This is what people usually try to help me see as well. & I SO agree with you about healing /not latching on, people peddling as you say.. that is huge with me & why I do NOT want to be in another relationship now. I need to heal & get my life together.
I was big on this before I met him, that I have myself in order before dating.. & too why this healing is going to take so long because everything I worked yrs to build is now pretty much gone. I'm starting over & without a car etc.. IF I drove, IF it were easy for me to get around town begin again it may not be as bad. This is what you are saying too & even for myself I have to own the fact /responsibility of repairing.
He took up with me & what I found out later (he said he was divorced), is the divorce had been filed & I am not even sure it was filed/ they weren't living together. My sister mentioned that the file date of divorce was after he & I met.. I guess if someone told me they were divorced I believed they were. He said he was already over her.. she had left him, etc.
I did keep him at arm's length in that I wanted time to know him.. Back to what you are saying & I think this also maybe comes with loss? That one realizes IF they want to be, "healthy," it is hard work, not in latching onto one person but doing the work of healing on many levels.
The Psychopaths seem to? just keep latching onto someone else. He left me, sleeps around (but calls himself Christian?), goes back to his ex prior to me, I think she allows the dysfunction / they seem to live a very chaotic life, drinking, smoking pot, etc. To me? it's nuts.. Plus he was married to me, then goes back to another ex?
I hear you/ but it's not total that I have let go of it yet Starry.. I still don't have the support yet to really heal/ it's been a few yrs of legal b.s.
I do not think I can save him, I'm well aware my plate is full NOW & as to finger pointing, anger, etc.. I choose who gets real close to me.. I am not in a position to be with another man right now till I work on /heal my own situation & get that well rounded life back.
There are some things that are in place/but still more changes to where I can get connected as I am needing..
I do hear you.. it's SERIOUS to take someone's life/ turn it upside down/ laugh at them & then latch onto someone else in a continual ego/victim charade...
anyways.. Happy Thanksgiving. I know my own self/ I have to think of GOD/ Loving always
& believing that the reparation of/ is in HIS HANDS.
I do think it shocked him that I wasn't like some women he has been with who put up with his crap.. I did love him, I was commited but I also expected him to do his part..he would have none of that/ he blocked the love/ & would run. it's who he is.. yes. I get that.
God Will Heal the wounds, the binding is in HIS LOVE & in HIS TIMING.
I leave it in HIS HANDS.
still longer yet on my healing journey...
... starry, It sounds like you have come a long way too. I hear your words as realistic. I think it is important to see one's parent in a well balanced sense.. what you write it sounds like you do/ you see that your dad did have assets/ but that he abused these with others. The Psychopaths often are of very high IQ but their emotional IQ is very low, they do not know how to function properly in society with relationships.
In healthy famlies there are boundaries, love with expectations, just as God Deals with us.
It's So important to have boundaries.. it seems that this part is just not in them.
It's all or nothing. They crave to attach themselves but it's the endless cycle of relationships/affairs/marriages..