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#11586 - 08/18/11 06:01 PM Depression and healing
Dianne E. Offline

Administrator
member

Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2788
Loc: United States
It is clear that anyone in the range of a Psychopath is going to more than likely suffer from severe depression.

It happened to me when I had my head bashed to the cement in dealing with a Psychopath in business and lost everything. Naturally anyone would be severely depressed. Once I was put on anti depressants my world never got better, it actually has crippled me for a whopping 15 years off my life. I was never informed or educated on the powerful effects these drugs can have. My wake up call was when one of the medications caused a severe blood disorder along with visual abnormality. I have been on an 8 month search to find help. The only "help" that was offered was to switch to another "mood stabilizer" that had less severe side effects. It was a turning point in my life to search for answers and find the real me that was crushed at the hands of the Psychopath and then the fog of the drugs.

I am in no way saying that anyone else should take whatever path they choose on their path to healing, nor do I judge if your choice is to take medication to get through depression and trauma. I would like to think that if I knew what I know now and if someone had at least informed me of the serious side effects I wouldn't have tossed 15 years of my life away. This is also not medical advice. I would like to share information about what all these drugs can do, I am not a wild eye conspiracy person and have selected some Utube videos so that our community can make an informed decision. I support whatever decision you make.

This forum is open to discuss issues surrounding depression and healing for our community. I have been on about every new super drug that came along and never got off the wild ride. I have been off medication since the wake up call with a severe blood disorder and visual issues. Now I am looking down the barrel of two surgeries that will cost around 20K to fix from the effects of this one little innocent looking and sounding pill.

If you disagree, we are an open community, the main issue is that I feel strongly it is a direction we need to pay attention to because depression and involvement with a Psychopath go hand in hand. I will write more later and answer any questions. If you ever consider going off medication, DO NOT do it suddenly because things can be very dangerous.

If you think I am whacky for bringing this up, we are a community and a good healthy debate is always in order. I can assure you that I have never been or never will be a wild eyed conspiracy person. I never imagined the life threatening effects these medications could have. Not once in the 15 years or so did any Dr. advise me of the risks. There seems to be the thinking that if the side effects are less bothersome that the depression etc. that is just the trade off. I have always been a very healthy person until this. Not even the flu in all these years, I know without a shadow of a doubt that it was one of the combo of medication that sent me flying to the curb. I found out which medication it was from a very prominent neuro surgeon so it isn't just my wild imagination. Even after that I was on my own to find out the answers and get treatment for the physical aftermath.

Di


Edited by Dianne E. (08/19/11 08:44 AM)
Edit Reason: additonal comment

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#12073 - 10/23/11 02:46 PM Re: Depression and healing [Re: Dianne E.]
Akeso Offline
member

Registered: 07/22/11
Posts: 26
Thanks for posting your story Dianne and bringing up about the hazards of taking drugs that unbelievably aren't even mentioned. I hope you're getting better?
Sooo, long time no write...
I am still in limbo and having a really bad sad day today. Depressed. Really depressed. I know tomorrow will be a better day (as Scarlett said) but I just feel really stressed out and alone.
My husband moved out 6 months ago and had my (really aggressive, stress-inducing) daughter today and I was home alone, feeling sad and yes, bitter. It was a lovely day. We could've been on a picnic. My daughter should be her usual merry self.
He always does what we call back-footing - haven't seen it online - but little things that knock you off-balance, or maybe one-up? I've only seen him a few minutes on either side of getting her, and I got pegged the bad person who lost it. Manipulated into it.
Anyway I've been waiting to hear from a child psych who's seen my daughter twice for her opinion on a very delicate subject. I now don't think there has been wrong-doing, at least in the last THREE MONTHS I've been waiting to get an appointment to get some kind of diagnosis for her and support for me in how to cope, just with her, let alone cope after life with a controlling passive aggressive and whatever else he is, as well as possible counselling for all of us. I am at the END of my rope, truly. I have been so patient, and meanwhile sending my daughter to visit him for a few hours each weekend because I've been advised it will only be worse for me if I try and do anything else. So I keep waiting. I hope I'm not just bitter. I guess I just need more patience and an ear, and perhaps some advice on healing. I suppose I also have to come to terms with what I want too. Reconciliation (but could I ever trust him again anyway) or just letting go and getting real. I just feel really in limbo and awful.

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#12088 - 10/25/11 06:28 PM Re: Depression and healing [Re: Akeso]
1Healing Offline
member

Registered: 10/25/11
Posts: 87
Hi, I'm new here so not sure about where to post yet.
This topic caught my eye. I don't feel depressed as such, believe it or not, but I am far from healed. I am damaged beyond belief.
Not on any meds & don't want to be, I'm not feeling the need for medication but definitely have a long ways to go to repair in my life.
I have limitations in my ability to get around & psychopath knew that, but didn't care, so right now my life is very limited as to access to others.
The longer he's been gone, well the word bitter hits home.
He is the most evil man I have ever met. Ithought I had prince charming but he turned into purity of evil. I still cannot wrap my head around it.
I realize I'm at a place that having a hard time to get past.
I've done nothing but spend time in repair damage since he left. Needed a place to vent & share some so I can continue to heal.
Thks for listening.

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#12100 - 10/27/11 12:42 PM Re: Depression and healing [Re: 1Healing]
FreeBird Offline
member

Registered: 08/24/11
Posts: 230
1Healing! Thank you for sharing!
Welcome to the board, hope you will gain as much from here as I did.

You are not weak, in fact, and you will realize one day, you are the one that's strong enough to tell the truth. This takes real strength.

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#12102 - 10/27/11 02:16 PM Re: Depression and healing [Re: FreeBird]
1Healing Offline
member

Registered: 10/25/11
Posts: 87
NewBird, thank you. I do know I am strong inside. If not it would have totally crushed me.

I have never met a man that had the two sides that he did. noone. Most of the guys I had dated prior would be pretty much the same all the way through. They may have things I didn't care for as much at times, but I met a LOT of nice guys along the way.. never anyone with 2 distinct sides like psychopath. The other side didn't come to surface until we were married..
& he had already dismantled my life.. he continued in the destruction until about everything was unlike it had been before.. He never paid on the debt, he had made sure I was not connected to friends I had been before we met & moved us umpteen times. Then he walks laughing of course as they do.. I'm stuck dealing with all of the cleanup. It has been an absolute nightmare. I think he chooses vulnerable women (I have physical limitations) so they cannot regain their strength as before. It will take me YRS to get back to where I was before I met him. He destroyed my credit. I'm left to where I can't afford any help & my access is not easy out because he left with car. I always owned a car before we met, I was driving when he left.. right now & since he left a lot has been survival. It's disgusting.

I did love the man.. lately I am becoming more & more bitter & my heart has a lot of hate inside of it.. that is tough to deal with. I guess it's hard to comprehend how someone could do this. I guarded myself & my life from such before. & to come back from this much damage is not easy. As I say, if he could further destroy me? I think he would. What makes them tick I have no clue. Certainly he is not what he had portrayed to be to me, .. most of what he had said turned out to be lies.

I have found it helps to some degree to read about psychopath because that is about the only time that it fits, what he did, it would make sense otherwise.
I realize that in yrs to come I will regain ground again but without a doubt it has taken me to a place I never imagined someone could possibly do. & to reply again to the post from x-aga, no sorry, most people are NOT like this. You don't take a person & flip their life upside down, destroy them then walk away.. sorry no that's not normal.

NewBird, thanks again for the welcome!

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#12117 - 10/28/11 08:11 PM Re: Depression and healing [Re: Dianne E.]
blueheron Offline
member

Registered: 10/14/11
Posts: 84
Doctors who prescribe ANY kind of drug for psychotherapy and do not explain anything about it to the patient should be horse-whipped. General practice MDs don't seem to have a clue about them, even though they can write prescriptions for them. From what I understand, most MDs only get one three-hour class about psychotherapy drugs. The better bet is a psychiatrist. There are so many things you have to look out for when taking them, and you can't just get off them cold turkey. So that's why we have to each do our own research, our own due diligence, before we even fill the prescription. Before we put one pill in our mouth. Before the internet, I would go to the library and look things up in the Merck's Manual. Now I have rxlist.com and drugs.com to give all the info that is printed on those long strips that come in boxes of drugs.

For myself, I have had to figure out the difference between depression and grief. Pick out the difference between depression and being upset with myself that I didn't see it coming. Of course we didn't see the psychopath coming; we don't think like they do. I had to quit beating on myself for not listening to my intuition. Over the years, my intuition has been proven correct every time -- the problems come when I either misinterpret it or squash and ignore it. And I sure had to quit whipping myself for not realizing that often to the psychopath it's a big game! A desperate, deadly game, to be sure, but a game nevertheless. Soon as I had an inkling that my MIL was playing people, I was able to say to myself, "Ha, I ain't playin'." (Instead of griping about why she would do such things.) It doesn't matter why she does it, I don't like it and I'm not playing. If that means I have to stay completely away from her, then too bad. That changed it somehow, gave me some kind of power I didn't have before.

Medication doesn't fix anything, it is only supposed to lift a person far enough out of the hole to be able to effectively deal with whatever the problem is. (The exception would be those with an actual brain disorder who need the drug to even function.)

Probably more help than drugs is finding someone to talk to about it. Talking slows down those crazy, whirling thoughts long enough to put them in order and tell someone coherently. (That's why I like this forum.) If the listener is trained enough, or wise enough, they can help look at the whole thing differently. Maybe they can even teach some new skills for staying out from under the psychopath's thumb or getting out of the game with as little damage as possible.

Forgive me for rambling here. Another big factor is forgiving ourselves for falling for the psychopath's games. That is major. I won't go so far as to say we need to forgive the psychopath, not now anyway. Maybe we can down the road somewhere. Forgiving them doesn't let them off the hook or make what they did all right. It gets US off the hook, saves us from destruction. I think it was Nelson Mandela who said that holding on to resentment was like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.

There are several good online sources for determining if you are depressed or in grief. Depression has several distinct symptoms, and if you don't have them, then perhaps something else is going on. Grief, in my opinion, is much more painful than depression (been there, done that on both), and you can't really treat grief, other than to be kind to yourself and give it some time to soften.

So much more I could say. I wish tender hugs and kindness for every one who's been a victim of a psychopath.

blue heron

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#12118 - 10/29/11 02:53 AM Re: Depression and healing [Re: blueheron]
FreeBird Offline
member

Registered: 08/24/11
Posts: 230
1Healing, you don't even need to say anything more, Psychopaths are so predictable. That's one good thing about it all - once you learn how they are it is easy to predict what they would do. This way you can protect yourself.

The mix of feelings is unbearable, we all know how you feel right now. Love doesn't just magically go away, the fact that it was all a bunch of lies, and the person wasn't real doesn't make our feelings less real. We truly did love them. There is absolutely NOTHING to be ashamed of here. You have a heart, you did what most people in your place would do.
Then there's grief, and hatred. And go hand in hand. There's this person who you love and hate the most at the same time. It's really crazy, but it is so.

Talking about it can help you start looking at this from distance. You have to, or you'll just go nuts.
We are all here for you!

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#12125 - 10/29/11 04:14 PM Re: Depression and healing [Re: blueheron]
skybluepaint Offline
member

Registered: 02/05/11
Posts: 100
Blueheron,

Excellent points:

1. We have to distinguish between depression and grief.
2. Medication doesn't fix the problem. It just lifts you out of the hole in order to be able to deal with it.
3. We have to forgive the psychopath, for US!

In my journey, I accepted that it was grief I was suffering from. I even read a good article that said that we, as an American society, are too quick to medicate and that sometimes ruminating about a problem, grieving the loss, is actually a good thing. We need to ruminate, to figure it out, so that we can move on. So, I gave myself permission to do so. The problem with having had a relationship is that we may never figure it out, because they don't obey the laws of civilized society. They obey the laws of the jungle. And I am getting to the point where I have to accept, psychopath or not, that people change, life moves on, and we can't always trust people. Sad, but true. It is hard to let go. It'll always be a loss that I grieve, but I only grieve the person who I thought I knew, not the one I realize she was. It is the real unmasked psychopath that I have to forgive. I saw the Dalai Lama speak a year ago and I had this question for him, "We can have compassion for the sick, hungry, etc., but how do we have compassion for those who have hurt us?" At the time, I was still seeking to understand the psychopath. The line was too long to ask questions, so I never got to ask the Dalai Lama, but I asked my friends who all said the same thing, FORGIVENESS. You have to forgive to set yourself free and that is still a struggle. I have sensed that my grief moved into depression in the last couple of weeks. Loss of apetite, sleep, disinterest in life, and having a hard time thinking/concentrating, feeling generally mentally slow. I have thought about medication to get me through the day, but haven't even yet thought about what I might take or been to see anyone about it. I took Prozac for a brief period once and hated it, the mental and physical numbing effect. One alternative doctor said that a placebo works just as well, like maybe I need to believe that there is something helping me and I will be helped. This might not be the case for everyone, but for some it is. Anyway, for now I am just doing it on my own, with counseling, and am sticking to that, as well as to the support of the forum. People like you are just as helpful, providing us reminders of what we need to hear.

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#12126 - 10/29/11 05:43 PM Re: Depression and healing [Re: skybluepaint]
FreeBird Offline
member

Registered: 08/24/11
Posts: 230
I dont know if I can write this here... but have you considered MJ? For me it was really helpful. I dont wanna sound like a junkie:)
At some point I started drinking regularly, first of course at parties, but then it started to turn into alcoholism... I realized that I really needed a buzz to feel relaxed. I would get home after work and drink a few shots. So I turned to MJ instead, but only smoked on occasion. After a while I realized it wasn't as much the smoking itself, as it was the comfort of having this drug, just incase. It helped me a lot.

I normally don't drink, never took drugs. I just don't need to. I am happy enough and love parties, and don't need to drink to have fun, actually I don't like it coz it just makes you number and you can't really enjoy the moment.

But with this - there were days when I knew I would not be able to make it through. And smoking just a little takes your mind off of it all. And no side effects (if you smoke very little) like with alcohol or prescription drugs.

I don't need it anymore, but at that time even when I managed to function normally for some time, I knew that the brake-down would come again soon, and that terrified me, and made all the effort seem worthless... Just the comfort of knowing I have sth that will make me "numb" if I cant take it anymore was enough. I stopped drinking, and eventually put out smoke too (and cigarettes that I started to smoke after the horror).

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#12130 - 10/30/11 12:24 PM Re: Depression and healing [Re: FreeBird]
1Healing Offline
member

Registered: 10/25/11
Posts: 87
Thanks for the reply. I have a feeling that ex h Psychopath is tracking me at different sites, thinking he has an idea where I post & maybe googling.. Anyways, so I feel I still have to watch my footsteps & yet vulnerale to his prey.

He left so much on my plate when he left & he kept leaving, moving us about that the destruction is overwhelming. For him it was always just packing & leaving or sending me away.
I had a home & stable before we met. Since I am vulnerable (limited physically) for me to start my life over is not easy.

The paperwork the last 2 yrs was almost non stop. First divorce, then trying to sell property of which I could hardly get rid of, then bankruptcy. It's taken countless hours & energy, paperwork, trips to court etc.

He just walked out of my life & washed his hands of all of it. I think he's probably signed maybe 4 or 5 pieces of paper would be the extent of what he did post his leaving. The court ordered him to pay 1/2 the debt & he didn't. I saw a tiny bit, what amounted to 2 months of my monthly payment amt.

The first year I was very busy with all of the nightmare but as this part of things is winding down I'm having to deal with the psychological piece of things moreso.

I had a feeling that if this man up & turned the tables it would be a very difficult scenerio to get atop & it is. I was merely a speck in his way for him to flick aside.

He claimed many spiritual gifts, & is a classic malignant narcissist/ psychopath, that he uses these ploys to enter women's lives & quickly with many promises that he has no intention of keeping.

He has many ex's, affairs, what he did to me is despicable.


Originally Posted By: NewBird
1Healing, you don't even need to say anything more, Psychopaths are so predictable. That's one good thing about it all - once you learn how they are it is easy to predict what they would do. This way you can protect yourself.

The mix of feelings is unbearable, we all know how you feel right now. Love doesn't just magically go away, the fact that it was all a bunch of lies, and the person wasn't real doesn't make our feelings less real. We truly did love them. There is absolutely NOTHING to be ashamed of here. You have a heart, you did what most people in your place would do.
Then there's grief, and hatred. And go hand in hand. There's this person who you love and hate the most at the same time. It's really crazy, but it is so.

Talking about it can help you start looking at this from distance. You have to, or you'll just go nuts.
We are all here for you!

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