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#16584 - 05/22/15 03:48 PM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: Dianne E.]
DancingSara Offline
member

Registered: 05/21/15
Posts: 4
Loc: West Coast, United States
This is in interesting topic to me because when I think of my exhusband - who I am wondering if he is a psychopath or not - I recall the "look" in his eyes and also how he appeared in photos (none of which I kept), I can look back and notice that something was "off" about him. In my original post, I said that "my eyes were wide open" with regard to him. Now I feel that isn't true. What I was looking at with my "wide opened eyes" was what I took for being very unique and special... and I was thinking then that "Gee, he is different and he is so into me and seems like he really cares. He seems like he's SO earnest." But I wonder if he was just trying really hard to appear normal? I don't know when I started to notice the issues of his look and his eyes. It seems like it happened really subtly. In our initial friendship and courtship, he was always looking at me, smiling, etc, when we talked and such. At some point, he never opened his eyes when he kissed me. But I thought he was just being really romantic. Same with more intimate situations. In our wedding photos, he had this mild smile and closed eyes in photos with me. But in the wedding photos of him and his siblings or parents, he had his eyes open. Am I reading too much into all this? I am confused still. In other photos of our life together, when it was a photo of he and I, same thing. In photos with his friends, eyes open! In photos of him performing at public event (he's an artist/musician)... eyes wide open, but also looking a bit wild and showy. He was never really around for many photo opps with me, and there were many... he just disappeared from the room. But when there was a situation where he was performing, he was definitely in the pictures, doing his thing.

When he needed to have a serious talk with me, he would look me right in the eye and it was a bit daunting. Usually the talk had something to do with something he wanted. I felt as if he was trying really hard to get me to join a campaign he was on... including moving a close female friend on to our property, engaging in questionable activities, trying to make my child paint her room a color he liked, being angry at me for accompanying him/not accompanying him at an art event, and countless other that went against my moral compass. These probably sound lame, but some of the examples are just too disturbing to list. If I had something serious to discuss, he either had his eyes closed, or looking to the side or down at the floor, and his arms were crossed or his hands were on his hips. And he always stood a distance away from me. Never across the table like he was when he was bringing up his issues. My issues usually pertained to bills, house chores, parenting, planning something we could do together, or why he let his friends leave all their beer bottles all over the house. Again, just a short list. Over time, I felt like every conversation was controlled and one-sided. And over time, I felt that we did not have that bond that couples make, that one you feel. And as much as he or I talked about how important that was, I could see in his eyes (when he'd let me) something more like vacancy. It was really strange, now that I have hindsight.

I still have a difficult time getting my arms around this and making sense of my thoughts and memories.
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#16585 - 05/22/15 04:01 PM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: Dianne E.]
DancingSara Offline
member

Registered: 05/21/15
Posts: 4
Loc: West Coast, United States
Your comment reminds me of something I had forgotten about. When I was just acquaintances with my exhusband, I recall that in public places, if he was not performing, he was always way in the back of the room, leaning on the wall, but had this piercing gaze. I caught him a few times looking at me like that. But you can't ever really tell in a crowded room and I wasn't sizing people up based on things like that. I am not a wallflower or a social butterfly, but I do like to visit with others to a degree. Compared to others in that setting, now it seems to me that he was calculating things, taking in information, seeming like the mellow, laid back guy. He was even like this at home when guests would come over. But oh my, when they left to go home, I would get an earful of his tearing them down. One minute he was best buds with them while they socialized, but when they left, he would criticize them terribly. When I would counter him and say something like "But they were very polite and it seemed like we were all having great time.", he would get really angry and disgusted with me and huff off to his den for LONG periods of time. It was like he was watching everything in the room, and that if he was not getting attention or if I said he was wrong about someone, the sparks would fly. What does that mean?
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Sara

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#16708 - 02/18/16 04:14 PM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: DancingSara]
utopia13 Offline
member

Registered: 02/15/16
Posts: 1
Loc: Virginia, USA
While I haven't had time to read every page in this thread, it sure does hit home HARD!!!

We only dated 3 months, but it didn't take long for the trust issues to begin. He went on a trip with his grown daughters, their boyfriends and his ex of 20 years(another story for another thread)who they both claimed to me were just friends. I found out different while he was gone & since I was hurt & ticked off, riddled his messages with nasty messages. I felt justified...screw his feelings!

So...after his return & 3 days of zero communication, I was so frustrated it was beginning to affect me physically. Had what I can only describe as a full blown panic attack with chest pains, shortness of breath & hyperventilating! I sent him a text telling him it's obviously over between us, I'm fine with that, but there are some things I need to say and I'd prefer telling him face to face. He agreed.

I chose my words carefully. Taking the approach you see & read about...make it not an attack on him, but more like "this is what your actions did to me. How it made me feel". After several minutes of dumping my heart in his lap, telling him how his deceit hurt me so deeply...I looked him in the eyes.

What I saw looking back at me was the coldest thing I had ever seen in my 57 years. He was blank. No emotion. BLACK eyes! I specifically recall 2 words running through my head immediately: Evil and Psycho!! (not fully understanding yet what the term meant!)

When I was done talking, he calmly said....Are we done? (oh yeah, we're SO done!) He calmly got up, walked to the door, and left. That was the last time I saw him, sort of.

He lives 3 houses away from me!
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