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#11320 - 07/02/11 12:39 PM The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath
Dianne E. Offline

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Many times these comments and questions have come up over the years,

daddysproblem just posed this question on another thread:

One more thing - one thing I really notice around my Dad and looking back throughout my life are his eyes. The window into his scary brain. He watches everyone so intensely. My mom used to refer to them as his beady eyes.


The subject has come up often spread out over the threads, I thought we had a thread about this one one specific issue but can't find it so when I have time I will pull comments from threads where this was mentioned to post here and give our community a place to post their specific questions and observations. Both about the eyes and if you think you really believe they were just crying or acting?

Best described the eyes are the pathway to the soul and without a soul how do we describe what we are seeing or remembering looking back?

Di

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#11324 - 07/02/11 01:20 PM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: Dianne E.]
daddysproblem Offline
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Registered: 06/23/11
Posts: 99
One of the saddest aspects of the Psychopath is they can't help it. They can not help who they are and they did not create themselves. I am of the belief and it's being tested now with those fMRI's and all the brain studies ( thank you aging baby boomers ) that the part of the brain that invokes the empathetic response is non-functioning in the Psychopath. Simple as that. The chemicals do not spit out and activate the other parts of the body and brain.

So they are like aliens. And that's where the eyes come in. They are not feeling they are observing. Always. Watching. They are so baffled by the actions of humans that they can't help but stare.

When my grandma died, my Psychopath-daddy's mom, he took pictures of people at the side of her open casket. There's one of me and my son. Then my Psychopath-daddy watched his own loving mother get cremated. With those eyes.

He's astonished.

He's fascinated.

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#11325 - 07/02/11 01:26 PM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: Dianne E.]
skybluepaint Offline
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Registered: 02/05/11
Posts: 100
A friend of mine told me after my relationship with the Psychopath was over that the first time she had met the Psychopath, and they had only met briefly that one time, that her eyes seemed "empty", like there was nothing there. Perhaps that is the lack of a soul?

Another friend who briefly met the Psychopath in the very beginning told me that she would defriend me if I went out with the Psychopath. Her first impression of her was literally that off-putting. I didn't tell her at first when I started seeing the Psychopath, but later Psychopath tried to become friends with my friend. I think my friend was both repulsed by her and drawn to her. She thought she was so odd that she didn't really want to be friends with her, yet in a way was fascinated by her oddity and wanted to figure her out. That is what I spent years trying to do, figure the Psychopath out. I never could understand what she was thinking or feeling, so I guess like others, I filled in the blanks based on her words which she carefully constructed.

I've seen it written in other threads that sometimes it feels like the Psychopath is looking through you, not at you, when they make love. Now, I would agree with that. However, at the time, it felt like this incredible intensity which I misstook for love. I would liken it to a predator stalking its prey, that look of intense focus going after what you want.

When the Psychopath left me, the eyes were the scariest of all, a look of sheer evil that I had never seen from anyone. Her eyes bored into me and she said, "You don't know my dark side." It was like something out of a horror movie. It was such a polar opposite to that look of intense focus and desire. I wonder if others have noticed that sudden change in eye contact and even color. They were totally black and glassy in the rejection phase.

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#11326 - 07/02/11 02:10 PM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: skybluepaint]
Dianne E. Offline

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Another interesting thing to do is if you have photos of a Psychopath is look at it again, if they are smiling the eyes don't match the smile in most cases.

My father wasn't a Psychopath but when I look at his pictures I can see depression (he was a severe alcoholic and many times depression self medicates with alcohol). The eyes of a Psychopath are distinct with a Psychopath from what photos I have seen and the ones in person.

Our brains are programmed I believe that a smile is something meant, not evil, then match the eyes with the smile and they don't connect with what we think a smile is from a "normal" smile. When we smile it shows in our eyes also, not theirs.

Their smile reminds me more of a smirk.

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#11332 - 07/02/11 08:45 PM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: Dianne E.]
skybluepaint Offline
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Registered: 02/05/11
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In regard to smiles, I think my Psychopath has 3 smiles.

1. A goofy coy smile, similar to a smirk, that look of trying to act cute when someone likes you. Usually, these were the pictures that I took of her alone. It was like she wasn't sure how to act in a photo of herself.

2. The domineering smile, like a cartoon cat with a grimace knowing that she has total control over you. These were the "couple" pictures, in which I thought we looked like a happy, in-love couple. Now I look at them and there is me, often with her arm around me, looking submissive and her looking in-control. She liked these pictures best.

3. The nonsmile. These were the group pictures when she was around other people and felt offguard, like at a party. There is that uncomfortable social awkwardness. Instead of an actual smile, it is more like a half-lip raise, a snarl. Everyone else in the photo will look happy, like they are having fun, but she'll look like Elvis.

4. The fake smile. This is the one that "appears" most genuine with lots of teeth. It would usually accompany some pose, like putting her hands in the air, trying to show happiness. I took her photo in this pose, and saw a pose of her as a youth doing the same pose. Both looked entirely fake.


One final comment on the eyes.. The Psychopath wrote to me in a song, "I look into your eyes and I see love." I read into it that she also felt that way. Now I know the comment was literal.

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#11334 - 07/03/11 10:30 PM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: skybluepaint]
Summer Offline
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Registered: 06/23/11
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Originally Posted By: skybluepaint

2. The domineering smile, like a cartoon cat with a grimace knowing that she has total control over you.


4. The fake smile. This is the one that "appears" most genuine with lots of teeth.


These were the two expressions I saw on my cousin's face most often. It was either these or the cold blank stare - or rage.

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#11668 - 09/01/11 09:45 AM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: juffsion]
FreeBird Offline
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Registered: 08/24/11
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This is so true - a smile of a Psychopath is like a weird grimace on his face. I cannot remember my Psychopath to smile normally. It was always weird. A real smile comes from true happiness inside, a Psychopath will never be able to do it quite well. And most of the smile is in your eyes. Ps have dead eyes, thus cannot show any emotion. I still remember the cold deadly stare of my Psychopath as I was staring at him crying my eyes out, telling my feelings... and his face would not move. He had tears in his eyes but that was all played. For days I'd wonder what's wrong with his emotions... There just weren't any.

It is a good way to spot one - once they smile you will immediately know something's wrong. I can see now how my, once, friend had this kind of smile also... I don't talk to her anymore. Don't wanna get in trouble again. I know better.

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#11696 - 09/04/11 12:17 PM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: Dianne E.]
planetchildren Offline
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Registered: 08/10/11
Posts: 46
I have been reading about the eyes and smile of a Psychopath. It just makes me think back to pictures and times. Her smile is so phony, a smirk, like you said. She has beady little eyes that lead into the "nonsoul" of a brain. She is cold, calculating, and demonic.

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#11717 - 09/06/11 05:28 AM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: planetchildren]
BeautyForAshes Offline
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Registered: 08/12/11
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My dad often smiled when he was saying something really mean. He seemed to always be mocking us with his facial expressions. My sister is worse. When she is lieing, she tilts her head to one side and bats her eyelashes or blinks rapidly and has a big grin. When she isn't doing that, she is smiling like a chesire cat. It's all very creepy and annoying.
_________________________
Winning means walking away.

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#11720 - 09/06/11 09:47 AM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: BeautyForAshes]
FreeBird Offline
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Registered: 08/24/11
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I can remember my Psychopath smile every time he told me something that was a lie - it was kind of a "nervous" smile - like a smile with a question mark in it:) Kinda creepy, I hated it and always knew something was going on.

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#12141 - 10/31/11 09:18 AM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: Dianne E.]
JamesWQ Offline
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Registered: 10/29/11
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I remember once, the eyes were black as night. It felt like I was staring into evil itself. Like something so filled with resent and hate I couldn't comprehend it. It's the only time someone's gaze has really intimidated me. I have seen anger, despair, misery and sadness in people's eyes. This was different. Only happened once for a brief moment.

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#12153 - 10/31/11 11:14 PM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: JamesWQ]
skybluepaint Offline
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Registered: 02/05/11
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James,
Well said. "Like something so filled with resentment and hate I couldn't comprehend it." I also only saw that look once and it scared me to death. It was like looking at sheer evil, and it was in such stark contrast to the way the psychopath had looked at me before. It is pretty frightening how quickly they turn from complete obsession with you looking at you like they want you, which you mistake for love, to sheer hatred of you. And you can see it all in their eyes.

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#12327 - 11/21/11 04:33 PM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: BeautyForAshes]
Wandering_Star Offline
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Registered: 11/21/11
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My experience with my Psychopath was he had a creep Cheshire cat grin when he was tormenting me, it's like me pleading during his abuse made him really happy,it's like he enjoyed the challenge, it was so scarey. If I didn't plead he would just hurt until he got tears then he knew I was trying to hide the pain which only prolonged things. He especially smiled when I would try to run and hide from him, or one upped him on a plot like it was unexpected and amusing that I even dare try to out run or out smart him.

His eyes were off and very wrong as well, he had a strange stare his eyes would dilate along with his grin, they were like stickers you were expecting to fall of at any point and see some soulless demon black-eyed living behind them waiting to eat your entirety to bits soul and all. His eyes cut like knives you got a message all the time from them, like your going to suffer. He loved staring me straight in the eyes it was horrible.

When I met him I thought maybe that look was from his home life being so messed and all he had been threw, but I quickly realized that look was from being a sadistic animal after, before he really abused me he was talking about all the poor kittens and cats he tortured and killed, he smiled about there reactions and laughed at how they tried to escaped.

To this day rape face jokes make me angry and are triggering, because there is a face a psychopath makes/has and when it's directed at you it isn't funny at all-you are afraid for your life.

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#12329 - 11/21/11 06:07 PM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: Wandering_Star]
Dianne E. Offline

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Hi Wandering_Star, welcome to our community. We hope you find the answers you are seeking and are here to help support you.

Di

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#12338 - 11/22/11 09:36 AM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: Dianne E.]
Wandering_Star Offline
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Registered: 11/21/11
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Thank you Dianne smile

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#12347 - 11/24/11 12:19 AM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: JamesWQ]
blueheron Offline
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Registered: 10/14/11
Posts: 84
Originally Posted By: JamesWQ
I remember once, the eyes were black as night. It felt like I was staring into evil itself. Like something so filled with resent and hate I couldn't comprehend it. It's the only time someone's gaze has really intimidated me. I have seen anger, despair, misery and sadness in people's eyes. This was different. Only happened once for a brief moment.


James, I have only seen those black eyes one time, and it was sadly enough, from a woman at church of all places. She had set herself up as my rival. She hated me the moment she laid eyes on me, and I will never know why. I hadn't been there long enough to have done anything to her. She spent four years making my life miserable, and never spoke one word directly to me until she did the black eyes thing.

I don't know how to describe what she did when her eyes got black that one time, but it was terribly evil. You'll all call me crazy if I tell the story, but I will say it almost killed me. I got so sick I lost my job, had to quit school, lost my position in church, lost most of my friends, almost lost my husband ... it was twelve years ago and I have never been physically well since.

I wanted to say welcome to Wandering Star. Bless your heart.

blue heron


Edited by blueheron (11/24/11 12:20 AM)

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#12348 - 11/24/11 12:35 AM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: blueheron]
1Healing Offline
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Registered: 10/25/11
Posts: 87
Dianne, this is how I'm feeling. I have no idea why he hated me so much.. he kept trying to get me to be with him, then he'd leave, want to come back, I knew it was different than what I had had before as to dating, buthe insisted I was the one.. when I commited & we married then it was a game & like you describe it was this game seemingly to destroy me.
I don't know if I can recover from this as to the losses/ as you describe the impact is far reaching. When he left, he left town, me with the all the debt, to do all paperwork for everything (I still am swimming in paperwork from it all!)..

When I try to think/ WHY/ what in the world does he have so much hate for..
my family saw the same in him.. my poor parents are elderly & struggling & then to have to watch their middle aged daughter (disabled) to go through this.. it makes me sick.
It's been stressful for them to see me have to deal with all of this..

I felt that he was jealous maybe of my relationship with God, that I want to please HIM (GOD), & am repelled by doing what is not right in God's Eyes.. he would say I was jealous of him but that to me seemed totally absurd as I had a life prior & was content in myself..
They say psychopaths do not like the disabled/elderly/ those weaker than they are...
& I was thinking of this (not saying I am weak as I feel strong on the inside).. but as to this.. it's like they are jealous of those that need.. because they cannot love..any percieved weakness therefore is not allowed/ so it's a set up to destroy. I felt too he loved to see me upset & the destruction was of himself too in his habits.

I try so hard to understand WHY.. why the hate.. why?
I'd better get some rest for thanksgiving.

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#12350 - 11/24/11 04:11 AM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: 1Healing]
starry Offline
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Registered: 01/06/11
Posts: 350
Why the hate?

It took me ages to find some kind of explanation. This one works for me. There might be others though.

We feel it very personally, partly because we have to deal with the effects of it all (emotional, physical, financial and so on).

But really, all that hate they feel is all about them. They feel deeply unworthy, hideous, monstrous. So they hide it with that super inflated, all powerful ego.

They also feel they have no real 'self'. So they hide that with the endless series of facades they show to people and the world.

All that is projected outwards, onto other people. Innocent people, bystanders almost, who end up getting caught up in all of that (because the psychopath draws them in, very deliberately and with great calculation).

It's not really about us, but it's all about them. And we end up covered in their bile and vomit.


Once I latched onto this train of thought, I felt really free of my dad. Hope you find some strength in that explanation.

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#12351 - 11/24/11 07:42 AM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: starry]
1Healing Offline
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Registered: 10/25/11
Posts: 87
Well said.. To me this is one way I think to tell a N too is they have nothing good to say about their, "vicims." When I was with ex h I was happy, I felt he was his real self with me, but it was like it could not maintain, he would Have to be mad, start fights, gaslight, silent treatment, then discard.
I remember when he would do this, getting mad at me, I would ask him to talk it out, if we could try to work through whatever issue/s .. he would not deny me access to him/ he enjoyed the hate/ the arguing.. I hated it, I would beg him to stop being mean to me.. it was just NUTS... CRAZY CRAZY STUFF! it was like he LOVED seeing me hurting.. the whole time was like this.. he'd be nice one or two days then bam/ he would be mad & wouldn't speak for hours, & it was about ridiculous things (a movie, something I would say & he did't like & I am nice person so it was not like I was mean to him.. but just my tone of voice or something then he would cut me off access to him/ rage & silent treatment.. I am SO GLAD to be away from that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!).
It is a game. I guess maybe this is what I need to keep hearing /reminding self. I did see if/feel it when he was with me, that it was like he did love me, but he would not allow the love to continue, often more than 1 day was insufficient before igniting some arguement.
I would tell him I loved him/try to give him hugs, ask him to please work things through with me ... never, it was like he was filled with hate/anger, possessed really.. he would block the love I was trying to show him.. this is how it went, always/ongoing with him.

Everytime things would calm down & we were getting into a routine then he would move out. He never allowed stabilization.
That is what was so different than others I have known. There have been a few at times I have been able to see upfront that they have this nature & I avoid them.. but it was like this side he would hide, then when with him/ all hell broke loose & yes it's a game.

Ariela, I can't imagine someone saying all men rape women.. I know it's good to be cautious to make sure & set boundaries when dating (or I would consider that healthy).. most men I have dated have been sweethearts.. it may not have worked out but that's why I waited to marry. It's just that I had no idea this person I was with didn't want to get along.

As to anger ongoing, I think the only anger I feel as to sustained is at ex h Psychopath. Others don't make me angry very easily. Sometimes I am hurt by something a person does, but it fades very quickly. This is the difference too with Psychopaths, they don't allow the love to flourish, the block it, they don't want it.. they say they do but when you love them/ then they set up road blocks.

It hasn't changed my basic nature/ I love people & badly want to heal from this (nightmare), but it will take me time. I've never had a problem with being an angry person.. maybe too nice sometimes that I need to not care as much/ but my anger is at him & how he kept coming back to me then leaving & he took no responsibility for the debt created in our marriage (which mostly was to set back up each time/ flights back & forth when he would send me away or postage to send my belongings across country/ etc etc.. it was expensive in re living/ & plans we had to get debt paid off.. all of it on my lap in the end).
What bothers me too A Lot is that this internet is one of my resources left, & I think he tries to track me at places & comes against me at times .. I'm not sure why because he hated me so much, why he would want anything to do with me ever again. He drives, I'm sure he's back with his ex (though he told me that he believed in the bible & from what he told me unless I cheated on him he would not be free to remarry / that or if I died).. so it seems to me that ALL he cares about is that his needs are met.
He would lie at the drop of a hat/ about me, to get what he wanted..
I did love thes man, I wanted it to work, I tried so hard, he would ruin & block AT EVERY TURN.
To me that has to be what hell is like. To be him, & hate ..... it seems like that is what he is attracted to? it will take a VERY long time for my life to mend. Can't relate to the anger other than at him.

When he left I tried to imagine about the worse case scenerio & it's pretty much been that...
I guess to I am not one to bandaid my life, I could be with another guy.. have had opportunities but I really want to heal & please God.

I guess it just blows my mind (totally) why he wanted anything to do with me ever.. his lies of other half/ a mission from God/till death do you part/ I will never be with another woman/ I would never leave you stuck with the debt/ I will protect you/ trust me/ LOL
grrr

next yr, things should be better..
I'm hitting bottom / there's only one way to go from here! smile


Originally Posted By: starry
Why the hate?

It took me ages to find some kind of explanation. This one works for me. There might be others though.

We feel it very personally, partly because we have to deal with the effects of it all (emotional, physical, financial and so on).

But really, all that hate they feel is all about them. They feel deeply unworthy, hideous, monstrous. So they hide it with that super inflated, all powerful ego.

They also feel they have no real 'self'. So they hide that with the endless series of facades they show to people and the world.

All that is projected outwards, onto other people. Innocent people, bystanders almost, who end up getting caught up in all of that (because the psychopath draws them in, very deliberately and with great calculation).

It's not really about us, but it's all about them. And we end up covered in their bile and vomit.


Once I latched onto this train of thought, I felt really free of my dad. Hope you find some strength in that explanation.


Edited by 1Healing (11/24/11 08:04 AM)

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#12353 - 11/24/11 08:13 AM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: 1Healing]
starry Offline
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Registered: 01/06/11
Posts: 350
Originally Posted By: 1Healing
When I was with ex h I was happy, I felt he was his real self with me, but it was like it could not maintain, he would Have to be mad, start fights, gaslight, silent treatment, then discard.


The anger and vitriol is part of his 'real self' too. I don't see a split there. I don't see it as the powers of evil pressing in and taking over an essentially 'good' person.

To me, that seems like a manipulation, the 'I love you but I'm really troubled and I can't help it' line.

My dad used it a lot. 'I had such a troubled upbringing' and 'my mother was a real b****' so 'I can't help feeling this way, I'm a victim!'. Actually no, I knew he was lying to me, I always knew that was a manipulation.

I now don't believe anything my dad ever said to me. That's the trouble with lying, eventually people just treat everything you say as a lie.

Sorry, I don't by that line when someone tries to sell any of that stuff to me. You're an adult, you take responsibility for your thoughts, feelings and actions, and if you're 'troubled', sort it out. Don't go repeating the same abusive patterns your life over. And not only, but actively seeking out 'victims' in a very predatory way.

Don't mean to sound harsh against yourself 1Healing, just harsh against the **** these 'people' peddle.

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#12354 - 11/24/11 08:44 AM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: starry]
1Healing Offline
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Registered: 10/25/11
Posts: 87
This is what people usually try to help me see as well. & I SO agree with you about healing /not latching on, people peddling as you say.. that is huge with me & why I do NOT want to be in another relationship now. I need to heal & get my life together.

I was big on this before I met him, that I have myself in order before dating.. & too why this healing is going to take so long because everything I worked yrs to build is now pretty much gone. I'm starting over & without a car etc.. IF I drove, IF it were easy for me to get around town begin again it may not be as bad. This is what you are saying too & even for myself I have to own the fact /responsibility of repairing.

He took up with me & what I found out later (he said he was divorced), is the divorce had been filed & I am not even sure it was filed/ they weren't living together. My sister mentioned that the file date of divorce was after he & I met.. I guess if someone told me they were divorced I believed they were. He said he was already over her.. she had left him, etc.
I did keep him at arm's length in that I wanted time to know him.. Back to what you are saying & I think this also maybe comes with loss? That one realizes IF they want to be, "healthy," it is hard work, not in latching onto one person but doing the work of healing on many levels.

The Psychopaths seem to? just keep latching onto someone else. He left me, sleeps around (but calls himself Christian?), goes back to his ex prior to me, I think she allows the dysfunction / they seem to live a very chaotic life, drinking, smoking pot, etc. To me? it's nuts.. Plus he was married to me, then goes back to another ex?
WHATEVER!

I hear you/ but it's not total that I have let go of it yet Starry.. I still don't have the support yet to really heal/ it's been a few yrs of legal b.s.
I do not think I can save him, I'm well aware my plate is full NOW & as to finger pointing, anger, etc.. I choose who gets real close to me.. I am not in a position to be with another man right now till I work on /heal my own situation & get that well rounded life back.
There are some things that are in place/but still more changes to where I can get connected as I am needing..

I do hear you.. it's SERIOUS to take someone's life/ turn it upside down/ laugh at them & then latch onto someone else in a continual ego/victim charade...

anyways.. Happy Thanksgiving. I know my own self/ I have to think of GOD/ Loving always
& believing that the reparation of/ is in HIS HANDS.

I do think it shocked him that I wasn't like some women he has been with who put up with his crap.. I did love him, I was commited but I also expected him to do his part..he would have none of that/ he blocked the love/ & would run. it's who he is.. yes. I get that.
God Will Heal the wounds, the binding is in HIS LOVE & in HIS TIMING.
I leave it in HIS HANDS.
still longer yet on my healing journey...

... starry, It sounds like you have come a long way too. I hear your words as realistic. I think it is important to see one's parent in a well balanced sense.. what you write it sounds like you do/ you see that your dad did have assets/ but that he abused these with others. The Psychopaths often are of very high IQ but their emotional IQ is very low, they do not know how to function properly in society with relationships.
In healthy famlies there are boundaries, love with expectations, just as God Deals with us.
It's So important to have boundaries.. it seems that this part is just not in them.
It's all or nothing. They crave to attach themselves but it's the endless cycle of relationships/affairs/marriages..


smile






Edited by 1Healing (11/24/11 09:04 AM)

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#12355 - 11/24/11 12:07 PM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: 1Healing]
starry Offline
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Registered: 01/06/11
Posts: 350
You have so much awareness of where you are in all of this and how you feel. This gives me a great deal of hope for you.

I think there came a point where I stopped listening to the words my dad was using and just looked at his actions instead. I discovered he had been married a total of six times. Had he been divorced as well? I don't think so. Why would he? Too much bother. I reckon he just omitted to tell the other women about his other marriages. Just like he omitted to tell me about all the other children he had had. Lying by omission.

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#12357 - 11/24/11 03:50 PM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: starry]
1Healing Offline
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Registered: 10/25/11
Posts: 87
starry, thank you. You are doing well too.

There comes a time in life when growing up is part of the deal. & I don't think they ever do.
I know situations propell people to deal with issues or parts of their lives the previously did not.. I know that I grow continually in life. For me my faith has been my rock, without it I would be so lost. BUT this is still by far the most difficult situation I have been in.
I have been crying more lately, not that I miss him, I haven't since he left. What is there to miss, a man that hated me & didn't want to be with me apparently, no thanks.
As I say I don't even feel I have hit bottom yet, that as a disabled person I am not getting the help I am needing/ it's so serious.. I do fine when my life is in balance, in fact I do great overall as I love to exercise/ eat right etc., but if there is a huge inbalance then it's so hard on me. That's where I'm at. It's almost as if that was his intent, to knock me completely out of kilter /destroy my prior existance then leave.
I read that in purgatory (& hell) there is a replay of how a person inflicted pain on others.. the ones that intentionally hurt people.. if there is not reparation made in this lifetime to this, there has to be a cleansing before entering Heaven & for the life of me it's the only peace of mind I have in this, that if he only had a smidgen of a clue what he did to my life & the pain/ utter destruction he did to me/ also that has affected my parents because they do worry about me... my siblings are affected but not the extent my elderly folks are.
At some point in time I do believe that people's actions catch up to them. The psychopaths continue to run, they never face this, what they do. I ALWAYS see God & I attach to HIM, that peace, within & with HIM, but the day to day existance of my life has been so changed.

The affairs & marriages seem to mean nothing to them, what you said/ their large ego & then the Psychopaths victims.. it's a cycle ongoing.

I understand that they are not wired like non psychopaths, but it's almost a possession seemingly in the way it plays out & the aftermath. I saw a video on you tube someone mentioned, the guy wrote a book (other than Dr. Hare), & he mentions that the Psychopaths are inbedded too in society & it's like this running of/ by them too, that the battle good vs. evil is in regards... I do love God & trust in HIM but I pray so hard everyday to get past this, to hit bottom finally even to heal.. I yet do not have the help/ situations in place, that balance ...
post all of this.

They don't have a clue who they are as to lying, they live a facade existance & at the expense of others. I so hear you.. It was like this mr. nice guy/ then he would turn the tables every 48 hrs., to a monster, sit & laugh.. at my pain. at least I am removed from that. He was so sick. God Will Heal in time. I really think he is very lost but it's my life I have to mend & tend to.



Edited by 1Healing (11/24/11 03:51 PM)

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#12369 - 11/26/11 02:10 PM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: 1Healing]
FreeBird Offline
member

Registered: 08/24/11
Posts: 230
Guys, from my observation, my Psychopath was aware of his shortcomings in the social-life. He was constantly trying to hide sth and was incredibly insecure around people. Either youre their "friend" from the start or youre the enemy. Neutral is not an option.

When my Psychopath crashed my world I was so confused I thought I was supposed to be like him. I wished I had no feelings. He convinced me that I was crazy coz I had feelings.

Now Im so glad I do. It comes with great price, but its still totally worth it. The way I can experience life now, it's incredible. And not long ago I still thought I would not be able to be happy again, and now here I am, waking up with a smile on my face every freakin day, and I could not be more happy:D

Sure I've my ups and downs. But each time I am so greatful that I am not like him.
I guess true happiness doesn't come from outside, it is inside, if you love yourself, feel great with yourself, you will always be happy, no matter what.

1Healing, invest in yourself. Every little moment you have for yourself. You have to find yourself again, that happy person you used to be still lives inside, she just needs a little help to come back:)
Love yourself first, only then are you able to love others.

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#12370 - 11/26/11 03:30 PM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: FreeBird]
1Healing Offline
member

Registered: 10/25/11
Posts: 87
Newbird, I think getting the physical help I need would make a difference. I know myself / I have spent a good deal of time developing me, over the yrs & always grow from my experiences in life.. What I seem to run up against ongoing is my ability to physically get past things/ which is more external. I do have peace in my heart & soul/ I love God & love @ all times..
There ARE days I struggle with anger toward ex h.. this I am aware is part of grieving & the losses. But I think what you are saying & I do agree/ that time heals wounds & getting the help LITERALLY, as to easier access to others/ a situation that is more affordable for me now, etc.. will help. It's been such that I really have had to take one step at a time in all of these things. I'm loving/ kind.. I was with him & affectionate natured..
He would say otherwise but he is projecting his own anger.
Too, about these types/ that they are so afraid to truely bond/ intimacy, with others, they do not allow the commitment ongoing..

The friends I did have took me yrs to build/my life & I don't have trouble making friendships but my struggle is getting to people easily.. with my disability.
It is very frustrating to me/ because I DO need help/ lots of help right now, but cannot afford to go on the bus more than a few times a week at $8 a trip/ etc...
Irons in the fire, I have not given up hope.. I have faith in GOD & I love @ all times.
I do have short outs when it comes to exh though.. I admit.. like a brain shortwired / disconnect at my fury some days in all of this.
It will work out in time.

I am happy/ I have too much time/ investing in myself is not where I am stuck.. LOL
if I had a quarter for every hour I am investing in myself/ I may be rich.
I need people.. that's my goal/ to find better access/ more ways to reconnect..
Winters are not good either where I am living currently, they don't clean well at all & when it's snowy or very cold it's hard for me to get out at all sometimes for a week or more.

With ex h, there would be one or two that were above reproach..
He wouldn't keep the balance going in his life.. with others. he had to keep things upheavaled in one or more areas..
I think life is about seeing things in balance.
Some days/hrs. I cringe because of it all.. I see this too shall pass/ YES it is about LOVE... loving @ all times..
Even if one has to fling it in their face & walk away.. THE LIGHT OF GOD.


Edited by 1Healing (11/26/11 03:39 PM)

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#12560 - 01/21/12 05:57 AM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: Dianne E.]
pluscrafts Offline
member

Registered: 01/13/12
Posts: 3
Yes,the eyes, its like looking into Satin. My mothers eyes buldge and her nostrils literally flare and turn red. Her lips purse and look like ugly bird lips. You can see PURE evil! And then one knows the physical violence is about to begin. I'm in therapy at age 59! I still fear her. And, yes she is still violent. 9 months ago she beat my 80 year. Old father in the head, he had a massive stroke during the beating. She did NOT call for help, she went to bed for the night. My 40 year. Old nephew found her the next am, sitting at the table drinking coffee. My nephew found my father. He survived, but cannot speak. No police report. We wait for her to finish him off. Seems nothing can be done because of no paper trail.

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#12561 - 01/21/12 10:25 AM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: pluscrafts]
Dianne E. Offline

Administrator
member

Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2787
Loc: United States
I am sorry for not being able to say much due to time off due to illness. CALL the elder abuse group in your local area.

A general welcome to all the new member that have come to our community, sorry I haven't welcomed you individually.

Di

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#12815 - 03/17/12 06:17 PM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: Dianne E.]
psychosurvivor Offline
member

Registered: 02/11/12
Posts: 2
The psychopath in my life has a glassy empty stare when she is angry. It is terrifying. When i got up to deliver my eulogy at our mother's funeral, she was sitting staring straight ahead because she could not bear to acknowledge that i was addressing her as one of the mourners, so she had to pretend that i wasn't there. It was spooky but i also saw that it was pathetic and absurd....something changed between us in those moments, the power shifted a little from her to me.

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#13000 - 04/04/12 05:28 AM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: 1Healing]
FriedaB Offline
member

Registered: 10/24/11
Posts: 63
Originally Posted By: 1Healing
At some point in time I do believe that people's actions catch up to them. The psychopaths continue to run, they never face this, what they do.



Karma: What happens to a Psychopath when they are making other plans.

I am so sorry to hear of your situation! How are you doing these days?
_________________________

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#13115 - 04/26/12 12:50 PM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: BeautyForAshes]
TheChallenger Offline
member

Registered: 04/24/12
Posts: 11
The times I talked to and met my psychopath it was indeed something in his eyes that scared me.

I remember the first time I ever met him. We were at a party at a friend's house and he was invited, as one of my friends was his neighbour. He struck me as a great guy, funny, cool to hang out with, stories he spoke and he facinated everyone. His eyes however, they seemed empty. I at first thought that this person had gone through something horrible, and was afraid or something. When staring in to his eyes I saw nothing, it was just two gaping hole, no emotions, as if a dead person looked back at me.

Only time I ever saw any emotion was when he assaulted me, it was anger, perhaps even desperation.

I think psychopaths feel emotions, but just their own. They can feel joy, they can feel anger, perhaps even sadness, but they can not comprehend the empathy, perhaps why they pull people through what they do. They make people misserable, as if a hint to see how it feels, they enjoy being liked , and enjoy watching people cry, perhaps it's a way for them to try and feel something as we do, but these are questions for me, left unanswerd.

I however never saw my psychopath cry nor did I ever hear about it.

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#13434 - 06/17/12 06:48 PM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: TheChallenger]
Karina Offline
member

Registered: 06/14/12
Posts: 1
Hi. I'm new here and my English is not very good but this subject is a tentation to me smile The eyes of psychopaths are fascinating. Terrible ones though quite different to anything. I saw the black eyes three times in my life: twice in my own psychopathic expartner, and in two different intensities: once the horrible black black eyes, just for a moment, and onother one a less intense black but more prolonged. And another time i saw them from a woman, a woman i had no any kind of relation with but who told me a mean, without motivation by her side, comment one day. Since then i had a look at her from time to time discreetly ,just so, and one day looked at me with those intense black eyes. shocked What a fright again. They're a phenomenon of nature, evolution or whatever. Savage and dangerous like predator animals but with some human characteristics.


Edited by Karina (06/17/12 06:49 PM)

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#13436 - 06/18/12 12:56 AM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: Karina]
FreeBird Offline
member

Registered: 08/24/11
Posts: 230
TheChallenger - I like your theory. Someone here wrote that they do what they do just because they CAN. If you have no real feelings, I can imagine that life is but a game, what they perceive as life is what we would as a computer game - you can do whatever because you do not feel bad if you kill someone in the game - or at least not the same as you would in real life. I think that‘s how they see life - no emotions = not being able to value life.

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#13442 - 06/18/12 07:29 PM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: Dianne E.]
MalachiteMoon Offline
member

Registered: 06/17/12
Posts: 5
Loc: Texas
His eyes.

I never really thought about it until I read this thread. I looked at pictures of him last night, covering everything except the eyes. I know him, so I see the “smile,” but as I looked more objectively, I’m not sure it was really there. This is just one more way he deceived me.

I do recall many times, however, when he wanted me to look at him. Maybe we would be dancing in the living room, sitting at the park, or making love, and he would say, “Look at me,” with such intensity. I was always so struck that it took my breath away, and I thought I could see the world in there. I was in love, so I thought that’s what he was feeling too.

Looking back now though, I wonder. When I really think of what I saw there, I believe there was a void, or maybe it was like a sponge trying to soak up my emotions—almost as if he was looking so deeply at me because he was trying to see what it was to feel—to experience emotions through my eyes.

It is kind of creeping me out, to be honest.

The angry eyes—oh, I know those well. Whenever he was angry, his eyes frightened me. I don’t back down, I don’t show fear; I am not easily intimidated—often with him it was to my own detriment. His angry eyes would become very green, and glass over. I’ve seen people compare Psychopath’s eyes to those of shark's; I can easily see that. I know that when I saw those angry eyes, the mean stare was something I always tried to alter—to affect. Now, as I’m writing I remember too, he would often avoid looking at me, or if he was wearing sunglasses, he wouldn’t take them off when we fought. It was as though he didn’t want me to see his eyes.

I learned to be afraid, intimidated, and to back down from those angry eyes.

Again, it is kind of creeping me out. LOL


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#13936 - 10/17/12 07:59 AM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: MalachiteMoon]
lola Offline
member

Registered: 10/04/12
Posts: 5
I relapsed last night and had contact with my ex Psychopath..God i feel awful like iv let myself down but i have to keep reminding myself that the short honeymoon period was NOT REAL and his eyes and smile were so fake.....When i first got mith my Psychopath we were making love..he used to make me shake with desire like no one had ever done..he looked at me with a smirk and said " I can do anything to you " then i looked into his eyes and for a split second i saw the devil...His eyes were red and green and bore into me..I never forgot this however like so many other things that happened afterwards, i swept it under the carpet..Because it all became to painful to face...

There were often tears but looking back he never had any emotion with the tears..When a normal person crys they shake, they make a noise, they get a snotty nose and blow it...My Psychopath never made a sound..He just pretended to wipe away the tears...His eyes would often change colour however i put this down to what he was smoking at the time but again looking back it was when he had been caught out with something and became desperate to regain control again...

Being away from the Psychopath and reading stuff on here does make one stronger and also enables us to look back and put the pieces of our experience with these monsters together...Its a bit like doing a jigsaw puzzle and eventually the bigger picture emerges.. One very sick thing i have worked out is that on 2 occassions he got off on my pain and my tears...The first was our first argument..We went out with a friend of mine one night..i told my Psychopath that this friend ( a guy ) had been abused as a teenager by a homosexual and that my friend didnt know if he was gay or not..looking back my Psychopath, i now beleive, used this information..he used his eyes to seduce my friend knowing his vulnerability, and i saw there eye contact which shook me so i got up to leave...

As we left and said our goodbys i looked back to the front door and my friend went to kiss my Psycho and was staring in his eyes with a look of lust...I saw the whole thing and when walking home kept saying to myself...YOU KNOW WHAT YOU SAW...my Psychopath denied what had happened that night but after a few days said he did notice my friends behaviour..

I also got the blame from my Psychopath who said that because i knew that he had once had a gay experience i used this to set up the whole situation....This was not true...it never entered mind...i had only been living with my Psychopath for 3 weeks when this incident took place...when he went to bed that night i realised this man that i truely loved and adored would and could hurt me..i started looking for clues and found when i had been in bed or out he was trawling the interned looking at hard core porn...This was our first big argument..i threw him money to get out and find a flat...i was in tears and devestated and got very drunk...he saw my pain and used my money to go with a prostitute and use drugs..When he came back the hurt of this was unbearble..I took him back and again swept it under the carpet...Later when i had finally got him out of my home there was a incident when i was basically breaking down..I could not stop crying and didnt know why...i know now it was total emotional trauma...He saw this...and i was later to find out after witnessing my pain he again went with a prostitute...Its only now the jigsaw is emerging and what a sick and disgusting jigsaw it is...The thing that made me finally walk...

As people on here call" THE LIGHT BULB MOMENT" is when i was in his flat and again he had upset and hurt me..I looked at him and he was grinning like a cheshire cat..thats when i realised this man is sick and likes seeing me in pain..this was to happen again the day i told him i wanted no contact..This monster has put me through incredible pain because i didnt know what i was dealing with and always hoped that the lovely guy i saw for a few weeks in the begining would come back...But...now i know that lovely guy was a act..that lovely guy does not exsist....HE WAS NOT REAL....and the nice times we had were all just a act on his part...








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#13939 - 10/17/12 04:51 PM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: lola]
Dianne E. Offline

Administrator
member

Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2787
Loc: United States
Hi Lola, I know it sounds easy but please try to be kind to yourself, many times relapse is part of recover. It appears that reflecting on all of these horrible things in many ways will help you be the strong, caring person that you were before and will be after this horrendous experience.

I think we all can tend to brush things under the carpet because it is very hard to think of evil for what it really is. It can make us question ourselves to such a degree that we feel like the crazy one in the room.

I am glad that you did kick him out of your space. Don't be surprised if he continues to try and contact you, that will be the test of no contact. I don't think it is good to live in the negative state but in cases of dealing with Psychopaths it is the thing that can help shake us awake and know in our heart of hearts that they are not capable of change and don't deserve your love and kindness.

Many times victims keep trying to capture the good times in the honeymoon state but I think you should be very proud of yourself for having your eyes wide open to what the reality is.

Di

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#13943 - 10/17/12 11:42 PM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: Dianne E.]
Gary92 Offline
member

Registered: 10/17/12
Posts: 18
The eyes are like a death glare. Growing up with it for 20 years, it makes the hair on the back of my neck raise when my psychopathic father even looks at me. I have come close to many panic attacks over the years, and everytime I tried to tell someone about it, it got shot down. My mother even says that it began when I was an infant, but according to them (she used to stick up for him) I normally was told "you're too tense" or that I let things get to me easily. I had to lie to my doctors growing up and never tell them what really was going on, just like you have to lie to all your friends about what really goes on at home. Even now to this day, it's gotten a lot worse. When my father is screaming and threatening to beat one of us or his punishing emotional verbal abuse, my legs start shaking uncontrollably, my hands, I start stuttering very badly, and I can barely walk a couple feet without falling down and just shaking hard.

Yeah that "look at me" or with me, it was always "you better fing look at me right now" just scares the living crap out of me.

A few months ago I finally told my parents WHY I think I was having those problems and they started again "Oh you wanna blame that on me huh?". I will never get over how a psychopath can't feel any sympathy, whatsoever even when it's his own kid. Even recently he mocks me when I start stuttering, by acting like he can't talk straight and gives me his death glare.


After reading this, I went back and looked at pictures during my childhood and I noticed it. The eyes are just black, but most of all, in a normal "family" type photo, he's not even looking at the camera. He's got this bad look on his face and his eyes are normally shifted down at me or at my mother like he flat out hates us.

The tears I've always believed are fake. "Don't cry, you'll make ME cry"....that's when the scum bag isn't mocking you and laughing over your tears like he does when your body starts shaking close to a panic attack. The few times my father HAS cried, it's always been FORCED tears. You know how someone is forcing themselves to cry. The only 2 times I remember in my life was one time I got really upset that he told my mother a bunch of lies how I thought she was some sick nutcase, and it just destroyed me, that he would lie like that, and I bust out balling. I think he played up on it to make himself the victim on that cause he told me I was making HIM cry now. The other time was a classic. My mother's sugar problems and diabeties and he just launches a war path of F You's, and calling her every name in the book, and then continuing on when she's back in the bathroom puking her guts out and crying uncontrollably. I started crying, he looks at me and basically forces himself to start crying before uttering the words "God I hate that fing b****"



Those eyes of his are in my nightmares. I always think psychopaths seem to create "multiple personalities" and in my dreams, that's how it comes off. I'm fighting an illusion of 4, 5, even 6 versions of my psychopathic father, each of them telling different lies.


Edited by Gary92 (10/17/12 11:43 PM)

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#13944 - 10/18/12 12:05 AM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: starry]
Gary92 Offline
member

Registered: 10/17/12
Posts: 18
Originally Posted By: starry
Originally Posted By: 1Healing
When I was with ex h I was happy, I felt he was his real self with me, but it was like it could not maintain, he would Have to be mad, start fights, gaslight, silent treatment, then discard.


The anger and vitriol is part of his 'real self' too. I don't see a split there. I don't see it as the powers of evil pressing in and taking over an essentially 'good' person.

To me, that seems like a manipulation, the 'I love you but I'm really troubled and I can't help it' line.

My dad used it a lot. 'I had such a troubled upbringing' and 'my mother was a real b****' so 'I can't help feeling this way, I'm a victim!'. Actually no, I knew he was lying to me, I always knew that was a manipulation.

I now don't believe anything my dad ever said to me. That's the trouble with lying, eventually people just treat everything you say as a lie.

Sorry, I don't by that line when someone tries to sell any of that stuff to me. You're an adult, you take responsibility for your thoughts, feelings and actions, and if you're 'troubled', sort it out. Don't go repeating the same abusive patterns your life over. And not only, but actively seeking out 'victims' in a very predatory way.

Don't mean to sound harsh against yourself 1Healing, just harsh against the **** these 'people' peddle.



Your dad sounds exactly like mine. Everything is the fault of his parents, nothing is ever his fault how he became what he is now. He's always, always, always, always the victim no matter how much stuff HE breaks or says or does.


Over the years with my mother confessing things, sometimes I don't even believe my father's name is what it is he has lied so bad. It was very very bad growing up and just small things, were bare faced lies, and it was ALWAYS him trying to turn us against our mother, even our grandparents in times, and many other family members. But of course our mother "brainwashed" us, it's never his fault.

I guess when you lie and continue to lie and keep lying, you start to believe your own lies, and that's what happens. They truly DO forget something when they say that it never happened.



As far as his own mother and how horrible she was he claims, the secret she told my mother can't be forgotten. She claimed she abandoned him because there was "no fixing him" pretty much the theory of a born "bad seed" with his compulsive non-stop lying at an early age, which was the same reason she apparently left his father afterwards (from all evidence I know, his father was a total psychopath too). She basically told my mother straight out when I was born that my father was a problem child and she would regret ever marrying him. I still don't agree that you just up and leave a kid at the age of 16, but the fact NONE of his family ever tried to seek us out and see how we were doing all these years always made me wonder, cause he has a huge family, and the few times they reached out to us, they would back out at the last minute to avoid him. I never met any of them, and his own father who now is dead and he still loves to say "I got beat with his fists", like yeah 30 years ago, you haven't seen him in how long?



As far as the "born bad seed" stuff goes, you have to really wonder if they are born that way all along. Similar to the posts about the souls that just zip back up into a new body and are ready to go. But if you're born that way, then I'm half of him and it makes me sick to my stomach that I have that in me.

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#14028 - 11/08/12 04:04 PM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: Dianne E.]
Gala Offline
member

Registered: 11/07/12
Posts: 7
This whole thread is freaking me out a bit.

I so very much wish I could post pictures of him. Suffice to say in every single picture of him, he purposefully has this evil look, to the extent that I remember commenting about it to him when we first started seeing each other. And then the last picture he sent to me via email (and who sends a picture of themselves to someone that has just ended it with them yet AGAIN?) with the words "so that you can throw darts at my ugly face." <<that picture was really evil. Dark, penetrating eyes with the death look. Of course, I was a bit kind (fool that I was) and told him he looked good, liked the haircut and soul patch (ironic, he has no soul I think).

And in other pics he definitely had that "smirk" thing going on. Never a true smile.

One night in bed, something he did startled me from my "almost sleep" and I quickly looked over at him. He quickled hissed at me "why are you looking at me liked that?" His eyes were so very evil in that moment that I just cannot explain it. I don't know what he did to startle me, but it was like I was really seeing him unmasked. If that makes any sense.

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#14029 - 11/08/12 07:40 PM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: Gala]
Dianne E. Offline

Administrator
member

Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2787
Loc: United States
Hi Gala, welcome to our community. Yes, those eyes are the dead giveaway to the unmasking, like looking into the eyes of what we would imagine the eyes of the devil looks like Like looking into some black sea of no soul.

Many members over the years of really getting it when they looked at pictures, it seems like even if they aren't unmasked the eyes and the smirks really show in pictures. You can see the same look when you see a true crime show and the face of the Psychopath is shown.

It is like when you hear a cop say once you smell a dead body it is one that you never forget, same with the eyes of a Psychopath, imo.

There is a prominent Psychopath here in town and when I see his picture in the newspaper it creeps me out. I can recall to a t the exact position I was standing in when I looked into the eyes of an unmasked Psychopath.

Di

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#14031 - 11/09/12 09:27 AM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: Dianne E.]
Gala Offline
member

Registered: 11/07/12
Posts: 7
Thanks for the welcome Diane. smile

The smell of a dead body analogy is spot on! No, I will never forget it.

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#14036 - 11/12/12 02:05 PM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: Dianne E.]
Great2bealive Offline
member

Registered: 10/25/12
Posts: 4
Originally Posted By: Dianne E.
Hi Gala, welcome to our community. Yes, those eyes are the dead giveaway to the unmasking, like looking into the eyes of what we would imagine the eyes of the devil looks like Like looking into some black sea of no soul.

Many members over the years of really getting it when they looked at pictures, it seems like even if they aren't unmasked the eyes and the smirks really show in pictures. You can see the same look when you see a true crime show and the face of the Psychopath is shown.

It is like when you hear a cop say once you smell a dead body it is one that you never forget, same with the eyes of a Psychopath, imo.

There is a prominent Psychopath here in town and when I see his picture in the newspaper it creeps me out. I can recall to a t the exact position I was standing in when I looked into the eyes of an unmasked Psychopath.

Di
Wow! That's a mouthful right there! i can relate, to a degree, that is. the "unmasking" as you called it, well i to have seen the "eyes of the devil' himself, in my ex-husband. I will never, ever doubt the "devil' or will i ever doubt the level or degree he will go to to hurt those he has munipulated into his web of deception.I saw those eyes one night, after being held down onto our bed. It had been a "all nighter", and it had gone on into the next day. I was being "handled' by my neck and head, to be forced to look at him while he told me what i needed to be told by him, because he was the "master of the house", that's when i saw the devil himself. i literally screamed to the top of my lungs! i had seen the devil and he was in front of me holding my head in place, being forced to look at him! i have seen my ex-husbands pic on fb one day, his mom posted some pics.

I to got the 'cringes" when i saw him, it was just like before, when i saw the devil that day. Nothing had changed.These people are possessed by the devil, or it seems that way. So many evil things were done by my ex-husband, i know he is possessed by something. Nobody can be that mean and not have some type of evil demon in them, to be able to do the things they do to others.Thanks for talking about this subject, it's very enlightening.

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#14039 - 11/12/12 09:54 PM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: Dianne E.]
maryf Offline
member

Registered: 11/11/12
Posts: 2
My husbands ex-wife is a psychopath. We share custody of the kids (ages 6 and 7) with her and we're trying desperately to get sole custody of them. I have dealt with her for 3 years now and I didn't realize she was a psychopath until most recently. I have been doing so much research to figure out what was wrong with her. She fits every symptom of psychopathy.

It's scary to read all these posts about their eyes. The first thing I said about her was, "She has the crazy eyes." But I didn't know it was much more than that. They are vacant and evil. I refuse to look at her because I feel her gaze will destroy my soul. After reading this thread, I looked back at her Facebook pictures and looked at just her eyes. They scare the living daylights out of me!

My husband and I try to prevent her from even looking at us. We keep our distance from her and won't let her physically see us when she drops off the kids. I have to say, I have never felt I needed to literally hide from somebody. I have never dealt with someone like this before. That's why I came to this site.

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#14043 - 11/13/12 10:21 AM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: maryf]
Dianne E. Offline

Administrator
member

Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2787
Loc: United States
Hi Mary, welcome to our community. Very sorry that you have to currently share custody. Yes, the eyes are quite something when you know about Psychopathic people.

We have a section for children in custody situations with a Psychopath. Will pop right back and give you the link in case you haven't found it.

Here is the section
What about the children of Psychopaths

If you find a member that you want to read their story, if you click on a name their posts will be listed.

Di


Edited by Dianne E. (11/13/12 10:23 AM)
Edit Reason: added link

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#14047 - 11/13/12 10:08 PM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: Dianne E.]
maryf Offline
member

Registered: 11/11/12
Posts: 2
Thank you <3

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#14138 - 12/29/12 09:29 AM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: Dianne E.]
satan's child Offline
member

Registered: 04/21/12
Posts: 13
VERY, VERY TRUE DI!!!

The Eyes NEVER match the fake smaile they attempt to put on for the world to see.

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#14181 - 01/08/13 12:14 AM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: Dianne E.]
trudy Offline
member

Registered: 04/28/12
Posts: 24
Hello everyone,
I was not sure where to put this so I chose to place it in a reply to D hope this is okay.

My ex Psychopath had hazel/green eyes that would turn deep black. This change would seem to come from nowhere and at first I did not recognize that the eyes were black, only that something about his face looked different and I felt "off" but I could not make out what was wrong. He was able to keep his composure,he did not change his behavior nor blow up in anger, his eyes would just go black. He told me that he had always been on his best behavior for me so maybe he wanted to rage but didn't.

The black eyes were not nearly as troubling as what I refer to as his ted bundy eyes. So bizarre, I only saw this once (during physical intimacy) they were his true color but huge and fixed and staring, I had the horrifying realization that NOBODY WAS IN THERE. It might sound crazy but for a few moments I could feel his emptiness and it terrified me. I will never forget it but how I wish I could. The best way to describe it would be to say that it felt vast and expansive(like images of deep dark space)but completely empty at the same time, I call it INFINITE NOTHING. Even now it is hard to write it down. If I had to live my life with that feeling I would have to say that it would be like being the living dead.

We dated for only 9 months but he was an important person in my life for 23 years. I had no idea "what" he was and how I found out is an insanity of it's own. It was only after it ended that I saw the Anne Rule book cover and recognized the exact eyes. I am still traumatized by ptsd.

I have a question though, his eyes also did something even more strange (hard to imagine). I'll just lay out the scenario of what I saw. He was on the phone with a U.S. senator from our state. I mention the person's position only because this is a significant part of what got the Psychopath so worked up. Currently the Psychopath is trying to manipulate the senator into creating legislation that will help his company. It was Summer yet the house was freezing with the A.C. cranked up. The Psychopath was sweating like mad, waving his arms, pacing with intensity while trying to ingratiate and manipulate in an overly cheerful and "sincere" tone.
After the call I walked over to him and as I approached I noticed that it looked as if he had something in his eyes. I stood right in front of him and motioned with my finger towards his eyes. He said "what" and I said that there appeared to be something in his eyes. He said, "oh, that, when I get really worked up I get this in my eyes." I asked him if it happened all the time and he said "only once in a while." It was a thick, cream/pale yellow colored, mucous like substance that had collected in each of his eyes. The size was about half of a raisin cut lengthwise. Forgive me for the yuck factor but it was sort of like snot. Kind of like when a frenzied dog gets that in it's eyes.

I have looked this up on the web so many times but have found nothing. Has anyone else ever seen this or heard of it? What is it?

If it took me too long to reach the point I apologize, it seems to be that way when it comes to stories of the Psychopath.

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#14191 - 01/15/13 10:01 PM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: trudy]
Dianne E. Offline

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member

Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2787
Loc: United States
Hi Trudy, wow, please don't feel a need to apologize, your input is very important. I have never heard such detail and yes it does make perfect sense, almost like his evil blasting out through his eyes. Thanks for sharing this extra detail that I am sure someone will come along that can relate to. Those eyes are the scariest part of the entire experience, something that once you see it very hard to shake, indeed.

Di

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#14192 - 01/16/13 02:53 AM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: Dianne E.]
trudy Offline
member

Registered: 04/28/12
Posts: 24
Hello Dianne,

Thank you so much. I deeply appreciate the time you have taken with me and I am so grateful for this web site. When I came across it I recognized that it was the real thing, people here share meaningful and accurate depictions of what it means to deal with a Psychopath.

I was so relieved not to be alone; reading that others knew what I was feeling validated me and gave me hope and strength at my darkest hour.

I sure hope that one day someone can offer an answer to his eyes (that stuff). As a very unusual aside I'll briefly share an odd little coincidence.

Many years ago when I first met the Psychopath (I was the nanny for whom he secretly developed an enduring infatuation) I was newly dating my son's father. As a couple we shared a love for reading. One weekend we went to a book expo, authors etc... We were about to leave when we came across a large, empty room. There were about a hundred empty chairs so we decided to sit down for a bit. As we were about to leave people started to file in. It turned out they were coming to see Anne Rule. At the time I had no idea who she was. We decided to stay just for the heck of it. During her Q&A session the subject went to ted bundy. She answered a few questions and then looked directly at me, she pointed me out and said that I would be ted bundy's ideal type. This drew some laughs and she went on to explain why she said what she had. I nearly forgot all about that encounter until I happened to see the cover of her book about t.b. and recognized those haunting and familiar eyes. Unbelievable.

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#14193 - 01/16/13 10:24 AM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: trudy]
daddysproblem Offline
member

Registered: 06/23/11
Posts: 99
Trudy,

I'm in shock from your Ann Rule experience. It's more than that.. my eyes are watering.

I'm always trying to figure out why I end up with so many encounters with what I believe are Psychopaths. I have come to the conclusion that something about me..sets them off.

I think that initially I appear open to them. I think that is because their freaky behavior doesn't set me off. But then they realize I'm not buying it. The charm they are selling.. THEY know - on an instinctual level - that I KNOW. They KNOW that they they don't have my - trust? And then I believe it encourages them to somewhat mess with me. I become a target. But not in the way that others would perceive as a target... it's very subtle.

My neighbor for instance. I believe she's a Psychopath. She has a dangerous dog. By her inaction, the dog has mauled my dog and as come after me.

And it's the eyes. Their eyes are knowing... detached.... somewhat curious... intrigued....

My new way to stay completely away from my Dad (which is what brought me to this site) is that I imagine.. that if he were to see me suffering.. dying.. the only thing I would see would be those eyes.. vacant.. uncaring... detached... and most likely.. satisfied that my demise was unfolding right before his eyes.

This is also how i approach my neighbor.. I avoid her and don't engage.

Now with hindsight.. every memory I have of my Dad the memory is tuned in to his eyes.. his glare..

I'm so glad it's over......



Edited by daddysproblem (01/16/13 10:25 AM)

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#14198 - 01/16/13 05:09 PM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: daddysproblem]
trudy Offline
member

Registered: 04/28/12
Posts: 24
Hi Daddysproblem,

I have realized that because of my upbringing, merely coping with and reacting to a bad environment, I did not develop in a healthy way. Being raised by a Psychopath meant that my environment trained me to be compliant, to have no needs(they were seldom met so I reduced my expectations to nothing)and to learn to live without nurturing parental behavior, normalcy and stability in my life.

My sense of self and the world developed improperly. I was blind to maltreatment, deeply shy, naive, had no effective personal boundaries and was sent out into the world as a target, wholly unprepared to protect myself from bad people and psychopathic behavior. Although I would add that nearly anyone, given the right circumstances can fall prey a Psychopath.

I am sorry about your dog being attacked. Maybe you need some form of protection, just in case the neighbor dog attempts to come after you again. Your neighbor probably is a Psychopath they seem to be a dime a dozen. What galls me is that Psychopaths have the advantage, even if warned about them most people are only able to mentally accept the hardcore version of a Psychopath, the visibly apparent types. It is hard for typical people to understand the hidden Psychopaths that run rampant. It seems to take being badly burned and then one never forgets.

You mentioned the intrigue & fascination that can be present in their eyes. Your dad sounds like a piece of work. You are right to deny him the satisfaction of watching you suffer and to refuse to allow him to ruin you. Keeping away as much as possible seems to be the most effective strategy when one has a psychopathic parent.



I have not written too much about the Psychopath I was with, there is so much,it would take forever. He he had many types of eyes depending on what was going on. Mostly he presented as a normal person. I recall a party where he seemed to want me to feel unhappy and frustrated,when I reacted accordingly there was a subtle enjoyment and his eyes revealed he was delighting in his ability to make me upset. Why I noticed this and why I recall it to this day I have no idea. There were tiny oddities that could not be filed away and so they remianed, hanging out in space. I only saw the ted bundy eyes once but that episode is etched in my memory.

I was close to the Psychopath I was with, loved him so much as a person (naive) that I actually had a conversation with him (in a restaurant) telling him I believed he had a personality disorder and detailing for him an episode in which I watched him switch persona's.

That really did happen, he went from my sweet, very low key, attentive partner to this swaggering, cocky, smooth talking C.E.O. in about 8 seconds. We were out and some people from his business world spotted us and insisted we join them for drinks. On our way to their section he even walked differently! I did not know what was happening at the time, his markedly changed behavior stood out as unfamiliar, I knew he was sober so I could not understand what he was doing. Only after everything went down (long story) did I know what that was.

After he listened to me describe noticing this and other traits he said "you might be right about that." He was beaming, glowing as if flattered beyond measure and giving me a look of adoration and saying he loved me!!! I was stunned, heartbroken and overcome by how sick he truly is, somehow I kept my composure, I wanted to run but I just sat there dazed.

He long ago created persona's and functions from those to get by in life. Not like dissociative identity disorder where a personality takes over and there is no recollection of events. He is of one mind, he remembers everything he does but has to act from a persona depending on the environment, agenda etc... Evil chameleon in a business suit.

He said I was like the C.I.A., apparently the fact that I had eyes, ears and a memory was a problem for him. I am not a suspicious person by nature but due to my upbringing I have a heightened awareness sometimes,perhaps my memory for certain things is vivid (part of a survival mechanism?) Not sure what made me write all of this today, maybe I needed catharsis. I'm kind of going on and on aren't I?

I spend most of my efforts working at improving my habits and thinking so I tend to avoid writing about things related to my experience with Psychopaths. I do like to encourage others, I was so low, had no interest or faith in myself or life. If I can improve, crawl out of that hole and become stronger anyone can.

I used to resent it but have accepted that it is my job to rewire my brain, develop healthy boundaries, elevate myself to equal with the rest of the world and build a life from this new perspective. Tall order, I have episodes where I lose ground but I get right back to it.

What I marvel at is that I went for so long COMPLETELY UNAWARE of the reality that my mother is a Psychopath. What does it take to be so blind? When I had to figure out what the psychology of the behavior of the Psychopath I was involved with was I began to clearly see my mother and my history finally made sense. He is off the charts(but he is so hidden & controlled it is scary),she (mom) is more typical of female Psychopaths.

The Psychopath I was with once said to me (this was after I knew)"you're my Snow White" and "you are pure." The whole story is so out there. It did not start out crazy,I knew him well for more than two decades prior to becoming involved with him! He was the person in my life who believed in me, saw my potential and treated me better than anyone, never a harsh word between us in all those years. I was the babysitter so I was around him all the time, even lived in the guest house for a while. Never once did he make an improper gesture and I never (not one time) caught him checking me out. It was only all those years later when in a relationship that he said "I've always been on my best behavior for you."

During one of our last meetings he said "well at least you found out about this now instead of two years from now" followed by "I tried to warn you, I tried to tell you what I am but you wouldn't listen." Who on earth refers to himself as a "what" and not a "who"? In hindsight he did try to warn me, only his warnings were so subtle, benign, cryptic that nobody would have understood what he meant. In the end I could not recognize his energy, could not even view him as a person, let alone the person I had known. This shift really messed with my mind, he is an entirely different entity underneath his persona's. They are like clothes he wears to blend into different environments.

I let him know that I have spoken to a couple of attorneys(to document) and told my friend who is a federal judge about this (not to boast re. judge, just that he understands his power). Just to ensure my safety. I think this is why he has not bothered me so far. He is not the sort to tolerate loose ends so I will be making changes before too long.

Had better stop, not sure what got into me. Thank you for listening.

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#14434 - 03/18/13 03:37 PM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: trudy]
warrioress Offline
member

Registered: 03/16/13
Posts: 72
Mine could turn the tears on and off like a faucet, in fact, he had a judge so convinced of his 'remorse' that he not only let the guy not post bail, but let him off on criminal charges of interfering with a 911 call and domestic assault, 'With prejudice", which meant the case could never be brought up again, far too soon for the DA to get the police report or evidence in the case.
Now that the Psychopath returned to stalk me and I have a 10 year protection order, I am filing for breech of my civil rights on that case. It will do nothing towards the Psychopath, but will hold the Judge accountable. You can do this if 'the system' let you down, as they Do.

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#14489 - 03/21/13 03:40 AM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: warrioress]
funkyinanna Offline
member

Registered: 03/16/13
Posts: 48
OMG another lightbulb moment

I'd never seen a guy cry so easily and so much before and I always thought it was because he was 'so sensitive'! but he did it and he did it a lot

ofcourse towards the end it was me who was crying most of the time, after i lost control

as for the beady eyes he confessed that he doesn't like being photographed and that he has almost no photos of himself not even as a child...when he said this at the time i took it to mean he was neglected ignored unloved

but now i wonder if he used to avoid being photographed or if he had destroyed all his photos

i do still have one photo of him...yes! beady eys...empty cold...i mistook for sadness but it's not it's emptiness

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#14498 - 03/21/13 07:33 AM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: funkyinanna]
1962 Offline
member

Registered: 01/31/13
Posts: 206
What is it about the eyes??? The "Psychopath" I was married to, (nan, almost typed my Psychopath)used to wear sunglasses

all the time. In fact, I used to ask him to remove them even inside the house. I am thinking now that

it was his way of supporting his mask. As I was figuring out all of this craziness, I would often ask

him to remove his glasses so I could see his eyes. What were once beautiful blue eyes, had become gray

and cold -

I've heard other victims describe them as almost reptilian. There was nothing warm or beautiful about

them any more. That scared and also fasinated me- how is it that someone's eye color can change? I saw

him recently and his eye color was blue again, sparkly blue as I had remembered. I guess the mask was

firmly in place again.

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#14499 - 03/21/13 08:06 AM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: 1962]
funkyinanna Offline
member

Registered: 03/16/13
Posts: 48
1962

I think you're probably right...the eyes go with the mask
and maybe even depend on how much energy he's guzzling and what he's using it for at the time

but you can't hide in a photograph

no matter how 'good' the mask is somehow the camera lens sees through it!

I look at the photo now and I think: is that really him?!!

he just seems so weak

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#14522 - 03/22/13 08:39 AM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: funkyinanna]
1962 Offline
member

Registered: 01/31/13
Posts: 206
Funky- they appear so weak, because I truly think they are weak. They do not have the same morals and values that drive "norms" like us. Imagine having nothing in life but the desire to control and conquer- granted that may have been beneficial in the past, but in reality how useful are those skills in today's business model?

Although we do seem to be more and more accepting of personalities that have these "take no prisoners" personalities, the reality is that they are truly nothing with out the "narcissistic supply" and the mirroring of their victims.

So to sum it up, I think that they target STRONG PEOPLE, we are not weak victims as some might suggest. Look around and see how = given all we've been through, we are still standing, learning, reaching out and giving back.

It's what and who we are/ (what probably was attractive to the "Psychopath" in the first place) And truthfully I am not likely to change my basic personality because of what happened to me, but I will learn to set boundaries look for other people's motivations and love myself first and best before even thinking about looking for another relationship of any kind. (as I've read here, bosses, friends ect can also be "Psychopath"s)

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#14543 - 03/24/13 02:54 AM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: 1962]
funkyinanna Offline
member

Registered: 03/16/13
Posts: 48
1962

i guess it takes a while to feel strong again...am still shaky

i just wanted to add something that i remembered last night: almost 50% of the time when i called him up he would say something like "i feel like crying" and i would get busy trying to find out why? there was never any one specific reason...that's cause i was being suckered! it was a way to get his hooks into me and sap as much energy as he could and then at the end of it all one of his last comments was that i seemed so negative all the time...unbelievable!

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#14545 - 03/24/13 03:56 AM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: funkyinanna]
Nan Offline
member

Registered: 01/12/04
Posts: 501
Originally Posted By: funkyinanna


[…]
... i was being suckered! it was a way to get his hooks into me and sap as much energy as he could and then at the end of it all one of his last comments was that i seemed so negative all the time...unbelievable!


Yes! You are so right. Totally unbelievable!

When in an email (written after Mr. Who had returned to his home in another country) I recounted, step by step, minute by minute and word by word what had led up to him trying to kill me as he said he was going to do, he denied each and every word.

I was not only completely wrong, I was also being unkind since I knew that he had just had heart surgery. How could I be so selfish and so unconcerned about his welfare?

He discounted everything I wrote. It had never happened…. Right!

I was slowly crawling out of the rabbit hole and he was not going to shove me back in.

These people will say and do anything to keep you caught and submissive. Why fall for it?

Dry your eyes, Inanna, and take a walk in the spring sunshine.

Nan

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#14549 - 03/24/13 12:23 PM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: Nan]
1962 Offline
member

Registered: 01/31/13
Posts: 206
Nan and Funky,

All of these things are different ways to manipulate us. Once you are out of the forest, you can see the trees!

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#14551 - 03/24/13 12:34 PM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: 1962]
Nan Offline
member

Registered: 01/12/04
Posts: 501
Originally Posted By: 1962
What is it about the eyes??? ...

... As I was figuring out all of this craziness, I would often ask him to remove his glasses so I could see his eyes. What were once beautiful blue eyes, had become gray and cold -
[…]

I saw him recently and his eye color was blue again, sparkly blue as I had remembered. I guess the mask was firmly in place again.


How eerie, 1962.

When did you first notice the cold and gray eyes - or what made you notice? Do you remember?

Nan

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#14625 - 03/28/13 01:13 PM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: Nan]
Shayna Offline
member

Registered: 03/05/13
Posts: 120
Has anybody noticed changes in the way they speak? Every since I told him I knew what he was his way of speaking to me has almost completely changed. It sounds much less emotional now, more matter of fact. And he seems to speak quicker. It's so odd. Granted I've only spoken to him twice since I confronted him but each time... so different.

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#14629 - 03/29/13 06:37 AM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: Shayna]
1962 Offline
member

Registered: 01/31/13
Posts: 206
The "Psychopath" I am married to slips into an "official" tone when he is discussing anything even remotely related to or about his business. He's used the baby talk voice and the whiney "you hurt me" voice. Speed and tone changed also.

It's wierd and obvious to me now.

My original counselor who works in an institution with the criminal psychopath says that there are many personnas these people create and use. Some can even be different in their sexuality! (I have noticed the "Psychopath" I am married to -oggling men) I have also noticed that his walk changed. The "personality" that poisoned me almost seemed to "float" across the room- he was so light on his feet! we're talking 6', 275 lbs. Explain that one!

When I asked above counselor to tell me which one was really him, he said they all were. OMG.


Edited by 1962 (03/29/13 06:40 AM)
Edit Reason: added info

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#14631 - 03/29/13 07:03 AM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: 1962]
Nan Offline
member

Registered: 01/12/04
Posts: 501
1962

You have mentioned, again and again, that the psychopath you were married to, poisoned you.

I am wondering why you are not pressing charges since this would come under the heading of attempted murder.

I do understand the reason why not from the point of view of your two boys and the closest family, but … the fact that he poisoned you a little at a time, is really very, very scary.

When Mr. Who tried to kill me, I did not press charges since he lived in another country separated by a large body of water and also because I knew that I would never come near him again.

I also know that it would have been an issue of my word versus his word and he being the more convincing of the two of us (I was a mite freaked out and would not have sounded coherent) AND a sense, I see that now, of me being scared since his ticket to leave was a few days off and if the police did not take him into custody, I would have been in real danger while I slept.

How did you discover that you had been poisoned and that he was doing it? It's perfectly okay to not answer - perfectly okay. Please do not worry (((HUGS)))

Nan

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#14634 - 03/29/13 01:33 PM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: Nan]
1962 Offline
member

Registered: 01/31/13
Posts: 206
Yes, Nan

I say it repeatedly to remind myself that the kind, loving man I thought I was married to for 30 years, poisoned me.

The drs. say it could have been on and off for several years beginning when I began to go back to college. I had multiple odd ailments; bladder cancer, supposed MS or another autoimmune disease,
severe anemia- each time the symptoms abated.

This last time however, I got to my GP about a week after I had been severely dosed with something- came back as arsenic poisoning. The level was high enough to trigger concern and I have taken steps about it with the authorities. This was in response to my telling him that I knew he was having affairs and that I wasn't going to tolerate it.

The scary thing is that we were supposed to be working on rebuilding our rocky relationship- this poisoning was premeditated.

Honestly, to write about it seems like someone else's story.

I have told my boys and family- they are dealing with it in their own ways but both boys continue to have relationships with their father. That's hard for me, but both support me too. Guess that it was hard for me to wrap my brain around- the MASK is a total 180 from a man who would poison his wife. Scout leader, business man, all around great guy- dark as H3LL on the inside though.

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#14637 - 03/29/13 04:06 PM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: 1962]
Nan Offline
member

Registered: 01/12/04
Posts: 501
Originally Posted By: 1962


Honestly, to write about it seems like someone else's story.


Yes,1962, I am almost crying. Please write the story. You are a good writer! Now is the right time to find your own voice and through listening to your deepest self, rise to your heart where love resides.

Imagine your heart like a piece of golden amber hiding all the best of you. Find it!

Warm regards,

Nan


Edited by Nan (03/29/13 04:07 PM)

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#14638 - 03/29/13 06:50 PM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: Nan]
1962 Offline
member

Registered: 01/31/13
Posts: 206


When did you first notice the cold and gray eyes - or what made you notice? Do you remember?

Nan

[/quote]

I do believe that the eyes are the windows to your soul, so often I would ask him to remove the glasses so I could judge whether he was telling the truth to me (hard to tell with gaslighting and all).

I noticed that his eyes had turned cold, not at all warm and loving as they once were. This was early on as I was just beginning to question. The first time I saw them gray it was outside and sunny. I attributed the oddity to that. As time went on, I continued to ask. Regardless of the location, inside or out, the eyes stayed that cold gray. My counselor (one that works with criminal psychopaths) said that was significant and is an indicator of a psychopath.

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#14645 - 03/30/13 05:21 PM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: 1962]
galetre Offline
member

Registered: 02/11/13
Posts: 34
Thanks for the reminder, everyone. Mine has been playing games with me on FB all day & I'm so lonely I was starting to fall for it. For me, the scariest look is when he is smiling and getting great enjoyment out of my suffering, or the suffering of others. He is never so happy as when he is relating a story of one of his "friends'" misfortunes. It's sickening.

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#14649 - 03/31/13 02:31 AM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: galetre]
funkyinanna Offline
member

Registered: 03/16/13
Posts: 48
galetre

I know the 'smile' you mean...I've seen it many times...always at the most inappropriate moment

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#14656 - 04/01/13 05:57 AM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: funkyinanna]
Shayna Offline
member

Registered: 03/05/13
Posts: 120
Galetre, why are you still interacting with him on FB? You're only hurting yourself by doing that. frown

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#14659 - 04/01/13 06:46 AM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: Shayna]
getaway Offline
member

Registered: 12/15/12
Posts: 6
I do apologise as I have not read through this entire thread but I just happened to notice a couple of posts about grey eyes.

This is something that really stood out for me once I cottoned onto there being something not quite right....& in turn he was not sure how much I knew because some past victims were getting in touch & he was concerned whether or not I had any contact with them as well..

The aggressive behaviour was getting escalated & whether this was still part of the conditioning phase or in preparation for discarding me I'm not sure, but when the interrogations happened or when I arrived home from work & I could feel 'the darkness' in the house I noticed an ashen look to his face & the eyes appeared to be grey...I told my friends about it, that his eyes 'changed'!

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#14660 - 04/01/13 02:03 PM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: getaway]
1962 Offline
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Registered: 01/31/13
Posts: 206
Yes, when I met my husband he had the most beautiful sparkly blue eyes. In the last months that we were together, he increasingly wore his sunglasses and when I looked into this eyes, they were stone cold gray- I've heard them described as repetilian ( the pupils were just slits) So cold. I don't think he knew that his eyes changed color as he readily took his glasses off for me and let me look into them. I told him I could tell whether he was telling me the truth by gazing into his eyes. They just left me stunned.

Recently, I saw him and his eyes were blue again. Mask firmly in place.

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#14756 - 04/10/13 12:25 PM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: Dianne E.]
tangledup Offline
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Registered: 04/09/13
Posts: 25
Hi Everyone,

I'm new to this site and so grateful I've found it. I've spent many hours reading through the posts here and am stunned to see that every single thing our family has experienced in the last 15 years can be found in this website. I could write pages and pages about our experiences but they are already contained elsewhere in these posts.

Our psychopath is our now 18-year old adopted daughter. As a 'tween, she was diagnosed with reactive attachment disorder (RAD), narcissistic personality disorder, oppositional defiant disorder, histrionic tendencies, patholotical lying, etc., etc. Now that she is a chronological adult I can call her what she is - a psychopath. Thank heavens she no longer lives with us.

The tears - my husband called them the crocodile tears - they get turned on whenever the need for pity comes up. The tears come straight down out of the center of her eye and can be turned on and off like a light switch. How does she do that? And they are never accompanied by any feeling whatsoever, the usual runny nose, redness, or sad facial expressions, what you would see when a normal person cries. We learned to spot them instantly and ignore them accordingly.

The eyes - cold, vacant, barely concealing the violence that seemed to be always right under the surface. One of her favorite "looks" is to tilt her head down, bringing her chin to her chest, and rolling her eyes to look upward at you. I wish I could show you a picture. She would give me (and only me) that look whenever she found herself in a really deep mess, when even she could tell she wasn't going to be able to extricate herself easily. I guess like a cornered animal. It always scared the hell out of me. At these times I always expected her to pounce. I really believed she was capable of killing me. One day she did come at me, kitchen knife in hand, which is why I'll never again sleep under the same roof with her. Interestingly, she never brought out that stare for my husband. He doesn't scare as easily as me so I guess she figured it was pointless to waste her energy there.

When our daughter went to a residential treatment center for RAD for 18 months I told her counselor about the "eye thing." She said she'd watch out for it. One day, several months into her stay there, I got a phone call from the counselor saying "I saw it! I saw the evil eye!" She said it like she'd just found some lost treasure. I guess it was a breakthrough in their sessions. Apparently the counseling session wasn't going the way our daughter liked. This particular counselor saw right through her (which was very uncommom amongst all the therapists/psychologists/psychiatrists she burned through) and like a laser-guided missile this woman was determined to get at the workings of our daughter's brain. I guess that's a really scary prospect for a psychopath, so she brought out the evil stare and used it on her counselor. I felt somewhat vindicated, because prior to that I think the counselor thought I was nuts. It just took her a while to break through the mask (in her case, the perfect child) that my daughter wears to every new encounter.

It must be exhausting for psychopaths to have to put so much energy into maintaining their facade. It makes me tired just thinking about living life that way.

Thanks for listening.

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#14758 - 04/10/13 07:22 PM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: tangledup]
Dianne E. Offline

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Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2787
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Hi tangledup, welcome to our community, very sorry for the reason you found us.

I can only imagine it must have been your worst fear coming true to find and deal with the truth.

Quote:
I could write pages and pages about our experiences but they are already contained elsewhere in these posts.


If you ever want to start a thread to discuss your particular situation, please do so as there are many who come here and only read so your words will reach more than you can ever know.

Did you have other children in the home and how did they react to her?

I never really understood the RAD diagnosis and theories and have always wondered if they didn't in fact make a Conduct Disorder of Fledgling become more skilled prior to any actual diagnosis.

It sounds like you have a lot of good information if the time is ever right for you to have your own discussion to share what must have been a life altering path to seek help.

Di

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#14759 - 04/11/13 11:36 AM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: Dianne E.]
tangledup Offline
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Registered: 04/09/13
Posts: 25
Dianne,

Thank you for the welcome. And I will start a thread or two soon in the family section.

Well if you ever have a question about RAD, I can probably answer it. I'd never heard of RAD until our daughter got her first dianosis six years ago. I now know practically everything there is to know about it, more than many mental health professionals and certainly way more than our adoption agency's post-adoption support office (who'd never heard the term before!).

We do have another child - a bio son four years her junior. A surprise baby, arriving about a year and a half after our daughter's placement with us. If my daughter ever had what could be considered a normal relationship in her entire life it would be with her brother, but only up to a point. I think once upon a time, as much as she was capable, she might have loved her little brother. But she sexually molested him when he was four. He was a victim of her impulsive behavior on many occasions - they could be playing together nicely and then suddenly she would bring her fist down onto his back for no reason. Just prior to the blow I would see a flash behind her eyes of something very dark. I knew early on there was something really wrong with her, just didn't know what to name it.

So I spent years on hyperalert to make sure my son was "protected" from her. He was such a trusting soul and she exploited that to the nth degree. When she was in middle school and things really went down hill my son and I spent A LOT of hours in therapist/psychiatrist waiting rooms while daughter was supposed to be sorting out her issues. I'm pretty sure he resented her for that. At home, my daughter's theme became "how much do I hate my parents today?" There was a lot of screaming for a few years! My son got in the habit of hiding in his room during the really chaotic times with her. Thinking about this now makes me so sad for him. He's the sweetest kid in the world. He was nine years old when he placed the 911 call to the police because she was coming at me with a knife. She hasn't lived with us for several years now and he NEVER asks about her. Never. I think the day she crossed that line he was done with her. Sometimes I want to ask him if he ever thinks about his sister but I don't want to burden him with going there. We live thousands of miles away from her now and noone in our new community knows we even have another child. I wonder if my son has ever told any of his new friends about her but I don't ask him.

Tangled.

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#14976 - 04/28/13 08:19 PM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: Dianne E.]
Isolationbound Offline
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Registered: 04/26/13
Posts: 1
I am new to this site. I have been reading the conversations and taking it all in. This one caught my attention. My husband was a Psycopath. His eyes were the most beautiful blue i had ever seen. I was so drawn to those eyes. Shortly after we met I started seeing something in those eyes that made me feel cold and scared.
It was as if he would look at me and not see me sitting right in front of him. Like even though I was right there, he was looking right thru me. They were blank and void and curious.
When he passed away, I spent a day just looking at our pictures. And there it was in almost everyone of them. His eyes looking back at the lens with no soul and no emotion and no thoughts.
There is one that I came across and when I looked at his eyes in that one picture. I can see the demon that was living in him. A bright sunny, warm wonderful day walking in the park. The look in his eyes in that picture are pure hate and anger. The same hate and anger that I had to endure everyday I was with him.
When he died his eyes glassed over and protruded as if the the very essance of his hate was washing over him and flowing out thru his gaze.

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#14978 - 04/28/13 09:41 PM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: Isolationbound]
opey Offline
member

Registered: 02/15/13
Posts: 105
they really are strange creatures, they are just not made like humans for many different reasons, their eyes being one of them. The eyes to me where always the scariest part, after i got D&D'd by the psychopath i was involved with and figured out what he was i got curious and looked up psychopathic stare on google images...needless to say i almost literally crapped my pants in fear. I seriously think that its Satan in there because that's one of the scariest things i've ever witnessed. its bone chilling it just grabs ahold of something inside of you and shakes it.

Thats interesting about the eyes protruding from him when he died.

Anyways welcome to the site! i sort of forgot that part.


Edited by opey (04/28/13 09:42 PM)

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#14979 - 04/29/13 06:13 AM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: Isolationbound]
1962 Offline
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Registered: 01/31/13
Posts: 206
Isolationbound,

Welcome and our sympathies to you and what you had to endure. Fortunately for you, your days of living with the "Psychopath" are over. I certainly wish that the "Psychopath" I am divorcing would just die or go away, instead I'm afraid that I am in for a long and bitter battle.

Welcome to the site.

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#15491 - 07/08/13 04:59 AM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: 1962]
xela007 Offline
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Registered: 06/13/13
Posts: 134
The eyes of a psychopath can be very well compared to the eyes of a non-medicated bipolar patient in his mania periods.

The eye bulbs are basically popping out of their head, the stare is damn fixed, the eyes look sort of "scarred" but at the same time they look as if they would want to kill someone.

I've seen these eyes all my life - the smirk appears in all photos, our psychopath smirked in all photos, his has a weird mouth gesture (don't know how to explain it) ... he used his smirk, that expressed grandiosity all the way - since childhood up to now in his late 20s.

Xe
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#15494 - 07/08/13 01:59 PM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: xela007]
crocodile Offline
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Registered: 04/25/13
Posts: 329
Mine smirked to - it was this almost a smile but not really, he usually did it when he was driving me insane and crying - he was looking at my misery with this fixed gazed and a smirk as though he was enjoying it. He could never really hide it, even when he tried to appear sympathetic and sorry.

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#15501 - 07/09/13 11:11 PM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: crocodile]
xela007 Offline
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Registered: 06/13/13
Posts: 134
Exactly, and they basically always tried to convince you with their crap until you basically couldn't take it no longer (you just couldn't argue with them) I guess one way of dealing with the psychopath is to laugh at his [censored], laugh as much as possible even if it's forced laughing, I mean you cannot laugh when you suffer depression, anxiety and PTSD like in my case, but for the sake of it, laughing makes our psychopath nervous and he just walks away :-)




Edited by xela007 (07/09/13 11:12 PM)
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#15589 - 07/15/13 09:28 AM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: xela007]
Dianne E. Offline

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Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2787
Loc: United States
Hi, your conversation has been moved to this thread. Please always look for existing threads to add to even if they are old and try to stay on topic

Behaviors and the Psychopath

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#15621 - 07/18/13 09:55 AM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: DarthNollidge]
Dianne E. Offline

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Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2787
Loc: United States
Hi Darth, welcome to our community. I am very interested in your story. Yes, we don't get many stories about Female Psychopaths, I don't think it is because there aren't as many but for a couple of other reasons which I will post later am working on a low battery.

If you don't mind I will start a new thread for you and will post what I have found at the forum where references are made about them. I would like to compile it into one section.

I have to charge my laptop so will be back later.

Di

Hi, here is the link:

Female Psychopaths


Edited by Dianne E. (07/18/13 12:17 PM)
Edit Reason: added link

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#15643 - 07/18/13 12:42 PM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: Dianne E.]
DarthNollidge Offline
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Registered: 07/17/13
Posts: 30
Cool, thanks, Dianne. I would be happy to share and hopefully help someone else who has been through something like this with a psychopathic woman. She also targets her "friends" so maybe it will help some of the women dealing with a problematic "friend."

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#15648 - 07/18/13 06:13 PM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: Dianne E.]
mollyb Offline
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Registered: 07/18/13
Posts: 5
my mom is one she has tried to ruin my lifeeeee bc i have tried to expose her she knew I was onto her she tried to convince people It was me she tried to kill me as a child bc I wouldnt shutup at my aunt's house .... I find myself doing the same thing to my dog. She will kill me i know it she uses people "" the mother that was not" thats what I will call her the police dept has recently been on my case bc they think im going crazy my mom will present herself a certain way in front of people but behind closed doorss she is a monster. She steals from me .... one time i was on the phone with my ex I had just got an std she said outloud he wouldnt want u if he knew what u had.... i said [censored] u [censored] u cunt she said I was disgusting for being sexually active and that she didnt want to look at me they will ruin u
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#15650 - 07/18/13 06:18 PM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: Dianne E.]
mollyb Offline
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Registered: 07/18/13
Posts: 5
I've been trying so survive her for years its exhausting
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hey hey

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#15651 - 07/18/13 06:18 PM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: mollyb]
mollyb Offline
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Registered: 07/18/13
Posts: 5
what do i do
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hey hey

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#15652 - 07/18/13 06:22 PM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: Dianne E.]
mollyb Offline
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Registered: 07/18/13
Posts: 5
please help me someone....
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#15653 - 07/18/13 07:52 PM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: mollyb]
xela007 Offline
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Registered: 06/13/13
Posts: 134
Originally Posted By: mollyb
please help me someone....


How Old are you?

Maybe finding your own path and leaving this "monster" play her game alone and this way you can play yours ;-)

Your own mom doing this stuff to you, incredible.

Xe
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#15825 - 07/29/13 03:30 PM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: ]
crocodile Offline
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Registered: 04/25/13
Posts: 329
This hormone is I believe cortisol - it's one of the stress hormones.

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#15924 - 08/16/13 08:25 PM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: planetchildren]
Ishewatching Offline
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Registered: 06/12/13
Posts: 10
People have often said that baout my ex. Very cold empty eyes. theyare green bt often look dark brown or black in pictures

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#15931 - 08/18/13 12:55 PM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: Ishewatching]
xela007 Offline
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Registered: 06/13/13
Posts: 134
Pictures are sometimes not that good for spotting a psychopath, they may blink they may have their eyes half closed.

You need to look at their "eyes-popping out" sometimes 24/7 sometimes 20/7 - the predatory look on their face is sometimes disgusting, but you see most normal people that know nothing about psychopathy, might not be able to notice the eyes or say that there is something wrong with them.

I wouldn't necessarily stress cold eyes, they are cold alright, but the eyes sometimes are so blocked that someone might think these guys are actually scarred of something, they sometimes look as if they scarred, sometimes they look as if they're stunned by something, or just they just have predatory eyes balls showing nothing to you but hate.

Someone, once, even told .Psychopath. that when he's nervous he rather looks scarred. Damn he was right.


here is one classic example http://i.imgur.com/VDCnlCr.jpg

ted bundy had "decent psychopath" eyes, I've seen much worse.

even if you try to fake those eyes you won't be able, I can't imagine how these guys actually have these eyes so widely open, blunt and popping out so badly for long periods of time (it must be a nerve or something triggering them) or otherwise I can't imagine how they manage such thing. I've tried numerous times and I just can't even fake it.


Edited by xela007 (08/18/13 12:59 PM)
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#15932 - 08/18/13 01:00 PM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: xela007]
Dianne E. Offline

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Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2787
Loc: United States
I think it is a matter of opinion, many have commented that looking at pictures helped them to see the eyes as they were.

Di

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#15933 - 08/18/13 01:04 PM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: Dianne E.]
xela007 Offline
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Registered: 06/13/13
Posts: 134
Originally Posted By: Dianne E.
I think it is a matter of opinion, many have commented that looking at pictures helped them to see the eyes as they were.

Di


hi DI, yes think so too, some don't even have these eyes .... I've seen some on youtube with absolutely normal eyes at all times.



Edited by xela007 (08/18/13 01:05 PM)
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#16310 - 04/15/14 06:03 PM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: xela007]
starburst Offline
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Registered: 04/13/14
Posts: 23
Since I have determined that she has issues, I have gone back and looked the countless number of pictures we have taken over the years and it is so clear that she only smiles with her teeth. The eyes never move. They never squint when she smiles. The eyes stay fully engaged and focused. Granted I am not an expert on this but I have read that there is a scientific reason for this. Do I know for sure? Can't say I do, but the thing I find most crazy when I look at pictures of her in a group (say three to 10 people)and look at everyone in he picures eyes matched with their smiles and then look at her eyes.......it is downright haunting!!!

Who knows maybe one day their will be a breakthrough in this research and it will provide a "tag" so the rest of us can finally have a clue at to the monster inside and learn to avoid them because of the "scarlet letter" written all over their fake smiles and eyes.

Would be really cool if someday this could be added to the check list!!!!

rob

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#16321 - 04/19/14 12:47 PM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: Dianne E.]
Simonecarmen Offline
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Registered: 04/19/14
Posts: 2
Hi. New here. Was married to one for 8 yrs. got away. Wrote a "poem". If I may, here it is...

-------------------------------------------
Evil is a Passionate Lover

Finished with sadness,
I turn my Soul from familiar smells
And Primal comforts.
Fight the overwhelming pull
Of Habit and Time,
perfumed smoke, casual stomping
of unripened worth,
sexual awareness before awareness of sex.

Come here, child. Learn from me.
Don't lie there and barter dignity for touch,
holiness for a momentary tribute to existence.
Sanctity for seminal fluid, and obstinate callouses.

Run your mental fingers over the back of my experience.
Feel the welts. Slowly...Yes. Oh,That, that was a bad one. ..
Time has changed their appearance.
But I have changed their effect.
Dwell on the pain but briefly,
for I have high hopes for you, my child.

Be afraid of evil. It does exist.
I looked into His eyes.
Inhuman black slits.
You think I joke?!
When the eyes become coal,
there is no more pleading,
for there is no human behind the mask.
The Pain will now commence.
By what machinations?
He swirls up your body like sensuous smoke,
then materializes
with a death grip on your heart.
Evil is a passionate lover.

Stay away from the bad boys. Keep from dark corners.
Mark thy doorpost of chastity bright red.
Then, maybe, my sweet child,
this angel of death will passover.



Edited by Simonecarmen (04/19/14 12:47 PM)

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#16322 - 04/19/14 12:50 PM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: starburst]
Simonecarmen Offline
member

Registered: 04/19/14
Posts: 2
I feel so sorry for you.

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#16335 - 04/25/14 05:17 PM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: Dianne E.]
Nolongerblind Offline
member

Registered: 04/25/14
Posts: 5
Oh man, this is one thing that struck me early on, and its a lot like what others have described in this thread . I remember looking in her eyes and there was a feeling of space, almost hollow, like you're looking into a tunnel and cant see any light near the other end. One thing I remember coming through them was hate, when she didnt know I was looking at her hate was all there was. And I mean an evil energy that was so obvious it sent chills up my spine. I remember a few times feeling like prey when she was looking at me, I even said that to her a few times and it was shrugged off with that plastic grin... This [censored] still freaks me out when I talk about it.

As far as tears? lol.. one of the many times I tried to break up with her, and she would just drive up to lie and sweet talk her way in, I was holding my ground and refusing to give in, she lurched at me and hugged me and started crying. Almost weeping, like when you have a loved one pass away. The kind of crying that shakes you, and you cant control it. Well, it went on a little longer than was comfortable and the hug was so tight it was weird, none of it felt normal. I pushed my head back and nudged her forward ... her eyes were completely dry!.. dry as an old leaf. I was shocked! I asked her...how did you do that? you were sobbing and your face is totally dry???? Humans dont do that I said.. she had no answer, just pouted and looked down at the ground.. The water works had failed her in a major way...

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#16450 - 08/21/14 04:47 PM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: Dianne E.]
Valentina Offline
member

Registered: 08/19/14
Posts: 2
My ex partner had strange eyes. At first,I mistook his look for a mysterious kind of beauty. Eventually, I realised that they were dead, empty and soulless.
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Keep moving forward

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#16451 - 08/23/14 02:44 PM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: Valentina]
Dianne E. Offline

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Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2787
Loc: United States
Hi Valentina, welcome to our community. How long did it take you to figure out the dead effect, was it a special moment?

Di

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#16454 - 08/24/14 03:09 AM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: Dianne E.]
Valentina Offline
member

Registered: 08/19/14
Posts: 2
Thank you. I think I noticed it straight away but, as a someone who knew nothing on the subject at the time, put it down to a look of of mystery. It wasn't until much later I saw it as something more sinister.
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#16475 - 10/06/14 11:25 AM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: Valentina]
xela007 Offline
member

Registered: 06/13/13
Posts: 134
Sounds like Psychopath's eyes.

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#16584 - 05/22/15 03:48 PM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: Dianne E.]
DancingSara Offline
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Registered: 05/21/15
Posts: 4
Loc: West Coast, United States
This is in interesting topic to me because when I think of my exhusband - who I am wondering if he is a psychopath or not - I recall the "look" in his eyes and also how he appeared in photos (none of which I kept), I can look back and notice that something was "off" about him. In my original post, I said that "my eyes were wide open" with regard to him. Now I feel that isn't true. What I was looking at with my "wide opened eyes" was what I took for being very unique and special... and I was thinking then that "Gee, he is different and he is so into me and seems like he really cares. He seems like he's SO earnest." But I wonder if he was just trying really hard to appear normal? I don't know when I started to notice the issues of his look and his eyes. It seems like it happened really subtly. In our initial friendship and courtship, he was always looking at me, smiling, etc, when we talked and such. At some point, he never opened his eyes when he kissed me. But I thought he was just being really romantic. Same with more intimate situations. In our wedding photos, he had this mild smile and closed eyes in photos with me. But in the wedding photos of him and his siblings or parents, he had his eyes open. Am I reading too much into all this? I am confused still. In other photos of our life together, when it was a photo of he and I, same thing. In photos with his friends, eyes open! In photos of him performing at public event (he's an artist/musician)... eyes wide open, but also looking a bit wild and showy. He was never really around for many photo opps with me, and there were many... he just disappeared from the room. But when there was a situation where he was performing, he was definitely in the pictures, doing his thing.

When he needed to have a serious talk with me, he would look me right in the eye and it was a bit daunting. Usually the talk had something to do with something he wanted. I felt as if he was trying really hard to get me to join a campaign he was on... including moving a close female friend on to our property, engaging in questionable activities, trying to make my child paint her room a color he liked, being angry at me for accompanying him/not accompanying him at an art event, and countless other that went against my moral compass. These probably sound lame, but some of the examples are just too disturbing to list. If I had something serious to discuss, he either had his eyes closed, or looking to the side or down at the floor, and his arms were crossed or his hands were on his hips. And he always stood a distance away from me. Never across the table like he was when he was bringing up his issues. My issues usually pertained to bills, house chores, parenting, planning something we could do together, or why he let his friends leave all their beer bottles all over the house. Again, just a short list. Over time, I felt like every conversation was controlled and one-sided. And over time, I felt that we did not have that bond that couples make, that one you feel. And as much as he or I talked about how important that was, I could see in his eyes (when he'd let me) something more like vacancy. It was really strange, now that I have hindsight.

I still have a difficult time getting my arms around this and making sense of my thoughts and memories.
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Sara

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#16585 - 05/22/15 04:01 PM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: Dianne E.]
DancingSara Offline
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Registered: 05/21/15
Posts: 4
Loc: West Coast, United States
Your comment reminds me of something I had forgotten about. When I was just acquaintances with my exhusband, I recall that in public places, if he was not performing, he was always way in the back of the room, leaning on the wall, but had this piercing gaze. I caught him a few times looking at me like that. But you can't ever really tell in a crowded room and I wasn't sizing people up based on things like that. I am not a wallflower or a social butterfly, but I do like to visit with others to a degree. Compared to others in that setting, now it seems to me that he was calculating things, taking in information, seeming like the mellow, laid back guy. He was even like this at home when guests would come over. But oh my, when they left to go home, I would get an earful of his tearing them down. One minute he was best buds with them while they socialized, but when they left, he would criticize them terribly. When I would counter him and say something like "But they were very polite and it seemed like we were all having great time.", he would get really angry and disgusted with me and huff off to his den for LONG periods of time. It was like he was watching everything in the room, and that if he was not getting attention or if I said he was wrong about someone, the sparks would fly. What does that mean?
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#16708 - 02/18/16 04:14 PM Re: The Eyes and tears of a Psychopath [Re: DancingSara]
utopia13 Offline
member

Registered: 02/15/16
Posts: 1
Loc: Virginia, USA
While I haven't had time to read every page in this thread, it sure does hit home HARD!!!

We only dated 3 months, but it didn't take long for the trust issues to begin. He went on a trip with his grown daughters, their boyfriends and his ex of 20 years(another story for another thread)who they both claimed to me were just friends. I found out different while he was gone & since I was hurt & ticked off, riddled his messages with nasty messages. I felt justified...screw his feelings!

So...after his return & 3 days of zero communication, I was so frustrated it was beginning to affect me physically. Had what I can only describe as a full blown panic attack with chest pains, shortness of breath & hyperventilating! I sent him a text telling him it's obviously over between us, I'm fine with that, but there are some things I need to say and I'd prefer telling him face to face. He agreed.

I chose my words carefully. Taking the approach you see & read about...make it not an attack on him, but more like "this is what your actions did to me. How it made me feel". After several minutes of dumping my heart in his lap, telling him how his deceit hurt me so deeply...I looked him in the eyes.

What I saw looking back at me was the coldest thing I had ever seen in my 57 years. He was blank. No emotion. BLACK eyes! I specifically recall 2 words running through my head immediately: Evil and Psycho!! (not fully understanding yet what the term meant!)

When I was done talking, he calmly said....Are we done? (oh yeah, we're SO done!) He calmly got up, walked to the door, and left. That was the last time I saw him, sort of.

He lives 3 houses away from me!
_________________________
I SHALL RISE!

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