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#11910 - 09/28/11 09:21 AM **Top Ten List - What to do
planetchildren Offline
member

Registered: 08/10/11
Posts: 46
Hello,

Do we have a "top ten list" on how to deal with a Psychohpath? I know that the first thing you need to do once you realize you are involved with one is to cut them off completely. What is 2 - 10? Has anyone written an article or book on the subject?

I think Di said to keep a journal which is definitely a must. Maybe, gathering a few pictures of them to keep in your journal would be a good idea to show their fake smiles and expressions.

Once you have come across a Psychopath, they have most likely caused major trama that you will deal with for a lifetime. As I continue to move forward since realizing that she is Psychopath, I feel that the victim needs to be able know in their minds that they are doing something productive to help themselves, their family, and society.

We need to be pro-active in developing emotional skills and yes "tactics" to deal with these predators. I know that every situation is different, but every Psyshopath has the same traits. Once you've been a victim of a Psychopath, I think you need to be empowered in some way to overcome the feeling of helplessness that you are left with.

Our natural instinct is to fight back and try to outsmart them, but this is what they want. They thrive on "the battle." We need to do something for ourselves. This support group is definitely in the "top ten list."

Any ideas?

Cut the Psychopath off completely!
Keep a journal. You will need it.
Get involved in a support group.
Take the blinders off when it comes to this person. Anything can happen. Never trust them.
Run a background check if necessary.
Read and become educated about psychopathic behavior.
Use the Psychopath checklist to describe your Psychopath. Write it down.
Maybe at some point you can talk to others that have known the same Psychopath.

Planetchildren

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#11912 - 09/28/11 03:27 PM Re: **Top Ten List - What to do [Re: planetchildren]
FreeBird Offline
member

Registered: 08/24/11
Posts: 230
Very good topic!

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#11913 - 09/29/11 11:13 AM Re: **Top Ten List - What to do [Re: planetchildren]
daddysproblem Offline
member

Registered: 06/23/11
Posts: 99
Good Morning...

the problem for many is that these are family members who are intertwined with our other family members. mine is my elderly father. cutting him out produces friction with my relatives. so, i must offer alternatives.

1) my most important rule. keep all contact in my control. i do not answer the phone if he calls. i don't even open mail from him. UNTIL I AM READY. i've had greeting cards sit in my drawer for months. i've learned to be a little scarlet o'hara.. tomorrow's another day - i'll worry about that later.

2) completely accept who he is.. COMPLETELY. accept he can not change. his world revolves only around him. everyone is just a member of his 'court'.

3) initiate contact/communication ONLY when completely READY. not when you're weak.. or even a little average feeling. i only do it when i'm COMPLETELY UNEQUIVOCALLY STRONG. when i'm feeling totally ambivalent about him.

4) stop talking about family. (this one i need to work on). everyone likes to talk about their families. but it sends me into a space where i start comparing and contrasting.. and feeling really really victimized.. and that i totally got screwed in life growing up and now too. i don't have a 'family' (except for my son) and it breaks my heart in ways that are overwhelming. i really need to steer away from any conversation that opens me up to this.. it's unfortunate that my (our? if your a child of a Psychopath) life growing up is nothing like the lives of anyone i know. i even have friends that have been abused.. but all of them had someone in their life that was there for them - i'm sick of comparing.. and it seems to get competitive - ick. i don't know anyone who was completely alone as i was (my mom was his partner and my siblings were gone very early on and so damaged and under his control) so if anyone has any advise on this.. i'd love to hear it.

5) find ways to move forward. (again, i'm working on that obviously). walk the dog, read a book, see a movie, interact with friends (or strangers). leave the scene of the crime... (ie your mind) i watch my dog.. who is always in the moment and always ready for something fun. yea i know it's a dog.. but so what... it works for me.

6) also, (seems in conflict to # 5 and #4) but, sometimes you need to share this and see you're not alone.. so, spend time on this site. find others who have this similar experience. because this is a very unique experience. these people are really not human.. yet we as humans are forced to interact with them. and if you don't really 'know' one you'll never believe it. never.

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#11915 - 09/29/11 02:58 PM Re: **Top Ten List - What to do [Re: daddysproblem]
FreeBird Offline
member

Registered: 08/24/11
Posts: 230
daddysproblem - this is very wise. Your situation is really much worse than those of us, who only had a relationship with a Psychopath.
Nevertheless it's all the same - as long as we believe in the "humanity" - that's how long we are confused and hurt. Everyone needs to understand, that there are people who are actually animals, that they are not human beings, like us. No one will listen.
If you ask anybody, what is a Psychopath? - They will most likely tell you - a crazy person. And if you explain, they will keep looking for excuses for this kind of behavior - mainly because we all have psychopathic features in us, the only difference is the extent of them, and our ability to control them (Psychopaths also control themselves but in a different way - we think with our hearts, they only think with their head).

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#11916 - 09/29/11 03:57 PM Re: **Top Ten List - What to do [Re: FreeBird]
starry Offline
member

Registered: 01/06/11
Posts: 350
daddysproblem, I love what you wrote.

The family conversation thing...I can totally relate. It makes me furious and sad and hurt in equal measure. I hate Father's Day with a passion. I have to avoid everything to do with Father's Day. I want to destroy everything to do with Father's Day. It just feels so unfair.

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#11917 - 09/29/11 07:57 PM Re: **Top Ten List - What to do [Re: starry]
concerned Offline
member

Registered: 09/26/10
Posts: 47
This is a very good topic.

It gives me the strength to be there for my granddaugther. Sometimes my husband and I just want to go far away, but how can we leave her?

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#11918 - 09/30/11 09:24 AM Re: **Top Ten List - What to do [Re: concerned]
planetchildren Offline
member

Registered: 08/10/11
Posts: 46

Your granddaughter needs you as my grandson needs me. I don't have to deal directly with the Psychohpath. Thank God! But, I do see her occasionally at sporting events for my grandson. My skin crawls everytime I see her or hear her voice. She is really an annoying person. I've heard many comments about her over the years about how obnoxious she is.

I would really like to hear more comments about how people deal with a Psychopath. There have got to be some profound ideas. I refuse to let her get the best of me.

I think everyone here is handeling their Psychopath in a very intelligent manner. I know we have to take it one day at a time and continue to live life to the fullest. We cannot let a Psychopath ruin our reason for living. That is their intention. So, don't let them win. Their day will come. I believe what goes around comes around. We are not doormats, and we don't have to live like one.

What annoys a Psychopath the most?
What makes a Psychopath go away?

Planetchildren

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#11922 - 10/01/11 06:01 PM Re: **Top Ten List - What to do [Re: planetchildren]
NoesMama3 Offline
member

Registered: 10/01/11
Posts: 12
Planetchildren:

I love your posts. I think I have a couple of answers here, based on what I've done to deal with my Psychopath:


What annoys a Psychopath the most? Not letting them get under your skin. Just being a total brick wall or a sponge--any input to you is either totally absorbed or echoed back in a small way. For me, not talking, repeating back whatever she just said, or answering questions with monosyllabic answers ("Yes,""No,""Interesting""Good for you") lets her know just how uninterested I am in what she has to say without her getting any kind of rise out of me.

What makes a Psychopath go away? Not giving them what they want. No chink in the armor, no response, no invitation to even talk, no money, no drugs, nothing.

These answers may or may not work depending on your emotional involvement with the Psychopath. But it has worked for me (I've had no romantic or sexual relationship with my Psychopath, and no real history with her to speak of). HOWEVER, it has been pretty hard in spite of these things.

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#11925 - 10/02/11 09:18 PM Re: **Top Ten List - What to do [Re: NoesMama3]
planetchildren Offline
member

Registered: 08/10/11
Posts: 46
Thank you. You're exactly right. That's what I really try to do. I try to ignore her when I have to be in her presence. I do like what you said. I guess the more humdrum we sound when responding to them, the more that really chaps their hide. Yep, that works for me.

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#11932 - 10/03/11 02:05 PM Re: **Top Ten List - What to do [Re: planetchildren]
NoesMama3 Offline
member

Registered: 10/01/11
Posts: 12
Personally, I like the sponge effect: stuff goes in but never comes out (I've had to ratchet it up to the "black hole" effect on occasion).

I mean, if what they need is reaction and chinks in armor, these offer none and also protect us from involvement with Psychopaths.

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