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#11933 - 10/03/11 02:26 PM Re: **Top Ten List - What to do [Re: NoesMama3]
Monroe Offline
member

Registered: 09/12/11
Posts: 40
Hi NoesMama3:

First, I would love to have a friend like your husband to hang out with, or as a neighbor and role model for my kids. I'm sure I would feel the same way about you - you remind me of my wife in some respects, what little I know! Sometimes I just need to have the facts laid out for me, and she delivers the message leaving me with my dignity intact.

Some people with more experience/knowledge than me will weigh in, I'm sure. But, for what it's worth...I would do exactly what you are doing. And I'd suggest that you or your husband not do or say anything to antagonize your SIL, such as explain honestly why you are not responding to her requests, or assisting her.

Since my wife and I have come to understand who we are dealing with (our daughter), we've taken the conflict and confrontation out of our dialogue with her to the extent possible. Your SIL will take an explanation or reasoning and turn it upside down, convincingly making your husband out to be a person that is not in his nature - selfish and uncaring. Minimal contact, giving your SIL as little "material" to work with as possible.

Best case scenario, your SIL concludes she can gain nothing more from you and your husband, and the predator looks elsewhere for a victim and sustenance.
_________________________
Monroe

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#11939 - 10/03/11 05:34 PM Re: **Top Ten List - What to do [Re: Monroe]
NoesMama3 Offline
member

Registered: 10/01/11
Posts: 12
Amen. That's kind of what I'm hoping...starve the cockroach and it'll move on to another food source.

Also, as much as I would love to go off on SIL, she's a master at turning things around (for instance, when I called CPS last year on her, my husband's entire family and most of his friends went out of their way to make my life miserable). So anything I say (or write) to her will undoubtedly be reported to the entire social fabric on that side and twisted into something to give folks an excuse to harangue or abuse me. So, sponge treatment.

As for your predicament...I can't imagine going through and having to make the decisions you're having to make. But I think you're doing the right thing.

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#11947 - 10/05/11 01:33 AM Re: **Top Ten List - What to do [Re: NoesMama3]
FreeBird Offline
member

Registered: 08/24/11
Posts: 230
This is really sad for me - to get rid of Psychopath you are aware that he goes on to someone else - and someone else will sure hurt like you...
But if you tell them, they won't listen anyways... sad thing is you have to go through, and learn from your mistake, you have to get burned to know all this.
And I think not everyone digs deep like we here do. I bet some people just leave it be, and go on unaware of what a monster they had in their life, probably forever blaming themselves a bit... This is sad.

I wanted to post a separate thread, but I think this will fit perfectly here:
It's gonna be a court case soon for me and the Psychopath. He will most likely be sentenced. Meanwhile, he accused me of some things (bunch of lies). I testified recently, and of course it's not going to court, but the policeman asked that I participate in a meeting with the Psychopath. This is, as he said, what the Psychopath has asked. And I have to go.
He told me (between us two) that the Psychopath wants to blackmail me-although he doesn't have anything to blackmail me with:D His purpose is to not be sentenced in that other trial. I don't really know what his gonna ask, I can assume some stuff. I am not really afraid as I already know I'm not gonna agree to anything he asks. This meeting is held under the supervision of a psychologist and it's purpose is for ma and the Psychopath to "get along".
Of course there will never be any getting along, coz that would mean - go with his demands. This is sth I will never do, no matter the consequences.

The thing is, ever since I received the notice that this meeting will take place, my PTSD is back. I have not had a night with a peaceful sleep. I wake up at 4am and cant sleep. I feel exhausted.

I would appreciate your help here. I don't want to write any details about my story, at least until the trial is over.

Do I just go, and not talk with him? I am afraid that my attitude like this will make me look bad - he will surely play the "victim". I am afraid that if I get into a talk with him, he will manipulate me. Or I will get angry.
I need to be prepared and I don't even know what to expect... I would kill for some clues...

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#11955 - 10/05/11 02:26 PM Re: **Top Ten List - What to do [Re: FreeBird]
NoesMama3 Offline
member

Registered: 10/01/11
Posts: 12
Hi NewBird:

Have you talked to the officer about what protections are available to you? I mean, if you explain this to the officer, your state may have victim/witness protections available (i.e., not having to be in the same room, etc.).

Also, if you explain to the officer ahead of time that, for your own sanity, your answers will be emotionally limited, they may afford you some protection for that.

Just a thought, and I hope all goes well. Also, I hope you can get some rest.

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#11957 - 10/05/11 03:12 PM Re: **Top Ten List - What to do [Re: NoesMama3]
FreeBird Offline
member

Registered: 08/24/11
Posts: 230
Yes, Ive told him exactly what happened. The thing is the meeting takes place in a room, I have to be alone and we are supposed to "get along" under the supervision of a psychologist.

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#11961 - 10/05/11 11:31 PM Re: **Top Ten List - What to do [Re: FreeBird]
planetchildren Offline
member

Registered: 08/10/11
Posts: 46
I think it is so unfair that you have to meet with your Psychopath. Absolutely no good will come from it. It only causes stress and anxiety for you.

Is there any way you can refuse it, saying that it will be emotionally damaging to your health. The sooner you can get out of it, the better off you will be.

I'm sure you won't be able to sleep or have any sense of peace until this meeting is cancelled. Are you ordered by the court to go? If you have an attorney, let him know that this is emotional abuse for you. You have been tortured enough.

I know you are afraid they will think you are crazy, but who cares. You know the truth. Your sanity comes first.

Planetchildren

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#11972 - 10/06/11 12:52 PM Re: **Top Ten List - What to do [Re: planetchildren]
FreeBird Offline
member

Registered: 08/24/11
Posts: 230
Thank you all.

This morning I woke up before the alarm, and was surprised to find out it wasnt 4am but 7am:D
I feel good, really good. This thing broke me down, but only for a moment, which I find as a great sign.

I was told I "should" go. And to be honest - a part of me wants to. This is my kind of dealing with problems - face them. It's just something I have to do. Of course I am scared. But it's normal to be scared of this. The important thing is it doesn't get me down for long. I could cancel of course. But this wouldn't be me. I'd rather have those few days of stress, but get over it. I can do it!

I am lucky to have people around me who support me and think like me. This is a bliss. Im gonna have a talk with my good friend before the meeting, he has helped me like no one, and he knows about Psychopaths, had to deal with them too. This gives me enormous amount of strength. My friend even says - it's good - you get to talk with him in front of a specialist. Use this to make them see what a Psychopath he is.

So please keep your fingers crossed for me. I don't know when the meeting is yet, but I will sure let you know once I know sth.


BTW: It's a bliss to be able to share with you, whoever you are, wherever you're from. This also gives me so much faith in humanity. Makes me believe that it all makes sense. I'm not doing this only for me, I'm doing it for all the good people out there. Thank you guys!

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#11973 - 10/06/11 01:53 PM Re: **Top Ten List - What to do [Re: FreeBird]
Dianne E. Offline

Administrator
member

Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2788
Loc: United States
Hi NewBird, great attitude. Is there a way you can request for the meeting to be taped?

Try to stay very focused, don't let any of his "that look" or smirks get to you. Keep in that neutral zone and when you see yourself start to move out of that position, take a breath and be neutral. Many times the victim can get rattled, rightfully so and look like the one who is in the crazy box. If you need a minute to think of an answer, just ask for the question to be repeated. Keep things simple and focused. You are going to do great. Use the old speak when spoken to tactic, if he starts spilling a bunch of lies, remain composed until it is your time to speak. I hope your friend can be outside the room or in the car waiting for you so you will have someone there when you are finished to support you. We are here for you cheering you on.

Di


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#11999 - 10/09/11 04:22 PM Re: **Top Ten List - What to do [Re: Dianne E.]
FreeBird Offline
member

Registered: 08/24/11
Posts: 230
Dianne, thank you!

Great idea, I am gonna tape the meeting with my phone in my pocket or so.

I talked with my good friend. We established it's gonna be either me going there, and keeping it all brief or, we also think maybe it would be better to just cancel. We were discussing (he-my friend- knows this Psychopath himself) what is it that the Psychopath wants. And with the conclusions we think it may be better to cancel. Because this is the Psychopaths "last resort", and maybe not going there would be the best way to say what I am gonna say anyway at the meeting - "no matter how much you think you can manipulate and terrorize me I will not cave in".
Still, I am a little concerned and curious about what he is gonna do. It may be a good thing to see what he is about. And I am pretty sure I'm gonna do great. My idea was to tell the supervising person straight on - what he did to me and tell them that I will only talk with the Psychopath as long as he tells the truth and is straightforward.
And if the Psychopath starts any kind of lie - or even the slightest manipulation - Im just gonna get up, thank for the meeting and leave.

I decided to wait with the decision. I think I'm gonna go, but I still have time to think.

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#12001 - 10/09/11 05:16 PM Re: **Top Ten List - What to do [Re: FreeBird]
Dianne E. Offline

Administrator
member

Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2788
Loc: United States
Hi, I would ask the shrink to record the meeting, unless you are in a state that allows one person consent, just for the record I would ask them to record the meeting.

Di

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