Page 15 of 16 < 1 2 ... 13 14 15 16 >
Topic Options
#14005 - 10/30/12 12:48 PM Re: Depression and healing [Re: FreeBird]
becky Offline
member

Registered: 03/26/12
Posts: 86
Hi Everyone! I just wanted you to know i'm still here.... on this journey of recovery....with all of you. I have not had any contact with the psychopath. I can't believe the trauma I experienced and how it has spilled over into every part of my life.......I thank you all for being here and love you all..I just can't talk about things right now....blessings

Top
#14007 - 11/01/12 05:20 PM Re: Depression and healing [Re: becky]
FreeBird Offline
member

Registered: 08/24/11
Posts: 230
Becky! Glad you're back! And so proud of you!!

Theresa - there is no way to tell straight away if someone is a psyhcopath. I am really sorry you had yet more terrible experience, but I gotta tell you this- after what my psychopath did to me, I had fake "friends" around me too who turned out to be psychopathic as well. I got to the same conclusions - that I attract psychopaths.

It was a horrible time, as you know, because you stop trusting anyone, even yourself. For me the breaking point was when I got closer to my old friend from high school (who knew about psychopathy and really helped me).

I cannot tell you how spot a psychopath, I wish I could. The only way to deal with ppl for me now is to wait and see. Watch them behave. I found out that if sth doesnt feel right, it probably isnt right. So I dont wonder much why someone is like this or why they behaved like that. If sb does sth I dont accept- out with them. I dont care. My life is way to valuable to waste it on figuring other ppls problems. Sometimes we all get angry, sometimes we all are upset. But its moments, days, weeks maybe. And then we feel stupid and we APOLOGIZE. A psycho never apologizes. I recently cut off a "friend" who got really close to me because I notice he was manipulating me. If it was years ago, I would probably be sad as hell and try to figure out whats wrong. Now I dont care. He acts as a hurt person, but I dont care. Thats just what I do, you dont get second chances with me. Screw up, and youre gone.

If it helps you - read Psychopath next door. Its the best book I think. Great one. Because it doesnt focus on the psychopathy itself, but on the "normal" human conscience and somehow, after reading it, I felt incredibly great with being who I am and strong and confident. I realized that no matter how much the psyhcopath manipulated you, hurt you, destroyed you, at the end you will always be the one who really wins, because you can FEEL. A psychopath destroys ppls lives because he cannot feel at all. Sure you feel pain but you can also feel happiness. A psychopath doesnt feel pain, but he also can never feel love, happiness, warmth, compassion... Think of that.

I hope you are doing well. Just take a step each day. Meet new people (but keep your distance). Learn about psyhcopathy. You might not be where you'd like to be now but you are one day closer to that.

Top
#14325 - 02/25/13 12:19 AM Re: Depression and healing [Re: Dianne E.]
Nunzio Offline
member

Registered: 02/23/13
Posts: 6
dI...I AM WILLING AT THIS POINT TO TAKE WHATEVER I NEED. I really need help on this and I am no weakling... Any advise would be so loved you cant immmagine...please
_________________________
Nunzio

Top
#15591 - 07/15/13 10:30 AM Re: Depression and healing [Re: Nunzio]
brave Offline
member

Registered: 10/27/12
Posts: 34
I just want to leave a positive note about recovering from depression. I have had mood, and anxiety issues to a severe level since the age of 13.

It has very likely been due to my environment. I have gone to hell and back trying to find the appropriate treatment. I had wanted to give up on psychiatry, but since I have had positive responses to medication and treatment, I decided to give it another go.

I saw a good doctor who sat with me and listened. I have been taking medication for a couple of years now, and I attribute it, along with making better life decisions to my better state of being. Taking medication is not always the route for some people. It can be a long and arduous journey. Despite having crippling anxiety attacks that limited my social life, I fought to not take medication for a while. It does work though. You need to have a good doctor who will sit with you, and not just throw pill after pill at you.

It is still hard for me not to relive those awful times if I recall them. I had erased some posts because it was just too much. I felt guilt and confusion. I wondered if I was just bad, but I know something has been very wrong with my treatment while I was growing up.

It is possible to recover even from the darkest of moments though.

I do wish to reconnect with my mother but I have put it off. A part of me really wants to, and another part of me sees it as a societal expectation- to always respect your mother. It is expected of me to just patch things and make things better. Most people don't see it as a cycle of abuse. I have a friend who is constantly asking me to patch things up with my mother. I can't though. It really is not so simple.

Top
#15817 - 07/29/13 04:10 AM Re: Depression and healing [Re: brave]
FreeBird Offline
member

Registered: 08/24/11
Posts: 230
hey guys! I haven't been active for a while. It is because I've been really busy, finally fully enjoying life once again.

I had an epiphany today. However evil experiencing the psychopath was, I feel blessed. Because reading and learning about psychopathy made me a better stronger person. But mostly because, it made me completely love myself. I could say I am extremely self confident now. There is nothing that I find impossible. I also see other people, and how they struggle with their insecurities etc. and those insecurities are the roots of all of their problems. In my life there is as little problems as can be. I cannot influence everything, but I can influance most of the stuff. I am really happy now.

All of this wouldn't be possible if it wasnt for that experience. The pain is gone, although the scars remain. My PTSD is completely gone now. I feel reborn. It takes time and strength though to get to this place I guess. A lot of strength.

I hope all of you will reach this place soon. I am pretty sure all of you can, you just need to take a step at a time. Don't force it. Listen to your body and your feelings. They are your most precious, hidden weapon. If you learn to trust your instincts and read your feelings and what they tell you, you will become invincible. It is the greatest power.

I am also completely honest with people. I say straight away what I want. In relationships, friendships, and work. And guess what - if you say it you get it. People look at you differently. They respect you like crazy if you just stand up and say what you think and what you want. So go ahead and do it!

Top
#15822 - 07/29/13 01:44 PM Re: Depression and healing [Re: FreeBird]
crocodile Offline
member

Registered: 04/25/13
Posts: 329
Thank's for that FreeBird. It's so uplifting and I'm so happy for you.
That's also one think I've learned from my experience with a Psychopath - to be more assertive.

Top
#15977 - 08/23/13 05:09 PM Re: Depression and healing [Re: FreeBird]
Bunnyshy Offline
member

Registered: 08/22/13
Posts: 11
I keep trying to believe "how blessed I am" to experience the psychopath, gain more knowledge etc. I want to be positive but I am slowly diving into a depression. We were only together 4 months...I am blessed that way, as I caught on to what he was and I left. How can I be this grief stricken from 4 months!? I was single for years so I guess that is what made it a big deal as well. He had nothing to offer other than a great loving persona. I really love that guy (persona). He was 14 years younger and picked me online. Classic "dumb girl on the web", basically. I deserve it! I am now just a number in his "doll collection" on his cell phone. I've been reduced to that like the other 15 or so. I don't know how to stop loving someone who does not exist. This is a major mindf*** for me. Unbearable. DEPRESSED. No contact for a month. Now what? frown

Top
#15978 - 08/23/13 08:06 PM Re: Depression and healing [Re: Bunnyshy]
Dianne E. Offline

Administrator
member

Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2788
Loc: United States
Hi Bunnyshy,

Please try and I totally understand it is a tough one but you did nothing to deserve this evil person in your life. What I have observed over the years is the typical "type" that gets involved in these relationships are usually the nicest kindest people in the world who want to see the good in others. Nothing wrong with that, perhaps just working on being present. A wise teacher told me years ago that when we decide to beat ourselves up it is a matter of which size bat we pick up.

I don't think it matters how long etc., pain is pain. You have every right to feel pain it is such an individual thing I wish I could give you a time frame. The only thing that works for me personally to keep my head from spinning off over evil things in life is to return to my present moment and know I am safe.

I hope by telling your story when you are comfortable will help you process what happened to avoid these people in the future.

Di

Top
#15979 - 08/23/13 09:55 PM Re: Depression and healing [Re: Dianne E.]
Bunnyshy Offline
member

Registered: 08/22/13
Posts: 11
Thank you Di smile

I am so happy you responded. I am going to remember how safe I am from now on like you mentioned. I am very kind, an empath, and was a sucker. Not once in the four months did he say no for a day or time to get together nor cancel on me, so I felt important.

50 text msgs a day, pushed sex from the beginning, hid cell phone as if it were national security, I could never touch or look at it, his tone was "fake nice" from time to time, withheld "good" sex (making me feel ugly, 2nd choice), drove extremely wrecklessly way past normal road rage, tried to start fights with other drivers at red lights, paranoid beyond belief - everyone is a spy and following us, workers installing lights at a diner were "spies", drove my car wrecklessly where the gas pedal stuck, hid his laptop and weird fetishes, very mean to his mom on the phone everyday, punched holes in walls, his military I.D. does not look like him, never met friends or family, lied about a job so I wouldn't know his whereabouts, packed a backpack FULL of clothes to the FAKE JOB, collected new knives every 2 weeks, was giddy sometimes as if he got away with something, lived an hour away yet came over 4 days a week (to get me dependent before discarding i think), tried to gaslight me, scary predatory stare a few times literally felt like he was going to kill and eat me. If I spoke up, he would hide some of these things temporarily.

I thought I could HELP him, make a better life for him, love him. I was not attracted to him at all physically but he mentally stimulated me, if that makes sense. "We are soul mates" he said...lol. What could I be missing of this character? What is there to be depressed about? (well, the good guy doesnt exist)! This is insanity. Di, I am writing down the advice you've given so far. It's good and I feel like it will really help. I cant wait to "get my mind back". Thank you!

Top
#15980 - 08/24/13 06:03 AM Re: Depression and healing [Re: FreeBird]
xela007 Offline
member

Registered: 06/13/13
Posts: 134
Originally Posted By: FreeBird
I had fake "friends" around me too who turned out to be psychopathic as well. I got to the same conclusions - that I attract psychopaths.


You're not the only one that attracts psychopaths, in fact really nice people are prone to be surrounded by psychopaths and sooner get caught in their nets. Why? Because you seem to seek perfection, honesty, you're being overly nice and never saying things straight in the face (that's what psychopaths love - tell them ONLY what they want to hear.

Looking over the years, I can see that I lived with a psychopath dad, brother, two of my ex girlfriends, and possibly my current girlfriend is also a psychopath. She keeps saying that she can't stand her kid because he's fat and ugly like his dad, she even said that I am sort of ugly (I laughed my ass off and told her to piss off) not going out with her ever again. She said a lot of things that makes me believe she is a psychopath. She lives on her sister's money, she has been a parasite for 10 years and she goes to work only because her sister told her to do so and stop staying like a parasite.

I personally will be cautious when making a new relationship, it's damn easy to spot a psychopath (at least for me) right on the first few meetings/dates. They're paranoid, they're controlling, they get angry very easy, the psychopathic stare...... and if you can look a bit in their past it'll be damn easy to spot them. Psychopaths usually have dozens of "failed" relationships, everyone at some point would break up with them, they have no friends (most of them), at least not true friends, they are after profit (easy profit, without too much effort), you'll catch them lying with the smallest unimportant things, they'll smile while being extremely rude to you, some of the nevrotic types would never laugh naturally, they'll only put smirks on their face. Psychopaths would laugh and chit chat about people with handicaps, laugh about fat people on and on, they'll tell you they're the smartest and can achieve anything (even though their day job is something like cleaning up houses, or low paid jobs in factories), they are the best, they are doing a whole lot better than you.. etc etc...

My current psychopath girlfriend once told me that I live in such a poverty why do I keep telling her that I am doing ok? LMAO I have a house, I have decent food, and I dress up on my own money from brands only (and I'm not showing off or anything).... she was just trying to put me down. that's all.. they're envious ..they're jealous for what you have, they get paranoid if they don't have control over you etc etc.....

Another thing a psychopath would do is COMPLAIN COMPLAIN about anything and everything...... if it's a relationship we're talking about, then the relationship is not working just because of YOU! It's never their fault... POOR BASTARDS they don't even know what love is....... so my girlfriend told me that she never ever felt love for someone... that was the lightbulb moment ... another moment was when I speak about real love, my first love relationship (the only one by the way) that you cannot forget.... and she goes like......... come on that was NOT love you're just talking non-sense... I was like ok.... (She's a psychopath)


Don't worry, life goes on, I know it's hard to forgive but you have to at some point, otherwise you're destroying your own mental health and karma, psychopaths are born, psychopaths can't be cured and they don't change... they're just what they are. It's great if you'd be able to detect a psychopath early on, to prevent more harm in your life. The only rule against a psychopath is the "NO CONTACT RULE" - there's no other way but IGNORANCE.

Best, life is good even when it's not going the way you planned, after so much pain the sun should shine once again. Psychopaths are lost people - they sick in the mind even though they don't admit it, and don't want to change. Telling a psychopath that there's something wrong with him or her is like telling someone that is decently normal person that his/her personality is just wrong. They don't comprehend emotions, they live by the instinct now imagine someone that wants just to profit, to eat, tto have sex and to be a parasite (that is the ultimate psychopath).

Xe


Edited by xela007 (08/24/13 06:11 AM)
_________________________
www.vidfio.com

Top
Page 15 of 16 < 1 2 ... 13 14 15 16 >