>>I saw more of the pieces, and how they didn't all fit together, than anyone else he knew. A lawyer told me, you have the missing link, you can put all the pieces together, you are dangerous to him, and that's why he threatens you.<<

Wow, leti, I like that concept - That we are the missing link. I can see that. I definetly have all the pieces, or alot of them. I know the P. like nobody else. I went by the office tonight (after hours, to avoid the P)and guess who shows up, yup, the P. Boy, I tell you, he is one smooth talking slimy sleezy P. I have to remember that aspect of him, because he was showing his charmning, loving, caring, freegoing etc. side that we all know they can show.

I was just thinking he tells me and others, that I can't take a joke. All the small things probably look like that to others. But if you put all the jokes together it is another story. And only I know that story. Well, maybe, others in his past, that have totally disappeared, know the story too. He's got it right though, I can't take a joke. I can't accept that our frienship was based on a bunch of jokes, deceit, etc. etc. I shouldn't and I won't accept that I should just be easy going and accept what he does to people. I just think the others at the office are so lost in his charm, that they can't see beyond it, to what the truth is.

Sorry, gotta run. More later.

betterway

>>To be closer to the center of their lives, never really allowed into their hearts, but closer to the center, was a very damaging and harmful place to be.
To live in close emotional and physical proximity to a person who lives to dedceive, who can only feel safe when he is in control, and who deceives and threatens in order to control. All that was highly damaging to me. Emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.<<

In the above, I would have to change the word "live" to "work". Never lived with the P. He was my business partner/best friend. Still the damage was done, as only the P's know how to do.

>>>>To be closer to the center of their lives, never really allowed into their hearts, but closer to the center, was a very damaging and harmful place to be.
To live in close emotional and physical proximity to a person who lives to dedceive, who can only feel safe when he is in control, and who deceives and threatens in order to control. All that was highly damaging to me. Emotionally, mentally, and spiritually<<<<


Hi Leti, The closer we are to the center of their lives, the more they have to lie, deceive, manipulate, betray, threaten, and con to control. Because each victim has to kept separate from the others. Almost impossible for the P to do, when you are in the inner sanctum with the P. Like Finished said in an earlier post about having the spinning plates all going at once. Racing back and forth to keep them all in the air. It must be exhausting to be a P. Yes, they use bits and pieces of their entire repetoir on others, but they use all of them on those who are closest to the center.

Betrayed.

A lawyer told me, you have the missing link, you can put all the pieces together, you are dangerous to him, and that's why he threatens you.

My friend psychologist,since the beginning of my friendship with the P, always told me you are a tread to him. He was always doing a step ahead,a step back but for so long but doing so he was releasing more and more information, and since he must have perceived that I am aware of a lot that sooner or later I would disrespect his behavior. But p kills their treats, just like in movies, witness are killed to erase evidences.

>> But p kills their treats, just like in movies, witness are killed to erase evidences.<<

I know what you mean, the P. kills my soul, every chance he gets. A chance meeting with the P. has messed with my mind, and has set me back. I was doing so good. The obsessions were getting better. I have been doing everything in my power to avoid the P. I believe his running into me was like a victory for him, he got another chance to brainwash with his words and actions.
He actually keeps score. I found this out for the first time recently. He asked me to do something (business stuff)for him a couple of weeks ago. I said no, not just because it was him, I would say no if anybody at the office asked me. I don't even like doing that part of the job when it benefits my career. Anyways, the P said "I guess that is my loss and your gain."

Whats funny is from and outsiders view, he wasn't even mean to me. But he knows what trash he has placed in my head, and knows exactly how to act and what to say, to mess me up (to wake up the sleeper cells). Then I start thinking, maybe I am just so totally paranoid and nothing he did was to get at me. It is so hard for me to believe that everthing a person does could be evil. I am understanding the "No Contact" rule even more. The self respect that we talked about on an earlier post must kick in, I must find a way to turn off the tapes. He doesn't deserve one more moment in my head.

It was such a weird meeting with him. I have seen him only once in a couple months. I started to feel all that stuff. Missing the friendship (the illusion). I felt the good and the bad all in 10 minutes. Hating him and missing him at the same time. The anger kicks in that he bullied me right out of my office. I loved that job. He has no right, but he doesn't care, he will do as he pleases. He has poisoned my mind and the mind of others. Their perception of me has changed, thanks to him (its just a feeling I get). Does that make since? He has such power and control of things around him. I guess feelings is how he controls, the P found out what I feel, what makes me tick, and used it in the most deceitful ways.

I want to have a good holiday. I don't want his poison hanging around like it did last year. I regret so much having seen him recently. And to take that a step futher, to have ever known him.

I guess I will try to get some sleep.

Take care everybody,
betterway

Betterway,
I can't imagine how difficult it must be to have to work in the same environment with him. Mine lives in the same small region, but I only run into him in public places. In general, I avoid places where he is known to be. I saw him at the market and turned the other way. He was p.O.'d and immediately took up conversing with a young girl in an area I would pass by. I rerouted before I got there. I don't care if it bugs him or not.
I am only thinking of my own sanity, and any engagement with his glance at me, with his half-spoken word, with his presence, only puts me back into the trance AND validates his "Mr. Nice Guy" image.
I can't completely have "no contact", but I can refuse to respond. And I do. I turn my face and attend to anything else that is even vaguely interesting.
I admire your detachment while remaining in the work environment, and pray for your continued strength.
Take Care,
Leti

Betterway,

Hang in there, I felt the same last month. But thank god, I found this forum, and it help me go through my weaknesses. IT's true that P doesn't deserve anymore of your time. Not one second.

>>>Then I start thinking, maybe I am just so totally paranoid and nothing he did was to get at me. It is so hard for me to believe that everthing a person does could be evil.<<<<

Mantra Time: You know the truth. You know what he did.

>>>Whats funny is from and outsiders view, he wasn't even mean to me. But he knows what trash he has placed in my head, and knows exactly how to act and what to say, to mess me up (to wake up the sleeper cells).<<<<

While I was being stalked, some of the behaviors, SEEMED innocent enough to outsiders, walking in front of my store window, driving by my store, parking and sitting in his car watching my store BUT, they were just as damaging to me psychologically as coming out of my house and finding my car tires had had the air let out of them, finding evidence that he had been in my home while I was gone., etc. etc.etc.



>>>>It was such a weird meeting with him. I have seen him only once in a couple months. I started to feel all that stuff. Missing the friendship (the illusion). I felt the good and the bad all in 10 minutes. Hating him and missing him at the same time.<<<<<

I felt those feelings too, while being stalked by the dangerous, insane, pedophile. It is just the trauma bonding. Always remember that. Those feelings mess with our minds so bad. The missing him feelings aren't real. The more I was stalked, the more I felt them. The Stockholm Syndrome.


>>>The self respect that we talked about on an earlier post must kick in, I must find a way to turn off the tapes. He doesn't deserve one more moment in my head.<<<<<


I don't think it is about self respect, it is the trauma bonding. The more you try and turn off the tapes, the worse they get. What helped me, was to feel all the feelings, and grieve the relationship that he led me to believe we had. It really helped to focus my attentions on something else, anything else. The girls from the antique store next to mine sold me a couple of truckloads of books, they had bought along with a household full of antiques. God bless them. They knew I didn't have the money, so they said, pay us when you can. It helped keep my attention on going through and pricing all of the books, rather than focusing on the stalking.

>>>>He has poisoned my mind and the mind of others. Their perception of me has changed, thanks to him (its just a feeling I get). Does that make since?<<<<

That's what P's do. God knows what he has said to them about you. Trust your instincts. But also realize, you haven't done anything wrong, and the truth will prevail. You don't have to convince anyone of anything. Eventually people will realize he is a liar.


Betrayed.

The Stockholm Syndrome

....That's what P's do. God knows what he has said to them about you. Trust your instincts. But also realize, you haven't done anything wrong, and the truth will prevail. You don't have to convince anyone of anything. Eventually people will realize he is a liar....

That is why makes me feel uncomfortable about the P, is that I am so sure that he talks bad about me, and to some people that don't know him as much,they i am sure believe in him. The Ps knows their victims so well, they know our weaknesses and know where to hit.The P always put me in a situation where I had to call to have what we were planning on doing or just for the friendship. I was insisting in a way, because of the professionnal promises we had done to others. Now I can imagine he is turning that around that I disturbed because I insisted. I did but when someone plays with your mind, it is hard to get out of it.

>>>>The P always put me in a situation where I had to call to have what we were planning on doing or just for the friendship. I was insisting in a way, because of the professionnal promises we had done to others<<<<

((((Hopefull))) He set it up that way, deliberately. That's what they do. They are nasty and evil. If people choose to believe him, there is nothing you can do. Just conduct yourself with dignity and don't give him anything else he can twist around.

When the police got the P to leave my store, he told the police I was kicking him out because he wouldn't have sex with me. I was so embarrassed and humiliated. When I told a friend later that night what had happened and what he had said, she laughed and said, "Look at you, no one will ever believe that story." Two weeks later, I went to his bus to talk to him, to try and get my money back and ask why he had said these things to the police. He wasn't there. So I wrote him a note. Don't ever, ever write anything down to a P. He used it to convince the police I was stalking him 6 months later.

A year and a half later, after my grandaughter and I were relentlessly stalked by the P this whole time, a cop said to me, "You're going to have to get over this, and get on with your life." The P had told them I was stalking him. They believed him and not me. There wasn't a damn thing I could do about it. The more I tried to explain to them, the crazier I seemed.

Betrayed.