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#11782 - 09/16/11 08:25 AM Could do with some help.
starry Offline
member

Registered: 01/06/11
Posts: 350
My gran is pretty ill at the moment. I don't know how much longer she'll be here.

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#11783 - 09/16/11 08:31 AM Re: Could do with some help. [Re: starry]
FreeBird Offline
member

Registered: 08/24/11
Posts: 230
I am so sorry to hear that! We are all with you!

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#11785 - 09/16/11 08:43 AM Re: Could do with some help. [Re: FreeBird]
starry Offline
member

Registered: 01/06/11
Posts: 350
Thank you. I have an emergency appointment with my doctor. I feel pretty overwhelmed at the moment.

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#11794 - 09/16/11 11:48 AM Re: Could do with some help. [Re: starry]
Dianne E. Offline

Administrator
member

Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2788
Loc: United States
My dear Starry, you are in my prayers, loving and losing someone who cared so much for you must be crushing. We are here for you. I always hate it when people try to brush it off that they will be in a better place, I do believe they are but it minimizes the pain you must be feeling now.

Please keep in touch and allow us to support you.

Di

A wise friend told me when my mother passed away that the toughest time is the first year when you miss all the things like birthdays and when the first bd came when my mom was gone, it was the worst. I still grieve her and try to think of how blessed I was that she was in my life for the first time only a couple of years before she passed. I now feel her gentle guiding hand. She told me she loved me for the first time when I was in my 50's. I feel robbed at times and am crying for your pain.

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#11795 - 09/16/11 01:19 PM Re: Could do with some help. [Re: starry]
Monroe Offline
member

Registered: 09/12/11
Posts: 40
I'm sorry, Starry. I'm glad that you are with her now.
_________________________
Monroe

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#11796 - 09/16/11 02:14 PM Re: Could do with some help. [Re: Monroe]
starry Offline
member

Registered: 01/06/11
Posts: 350
The doctor's appointment was for me frown

She was a tough doctor. We talked briefly about the background which makes things difficult for me to deal with life stuff (PTSD). I could tell pretty quickly from the sorts of questions she was asking me that she had never come across a psychopath before.

Anyway, she told me that I seemed very vulnerable and that I needed to develop strategies for dealing with stressful situations.

I told her the strategy I had used in the past and which I know works (a very low calorie diet, less than 500 calories a day at some points). She told me it wasn't a very positive one. I have been referred to somewhere to learn positive coping methods for stress.


For anyone wondering about the effects of having a psychopath in your family, well, this is it in a nutshell. They strip away your ability to cope with life and leave you with none. A bit like like stripping your skin off, so that even the tiniest breath of air leaves you screaming in pain.

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#11797 - 09/16/11 02:49 PM Re: Could do with some help. [Re: starry]
FreeBird Offline
member

Registered: 08/24/11
Posts: 230
Starry... your words almost made me cry! They are perfect!
I am so sorry you are left with all this alone... And it sucks that your doctor doesn't know about psychopaths... maybe look for another one who does? What you described is exactly what I had been hearing for the longest time. Then I took action myself, learned about it all myself...

It is NOT you who is responsible for this emotions and you mustn't be alone now. I don't believe one can survive a relationship with a Psychopath. alone. Support is everything. Im sick of people who don't care, or tell you to forget or tell you "others have bigger problems". And "you should learn to cope (all by yourself)".
Of course, we have to cope, and we may have to cope for the rest of our lives, but, hell, THEY, the Psychopaths are the ones who made us miserable, and I don't care if they do it on purpose or they do it unaware of the pain and damage they cause. They are the ones responsible.
(just as much as a driver who accidentally hits someone - he is still responsible, even if he didn't mean it).

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#11799 - 09/16/11 03:02 PM Re: Could do with some help. [Re: FreeBird]
starry Offline
member

Registered: 01/06/11
Posts: 350
Thank you everyone, for reading my thread, and reaching out. I really appreciate that.

I don't blame the doctor. She's a pretty big improvement on the doctor I was seeing before. And she did say that she wasn't really equipped to help, considering what I'd been though (I missed out the psychopath bit and angled it more at the assaults. Most people can get that part).

Anyway, I'm willing to explore the contacts she gave me. I have found some of this stuff a bit overwhelming in the past (a self defence course for women...I couldn't deal with hitting the punch bag), but I'll try.

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#11800 - 09/16/11 03:04 PM Re: Could do with some help. [Re: starry]
FreeBird Offline
member

Registered: 08/24/11
Posts: 230
I would say the best therapist is "Without Conscience" by Robert Hare. This book made it possible for me to cope.

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#11802 - 09/16/11 03:05 PM Re: Could do with some help. [Re: FreeBird]
starry Offline
member

Registered: 01/06/11
Posts: 350
I've heard os much about this book. Does it give you coping strategies for afterwards as well?

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