn't having someone tell her what to have in her house!
A few weeks later she fell on one and was badly hurt. Months later, I visited and tripped on one and nearly went through the dining room window.

I wondered why a mother would not remove the dangerous mats after the person they are suppposed to love nearly had a bad accident.
If my daughter had tripped and nearly went through a window, that mat would be in that bin so fast!

That was before I realised she was a Psychopath. It makes sense now. wink

Top
#12756 - 03/04/12 01:05 PM Re: General Discussion - Part TWO [Re: Mug42Long]
Dianne E. Offline

Administrator
member

Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2788
Loc: United States
Hi welcome to our community. It sounds like quite a revelation. I know sometimes we can be right next to someone and take a long time to figure out who is the one with the problem. If you would like to discuss this more, would be glad to open a discussion thread.

Di

Top
#12876 - 03/21/12 03:43 PM Re: General Discussion - Part TWO [Re: Dianne E.]
GF of ppaths Father Offline
member

Registered: 03/19/12
Posts: 13
I love this general discussion area.

This is something that my counselor said to me that I can't forget about

"there is a theory that when a psychopath dies they just zip right back to live another life", while the rest of us hang out and learn neat things until we decide to come back to Earth or go to heaven. I'm sure I was looking at her like she had two heads.

So then I have these questions, if the Psychopath comes back to inhabit another body will they still be a Psychopath or will they now be a normal person. I understand there is actually something wrong with their brains and this is why they don't have empathy or see other people as more than mere objects. So the new body will have a different brain and the psychopathy will be over. Or is the Psychopath some evil force connected to their soul so the new brain will be destroyed to suit the Psychopath. I believe your soul starts out with the body pretty early in the womb, not at birth.

I am still on the fence about whether I believe in multiple lives. I have met a few people who had experiences only explained by past lives so sometimes I think it might be true. Then again I was raised Baptist so sometimes think the Heaven/Hell concept must be true.

Then this makes me think about the death penalty. It doesn't exist where I live. If it did, wouldn't holding an incarcerated Psychopath in prison until it dies be better than putting it to death so it can just be reborn in another body and free to terrorize society again? (if the Psychopath is always a Psychopath) Maybe there is always a constant number of Psychopaths on the Earth?

Top
#12918 - 03/23/12 10:06 PM Re: General Discussion - Part TWO [Re: GF of ppaths Father]
skybluepaint Offline
member

Registered: 02/05/11
Posts: 100
Interesting thing your counselor said! It brought a good dose of humor to my day thinking how Texas is the number one death penalty state and that perhaps, after some psychopath was put to death, his soul just zipped into the body of a newborn George W.
Apologies to W. fans, but I just couldn't help but think it.

Top
#12950 - 03/26/12 06:11 PM Re: General Discussion - Part TWO [Re: blueheron]
LoveUnrequited Offline
member

Registered: 03/26/12
Posts: 5
Originally Posted By: blueheron
Hello, I'm still here, but haven't been quite as talkative. That's because I found an online group for daughters of narcissistic mothers, and am dealing with some of that as well. It's just as nice a group as this one, and I feel blessed.

I figured as long as so much mud has been stirred up in my life recently, might as well jump in and make use of the opportunity. crazy

Knowledge is power!

Hugs from blue heron


Hi Blue Heron,
I am new here.

I too found the online group daughters of narcissistic mothers. Great support to a point. I am not allowed to share anything about my father and what he did. Now I have to compartmentalize my abuse into four different forums. frown
_________________________
LoveUnrequited

Top
#12951 - 03/26/12 06:46 PM Psychopathic Father [Re: Dianne E.]
LoveUnrequited Offline
member

Registered: 03/26/12
Posts: 5
Hi Everyone,
I am new to the forum. I searched for this forum for about six months. Someone on another forum told me this forum existed. Just yesterday I found it.

My father was a psychopath.



Edited by LoveUnrequited (03/28/12 03:01 AM)
_________________________
LoveUnrequited

Top
#12954 - 03/26/12 09:16 PM Re: Psychopathic Father [Re: LoveUnrequited]
Dianne E. Offline

Administrator
member

Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2788
Loc: United States
Hi LoveUnrequited, Welcome to our community. I want to be clear based on your notice of graphic material. I think if you take the time and have read some of the other members post you will see the tone of the forum. We get it no one has to thump us on the head with the graphic details but to support you as a new community member.

If you feel the need to post a warning then perhaps you would be able to find a way to tell your story in a manner that our community members would be comfortable with.

Di

Top
#12955 - 03/26/12 09:46 PM Re: Psychopathic Father [Re: Dianne E.]
LoveUnrequited Offline
member

Registered: 03/26/12
Posts: 5
Originally Posted By: Dianne E.
Hi LoveUnrequited, Welcome to our community. I want to be clear based on your notice of graphic material. I think if you take the time and have read some of the other members post you will see the tone of the forum. We get it no one has to thump us on the head with the graphic details but to support you as a new community member.

If you feel the need to post a warning then perhaps you would be able to find a way to tell your story in a manner that our community members would be comfortable with.

Di


My story shall stay on another forum I found and the blog and book I am writing.
_________________________
LoveUnrequited

Top
#13516 - 06/27/12 03:07 PM Re: General Discussion - Part TWO [Re: Dianne E.]
Little_Deb Offline
member

Registered: 06/26/12
Posts: 8
It is very hard for me to believe that my 35 year old son is a Psychopath or a psychopath. What would be the difference? What little research that I have done pretty much says that they are about the same. I looked at the questions during my research and as I answered them in my mind about my son, my hairs raise up on my arms.

Top
#13519 - 06/28/12 08:21 AM Re: General Discussion - Part TWO [Re: Little_Deb]
Dianne E. Offline

Administrator
member

Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2788
Loc: United States
Hi Lil Deb, welcome to our community. If you would like to tell your story there is a discussion with parents who had a Psychopath for a son. How the software works is if you post on this thread it will move it up to the top.

My Life with a Psychopath Son


Top
#13918 - 10/04/12 04:08 PM Re: General Discussion - Part TWO [Re: Dianne E.]
watersedge Offline
member

Registered: 10/04/12
Posts: 1
Hi , i`m very new here today and not sure what i am doing. Thankyou for listening. I`m not very good with the computer and hope I shall be able to find you all again. thankyouI feel I am breaking down, i have dealt with this since a child and can`t take much more. However, reading what you shared about your mother is giving me the chills but also strength and i thankyou.. I have been tormented for years thinking i was alone by an entire family of psychotics and in-laws too and many others. I am the good person of the bunch. My dad was too but was killed in a car accident and i have been cast into abis ever since and even before, but he tried to protect me somewhat, he did what he could. I am barely hanging on and want it to stop. They are so sick and i can`t stand it for another minute. They have affected everything in my life even from a distance. They blame everything on me always have, everything they do they use me for a scape goat, tell everyone that it is me instead of them. Anyone that hasbeen important to me they have turned them against me.They are criminal and sickining, greedy and repulsive.. I am ashamed and alone because of them. It is too much to explain , honestly what i have been through it`s amazing i am still here. It has taken a toll on my health, in ever facet of my life they have ruined or close, for a long time I didn`t know what it was and blamed myself. I am the youngest child.They have been trying to dispose of me for years.I know some of you may relate to that, it is hard to write it down.I have just recently figured this out and it is devestaing to think they havegotten away with all of this for years.

i`ve always wanted aceptance from these people and have never recieved anything but abuse. I am trying to salvage a relationship with my mother but she will always go with the stories she has created and stick with the others she told me so. She was the master, now to old to do it full force anymore but is a parrot for my brothers lies and deceptions and she goes along with it knowingly, even though they have abused her all along as well. She isn`t strong enough, she`s dmamged, weak and to ill to admit she`s made mistakes, she is very vain and she would die of embarrasment and everyone would see really what the true picture is ofthe torment i endured and was used as a pon for years. It`s so sad and unbelievanble. They robbed me off a decent life and have blamed me for it as they sit on the hill i their big house abusing everyone they can, no one is safe with them around. They are the devil in sheeps clothing...

I must go for now, thankyou for letting me vent. I will try to figure the site out as best I can so I can return.I can`t believe there are other survivors like me......you are all angels.....and I thankyou. I`m not sure if I`m supposed to leave an e-mail address on here please let me know....I am holding a branch out for help.... and advise...I hid this for years with most people, didn`t know what was happening,out of embarrasment. Also when i did try to tell, everyone thought i was crazy it`s that bad.

Bye for now and try to take good care of number one that is what i am trying to do....it`s almost impossibl eexcept for the option of zero contact. I am now trying to protect the il abuser- my mom from herself and the other abusers, they just want what she has, as they are slowly killing her off and she has aloud it...and asked me to make sure nobody mistreats her....if this isn`t major denial i don`t know what it is and they are after me again as well......I have used most of my coping skills up at this time..

Take care god bless. Please excuse if i jumped all over, i didn`t proof read this.

foot note:When i was a child i used to run away from home alot, now I finally know why..I knew i was a good person and something was very wrong and it wasn`t me. Soo many emotions i feel.

Top
#13995 - 10/28/12 07:23 AM Re: General Discussion - Part TWO [Re: Mug42Long]
brave Offline
member

Registered: 10/27/12
Posts: 34
My brother luckily lives in another country. I've heard of him being called a Psychopath. I am not sure what is up with him.

Was very violent towards me in my teens. The sad part is he was encouraged by my mother, and she participated as well. The violence got so bad I feared dying. I was threatened with weapons. My mother found a hand gun one day and instead of bringing it to the police she tossed it in a bush somewhere. Or so she says. She told me the story as sort of a "see look I was trying to protect you."

Lying. It's an important ingredient here. Going to great extents to cover ones tracks to the point that I have felt stalked.

Threats with hospitalizing you, was a major part of my teen years. I remember getting beaten and having to run away to avoid "the psych ward"

My brother has a knack for screwing people over, either for attention, fun, or money. Probably a combination of all three.

There is more. I discuss these details with a counsellor and have decided that these won't be shared publicly.

I've made a clean break from my family. Mother is moving several miles away. I've left behind several items for her to sell because she feels so taken advantage.

I was actually living there. There was an argument and I found myself walking 12 miles home. She thought this was funny. But then I left and left everything that she could hold some kind of attachment over.

The other part is I think she spent exorbitant amounts of money that was supposed to be mine. She told me once I was getting 50k inheretance, but since we were rotten children, my grandmother allowed her all the control over the money. Or so she says. I never know if the truth comes out of this woman.

There were other concerns for my safety that I worried about- can't get into- still discussing in therapy, and I'll never know the truth.

I'm sort of the wayward black sheep of the family. Some of them know about the abuse but don't know the actual depths of it, and overlook it to a great extent, and act as if I am to blame. I feel like I am labelled a crook. I've been told at family gatherings; I'm told I am horrible to my mother. I am told that it's impressive how I can show up with the kind of smear I've worn in my family (thief, liar). I am punished with this "truth" while if anyone bothered to listen to the actual truth they'd have to stop and really think, or care, and I guess that's hard. Why disrupt the status quo?

But I am separated from them and I am still here.

Top
#13997 - 10/28/12 06:35 PM Re: General Discussion - Part TWO [Re: brave]
Dianne E. Offline

Administrator
member

Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2788
Loc: United States
Hi brave, welcome to our community. While it is sad to not have a family I hope you can establish a family or friends who will support and respect you.

It is quite common for Psychopaths to convince others that they are the victims and you are the bad person. It is really a shame that people don't make their own decisions and are so ready to accept lies but unfortunately that is how life is.

It is quite encouraging that you are at a distance from them and I hope if you need support in healing from the years of abuse at their hands we can be here for you.

Di

Top
#15464 - 07/04/13 01:14 AM Re: General Discussion - Part TWO [Re: Mug42Long]
xela007 Offline
member

Registered: 06/13/13
Posts: 134
Originally Posted By: Mug42Long
It's funny how they aren't interested in learning anything...

My Psychopath mother has mats all around her house, on the step, three in the dining room, etc.
She is elderly and the lady who assesses their homes, to help them cope living at home told her to get rid of them.

My mother isn't having someone tell her what to have in her house!
A few weeks later she fell on one and was badly hurt. Months later, I visited and tripped on one and nearly went through the dining room window.

I wondered why a mother would not remove the dangerous mats after the person they are suppposed to love nearly had a bad accident.
If my daughter had tripped and nearly went through a window, that mat would be in that bin so fast!

That was before I realised she was a Psychopath. It makes sense now. wink


It's not even close to being funny, this is such a reality. They cannot learn from their mistakes and I will tell you why. Normal people that have conscience sense fear in a certain way, while psychopaths do not sense fear (even if they do, they do it in a totally different way (which is not fear in fact). Your mother is not even close to being afraid of falling again, she doesn't have that "sensor" of fear.

Our psychopath has no fear at all - he took some risks that ended him up loosing house (that was bought out of money made conning people anyway. Lost all his life savings and ended up in depression, an alcoholic - that was when he severely started affecting us (the family) and that was sort of light bulb moment. When asked he so ignorant and sometimes even ironic, when asked if he cares or how he feels about the things he's done, it's always about him anyway and never about how much pain he has instilled in us.

Speaking of mats - our psychopath never cleans his room, his room is a complete mess, almost rotting literally, there are things all over the place, dirt, empty condom boxes pills you name it (they're ll there on the floor, he doesn't care. He never cleans the house, he never washes dishes he never does anything "States that he has more important things to do".

Xe
_________________________
www.vidfio.com

Top
#15964 - 08/22/13 03:27 PM Re: General Discussion - Part TWO [Re: Dianne E.]
brave Offline
member

Registered: 10/27/12
Posts: 34


I gave up on having a mom

Disowning parents

I found this articles useful in helping me not feel alone. I personally found the discussion useful on the mommyish site.

Top
#15974 - 08/23/13 12:08 AM Re: General Discussion - Part TWO [Re: ]
xela007 Offline
member

Registered: 06/13/13
Posts: 134
Originally Posted By: heartbroken
No. Telling a psychopath that they have wounded you is like telling a thief what a good thief he is. Psychopaths are very aware of right and wrong. They know what they have done, but they just don't care (they lack empathy). They are quick to shed fake tears and give you lies about how sorry they are, but you will find that they immediately reinjure. Then, you feel confused (that is called gaslighting-research this). The only time speaking about "psychopath" is helpful is when you are trying to emotionally understand it all (and even then do it with safe people. Psychopaths could make Hollywood actors look like they don't know how to act. Psychopaths can out act Hollywood. They are seared in heart and conscience, and masters of charming strangers or those who are not part of their family). So, set your boundaries and stick to them. Don't bother discussions or reasons. Their brains can't do it. To reason with a psychopath is to describe what you see to a blind person-won't work.


Couldn't have said it better - I would add something though...

Telling a psychopath that his ways are evil and that he is just that a PSYCHOPATH

is like telling anyone else that their personality is not a good one.

A psychopath has been, is, and will be a psychopath, it's their personality and what represents them. You can't change them, they'll probably pretend to be the Mr. Nice guy for a while and then they'll quickly return to their psychopathic ways.

They do know right from wrong, but they enjoy their way of being, they'll never admit to doing something this is why they'll always fabricate lies, distort the reality for their own benefit.


Edited by xela007 (08/23/13 12:11 AM)
_________________________
www.vidfio.com

Top
#15983 - 08/24/13 08:21 AM Re: General Discussion - Part TWO [Re: xela007]
Bunnyshy Offline
member

Registered: 08/22/13
Posts: 11
Hi all,


My mom is a psychopath. She was and still is so cold and distant. My dad, sister and I are empathetic doormats. We have no "man" in our house because she is "above" my dad. She makes us feel sick and we avoid her the best we can. She never wants any of us to do well so she looks better. My sister and I have anxiety panic disorder. We are agoraphobic. My sis cannot drive further than a mile from home. It's like we are crippled and she loves it. She has everyone else make decisions and then rips it apart. No accountability. She's a genius! Don't feel bad about your situation. I have it too. We need to heal the best we can. Keep pressing forward wink

Just got rid I'd psychopath boyfriend ironically. (In depression and healing forum)

Top
#16025 - 09/06/13 10:09 AM Re: General Discussion - Part TWO [Re: xela007]
daddysproblem Offline
member

Registered: 06/23/11
Posts: 99
Xe,

I disagree. The Psychopath has such a myopic view of the world and the people in their lives. They have no negative view of themselves. I believe that is why they are so dangerous. They couldn't conform if they really tried. If they do it's an act. They are far superior (in their minds eye) When you confide in them how they have negatively impacted you, all they are experiencing is that 'again' your criticizing them. You - the crazy one, the unbalanced one, the lesser one really... "There she/he goes again!"

This is why their lies are such a challenge for non-Psychopath's. To them they aren't lying. When my daddy-Psychopath recounts situations that became 'memorable' such as the last time he saw one of his children for example - it goes something like this: " I was just having a conversation.. normal as reading the paper ... no harm at all... actually having a nice time, as i do with all the people who love me..(and they do)...and all of sudden, from out of nowhere, billy exploded into a rage.. as he always does, billy has always had lots of rage..."

In his eyes... i know this 1 million % .. in his eyes he is superior and perfect. Anyone who doesn't see that and worship him.. has a real problem. They're just sick.

When they use someones weakness, it's just instinctual. Not planned. They gravitate towards those that are useful. Like flies... No thought. And when the other person becomes a problem they discard them. Like trash.

I think we all interact somewhat instinctively.. we don't really 'think' about what we like - or - dislike ... but we are able to. To reflect. To take responsibility. To experience how what we do impacts others by seeing their response. Feel some empathy sometimes, some compassion, maybe regret.. or pride...

But I think the Psychopath is in a constant state of ... sucking life off of others. They have no 'real' true self.

That's my view.. it's what I am sure of with my Psychopath.

It's why i stay away. It's the most horrifying interaction in the world. to have a father who only uses you. and your whole entire family.

Top
#16026 - 09/06/13 10:39 AM Re: General Discussion - Part TWO [Re: daddysproblem]
crocodile Offline
member

Registered: 04/25/13
Posts: 329
Originally Posted By: daddysproblem
Xe,

I disagree. The Psychopath has such a myopic view of the world and the people in their lives. They have no negative view of themselves. I believe that is why they are so dangerous. They couldn't conform if they really tried. If they do it's an act. They are far superior (in their minds eye) When you confide in them how they have negatively impacted you, all they are experiencing is that 'again' your criticizing them. You - the crazy one, the unbalanced one, the lesser one really... "There she/he goes again!"
(...)
In his eyes... i know this 1 million % .. in his eyes he is superior and perfect. Anyone who doesn't see that and worship him.. has a real problem. They're just sick.
When they use someones weakness, it's just instinctual. Not planned. They gravitate towards those that are useful. Like flies... No thought. And when the other person becomes a problem they discard them. Like trash.
I think we all interact somewhat instinctively.. we don't really 'think' about what we like - or - dislike ... but we are able to. To reflect. To take responsibility. To experience how what we do impacts others by seeing their response. Feel some empathy sometimes, some compassion, maybe regret... or pride...
But I think the Psychopath is in a constant state of ... sucking life off of others. They have no 'real' true self.

I agree. Sure, they can also do it on purpose but a lot of damage is just side effects. Use, abuse, discard. They do not think about they impact on others because why should they. And even better sometimes: they try to fix YOU. Mine was like that: he constantly told me I'm too emotional, I feel too much etc. I sometimes think he was really trying to make me more like him and then he was probably disappointed how useless and miserable I was, just like the rest of the damn humanity. And he has given me so much and tried to make me to be like him. I don't think he really knows why he did all the things he did - some yes, for fun (oh, the game) and for usefulness (I would have done anything for him) and for feeling like a damn hero and saviour but I am not sure how much of it he is aware of and how much was just his impulses.

Top
#16033 - 09/09/13 01:56 PM Re: General Discussion - Part TWO [Re: crocodile]
summer24 Offline
member

Registered: 09/08/13
Posts: 1
Reading posts on this site have brought me the comfort of knowing that I am not alone. It saddens me too. I wish that there weren't so many tragic memories due to close relationships with psychopaths. I found this site last night.

My stepfather is a psychopath. I have cut all ties to him. However, my mom still has a relationship with him. Although I regularly request that she doesn't share what he is doing, she still ends up telling me some of the things that he does to manipulate and be mean. My youngest sibling has health problems and can't work and lives with mom. I am glad they have each other to help deal with my stepfather. He is gone enough that they do get breaks. The idea of cutting myself completely off from family seems incongruent to me. I love my mom and siblings. I just find ways to handle the contact and lessen contact as necessary.

It is hard to balance an adult life where I want to grow and learn to trust more and still have connections to the messed up home life that reminds me of my childhood. I want to help support my mom and youngest sibling as is reasonable without getting sucked into the mental hell that I fight with memories.

Lately, I have been learning to live my life in sections of 15 minutes. You can do so much in 15 minutes. I set the timer. When I feel like my life is out of control and I can't get anything done, I pick one thing to do, set the timer and get started. After 15 minutes I can see what I accomplished and know that I will be able to do more that day.

It seems to me that an aftermath impact of growing up with someone so manipulative, is anger and inner chaos. Even if my outer life looks fine, I feel the craziness inside.

As I use the timer and get things done, I remind myself that I am fine. I can take breaks. The life I have before me is manageable.

My current life is fairly smooth. I work at teaching myself each day to see the world with less dread and mistrust. It seems like I have parallel worlds. The one created by being told I was worthless and bad and abused in so many unexpected ways. I can still see through those eyes. Then, if I take the time, I can be in the world where good things happen and I am capable. I sometimes remind myself to switch mental gears while in a situation, on the phone etc. I am grateful when I can stay in my capable adult state for hours. When I slip into the personal hell of feelings of worthlessness etc., I self-soothe by reminding myself of the good relationships I am capable of sustaining, the accomplishments I have and my commitment to continue to grow.

Anyway, this site gives me a place to remind me that there are real reasons that I struggle. I am not weak, too-sensitive or over-emotional. I am an adult that grew up being abused by a psychopath and at times neglected by the other parent while living close to the financial edge. I have a good adult life now and will continue to manage memories and emotions. As much as I wish they would leave me completely, a memory can pop-up in strange places. Also, I can feel distrust of people quite quickly without a logical reason. The great news is that I am not settling and continue to work on developing my social reactions and skills.

In regards to the last comment about intention and side effects of psychopathic behavior, I am not sure. It seems like my stepdad enjoyed hurting others and liked to control. However, it could have been under the motive of use, abuse and discard. I am sure it depends on person and situation.

Top
#16034 - 09/09/13 03:02 PM Re: General Discussion - Part TWO [Re: summer24]
crocodile Offline
member

Registered: 04/25/13
Posts: 329
Originally Posted By: summer24

In regards to the last comment about intention and side effects of psychopathic behavior, I am not sure. It seems like my stepdad enjoyed hurting others and liked to control. However, it could have been under the motive of use, abuse and discard. I am sure it depends on person and situation.

I'm sure they can do both. I don't believe they are mindless creatures incapable of insight but also not evil superminds constantly plotting against you. They are for most part like other people, they just are unable to incorporate the regard for others into their world. I know there is something of a power ride when you're able to manipulate someone but most people don't do that or at least not when it hurts the person. The Psychopath does not have the brake before they do something that hurt another person nor the mechanism to feel shitty about it afterwards. And I think they're kind of fascinated with others' capability to feel emotions - that's something they don't understand and experience themselves.

I remember my Psychopath once told me that he feels too little while I feel too much. He constantly tried to make me feel less but I also felt like he's sucking the emotions out of me, like they fill some void in him. They are supposed to be under aroused at all times and an emotionally charged situation is what may give him a kick which normal people don't need because they have inner feelings. I would really like to know how they think and how much they can feel but there is now way to know because you can't tell when they're lying to you.

Top
#16207 - 01/08/14 03:19 AM Re: General Discussion - Part TWO [Re: LarryDarrel'sTaxi]
helpmesurvive Offline
member

Registered: 01/02/14
Posts: 28
Loc: Himalayas
Hi Larry,

I relate so much to your post and your overall descriptions and way of writing.

I was so surprised also to read this post about your mother:
"She is obsessed with a version of me that exists in her own head that has nothing to do with me in real life."

What an accurate description of my own parents and my own mother. She also lies pathologically and for petty things.
It feels so great to see someone else has the same experiences.

I can't thank you enough for this post, it made me feel great, really great. I hope you feel as great too knowing that you are not alone, my friend. It is moments like this that make me appreciate having joined this community, and so thank you for sharing this.

I will read more of your posts now and I have a feeling there will be more good things I will find.

Thank you again for this relief.


Edited by helpmesurvive (01/08/14 03:21 AM)

Top
#16208 - 01/08/14 03:33 AM Re: General Discussion - Part TWO [Re: starry]
helpmesurvive Offline
member

Registered: 01/02/14
Posts: 28
Loc: Himalayas
Hi starry,

You sound like you really understand well how people behave and when I read your replies to Larry I relate very much.

I've just starting reading the general discussion part two on this forum and Larry's was the first post I read. But the way in which you replied and describe people's behaviors so clearly describes my own family.

You sound like you have managed to get over very hard situations and thank you for letting me and others know a little of your thoughts.

Thank you.


Edited by helpmesurvive (01/08/14 03:36 AM)

Top
#16367 - 05/18/14 08:41 AM Re: General Discussion - Part TWO [Re: Dianne E.]
DanaD Offline
member

Registered: 05/17/14
Posts: 4
This seems to be a good jumping in point for a newbie to this forum. I'm 56 and I just realized my sister is a psycopath and also my Mom, although there are other things wrong with my Mom, as well.

Someone else said they felt dumb realizing so late in life that they were part of a family of psychopaths. I can say that I feel I have been naive and trusting and was wandering around in life like Bambi in the forest. All was okay unless I challenged my sister and since she had two children and I wanted to continue contact with her for their sake, I learned to back off.

I should give some history about myself. I have a mild brain injury that I grew up with. It was caused by a backyard accident at a neighbors house when I was only 2. I was near a swing glider (2 seater swing set) and got hit on right side of head, had a 20 minute left sided seizure a half year later. I think the seizure was due to a blood clot.

Anyway, I'm sharing that aspect of myself as it weighs in with my development and my relationship to family members. It was profound enough to have my mother stating "We will never know what you might have become" throughout the years since it kept me from holding a job. (I look and speak normally, but over time you can see the deficits and lagged in maturity)


My sister was committed at age 17 for a breakdown. She was on lithium for a while but chose not to take it. She is in her 50's now, my younger sister. I however, always seemed like the younger one and looked up to her as we headed into our young adult stages. She liked being center of attention and I was the introvert who did not understand social engagement. Turns out, neither did she...everyone was there for her and now it has played out with me seeing that her own children are simply her possesions. You can hear it when she speaks of them and this was something I figured out years ago. However, I thought she was just a narcissicist as I did my Mom and brother.

My sister drinks and is in very poor health from alcohol, cancer, double pneumonia that put her in a 2 month coma. (yes, her life is like some bad soap opera) the latter being induced by her drinking and not eating at the time. However, she blames her son for having gotten pneumonia as she claims he had the stomach flu and somehow made her sick at that time. Not at all true and one of the many blame games she makes.

To create some brevity as to where things are at right now that caused me to join this forum, I'll fast forward.

Her children at age 15 (my nephew) and 18 (niece) started talking and reaching out to me and my S/O and my 24 year old daughter. My niece had left the home but was living nearby and discovered that there was no food in house, my sister was leaving and not telling her son where she was going and gone for the night, the house was filthy and when she was home she might be drunk and lying in her own feces with feces on the walls,etc. Hearing this, we all decided my daughter--who had said if my sister passed from her illnesses that she would take care of her nephew, chose to step in and try for temporary custody. We soon discovered that was not an immediate option and she now has gaurdianship at least.

This was where the fun of a psychopath feeling betrayed and her possession--her son-- begins.

After learning of all the neglect and abuse I had my S/O call my father as they had been close. My Dad listened quietly. A few minutes after the call my mother called and my S/O picked up the phone. It was my Mom placing the call. She started by saying--"Thank you for making our day" Then she went on to state that me, my S/O and my daughter were never to tie up the line again and hung up.


A few days went by and I received an angry call from my father. He shouted at me to back off and get my daughter to back off. He asked me if my 6ft, 250 lb nephew looked malnourished, not giving me any time to respond before he again said to back off and my response was simply 'uhhuh" which was meant in sarcasm as I could see he was not going to listen and did not understand his total lack of concern. He said "Is that all you have to say for yourself" and told me that if I did not back off with helping my nephew I would be very, very, very sorry and hung up.


What followed was attempts for temporary custody and finally getting my sister to allow notarized gaurdianship. Not, however, before calling the sheriff out to look at the state of her household and calling Child protective services. My Mom, it turned out, had tipped my sister off and my sister had her alcoholic drinking buddy whom she has let the state pay as her caretaker come over and clean the house.

When my nephew came home from school that day my sister told him she felt like celebrating and wanted to go to a movie with him because as she put it, she had won. He let her know he did not want to go. Kid started putting his foot down and suddenly she found that not only was her 18 year old out of the house and not playing her game of worship and caretaking, but now he was not.


When we picked my nephew up my niece told me that she had spoken to her Mom. She and my sister are not speaking at this point in time...but at that time my sister told her that my S/O and daughter and I were not welcome in the home. She also said a lawyer had come over and the will had been changed, with me being cut out of it.

My older brother has entered the picture briefly with instructions from my Dad to help my sister find a new place to live near them. My nephew overheard the conversation between the two of them. At this point since my sister is coming unglued my brother has backed off. However, I'm quite sure that he's gloating that I'm cut out of the will and knows due to my sisters poor health she wont make it too many more years. While I had not given thought to the money in the same fashion my sister did, the pain from the rejection by them tore me up at first. It still hurts, but I don't want or need family like this.


There is so much more to the story of what has been going on behind the scenes with my sister, including her leaving VM on her son's cell that she was attacked by someone while she slept, twice. She has a pain pump for allegedly bone cancer that she has had for 5 years now..not sure if she really has bone cancer or it's just for back pain. However, am thinking that between alcohol and pain pump she might have had psychotic episode. Or..worse..since she says she spoke to some "professional people" and they suggested my daughter did it,she had ideas of framing my daughter. However, police said there were no signs of entry.

None of us other than her son whom my daughter has made call her, has contact with her now. My nephew just let's her talk. Even in her VM you can see the way she views her son as a possession. She has a part wolf dog that she had to let her alcoholic friend take in (that friend is now being evicted from her home and my sister is speaking of moving into her car with the dog since she doesn't have any money other than disability and can't (oh and the check she had for her son's care..) find a place to take she and the dog. She talks about how lonely she is when she comes home and her dog her daughter's cat, and her son are not there. Always in that order. Dog, cat, son...

It appears to me based on some of her messages that NOW my Dad understands our warning about her. He would never understand that she is a psychopath, though. Her behaviors are classic and we all see it. My Mom at the very least, is a narcissist and both enable her.

I've had days of fear and sadness. I'm doing better now and it's easier since she seems to be cut off from family now and has become increasingly irrational. I however, still feel a loss regarding my parents, illogical though that may be based on their roles in this and things they have done in past that show how they will often ignore problems rather than face them. I simply dont understand the reasoning process of either of them and I am the one with the brain injury.

Sorry for the length of this. I had no clue how to tell my story without background,etc. It's like a damn soap opera and I have never cared for watching them. Who needs them when you have family?? The worst part of dealing with a psychopath though, even one that is unhinged like she is--is that you know that they won't necessarily stop coming after you and your family and as long as there are people out there to believe that they are the victims--it's frightening. She looks so fragile that she readily plays the victim now. She can't charm with her looks and personality as she could before as now her own cognitive state due to alcohol and the lack of oxygen from her coma in past affect how she talks. BUT, there are always dupes like my own parents out there, I guess.

I'm just super happy seeing how content my nephew is and I had to swallow my fear of her when I saw for the first time who she was..but am glad that we all made that choice for his sake. There is more to this history..more from her past that made me realize how dangerous she could be and the harm she has done to others. However, for today, this is all I can manage to share.

I'm sorry this o

Top
#16478 - 10/14/14 08:01 PM Re: General Discussion - Part TWO [Re: Dianne E.]
PasoGirl Offline
member

Registered: 10/13/14
Posts: 6
I am having a very difficult time posting my story. Is anyone else having problems?

Top
#16480 - 10/14/14 08:28 PM Re: General Discussion - Part TWO [Re: PasoGirl]
Dianne E. Offline

Administrator
member

Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2788
Loc: United States
test

Top
#16481 - 10/14/14 08:28 PM Re: General Discussion - Part TWO [Re: Dianne E.]
Dianne E. Offline

Administrator
member

Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2788
Loc: United States
NOTE: We are having some software issues so I am posting for our new member PasoGirl:

Hi. I'm new to this group.

In early September, my 23 year old daughter committed suicide on her and her twin sister's birthday. It wasn't until after her death that we discovered her "secret" life of lies and deception. Her cell phone revealed most of our information via text, Facebook private messages, email and browser history. It came to us as a great shock the things she was doing. We now believe she was a female psychopath, which is not very common. We took the Hares Psychopathy Test for her and got 32. We've also been doing a lot of research via books, documentaries and articles on the internet to conclude that yes in fact she was a psychopath.

Her suicide was very strange. We are not sure if it was an attempt so someone would save her or if she meant to go all the way and kill herself. I'll give you some background and then recall the strange suicide event.

Growing up, we saw some evidence, in hind sight, of her psychopathy but basically she seemed like a sweet, quiet, easy going kid. As far as we know, she never got in trouble in school or law but some things are coming out from her friends. She did do alcohol and drugs but we assumed most kids experiment in high school. She did have a problem making good decisions and usually made very bad decisions. One time in high school, she emailed a prisoner who was getting out of prison soon. It was very sexual and flirtatious. They had made arrangements to meet when he got out and we discovered a note in our mail from him that we were able to intersect. We were very upset with her and her judgment and we now recall how confused she was about how it was wrong. She seemed very unaffected by our disappointment. She has an identical twin sister and her twin sister was always very upset/mad when she got in trouble. We always noted how different they were when they got in trouble. There were other bad decisions she made usually getting taken by scams on the internet where it was so obvious she was being scammed. She was extremely intelligent, on the lazy side and could charm grown ups with her sweet girl act. We did know she had a problem lying, which we would always thought was something she would outgrow when she matured more.

Top
#16482 - 10/14/14 08:29 PM Re: General Discussion - Part TWO [Re: Dianne E.]
Dianne E. Offline

Administrator
member

Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2788
Loc: United States
continued:

A month before her death, she was kicked out of her house share by her roommates but of course told us they didn't understand her. The truth was she was several months behind on her rent and they found she had stolen a roommates clothes and took scissors to them. She told us her roommates were kicking her out cause they were mean. We let her move back home as she said it would only be for short time but little did we know she had no options left.

She was fired from 2 jobs both of which were very good career building jobs. One employer fired her for being unreliable and the other from stealing money & credit cards from co-workers. During the month back home with us before her death, she and pretended to go to a job every day she did not have. She even came home and discussed her day at work with us.

The day before her death we did find out some of her secrets. Her car got repossessed in our driveway and it was the 2nd time she had gotten so far behind and repossessed the car. Naturally we were upset and confused. We finally figured out she had no money or job and confronted her. She lied 4 layers deep of why and how long ago she was fired. Even the final pressure to give us an accurate answer was still a lie. So every day for over a month, she got up and went to work lying to us about having a job. Inside the belongings of her car, we found pawn shop receipts of family heirlooms she had taken from us. She had stolen credit cards as well from her job she was fired from. My husband and I and her twin sister (who was visiting in town), were very angry with her lies and deceptions that night. She was very stone faced and actually looked kind of bored.

Top
#16483 - 10/14/14 08:31 PM Re: General Discussion - Part TWO [Re: Dianne E.]
Dianne E. Offline

Administrator
member

Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2788
Loc: United States
The next morning was her and her twin sister's 23rd birthday. We had no idea how we were going to celebrate the day since we were all still in shock and mad at her. My daughter then said she was going to get some air and go outside and do a chore I had been bugging her to do--move manure from the compost to the end of our pasture. We own horses and acreage. So out she went and I watched her do it first half hour, then went into other room for about another half hour. Then when I looked out and didn't see her, I went out to look for her. At the bottom of the pasture, she laid dead. She had convulsed down an embankment and died. By the manure compost bin she left her sweater neatly folded with her cell phone on top and 2 bottles of pills next to it. From the 2 bottles, we presumed she took about 200 Aleve and 80 over the counter sleeping pills. We have not gotten the toxicology back to know if there was something else in her system. We assume so as she went very quickly and both those things take longer to kill you, as we have researched.







Top
#16510 - 12/28/14 03:38 PM Re: General Discussion - Part TWO [Re: Dianne E.]
Rich21 Offline
member

Registered: 12/28/14
Posts: 3
I have a question. Do psychopaths have an oedopus complex ?
_________________________
*********

Top
#16511 - 12/28/14 05:58 PM Re: General Discussion - Part TWO [Re: Rich21]
Dianne E. Offline

Administrator
member

Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2788
Loc: United States
Hi Rich, welcome to our community. That is an interesting question. I don't know exactly how to answer it. I think that in many cases a Psychopath might consider the family off limits as far as doing them harm. But as far as the sexual angle no idea. I know someone who works with sex offenders who would be closely linked to sex with children or parents and it seems that many of them were also abused as children. My personal take is they just were passed the gene from the offending parent.

I wish I had a better answer. Do you have an example of someone that you know that you suspect has such feelings for a parent?

Di

Top
Page 1 of 4 1 2 3 4 >

Moderator:  Dianne E.