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#10341 - 11/25/10 11:19 AM Re: Sex and the Psychopath [Re: buttercupncream]
Dianne E. Offline

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member

Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2789
Loc: United States
Hi buttercupncream,


One thing popped out to me in your post, could it be that he wanted you to be submissive according to his "words" but it was really him who help the power. To be submissive to me is the persojn under the control of a superior person, kind of like how cult followers become subissive to their leader. He wanted you to be submissive to please his twisted interts, just my thoughts.

Maybe his words say submissive but in reality he was the one forcing these things on you and making you the submissive one. Saying someone is submissive and getting them to do things they never would have imagine makes me think more that has his words to me that he wanted you to be suhmissive to have sex with others etc. etc.

More than likely these other women ran for very good reasons.

Ps have some very strange intersts in all kinds of sexual things.

Di

What did you think when he would look you in the eye during sex?

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#10372 - 11/30/10 06:56 PM Re: Sex and the Psychopath [Re: Dianne E.]
BeenHad Offline
member

Registered: 11/03/10
Posts: 17
I dont think he looks me in the eye...I think he looks 'through' me. There is nothing there when I look in his eyes during sex. Hes completely checked out and someplace else in his mind. I used to think this was normal because Ive NEVER looked into my husbands eyes during sex of 22yrs. And he has never looked into mine. When the Psychopath looked into my eyes I was overwhelmed with feelings, but now I know I was alone during those experiences...that is very painful to realize

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#10664 - 02/10/11 09:12 PM Re: Sex and the Psychopath [Re: Survivor]
justfoundout Offline
member

Registered: 02/07/11
Posts: 5
Loc: Canada
Have many people on this forum experienced their "psychopath's" wanting to see you participate in risky and degrading sexual acts?
I ask this as shortly after my psychopath and I got together he admitted one day he had a fantasy and that I may think he is "weird"..I being an open-minded non-judgemental person, at most times, told him well everyone has fantasies I am sure. He then said well mine may be considered weird and you may hate me when I tell you..I told him I loved him very much and he is my best friend I would certainly not hate him! he then proceeded to tell me how he had a fantasy of seeing me perform sexual acts on other men...when I said WHAT! like how many? two? he said ahh no and gave me a upwards motion with his thumb until I eventually got to 5 men ( not sure why the number 5)I nervously laughed ( as I still didn't think he was weird....but..) I questioned him about it..alot.. as this was mentioned quite often over the 3 and a bit years we were together. I told him that I would never do that repeatedly.. but it was always lurking and brought up again after a few days..weeks. He started an ad on an adult site and was excited to tell me about it, knowing full well this was an activity I would not participate in. He sent emails to men ( it was always men.. never women) making out he was the female of the relationship and asking them to send pictures of their psychopath****'s. I was disgusted and mad at this..but he was so excited about it..we eventually had a lil blow out as I told him I could not understand how someone who says they are your soulmate, love of their life..could want to see you in that sort of degrading situation..his response was " its is only sex"..I was taken aback an told him " it is more then sex to me as I am the one whos body is being abused while you watch"..and he then stormed off like a scolded 6 yr old saying "fine I will delete the ad and we will never discuss it again"..that lasted 3 weeks before it was mentioned again.
I never indulged him in this but I think ( thinking back now)I could see when I then became of no use to him as he was not going to get his way. Do I think he is gay? no as he has had a very promiscuous life while being married twice ( both marriages ended due to his affairs with women) and now our relationship has ended as I was replaced as well. I always knew he was overly sexed as being 42 he would want to have sex at the least twice a night and then go shower and STILL manage to J.O...I would laugh about it and jokingly call him my sex addict..Is that normal for most psychopath's? He has told me of some weird situations that he would have liked to see me in..of course all of them involving me and multiple men while he watched.
We use to try and have a date night at least once a month where we would go away and have a nice romantic night just the two of us.. he once asked me ( knowing how I felt about the subject) If another man were to show up at our hotel room would I be mad? I told him that if he were to ever do that to me I would be VERY mad and would leave! Has anyone else had their psychopath's want to involve them in such degrading situations?

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#10785 - 03/02/11 11:43 PM Re: Sex and the Psychopath [Re: Survivor]
skybluepaint Offline
member

Registered: 02/05/11
Posts: 100
The posts here seem so similar, yet so contradictory. That is how I also felt about my experience with Psychopath in both her words and deeds.

She began as friends by hugging me with a mighty force, almost if she was sucking the life force out of me. Thats how she lured me in. She would lose her breath when we first kissed. I could spend hours passionately kissing her. We made love chests pressed together looking into each other's eyes. She called me her beauty, mesmerizing, definitely had the bedroom eyes. It seemed incredibly genuine, connected, a "sacred act" (as someone said), at least for me. Hence, her betrayal stung so hard. After the betrayal, she said, "Well, you know, the sex fades." Maybe she is addicted to the adrenaline rush, the getting of someone new, the conquest, first high, the opportunity to use someone new. In true Psychopath form, her portrayal of the man she had an affair with was inconsisent. He was the 'kindest, sweetest guy in the world,' and 'he was an ass. I didn't really like him that much.' He 'treated her well sexually', yet he spat in her hand, which seems degrading, and made her jerk him off. Their relationship was 'more equal', yet he was 50, she was a 28yo virgin. I'm a lesbian, much closer in age.

On the other hand, there were times I felt she used my body to masturbate, as if I weren't there. In fact, that is what she admired about the man. He told her he didn't have to cum. She said he was a 'good boy' and just lay there and let her use him. Those 'bedroom eyes' fit the black, glassy description, and a friend's first impression was that 'it seemed like she was empty, there was something missing.' Another friend's said she seemed aloof, looked down on others.

She didn't have any interest in pornography, as some have reported their Psychopaths do. In fact, she wouldn't watch it, saying, 'I don't know those people,' er attitude toward all TV. While most people can relate to a human drama, cry at a sad movie, she would stare blankly. I'd wonder what she was thinking. Maybe that has something to do with lack of empathy. When we went to a somewhat scary action movie, she came out and said, "That was really scary," but didn't actually seem scared, just stunned. I wonder how other Psychopaths feel about watching TV/movies?

Although she wasn't into porn, she was certainly hypersexual. At 23, she already had a toy collection. When she left to take a job overseas, she made me buy a vibrator and send it to her. After her betrayal with the guy days before she left the overseas post, instead of coming home to me, she instead came home and special ordered two more toys. It was as if people could just as easily be replaced with toys. On an aside, the 50yo she was with reportedly hadn't had sex for 7 years. He had two illegally adopted daughters in Thailand, and I was sure he was a pedophile. She even suspected it, but he denied it. She said he probably just 'took care of himself' for 7 years, as if that is what everyone does, instead of actually seeking out companionship.

When I tried to get back together with her, after the brief betrayal, I was just hurt. It was hard for me to interact with her sexually. She said maybe it was better that way, that I wasn't so intense.

It is all so bizarre, and perhaps that is why we all have such similar and yet contradictory stories. I do know for myself, it will take me a long time before I can open up in any sexual sense with anyone else. That seems to be a strong commonality.

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#11466 - 07/26/11 03:44 AM Re: Sex and the Psychopath [Re: skybluepaint]
Akeso Offline
member

Registered: 07/22/11
Posts: 26
I found this quote online:

"The Somatic narcissist and the psychopath use their partners' bodies to masturbate with and their sexual conquests serve merely to prop up their wavering self-confidence (somatic narcissist) or to satisfy a physiological need (psychopath). The somatic narcissist and psychopath have no sexual playmates - only sexual playthings. Having conquered the target, they discard it, withdraw and move on heartlessly."

Someone also posted about being obsessed with our privates (but then aren't most men). I found explicit porn of women recently. He also kissed like a snake, with a darting tongue. Once I think he actually spit in my mouth during sex. I remember writhing to get his face away.

Also (somewhat sadistic) rough play. And humiliation / flirting while in public too. I took a picture once and he looks quite happy about it.

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#11478 - 07/26/11 09:21 PM Re: Sex and the Psychopath [Re: Akeso]
starry Offline
member

Registered: 01/06/11
Posts: 350
I asked my counsellor why my dad didn't say anything to me as he was assaulting me and raping me. The stony silence was really chilling, it's one of the many things that makes me want to throw up when I think of it all.

My counsellor told me that the dialogue wasn't with me. I was merely the object that facilitated the dialogue that he was having with himself, in his head.

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#11485 - 07/27/11 12:01 PM Re: Sex and the Psychopath [Re: starry]
BruisedOrange Offline
member

Registered: 07/26/11
Posts: 5
This long thread has been too hard for me to read in its entirety. stirring up so much stuff. this sex thing has been a major theme of my relationship with Psychopath. from the very beginning, he was obviously hypersexual. when i came to the point i just couldn't keep up with his appetite , it became twisted, by degrees. my childhood had been laced with sexual abuse, and he knew my story. i began to feel used by him. we would have sex, and then he would do or say something horrible to me. sex started feeling so dirty, and it didn't help that he liked to call me names while we had sex, he called it talking dirty, calling me a dirty little whore. it made me so uncomfortable, but he wouldn't stop doing it, no matter how much i asked him to. he wanted me to 'talk dirty' to him too, but i just couldn't do it, it all felt so false and fake, and this was my husband, we had children together. i started resisting sex, he called me frigid. i thought maybe that was true, but i was so surprised to find this out about myself, as prior to my relationship with him, i had felt fairly healthy sexually speaking. he would go on huge rants about it. he told me i was abnormal for not wanting to have sex at least twice a day, which was the 'norm' for married couples. lol. he made my life so difficult when i resisted his advances, that i began to acquiesce, but emotionally, i would detach. this was so much like my childhood experiences, and i really believe now, many years later, that this is exactly where he wanted me to be. i couldn't stand to see his face when we had sex, his eyes were always vacant, like looking through me, somewhere else. then there was the pornography. i think now that he must have been really addicted to it, and that it was a huge part of his life, although he kept it fairly well hidden from me. he also would always bring home lingerie that he wanted me to wear. it was always way too small for me. i felt so degraded. many times i would wake up during the night and he was on top of me. i was just an object that he used for masturbation. my daughter told me recently that when she was younger, she had walked into the bathroom, and he was in the shower masturbating. she said the curtain was open, and he had left the door unlocked, like he wanted someone to walk in. who knows what else. that is all i can think of right now.

thanks to anyone who listens and responds to this.

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#11669 - 09/01/11 12:02 PM Re: Sex and the Psychopath [Re: BruisedOrange]
FreeBird Offline
member

Registered: 08/24/11
Posts: 230
Weird sexual life and hard porn are typical of Ps. My Psychopath told me he was "addicted" to hard porn (and said he felt bad about it, but that was another "i am such a sensitive boy" - act). He would ask me to dress up for him, wear leather and stuff, be domineering. No foreplay of course. Dead eyes and avoided looking into eyes. All the same stuff... Often made me feel like an object.

I remember him saying often "this is my personal stuff" of many things. He was lying and was sure it was OK because he was the one to decide what he does, and I was of course the "crazy" one...

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#12685 - 02/16/12 05:42 AM Re: Sex and the Psychopath [Re: FreeBird]
NotCrzy Offline
member

Registered: 02/13/12
Posts: 61

Old thread but I leave this post here for the people like myself who have just worked out what was wrong with their Psychopath. and who have got further support and enlightenment from others who know the experience.

Yes sooooo many similarities it's eery...

Total sex addiction. By the time I left, his appetite was 4 sessions a day, usually for about an hour each. I was exhausted, my life was falling apart from this insane time commitment to sex...but if I ever refused he told me I was frigid, aging...

He masturbated 1-2daily as well...heavy porn...

Very peverted fantasies, sex was more exciting for him if it was something I wasn't into. He would often ask what he did in a session that I enjoyed and anything I listed he would usually remove from his repetoire. Once I realised what was happening, I often told him I enjoyed something I hated. Physical abuse during sex stopped after I told him I loved it because it was so exciting having his marks all over me. I used this survival tactic outside of sex too...I knew he would always make the final decision on something and figured out that when he gave me a choice (e.g what to eat or wear) he would almost always decide on the opposite, so I'd rave over my least preferred option...

Never foreplay, kissing was definitely not on. No cuddling, minimal body contact beyond genitals.

Lots of instruction...arch your back, pose like this, talk like this etc. Felt like a porn director was in the room. I pray there was no hidden cameras but wouldn't be surprised.

He despised any closeness after sex. Would usually just get up and leave the room. Berated me as needy and abnormal if I asked for a hug afterwards.

Oddly, he liked eye contact. But it was like he wasn't there...just a vacant stare. Once he told me he liked it because he knew it made me feel close and connected and he wanted to see into my soul when I was totally humiliated.

I know I sound like I am crazy for being with this man at all. But it was all a vary slow progression from a guy with a few quirks that I could live with to a mostly unliveable situation with a monster who ever so occasionally showed a flash of his fake charm.

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#12686 - 02/16/12 02:27 PM Re: Sex and the Psychopath [Re: NotCrzy]
FreeBird Offline
member

Registered: 08/24/11
Posts: 230
Don't ever think that! You do not sound crazy at all!
We've all been there, we all know this lack of reason...

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