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#14756 - 04/10/13 12:25 PM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: Dianne E.]
tangledup Offline
member

Registered: 04/09/13
Posts: 25
Hi Everyone,

I'm new to this site and so grateful I've found it. I've spent many hours reading through the posts here and am stunned to see that every single thing our family has experienced in the last 15 years can be found in this website. I could write pages and pages about our experiences but they are already contained elsewhere in these posts.

Our psychopath is our now 18-year old adopted daughter. As a 'tween, she was diagnosed with reactive attachment disorder (RAD), narcissistic personality disorder, oppositional defiant disorder, histrionic tendencies, patholotical lying, etc., etc. Now that she is a chronological adult I can call her what she is - a psychopath. Thank heavens she no longer lives with us.

The tears - my husband called them the crocodile tears - they get turned on whenever the need for pity comes up. The tears come straight down out of the center of her eye and can be turned on and off like a light switch. How does she do that? And they are never accompanied by any feeling whatsoever, the usual runny nose, redness, or sad facial expressions, what you would see when a normal person cries. We learned to spot them instantly and ignore them accordingly.

The eyes - cold, vacant, barely concealing the violence that seemed to be always right under the surface. One of her favorite "looks" is to tilt her head down, bringing her chin to her chest, and rolling her eyes to look upward at you. I wish I could show you a picture. She would give me (and only me) that look whenever she found herself in a really deep mess, when even she could tell she wasn't going to be able to extricate herself easily. I guess like a cornered animal. It always scared the hell out of me. At these times I always expected her to pounce. I really believed she was capable of killing me. One day she did come at me, kitchen knife in hand, which is why I'll never again sleep under the same roof with her. Interestingly, she never brought out that stare for my husband. He doesn't scare as easily as me so I guess she figured it was pointless to waste her energy there.

When our daughter went to a residential treatment center for RAD for 18 months I told her counselor about the "eye thing." She said she'd watch out for it. One day, several months into her stay there, I got a phone call from the counselor saying "I saw it! I saw the evil eye!" She said it like she'd just found some lost treasure. I guess it was a breakthrough in their sessions. Apparently the counseling session wasn't going the way our daughter liked. This particular counselor saw right through her (which was very uncommom amongst all the therapists/psychologists/psychiatrists she burned through) and like a laser-guided missile this woman was determined to get at the workings of our daughter's brain. I guess that's a really scary prospect for a psychopath, so she brought out the evil stare and used it on her counselor. I felt somewhat vindicated, because prior to that I think the counselor thought I was nuts. It just took her a while to break through the mask (in her case, the perfect child) that my daughter wears to every new encounter.

It must be exhausting for psychopaths to have to put so much energy into maintaining their facade. It makes me tired just thinking about living life that way.

Thanks for listening.

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#14758 - 04/10/13 07:22 PM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: tangledup]
Dianne E. Offline

Administrator
member

Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2789
Loc: United States
Hi tangledup, welcome to our community, very sorry for the reason you found us.

I can only imagine it must have been your worst fear coming true to find and deal with the truth.

Quote:
I could write pages and pages about our experiences but they are already contained elsewhere in these posts.


If you ever want to start a thread to discuss your particular situation, please do so as there are many who come here and only read so your words will reach more than you can ever know.

Did you have other children in the home and how did they react to her?

I never really understood the RAD diagnosis and theories and have always wondered if they didn't in fact make a Conduct Disorder of Fledgling become more skilled prior to any actual diagnosis.

It sounds like you have a lot of good information if the time is ever right for you to have your own discussion to share what must have been a life altering path to seek help.

Di

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#14759 - 04/11/13 11:36 AM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: Dianne E.]
tangledup Offline
member

Registered: 04/09/13
Posts: 25
Dianne,

Thank you for the welcome. And I will start a thread or two soon in the family section.

Well if you ever have a question about RAD, I can probably answer it. I'd never heard of RAD until our daughter got her first dianosis six years ago. I now know practically everything there is to know about it, more than many mental health professionals and certainly way more than our adoption agency's post-adoption support office (who'd never heard the term before!).

We do have another child - a bio son four years her junior. A surprise baby, arriving about a year and a half after our daughter's placement with us. If my daughter ever had what could be considered a normal relationship in her entire life it would be with her brother, but only up to a point. I think once upon a time, as much as she was capable, she might have loved her little brother. But she sexually molested him when he was four. He was a victim of her impulsive behavior on many occasions - they could be playing together nicely and then suddenly she would bring her fist down onto his back for no reason. Just prior to the blow I would see a flash behind her eyes of something very dark. I knew early on there was something really wrong with her, just didn't know what to name it.

So I spent years on hyperalert to make sure my son was "protected" from her. He was such a trusting soul and she exploited that to the nth degree. When she was in middle school and things really went down hill my son and I spent A LOT of hours in therapist/psychiatrist waiting rooms while daughter was supposed to be sorting out her issues. I'm pretty sure he resented her for that. At home, my daughter's theme became "how much do I hate my parents today?" There was a lot of screaming for a few years! My son got in the habit of hiding in his room during the really chaotic times with her. Thinking about this now makes me so sad for him. He's the sweetest kid in the world. He was nine years old when he placed the 911 call to the police because she was coming at me with a knife. She hasn't lived with us for several years now and he NEVER asks about her. Never. I think the day she crossed that line he was done with her. Sometimes I want to ask him if he ever thinks about his sister but I don't want to burden him with going there. We live thousands of miles away from her now and noone in our new community knows we even have another child. I wonder if my son has ever told any of his new friends about her but I don't ask him.

Tangled.

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#14976 - 04/28/13 08:19 PM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: Dianne E.]
Isolationbound Offline
member

Registered: 04/26/13
Posts: 1
I am new to this site. I have been reading the conversations and taking it all in. This one caught my attention. My husband was a Psycopath. His eyes were the most beautiful blue i had ever seen. I was so drawn to those eyes. Shortly after we met I started seeing something in those eyes that made me feel cold and scared.
It was as if he would look at me and not see me sitting right in front of him. Like even though I was right there, he was looking right thru me. They were blank and void and curious.
When he passed away, I spent a day just looking at our pictures. And there it was in almost everyone of them. His eyes looking back at the lens with no soul and no emotion and no thoughts.
There is one that I came across and when I looked at his eyes in that one picture. I can see the demon that was living in him. A bright sunny, warm wonderful day walking in the park. The look in his eyes in that picture are pure hate and anger. The same hate and anger that I had to endure everyday I was with him.
When he died his eyes glassed over and protruded as if the the very essance of his hate was washing over him and flowing out thru his gaze.

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#14978 - 04/28/13 09:41 PM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: Isolationbound]
opey Offline
member

Registered: 02/15/13
Posts: 105
they really are strange creatures, they are just not made like humans for many different reasons, their eyes being one of them. The eyes to me where always the scariest part, after i got D&D'd by the psychopath i was involved with and figured out what he was i got curious and looked up psychopathic stare on google images...needless to say i almost literally crapped my pants in fear. I seriously think that its Satan in there because that's one of the scariest things i've ever witnessed. its bone chilling it just grabs ahold of something inside of you and shakes it.

Thats interesting about the eyes protruding from him when he died.

Anyways welcome to the site! i sort of forgot that part.


Edited by opey (04/28/13 09:42 PM)

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#14979 - 04/29/13 06:13 AM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: Isolationbound]
1962 Offline
member

Registered: 01/31/13
Posts: 206
Isolationbound,

Welcome and our sympathies to you and what you had to endure. Fortunately for you, your days of living with the "Psychopath" are over. I certainly wish that the "Psychopath" I am divorcing would just die or go away, instead I'm afraid that I am in for a long and bitter battle.

Welcome to the site.

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#15491 - 07/08/13 04:59 AM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: 1962]
xela007 Offline
member

Registered: 06/13/13
Posts: 134
The eyes of a psychopath can be very well compared to the eyes of a non-medicated bipolar patient in his mania periods.

The eye bulbs are basically popping out of their head, the stare is damn fixed, the eyes look sort of "scarred" but at the same time they look as if they would want to kill someone.

I've seen these eyes all my life - the smirk appears in all photos, our psychopath smirked in all photos, his has a weird mouth gesture (don't know how to explain it) ... he used his smirk, that expressed grandiosity all the way - since childhood up to now in his late 20s.

Xe
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#15494 - 07/08/13 01:59 PM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: xela007]
crocodile Offline
member

Registered: 04/25/13
Posts: 329
Mine smirked to - it was this almost a smile but not really, he usually did it when he was driving me insane and crying - he was looking at my misery with this fixed gazed and a smirk as though he was enjoying it. He could never really hide it, even when he tried to appear sympathetic and sorry.

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#15501 - 07/09/13 11:11 PM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: crocodile]
xela007 Offline
member

Registered: 06/13/13
Posts: 134
Exactly, and they basically always tried to convince you with their crap until you basically couldn't take it no longer (you just couldn't argue with them) I guess one way of dealing with the psychopath is to laugh at his [censored], laugh as much as possible even if it's forced laughing, I mean you cannot laugh when you suffer depression, anxiety and PTSD like in my case, but for the sake of it, laughing makes our psychopath nervous and he just walks away :-)




Edited by xela007 (07/09/13 11:12 PM)
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#15589 - 07/15/13 09:28 AM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: xela007]
Dianne E. Offline

Administrator
member

Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2789
Loc: United States
Hi, your conversation has been moved to this thread. Please always look for existing threads to add to even if they are old and try to stay on topic

Behaviors and the Psychopath

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