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#1096 - 06/04/03 04:12 PM My Story - Part One
Anonymous
Unregistered


To anyone who wants to introduce themselves, please use this thread when you are comfortable to try to tell us your story. Try to include why and how you came to the conclusion that you are involved with a Psychopath.

Di


Edited by Dianne E. (06/30/03 12:13 PM)

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#1097 - 09/05/02 09:04 PM Re: My Story
Anonymous
Unregistered


The psychopath I married actually had me arrested for using his credit card during our marriage. He waited almost two years to have me arrested, and was able to do so because he knew the State Attorney. I had no access to any money during the end of our marriage, no joint accounts of any type. He was/is a wealthy white collar guy, politically connected in our small community. When he had me arrested, I finally felt safe for once, I was in jail! I knew he could not touch me there. I was released several hours later, only to go back to the same terror I had known. He will not stop until I am dead, this is a game for him after all. He wants to win. I don't want to play, but I have no where to go, no way to get away from him and his sickness.

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#1098 - 09/06/02 01:35 PM Re: My Story
Anonymous
Unregistered


whisper
(member)
09/06/02 09:13 AM

I need help in determining if I was involved with a P. I tried to post a message from my home page but it was disabled.

My story begind innocently enough. I met this man at my work.A bunch of us would sit at a table at lunch time.I didnt really take notice of him at first,he wasnt handsome,carried a few xtra pounds and was bald.I listened to him talk,man he had so many interesting stories to tell.Gambling,horses ..money..he interested me.The ladies seemed to find him charming,and I was beginning to find him charming also.

One day ,jokingly,I told him i was going to be in the falls for a weekend.he said he was going to be there also and that i should meet him there,in the casino..( a favourite spot of his) Of course I had no intentions of meeting him.
We continued to innocently flirt..and boy he was good at it.

My marraige was failing and I was vulnerable for attention.I had recently lost alot of weight and was feeling good about myself,although I never considered myself attractive.I think he sensed my needs and the pursuit began.

He constantly asked me out.Every time I turned around he was there.In my work place...near my schedule there for every break.He would wait for me to finish work,and ask me over and over to go out with him. He was also married,of course he gave me the sad story.His marraige was over..they didnt sleep together have sexual relations,took separate vacations, etc. etc. He sold jewelery on the side and was quite a popular person.He did as little work as he possibly could and managed to get away with it.he was truly amazing..I thought.

I finally gave in and agreed to go out with him,I had a bad feeling but i was lonely for attention from a man and he was giving that to me in excess. Then the rollercoaster ride began. Our first date he bought me perfume and took me to a very expensive restaurant.The second date he bought me an expensive watch and again only the finest restaurants.
he told me I was beautiful..beautiful in any kind of light..and those charming words never stopped. he purchased a cell phone so I can phone him any time..and he expected me to phone often to make sure I was home,not out with friends.The gifts never stopped.He took me to weekend getaway at a very expensive Hotel,fireplace and everything included.I was on top of the world. He showed me newspaper clippings of his families involvement with the mob..killings..bootlegging,

I found out he was a bookie at one time and was in jail and infront of the courts often. His father was an important figure in the underworld and would always bail him out of trouble. My P was at one time a Jockey and even fixed the races for money.He got caught and was told to find a decent job and stay out of trouble.Thats how he ended up at my workplace. He drove a big cadilac,wore expensive suits..suits that had been stolen for him..an expensive ring on his pinky..he looked like a mobster and most mobsters of past, were his heros. he never wanted children,and went nuts when he found out his wife was pregnant.Slept with another women the night before his wedding and bragged about it.he thought nothing of stealing.and would often slip into a convenience store and steal a cigar,he seemed to enjoy taking from others and pulling something over on them.

Our affair lasted about two years.In that time,he hated my friends.Didnt want me to be with anyone but him.Was exremely jealous.I felt like I was suffocating.But I loved him.. I tried to break off about three times..each time he would phone a thousand times,leave notes on my
windshield..I would always go back.I didnt realize all of the lies he had told me until the end of our relationship.he was so good at lying and when I started to catch him in his lies he would only change the story until I got confused.He would constantly tell me his friends,women included would call him and tell him to be careful of me ,not to get hurt.He said people at work were talking about me and thoguth I was a gold digger..people I thought were my friends.They were all lies.. the lies became worse when I said I couldnt be with him anymore as long as he was married.

Things really got out of control them..His lies were herendous! Trying to tell me someone phoned his wife at
work and told her I had slept with her husband.He said only threee people knew that,his mother and she wouldnt have phoned,me, and I wouldnt have phoned and my girlfriend...he wanted me to think my good friend called so I would hate her and never speak to her again.I was irrate...the mask was coming off..he was nuts and the lies continued! he told me I was an F-- bum and that I would never have anything.
He always believed he was better than everyone else and people needed him to fix there problems,that they used him..but they would never listen to him.he ruined hi friends chance at a happy marraige by constantly brain washing him..his friend is a pharmacist,so he can get any drugs he needs,even for horses to make them run faster.
He called me a peice of shi--and I believe he thought I was..so why did he want me?

My story could go on and on..but Im getting frustrated.
I ended up going back one more time..boy I was a fool! He didnt pick me up,I had to meet him he always drove me...no fancy dinner,no gifts no charming words..just sex and then he dropped me off and didnt phone me again...I felt like a prostitute..and he was probably laughing all the way to his next victim.

I always believed he loved me,wanted to marry me ,take me to tropical islands. I started to do some research on P's..a friend of mine had been in a relationship with one and I kept feeling that the man I was involved with could be one. He has all the criterea.. Is there anyone out there who can help me.I feel depressed,stupid ,sad..confused...hurt..
all the emotions are swimming in my head.I hate what he did to me...but part of me still misses him!!
How crazy is that? I will look forward to a response..

Edited by whisper (09/06/02 09:14 AM)

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#1099 - 09/09/02 10:08 AM Re: My Story
Anonymous
Unregistered


Whisper, Hi. You asked for my reactions to your story, on another thread. I am going to answer here so that I can view your story while I write my response.

"He showed me newspaper clippings of his families involvement with the mob..killings..bootlegging,"

Every word you write about this charming con man screams MOBSTER to me.

I'll admit I have never met a mobster. But I am a memoir and biography junkie, and I have read a number of true accounts by and about them.

This guy walks like a duck...

"I found out he was a bookie at one time and was in jail and infront of the courts often. His father was an important figure in the underworld and would always bail him out of trouble. My P was at one time a Jockey and even fixed the races for money."

"He drove a big cadilac,wore expensive suits..suits that had been stolen for him..an expensive ring on his pinky..he looked like a mobster and most mobsters of past, were his heros."

Talks a duck...

"he told me I was an F-- bum" That is mob lingo.

Besides being a mobster, probably small time, on the periphery of that life, he also sounds like a psychopath. He has superficial charm, disregard for others' feelings (his wife's and yours), grandiosity, a need for stimulation (affairs, breaking the law), pathological lying (his marriage was over; if it was, he would leave), conning and manipulativeness, lack of remorse, emotional poverty, callousness. lack of empathy, parasitic lifestyle (breaking the law for gain), impulsiivity (toward you), irresponsibility (to his wife), denial of responsibility for his actions, lack of commitment to longterm realtionships, unconsconable behavior, blaming of others (you're the effing bum, not him), lack of remorse, exaggerated sexuality (he had a wife, why would he be shadowing you like a lovesick schoolboy?), risk taking, inability to resist temptation, antagonistic (the effing bum comment), deprecating attitidue towards opposite sex (effing bum, you'll never have anything, implying you could only have anything through HIM), lack of interest in bonding with a mate (his wife; you, if married him),poor judgment, failure to learn by experience (he was told to get a job and stop breaking the law; he is still breaking the law) pathological egocentricity and incapacity for love, sex life impersonal, trivial and poorly integrated, failure to follow any life plan..."

"I hate what he did to me...but part of me still misses him!!
How crazy is that?"

The entire experience of being with a psychopath is crazy. It is no exaggeration to say, in fact I believe it is bald truth, that being with a psychopath literally induces mental illness. That is not to say that any of us are mentally ill. The cause of the mental illness is external. It is the psychopath. The definition of mental illness is a disconnection from reality, and the psychopath causes that in us. This absolute fact about psychopath's victims would no doubt fly in the face of modern psychology which holds that all of one's unhealthy behavior derives from one's own personality. Not in the case of a psychopath's victim! He has subtly turned you against your self and your best interests, your wisdom, strength, everything you are. It will take some time to regenerate healthy impulses from within you. But you can and will do it with effort and commitment.

Whisper, you will make it out. You are making it out. I'm glad you found us.

kris

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#1100 - 09/10/02 06:46 AM Re: My Story
Anonymous
Unregistered


Hi Whisper,

You are not alone. Like you, I was "the other woman," and something I am definitely not proud of. I was lead to believe that he was leaving that month as it was just a matter of her getting on her feet and feeling better. As it happened, the month turned into three and then three more until I realized he was not going to leave.

Like you, he had me emotionally attached with his charm. Unlike your situation, he was not involved in crime,
and had the same job for years. He was a good liar because he told the truth about things that could be proven as in what he did, where he worked and where he lived. What could not be determined was his true feelings for me and if he was a serial cheater. Yet lightbulbs did go off even though I was thoroughly charmed in the beginning. I got to be more dubious about his heavy drinking and found out about his addiction to porn. When I questioned him on this, I got attacked as not trusting him and trying to control him. I ended up like feeling like the one who did the wrong and tried to become oblivious to what he was doing.

I can understand how you still miss him. He was exciting to be with, at least mine was in the beginning, and the physical part was probably fantastic. We have to remember that what we experienced was not real---it was all act for the excitement, ego boost and sex. The only way to get over him is to stay out of his life, involved yourself with true friends and family and try to find someone who is real. If you decide you want to go back just for the physical part, realize that you are just being used and you are risking your emotional health---you will be taken back into the emotional abyess of a roller coaster. Beenthere




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#1101 - 09/10/02 11:51 AM Re: My Story...walks like a duck,talks like a duck
Anonymous
Unregistered


Thank you Kris for your reply.So I guess I know one thing for sure.. he is definitley a duck!!!
Do you suppose his poor wife knows? To bad she couldnt find this site.I won't interfere with her at all,but I know she must have gone through hell and back.I hope God will find her and help her.I know she has gone to a different church looking for help.Im sure she has no friends because of her P husband.
I think I'll say a prayer for her...I'm not a church person.I do believe in a higher power and hope someone will find her and help her...Once again, thank you ... Whisper

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#1102 - 09/10/02 11:59 AM Re: My Story..the other woman
Anonymous
Unregistered


Thank you for letting me know I'm not alone. Sometimes you have to wonder if they aren't all the same person,in one way they are..a beast is a beast!
My P also has stayed with the same the job for years..24 to be exact. I will probably run into tomorrow.Geeze it's still hard to accept he didn't love me.God,how can anyone play those games with ones heart!.I know he was involved with another worker..a boss..boy, wouldn't I love to exchange notes with her.He said they were together about two years also.She left to go back to her husband.I wonder? Anyway,she is no longer around and I won't preoccupy myself with that! I will walk by with quiet dignity.
Thank you... Whisper

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#1103 - 09/11/02 03:35 PM Re: My Story
Anonymous
Unregistered


I am posting this for a new member who wrote it in email and didn't want to have to retype.

Hi, Dianne I have been reading your forum, for the strentgh it gives to me. I have been married to a psychopath for 25 years since I was 17. There has been physical,( my nose broke, punched, choked, kicked, etc.) through the years. Along with even more painful, emotional, and verbal abuse, peppered along the way with intermittent crumbs of caring or
affection. He is extremely controlling, after the house that we had lived in for over 20 years was put in my name only ,by my parent's he, being a carpenter said he would never do any work on my house. To this he has kept his promise, although he has lived in this house rent free
for over two decades. He is self employed and leeches off of everybody, he does not want to work.

We have 4 children 20, 8, 6, and 4. He turned on our oldest son last Jan. pulled out a knife from his pocket, and said
"I am going to cut that f------ throat, he then chased our son acrossthe yard to my parents house where he tried to bust down the door to get to him. only my dad answering the door with a loaded gun made him retreat. The cops came out and he turned it all around on our son to make him seem the victim. I thought this would make that maniac realize
he needed help, but to the contrary he just hated our son more,a few months after the incident, I said to him that I knew he would of cut our sons throat if he would of caught him. He looked at me with an evil look and said " Yeah I would love to of cut his throat and I would love to cut yours too. For the first time I called the cops and old them what he had said, they came out, and even though I did not want to press charges they took him in . He spent one night in jail, for which now he says he will never forgive or trust me again for putting him in jail, which I was also the one who refused to testify against him so the case was
dismissed. Since this has happened he has been living with his equally evil mother. Foolishly I have been allowing, him to come over several times a week and spend the night, having sex, waiting on him, and just trying not to make him fly into his crazy rages. All the time having him tell me that he will never live with us as a family because I put
him in jail. After months of him staying with me and the children, he will say " What did you think I wanted to live with you again? Well you must be kidding after you put me in jail".

How can this subhuman think I can have sex and do al the things we did when we were living together, and not feel that he wants to be a family. Oh Dianne how can an intelligent woman be so stupid. Please anything you might be able to share with me to help me release myself
from this remorseless monster. Thnks so much, Mariann.

ps, is there hope he will change I have held on to that hope for so long, but the change in him seems to be for the worse.

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#1104 - 09/11/02 03:58 PM Re: My Story
Anonymous
Unregistered


Hi Mariann and welcome to the forum. I'm so glad you found your way here as this is a haven for the victims of psychopaths. Your husband sounds controlling and fightening as you describe him. I'm so very sorry for the pain that you and your children have been subject to by him. Please come here and post as often as you wish or need to. Its wonderful to get the validation and support as so many of us have experienced.

Warmly,
Cherie

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#1105 - 09/12/02 01:38 AM Re: My Story
Anonymous
Unregistered


Whew Marianne!

What a charmer he sounds like. He sounds extraordinarily like someone that my dear older son is heading to turn into. I must say, I like your father's style in meeting him with a loaded gun. But I guess this guy causes your parents a lot of heartache too, seeing their grandchildren with such a father.

A lot of people have noted that antisocials/psychopaths are "fearless". I'm puzzled by that as a characteristic, because although I do know some "fearless" ones, the majority that I know are real cowards. My son for example, is a terrific coward. It is very difficult for me to say that but it is so. But coward or not, my (present) wife is afraid of him, and is afraid for me. He pretends in recent years that he is afraid of me, which is an outright lie, but it gets him sympathy from people, for a while, anyway.

Just recently he was accused of a very significant theft. The charges were dropped but he is a couple of months out of work now, and certainly he got no reference from his employer. He doesn't seem to lack money. I happen to have about a hundred dollars which belongs to him, and he doesn't press me for it, although I have reminded him.

And just these days, I feel the first stirrings of an element of being afraid of him. He's a lot bigger than I am, and in his mid twenties. My daughter admits that she is nervous to go to his place- she actually said that she thought he could be a killer. His ex wife also said that. I was talking to him a few weeks ago, and it seemed to me that the wicked looking unsheathed knife laying on the window sill beside him had a certain theatrical purpose.

Oh dear!

No I don't think your guy will change Marianne. Sorry.

Rgds

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