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#13868 - 09/23/12 12:27 AM Re: Depression and healing [Re: Smokey]
newme34 Offline
member

Registered: 09/05/12
Posts: 5
Thanks smokey. Its so crap to think that you cant even have a conversation without it getting back to the Psychopath. Honestly, this situation is about to make me religious!!

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#13920 - 10/05/12 01:33 AM Re: Depression and healing [Re: 1Healing]
lola Offline
member

Registered: 10/04/12
Posts: 5
Hi im lola from the uk x
thank god iv found you all. Iv felt mad bad crazy and alone.

Before i realized he was mad bad crazy and alone and it actually wasnt me i was saying things iv read on here without even knowing what,or who i was dealing with.Today is the day my healing starts. I knew that today before i even found you lot because I calmly shook his hand in a buisiness manner and walked away from him. I know exactly who he is and what im dealing with now and he knows i know... But ....i know he will be back...i just have some time now to prepare because i have had to be one step ahead and i know when he kicks me down and i loose my footing..then...im down and i have no idea how long it will take to stand up and fight again...i have been in battle...no other word for it...but reading your posts i have to realise now that i cannot possibly win.

In fact to loose...to us...we have to see as a victory.
All i know is i must try to keep it simple.
For me i suddenly knew what was happening and i basically telephoned god..i had lost my conciouse contact and realised that i needed help..

That contact although not strong had been with me for 16 years after being in rehab..it never left me and i maintained it up until meeting the Physco..I had a profound spiritual experience recently which gave me the armour to fight even though i didnt understand the battle...I told him it was really quite simple...he had a choice...To either live and function on the dark side...or...live in the light...he saw that as me giving him choices and not quite simply a easy choice which God gave all mankind...he chose the dark side...And again quite simply i will now leave him there because it is where he is comfortable and where he is supposed to be right now.

Im under no illusion that soon though his power and inflated ego will diminish and he will seek help from those in the light because they have what he doesnt posses. They have love in there hearts, friends, family, and of course money..He, i now realise'is jelouse of my very being and who i am and to destroy that is to him power and victory so i know it will not be long before he returns..but i have a little time and i have God by my side and so far im doing ok...i sometimes have to laugh because by rights i should be either dead either by his hand or by my own self distruction or failing that i should be in the local nut house...im here...im sane...and i know none of this is my fault...just like a purse being snatched away..someone took my life,my heart and my dignity....but the bastard never got my soul...i gave that to the lord long ago and it was in safe hands...he never saw that one coming and its floored the evil toad..but i cant laugh because im playing a very dangerouse game by all accounts so need to be on here and get alot of advise...thank you all so much iv been on here reading for 6 hours and although i have my faith and have held on with hands clenched i also feel now that i have arrived in a safe home...with fellow suffers who know exactly where im coming from xxxxx
God bless you all xxx

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#13955 - 10/20/12 09:38 PM Re: Depression and healing [Re: 1Healing]
Gary92 Offline
member

Registered: 10/17/12
Posts: 18
Dianne could I message you in private? When I try to PM you it says the feature is disabled.

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#13957 - 10/20/12 10:03 PM Re: Depression and healing [Re: Gary92]
Dianne E. Offline

Administrator
member

Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2788
Loc: United States
Hi Gary, the PM is not activated due to privacy concerns for the members. You are more than welcome to email me:

dianne77@msn.com
dianne@psychopath-research.com

I was just getting ready to post some suggestions but will wait to hear from you. I know it is a tough road out, I was tossed out of my home without any higher education etc. many, many years ago but managed, it wasn't easy but it is possible. I would suspect you have PTSD and that can really cloud seeing anything positive happening.

Di

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#13959 - 10/20/12 10:21 PM Re: Depression and healing [Re: Dianne E.]
Gary92 Offline
member

Registered: 10/17/12
Posts: 18
Thank you Dianne. I know I have PSTD some how and some way. It would explain being tense all the time, and just lately things have been really bad. Shaky hands, along with my heart conditions, I don't know if I can handle stress anymore. I feel drained every day.

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#13964 - 10/21/12 05:23 PM Re: Depression and healing [Re: Gary92]
Smokey Offline
member

Registered: 03/21/12
Posts: 78
The effort of dealing with all their deliberately-created dramas and trying to make sense of their gaslighting and carefully-cultivated confusion is very, very draining, not to mention the weariness arising from the constant assault on your self esteem, character and psyche/spirit. frown

I hope you can escape and heal

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#13966 - 10/21/12 08:24 PM Re: Depression and healing [Re: Smokey]
Gary92 Offline
member

Registered: 10/17/12
Posts: 18
Originally Posted By: Smokey
The effort of dealing with all their deliberately-created dramas and trying to make sense of their gaslighting and carefully-cultivated confusion is very, very draining, not to mention the weariness arising from the constant assault on your self esteem, character and psyche/spirit. frown

I hope you can escape and heal



This is essentially my problem at home, and I am just done with it. I'm 20 now and have grew up watching my father abuse my mother. He literally tries to make her lose her mind. Today it was over her medicine that he did something with and tried to convince her he took it, but then turned around and says "I can do whatever the F I want to" so where did the medicine go???

I notice that over the last 2 years, my father has been smoking a lot, and whenever there's a fight, he'll smoke whatever is left or a carton, sometimes a whole carton (or 2).

I pray we can leave one day soon.


Edited by Gary92 (10/21/12 08:26 PM)

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#13989 - 10/26/12 07:29 PM Re: Depression and healing [Re: Gary92]
Teresa Offline
member

Registered: 10/25/12
Posts: 3
This is difficult for me. I am a private person and I don't air my dirty laundry, but I have concluded that I have effectively isolated myself. Reading the posts here have made me realize that there may be someone who would understand and actually believe me when I say that my ex really did do these things. He is a master at hiding his affliction and everyone who has ever come into contact with him thinks he is the greatest person ever. I was a self-sufficient single mother with a good job, excellent credit, money in the bank, and I owned my own home when we met. He prayed upon my compassion with such skill that I never realized what was happening. I fell in love with the man I thought he was trying to be, and I believed that the man I was in love with was his true self. Everything else was his inability to deal with his "terrible upbringing" (which I later found out didn't really happen.) I took him in, took care of him, his two children, my child, and the child we had together. It was when I became pregnant with our child that the abuse became noticeable and I started to worry about our relationship, but I kept positive and vowed that I would make this marriage work, no matter what it took. Between the excuses he made, and the excuses I made, I told myself it would get better. It is still inconceivable to me that I suffered 23 years of abuse. I am not "the kind of woman" that would allow a man, or anyone else, to abuse me. He left several times over the 23 years, but always came back within a couple of weeks filled with empty promises. He would say he realized he had treated me poorly and swear he would change. As I said, he was a master and always knew exactly what he needed to say to convince me to take him back. And, besides, everyone in our lives knew what a "great man" he was and would tell me I'd be a fool not to make this work. After 23 years, his abuse turned physical. After he attacked me, of course leaving no bruises for proof, he left for the last time to "find his happiness." That was the last day he spoke to me, 2 1/2 years ago. He has used the financial mess he created to "excuse" his leaving when talking to other people, and the fact that I now must file bankruptcy (due to the marital debt) just adds fuel to his claim. The divorce was final a year ago, but he continues to file pleadings in court - still trying to control me and prevent me from moving past that life.

His abandonment left me destroyed and I sought therapy. It was only when my therapist told me what I had been dealing with all those years that I realized the truth, and how much of myself I had allowed him to take. I have felt depression, guilt, sadness, anger, hatred, loneliness, and helplessness. All of these emotions were new to me and I have struggled with each one of them. I have now reached the point that I need to forgive. Forgiving him will never happen, but I need to forgive myself and become that whole person I was 25 years ago. I fear that I will never have the opportunity to participate in a real loving relationship. I am angry that I allowed him to destroy me financially, but even more that I allowed him to beat me down into a shell of a woman. I am angry that I allowed his influence on my children, who are now grown. I am angry that I wasn't the mother I wanted to be because I allowed him to control our lives. I am angry that I wasted so many years of life on him, and I don't want to allow him one more day. Sex was his favorite tool, and his abuse has left me both physically and emotionally incapable of performing. It is difficult for me to admit that I am a victim, especially since he played the victim so well for all those years, but they say it's the first step. I wish there was a 12 step program for this, as there is alcoholism. It seems I should know how to navigate through all of this and survive, but it's as though that knowledge is a vague memory and I can't quite recall the details. At this point, I would welcome any comments and/or advice.

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#13992 - 10/27/12 04:28 PM Re: Depression and healing [Re: Teresa]
FreeBird Offline
member

Registered: 08/24/11
Posts: 230
Hi Theresa!

First and foremost - welcome to the forum!
I am really sorry you had to spend so much of your life with this creep.
But I can feel a lot of wisdom and clarity in what you say, so I think you are a really strong person. You see the things for what they are. Maybe it's the time passed (2 1/2 years is a lot).
It's a terrible thing and we all here know what it means to be caught up in the psychopaths net, to be going back and forth, to be questioning yourself. To be denied by others. And to doubt the sense of building relationships.

But I have to tell you, you are really really smart. It must have taken a lot of sanity to get through the situation you describe. Kids, marriage, mortgage... That's hell lot!

Think about it - you've been through hell. Most people in your place brake down, give up. Many fall back into another relationship with a psycho.
But you are not one of them. You are one of us - the few who didn't just rest there and took things as they were presented to them. You asked questions, you learned. And you're gonna learn even more, here and from people around you.

Experiencing psychopathy is a horrible thing, and you have every right to feel devastated. As a matter of fact, psychologists themselves rate it as high in the amount of trauma they cause (comparing it to experiencing earthquakes, loss of family, even war - the symptoms are the same if not worse!).

But on the other hand, we all somehow made it. And because we did, there is a wonderful conclusion that our bodies and minds are able to recover from this. We are able not only to survive, but to learn and go on. And keep that knowledge to protect ourselves.
I hope you feel at least a little stronger than you did when you were with the psycho or at the beginning of your healing. It will only get better.

And as for relationships. It's not easy to find kind people in the world where psychopathy is actually praised and longed for. But most of the people are good. And I've learned, that once you remove the people who don't deserve to be in your life, the good ones will find their way. And this is actually all you have to do - remove the ones who don't belong. Remove the noise from your life. The world has a natural way of filling up the empty spaces somehow. But it is only when you make room for something that it will come along.
Don't be afraid to cut the things that hold you down. I have done that and it has not once failed. Sure sometimes you have to wait, you have to try new people, new places, new things. But that's just what it's all about - trying. If you keep going, if you're patient, the right things just come along. All by themselves.

So don't loose hope, because there are many here who are living proof, that life after psychopathy is not just beautiful and wonderful again. It is better, because it's mature, honest, filled with love and pride of your own self, and most important - fearless.

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#13998 - 10/29/12 07:53 PM Re: Depression and healing [Re: FreeBird]
Teresa Offline
member

Registered: 10/25/12
Posts: 3
@Freebird - Thank you so much for your reply to my post. Your encouragement means so much.

"I think you are a really strong person. You see the things for what they are."

I've always thought that was true, but it is difficult to reconcile that perception of me with the person who allowed my ex to not only control, but also to destroy my life and my family, and live as I did for 23 years.

"Building relationships" is something that terrifies me now. I question my judgment and have had two different men stalk me since my ex left. It seems as if I am a magnet that attracts the psychopaths. As I've said before, I am a very private person, and keep to myself most of the time. I don't understand why this particular type of person feels the need to try to force themselves into my life.

I agree that I've been through hell. My therapist told me that what I was going through was worse than experiencing the death of a loved one. I honestly don't think I would survive another so-called relationship like that.

Your comment about finding good people really hit home. You are right, the world does praise psychopathy, and maybe that's why the majority of the people seem to be psychopaths. So here's a question for you - how do you find people that aren't, and how do you know the difference?

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