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#11910 - 09/28/11 09:21 AM **Top Ten List - What to do
planetchildren Offline
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Registered: 08/10/11
Posts: 46
Hello,

Do we have a "top ten list" on how to deal with a Psychohpath? I know that the first thing you need to do once you realize you are involved with one is to cut them off completely. What is 2 - 10? Has anyone written an article or book on the subject?

I think Di said to keep a journal which is definitely a must. Maybe, gathering a few pictures of them to keep in your journal would be a good idea to show their fake smiles and expressions.

Once you have come across a Psychopath, they have most likely caused major trama that you will deal with for a lifetime. As I continue to move forward since realizing that she is Psychopath, I feel that the victim needs to be able know in their minds that they are doing something productive to help themselves, their family, and society.

We need to be pro-active in developing emotional skills and yes "tactics" to deal with these predators. I know that every situation is different, but every Psyshopath has the same traits. Once you've been a victim of a Psychopath, I think you need to be empowered in some way to overcome the feeling of helplessness that you are left with.

Our natural instinct is to fight back and try to outsmart them, but this is what they want. They thrive on "the battle." We need to do something for ourselves. This support group is definitely in the "top ten list."

Any ideas?

Cut the Psychopath off completely!
Keep a journal. You will need it.
Get involved in a support group.
Take the blinders off when it comes to this person. Anything can happen. Never trust them.
Run a background check if necessary.
Read and become educated about psychopathic behavior.
Use the Psychopath checklist to describe your Psychopath. Write it down.
Maybe at some point you can talk to others that have known the same Psychopath.

Planetchildren

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#11912 - 09/28/11 03:27 PM Re: **Top Ten List - What to do [Re: planetchildren]
FreeBird Offline
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Registered: 08/24/11
Posts: 230
Very good topic!

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#11913 - 09/29/11 11:13 AM Re: **Top Ten List - What to do [Re: planetchildren]
daddysproblem Offline
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Registered: 06/23/11
Posts: 99
Good Morning...

the problem for many is that these are family members who are intertwined with our other family members. mine is my elderly father. cutting him out produces friction with my relatives. so, i must offer alternatives.

1) my most important rule. keep all contact in my control. i do not answer the phone if he calls. i don't even open mail from him. UNTIL I AM READY. i've had greeting cards sit in my drawer for months. i've learned to be a little scarlet o'hara.. tomorrow's another day - i'll worry about that later.

2) completely accept who he is.. COMPLETELY. accept he can not change. his world revolves only around him. everyone is just a member of his 'court'.

3) initiate contact/communication ONLY when completely READY. not when you're weak.. or even a little average feeling. i only do it when i'm COMPLETELY UNEQUIVOCALLY STRONG. when i'm feeling totally ambivalent about him.

4) stop talking about family. (this one i need to work on). everyone likes to talk about their families. but it sends me into a space where i start comparing and contrasting.. and feeling really really victimized.. and that i totally got screwed in life growing up and now too. i don't have a 'family' (except for my son) and it breaks my heart in ways that are overwhelming. i really need to steer away from any conversation that opens me up to this.. it's unfortunate that my (our? if your a child of a Psychopath) life growing up is nothing like the lives of anyone i know. i even have friends that have been abused.. but all of them had someone in their life that was there for them - i'm sick of comparing.. and it seems to get competitive - ick. i don't know anyone who was completely alone as i was (my mom was his partner and my siblings were gone very early on and so damaged and under his control) so if anyone has any advise on this.. i'd love to hear it.

5) find ways to move forward. (again, i'm working on that obviously). walk the dog, read a book, see a movie, interact with friends (or strangers). leave the scene of the crime... (ie your mind) i watch my dog.. who is always in the moment and always ready for something fun. yea i know it's a dog.. but so what... it works for me.

6) also, (seems in conflict to # 5 and #4) but, sometimes you need to share this and see you're not alone.. so, spend time on this site. find others who have this similar experience. because this is a very unique experience. these people are really not human.. yet we as humans are forced to interact with them. and if you don't really 'know' one you'll never believe it. never.

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#11915 - 09/29/11 02:58 PM Re: **Top Ten List - What to do [Re: daddysproblem]
FreeBird Offline
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Registered: 08/24/11
Posts: 230
daddysproblem - this is very wise. Your situation is really much worse than those of us, who only had a relationship with a Psychopath.
Nevertheless it's all the same - as long as we believe in the "humanity" - that's how long we are confused and hurt. Everyone needs to understand, that there are people who are actually animals, that they are not human beings, like us. No one will listen.
If you ask anybody, what is a Psychopath? - They will most likely tell you - a crazy person. And if you explain, they will keep looking for excuses for this kind of behavior - mainly because we all have psychopathic features in us, the only difference is the extent of them, and our ability to control them (Psychopaths also control themselves but in a different way - we think with our hearts, they only think with their head).

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#11916 - 09/29/11 03:57 PM Re: **Top Ten List - What to do [Re: FreeBird]
starry Offline
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Registered: 01/06/11
Posts: 350
daddysproblem, I love what you wrote.

The family conversation thing...I can totally relate. It makes me furious and sad and hurt in equal measure. I hate Father's Day with a passion. I have to avoid everything to do with Father's Day. I want to destroy everything to do with Father's Day. It just feels so unfair.

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#11917 - 09/29/11 07:57 PM Re: **Top Ten List - What to do [Re: starry]
concerned Offline
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Registered: 09/26/10
Posts: 47
This is a very good topic.

It gives me the strength to be there for my granddaugther. Sometimes my husband and I just want to go far away, but how can we leave her?

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#11918 - 09/30/11 09:24 AM Re: **Top Ten List - What to do [Re: concerned]
planetchildren Offline
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Registered: 08/10/11
Posts: 46

Your granddaughter needs you as my grandson needs me. I don't have to deal directly with the Psychohpath. Thank God! But, I do see her occasionally at sporting events for my grandson. My skin crawls everytime I see her or hear her voice. She is really an annoying person. I've heard many comments about her over the years about how obnoxious she is.

I would really like to hear more comments about how people deal with a Psychopath. There have got to be some profound ideas. I refuse to let her get the best of me.

I think everyone here is handeling their Psychopath in a very intelligent manner. I know we have to take it one day at a time and continue to live life to the fullest. We cannot let a Psychopath ruin our reason for living. That is their intention. So, don't let them win. Their day will come. I believe what goes around comes around. We are not doormats, and we don't have to live like one.

What annoys a Psychopath the most?
What makes a Psychopath go away?

Planetchildren

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#11922 - 10/01/11 06:01 PM Re: **Top Ten List - What to do [Re: planetchildren]
NoesMama3 Offline
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Registered: 10/01/11
Posts: 12
Planetchildren:

I love your posts. I think I have a couple of answers here, based on what I've done to deal with my Psychopath:


What annoys a Psychopath the most? Not letting them get under your skin. Just being a total brick wall or a sponge--any input to you is either totally absorbed or echoed back in a small way. For me, not talking, repeating back whatever she just said, or answering questions with monosyllabic answers ("Yes,""No,""Interesting""Good for you") lets her know just how uninterested I am in what she has to say without her getting any kind of rise out of me.

What makes a Psychopath go away? Not giving them what they want. No chink in the armor, no response, no invitation to even talk, no money, no drugs, nothing.

These answers may or may not work depending on your emotional involvement with the Psychopath. But it has worked for me (I've had no romantic or sexual relationship with my Psychopath, and no real history with her to speak of). HOWEVER, it has been pretty hard in spite of these things.

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#11925 - 10/02/11 09:18 PM Re: **Top Ten List - What to do [Re: NoesMama3]
planetchildren Offline
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Registered: 08/10/11
Posts: 46
Thank you. You're exactly right. That's what I really try to do. I try to ignore her when I have to be in her presence. I do like what you said. I guess the more humdrum we sound when responding to them, the more that really chaps their hide. Yep, that works for me.

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#11932 - 10/03/11 02:05 PM Re: **Top Ten List - What to do [Re: planetchildren]
NoesMama3 Offline
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Registered: 10/01/11
Posts: 12
Personally, I like the sponge effect: stuff goes in but never comes out (I've had to ratchet it up to the "black hole" effect on occasion).

I mean, if what they need is reaction and chinks in armor, these offer none and also protect us from involvement with Psychopaths.

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#11933 - 10/03/11 02:26 PM Re: **Top Ten List - What to do [Re: NoesMama3]
Monroe Offline
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Registered: 09/12/11
Posts: 40
Hi NoesMama3:

First, I would love to have a friend like your husband to hang out with, or as a neighbor and role model for my kids. I'm sure I would feel the same way about you - you remind me of my wife in some respects, what little I know! Sometimes I just need to have the facts laid out for me, and she delivers the message leaving me with my dignity intact.

Some people with more experience/knowledge than me will weigh in, I'm sure. But, for what it's worth...I would do exactly what you are doing. And I'd suggest that you or your husband not do or say anything to antagonize your SIL, such as explain honestly why you are not responding to her requests, or assisting her.

Since my wife and I have come to understand who we are dealing with (our daughter), we've taken the conflict and confrontation out of our dialogue with her to the extent possible. Your SIL will take an explanation or reasoning and turn it upside down, convincingly making your husband out to be a person that is not in his nature - selfish and uncaring. Minimal contact, giving your SIL as little "material" to work with as possible.

Best case scenario, your SIL concludes she can gain nothing more from you and your husband, and the predator looks elsewhere for a victim and sustenance.
_________________________
Monroe

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#11939 - 10/03/11 05:34 PM Re: **Top Ten List - What to do [Re: Monroe]
NoesMama3 Offline
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Registered: 10/01/11
Posts: 12
Amen. That's kind of what I'm hoping...starve the cockroach and it'll move on to another food source.

Also, as much as I would love to go off on SIL, she's a master at turning things around (for instance, when I called CPS last year on her, my husband's entire family and most of his friends went out of their way to make my life miserable). So anything I say (or write) to her will undoubtedly be reported to the entire social fabric on that side and twisted into something to give folks an excuse to harangue or abuse me. So, sponge treatment.

As for your predicament...I can't imagine going through and having to make the decisions you're having to make. But I think you're doing the right thing.

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#11947 - 10/05/11 01:33 AM Re: **Top Ten List - What to do [Re: NoesMama3]
FreeBird Offline
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Registered: 08/24/11
Posts: 230
This is really sad for me - to get rid of Psychopath you are aware that he goes on to someone else - and someone else will sure hurt like you...
But if you tell them, they won't listen anyways... sad thing is you have to go through, and learn from your mistake, you have to get burned to know all this.
And I think not everyone digs deep like we here do. I bet some people just leave it be, and go on unaware of what a monster they had in their life, probably forever blaming themselves a bit... This is sad.

I wanted to post a separate thread, but I think this will fit perfectly here:
It's gonna be a court case soon for me and the Psychopath. He will most likely be sentenced. Meanwhile, he accused me of some things (bunch of lies). I testified recently, and of course it's not going to court, but the policeman asked that I participate in a meeting with the Psychopath. This is, as he said, what the Psychopath has asked. And I have to go.
He told me (between us two) that the Psychopath wants to blackmail me-although he doesn't have anything to blackmail me with:D His purpose is to not be sentenced in that other trial. I don't really know what his gonna ask, I can assume some stuff. I am not really afraid as I already know I'm not gonna agree to anything he asks. This meeting is held under the supervision of a psychologist and it's purpose is for ma and the Psychopath to "get along".
Of course there will never be any getting along, coz that would mean - go with his demands. This is sth I will never do, no matter the consequences.

The thing is, ever since I received the notice that this meeting will take place, my PTSD is back. I have not had a night with a peaceful sleep. I wake up at 4am and cant sleep. I feel exhausted.

I would appreciate your help here. I don't want to write any details about my story, at least until the trial is over.

Do I just go, and not talk with him? I am afraid that my attitude like this will make me look bad - he will surely play the "victim". I am afraid that if I get into a talk with him, he will manipulate me. Or I will get angry.
I need to be prepared and I don't even know what to expect... I would kill for some clues...

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#11955 - 10/05/11 02:26 PM Re: **Top Ten List - What to do [Re: FreeBird]
NoesMama3 Offline
member

Registered: 10/01/11
Posts: 12
Hi NewBird:

Have you talked to the officer about what protections are available to you? I mean, if you explain this to the officer, your state may have victim/witness protections available (i.e., not having to be in the same room, etc.).

Also, if you explain to the officer ahead of time that, for your own sanity, your answers will be emotionally limited, they may afford you some protection for that.

Just a thought, and I hope all goes well. Also, I hope you can get some rest.

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#11957 - 10/05/11 03:12 PM Re: **Top Ten List - What to do [Re: NoesMama3]
FreeBird Offline
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Registered: 08/24/11
Posts: 230
Yes, Ive told him exactly what happened. The thing is the meeting takes place in a room, I have to be alone and we are supposed to "get along" under the supervision of a psychologist.

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#11961 - 10/05/11 11:31 PM Re: **Top Ten List - What to do [Re: FreeBird]
planetchildren Offline
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Registered: 08/10/11
Posts: 46
I think it is so unfair that you have to meet with your Psychopath. Absolutely no good will come from it. It only causes stress and anxiety for you.

Is there any way you can refuse it, saying that it will be emotionally damaging to your health. The sooner you can get out of it, the better off you will be.

I'm sure you won't be able to sleep or have any sense of peace until this meeting is cancelled. Are you ordered by the court to go? If you have an attorney, let him know that this is emotional abuse for you. You have been tortured enough.

I know you are afraid they will think you are crazy, but who cares. You know the truth. Your sanity comes first.

Planetchildren

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#11972 - 10/06/11 12:52 PM Re: **Top Ten List - What to do [Re: planetchildren]
FreeBird Offline
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Registered: 08/24/11
Posts: 230
Thank you all.

This morning I woke up before the alarm, and was surprised to find out it wasnt 4am but 7am:D
I feel good, really good. This thing broke me down, but only for a moment, which I find as a great sign.

I was told I "should" go. And to be honest - a part of me wants to. This is my kind of dealing with problems - face them. It's just something I have to do. Of course I am scared. But it's normal to be scared of this. The important thing is it doesn't get me down for long. I could cancel of course. But this wouldn't be me. I'd rather have those few days of stress, but get over it. I can do it!

I am lucky to have people around me who support me and think like me. This is a bliss. Im gonna have a talk with my good friend before the meeting, he has helped me like no one, and he knows about Psychopaths, had to deal with them too. This gives me enormous amount of strength. My friend even says - it's good - you get to talk with him in front of a specialist. Use this to make them see what a Psychopath he is.

So please keep your fingers crossed for me. I don't know when the meeting is yet, but I will sure let you know once I know sth.


BTW: It's a bliss to be able to share with you, whoever you are, wherever you're from. This also gives me so much faith in humanity. Makes me believe that it all makes sense. I'm not doing this only for me, I'm doing it for all the good people out there. Thank you guys!

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#11973 - 10/06/11 01:53 PM Re: **Top Ten List - What to do [Re: FreeBird]
Dianne E. Offline

Administrator
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Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2788
Loc: United States
Hi NewBird, great attitude. Is there a way you can request for the meeting to be taped?

Try to stay very focused, don't let any of his "that look" or smirks get to you. Keep in that neutral zone and when you see yourself start to move out of that position, take a breath and be neutral. Many times the victim can get rattled, rightfully so and look like the one who is in the crazy box. If you need a minute to think of an answer, just ask for the question to be repeated. Keep things simple and focused. You are going to do great. Use the old speak when spoken to tactic, if he starts spilling a bunch of lies, remain composed until it is your time to speak. I hope your friend can be outside the room or in the car waiting for you so you will have someone there when you are finished to support you. We are here for you cheering you on.

Di


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#11999 - 10/09/11 04:22 PM Re: **Top Ten List - What to do [Re: Dianne E.]
FreeBird Offline
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Registered: 08/24/11
Posts: 230
Dianne, thank you!

Great idea, I am gonna tape the meeting with my phone in my pocket or so.

I talked with my good friend. We established it's gonna be either me going there, and keeping it all brief or, we also think maybe it would be better to just cancel. We were discussing (he-my friend- knows this Psychopath himself) what is it that the Psychopath wants. And with the conclusions we think it may be better to cancel. Because this is the Psychopaths "last resort", and maybe not going there would be the best way to say what I am gonna say anyway at the meeting - "no matter how much you think you can manipulate and terrorize me I will not cave in".
Still, I am a little concerned and curious about what he is gonna do. It may be a good thing to see what he is about. And I am pretty sure I'm gonna do great. My idea was to tell the supervising person straight on - what he did to me and tell them that I will only talk with the Psychopath as long as he tells the truth and is straightforward.
And if the Psychopath starts any kind of lie - or even the slightest manipulation - Im just gonna get up, thank for the meeting and leave.

I decided to wait with the decision. I think I'm gonna go, but I still have time to think.

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#12001 - 10/09/11 05:16 PM Re: **Top Ten List - What to do [Re: FreeBird]
Dianne E. Offline

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Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2788
Loc: United States
Hi, I would ask the shrink to record the meeting, unless you are in a state that allows one person consent, just for the record I would ask them to record the meeting.

Di

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#12012 - 10/10/11 10:45 AM Re: **Top Ten List - What to do [Re: FreeBird]
daddysproblem Offline
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Registered: 06/23/11
Posts: 99
Newbird...

One little piece of advise. make and maintain eye contact. always stay focused on the knowledge that this person has no feelings.. he/she will probably never back down, but will be on alert.

when i want to have an 'effective' conversation with my father, meaning one where i don't ruffle his feathers, i speak to him as if i'm speaking to a boss you don't like or trust. if i don't do that he will really get ugly and pull out all the amo. dragging me from one random awful thing to another.

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#12024 - 10/11/11 02:32 AM Re: **Top Ten List - What to do [Re: daddysproblem]
FreeBird Offline
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Registered: 08/24/11
Posts: 230
Eye contact - hmmm, I was thinking of actually avoiding it.
You think I should look him in the eyes so that he knows Im serious? I don't follow:D

Since I have an amazing life now, all the feelings are almost completely gone. So I think it's gonna be an easy talk - me being totally neutral to this and just saying there is nothing I can do, you (the Psychopath) are the one who is responsible for what you did, and I am just doing the right thing, telling everyone about it.

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#12031 - 10/11/11 10:55 AM Re: **Top Ten List - What to do [Re: FreeBird]
daddysproblem Offline
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Registered: 06/23/11
Posts: 99
NewBird, believe me HE is watching YOU. With his eyes, his ears, he is so intuned to your energy. Like an animal.

So I think a stance of strength is good and effective.

My father, even on the phone.. is in tuned to what he hears. He gets pissed if I'm preoccupied either physically (like doing the dishes) or mentally (not actively listening.. you know with the uh huh and other sounds and comments). If I want to piss him off, all I need to do is challenge him. He's totally illogical - totally. So the opportunities to point that out are endless. So I will guess this is a commonality with Psychopaths. No logic. So if you want him to look imbalanced.. calmly challenge him.

I'm not sure what you want from him.. like what kind of reaction.

Now as much as I say this.. getting my dad to do something is pretty much impossible for me. I can calm or anger him.. but I can't manipulate him to act. Kindof interesting. I keep thinking that I would like to do this.. but that would be too much energy from me.

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#12035 - 10/13/11 02:07 AM Re: **Top Ten List - What to do [Re: daddysproblem]
FreeBird Offline
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Registered: 08/24/11
Posts: 230
daddysproblem - I am still amazed how what all of you write here, those little details - how they correspond to my situation - it was the same for me - my Psychopath would not accept a talk without my constant attention. If I said: "aha" too many times in a row he would get really upset.

Challenge him - hmm, in what way?
I guess it would be enough to just say I will not accept any kind of manipulation or lies, and should he try any - I will leave. This should piss him off enough at the start for him to get lost.

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#12036 - 10/13/11 10:13 AM Re: **Top Ten List - What to do [Re: FreeBird]
daddysproblem Offline
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Registered: 06/23/11
Posts: 99
NewBird,

Challenge? Funny question. I understand it intuitively but to explain it. He's deceptive on every level and revisionist and self absorbed.

Let's see. He may want me to do something for him. I say I can't because 1) I have to work or 2) I am not feeling well 3) I don't like that restaurant. these are challenges to him. he's pissed now because he's not getting what he wants.. so his responses are 1) I worked my whole life taking care of everyone, EVERYONE... or 2) Sick? you're not feeling well? You're mother and I aren't feeling well. 3)We've been going to that restaurant for years. It's very special to us.- on the restaurants he actually gets pissed if i don't go to his favorite place when he's NOT around - it's like a religion.

When I'm on the phone with him I can't be doing anything else because he can tell. It pisses him off. If her hears me at all, or senses that I'm distracted - that's a challenge because he get's pissed and angry.

Any kind of logical communication.. he's pissed if it contrasts with what he wants at the time.

I actually lived with them when my son was little (i was still minimizing the problem) and he brought a dog home.. and boy did i need a friend in that house.. and that dog knew it and we bonded.. man - he didn't like that. She became my dog - I loved her. (I believe my pets have saved me - gave me the love I needed) So, he actually got another dog - so now there were 2 big dogs in the house for years. So after I moved away... I needed someone to watch her... so - although he never offered... i did a really brave thing (cause he does NOT like to be asked for anything) I asked if he could take her.. and he said.. what? what? I can't have 2 dogs in this house? WTF.. YOU brought BOTH dogs into the house?

It is a constant continuous illogical experience - always peppered with rage. If you don't fall into it.. and I guess it's called co-dependent (mother and brother) or something? You'll go mad interacting with him.

Anytime I assert my needs or wants is challenging to him.

Hey, even a yawn when your talking to him is a challenge. I have alot of issues - I'm such a lucky girl.. who said daddy never gave me anything.

Off topic.. kindof.. so anyone reading this.. please what are the people called who are sucked in to these Psychopaths? How do they get so lost? As I wrote above - co-dependent? But it must be more than that. My mother and now my brother are completely sympatico with him - minions. Actually my mom with alzheimers (induced by torture of Psychopath and brother) in her confused state was a total mina bird.. yes dear, your right dear, you had to dear - when he knew she was not all there - it drove him NUTS - and he and my brother were abusive. And now unbeknownst to me and my son, they unilaterally put my mother in a home - and brother has all of daddy's attention. Been working on that for 62 year.. score.. done.. the work paid off. The day after they put her in (yesterday) (which in actuality is the best place for her - anyone would be better than them) I called to ask how things were.. holy smokes.. the rage.. and now (i mean wow instantaneous she's gone one day and my brother sounds just like my mother did) they ganged up on me - one on each phone.. excerpts: "we've been talking about this for 12 year" "why would we discuss it with you/son?" " you don't care, You're not here" (we can't be 'here', he moved my mom out of state.. so we should follow them?) Who says this? You can't fix crazy (i know it's you can't fix stupid).

My son says it's time to cut them off. He's devastated by this. (he was heart broken when my dad moved her). My mom (no prize - i'll say that - she's a pretty mean 'you know what') was different with him. Which until he was in his teens worked for all of us. They spent alot of time together when I was working. They had a really funny relationship. It was sweet. I think she finally had the freedom to love someone. It kept her busy for daddy Psychopath so he could 'do his thing', so he encouraged it.

I think I need to go to Alanon meetings.. my one friend said that's where people like US are smile Because they are NOT in my realm. I just hate this S*@t and feel horrible that I wasn't savy (?) enough to have kept my son away from this. damnit!!!!!

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#12037 - 10/13/11 11:23 AM Re: **Top Ten List - What to do [Re: daddysproblem]
FreeBird Offline
member

Registered: 08/24/11
Posts: 230
I already wrote about it. I think it corresponds very well, since any kind of relationship with a Psychopath is a kinds of addiction.

daddysproblem - you basically strengthened my belief in how I should behave in the meeting. I'm gonna lay out the ground rules, and keep cool. Any kind of manipulation will be cut at it's start and I won't let him get to me. This will be a good chance to show him it is totally over in my eyes and that I will not back down, no matter what.

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#12477 - 12/22/11 01:29 PM Re: **Top Ten List - What to do [Re: planetchildren]
Father Offline
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Registered: 12/22/11
Posts: 1
It is easy to say "Cut off the psychopath!".

But, what if the "psycho" is the mother of your children?
And you whant to see you children grow up!

That is a problem I was unable to solve!
I divorced the psychopath, but mothers always get the custody, I realize now.

It is a hell .to live witha psychopath.
But, it is even worse to divorce one!



Edited by Father (12/22/11 01:30 PM)

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#12481 - 12/23/11 09:33 AM Re: **Top Ten List - What to do [Re: Father]
daddysproblem Offline
member

Registered: 06/23/11
Posts: 99
Father. First of all, I am so sorry for your plight.

Now.. you need to do anything you can to save your children and reduce her influence. Mothers do NOT always get custody. I would definitely always keep trying to get custody if I were you. But even then you now have children with a Psychopath mother. BAD... VERY BAD. Like they say, until death do you part.

I would make sure to utilize the mental health community in the form of therapists for your little family. You can only make the best of the situation, I doubt you can eliminate the problem.

Good luck.. and use this site to provide you with the support you will need. These Psychopaths are rare and slick.

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#12550 - 01/20/12 02:22 AM Re: **Top Ten List - What to do [Re: daddysproblem]
loveistheanswer Offline
member

Registered: 12/27/11
Posts: 2
Hi,
I found your top ten list really helpful. Thank you so much.
Sometimes we find it hard to accept. We must do it for our own safety. Our healthy life.
Love,

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#12975 - 03/27/12 01:01 PM Re: **Top Ten List - What to do [Re: loveistheanswer]
LoveUnrequited Offline
member

Registered: 03/26/12
Posts: 5
Number one on my top ten list comes from a therapist I saw for a short time.

1. Treat the person as if they are senile or have dementia.


Edited by LoveUnrequited (03/28/12 02:58 AM)
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LoveUnrequited

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#12981 - 03/28/12 01:28 PM Re: **Top Ten List - What to do [Re: LoveUnrequited]
becky Offline
member

Registered: 03/26/12
Posts: 86
Can you direct me to where I find the rest of the top 10 list.....Thank you

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#12983 - 03/28/12 03:39 PM Re: **Top Ten List - What to do [Re: becky]
Dianne E. Offline

Administrator
member

Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2788
Loc: United States
Hi becky, welcome to our community. At the top you will see what page you are on, you are at the end of the discussion thread and are looking to be on page 1 to view the rest.

Di

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#12985 - 03/29/12 07:40 AM Re: **Top Ten List - What to do [Re: planetchildren]
becky Offline
member

Registered: 03/26/12
Posts: 86
I left my relationship with psychopath after telling him "thank you for all the good that we had in our relationship" and we just want different things.....I was thinking that saying these things would help me to let go of my anger and move forward. I still am so hurt and completely grossed out that I was dancing with this animal....That I had him in my bed....around my children.....I hope in time I can let go of this nauseating feeling....I was always taught that there is good and bad in everyone. It's so hard to get the concept of pure evil....Do these people have their hell on earth?...Do they face judgement....karma....it makes me really rethink so many spiritual concepts i've been taught..

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#12991 - 03/30/12 07:53 AM Re: **Top Ten List - What to do [Re: becky]
coping Offline
member

Registered: 03/13/12
Posts: 34

Hi Becky,

Can I ask how he reacted to you leaving him?

My psychopath flipped out when I left him, even though I told him I loved him and he meant the world to me. He's left me a million times and I've always taken him back. This is the first time im ignoring him for good.

I'm just curious xx

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#13001 - 04/04/12 02:45 PM Re: **Top Ten List - What to do [Re: coping]
becky Offline
member

Registered: 03/26/12
Posts: 86
Hi Curious....Well this is actually the 2nd time I've left him without running back immediately. I hope to God i'm done with the insanity. This time is different I can totally say i'm scared of him.....as well as being totally grossed out. I can only hope these feelings will continue forever.I left him by telling him that there where things in the relationship that weren't meeting my needs.He of course screamed at me and told me This is was deal breaker (in so many words) AND WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO..YOU TOLD ME YOU WOULDN'T TALK ABOUT THAT AGAIN..which I never said that ( the topic was ..stop disappearing (hours, days of disappearing), start contributing financially emotionally and ) ..This of course was after way too many chances....

This relationship was crazy.....abusive....controlling....manipulative...and yes scary.
Well let me also tell you the real reason that pushed me over the edge was the fact that for 2 yrs we had been talking about going to see his friend in Ohio ..(we never went anywhere that I didn't set up or pay for). Well one night while driving to a restaurant he says ...soo... excitedly...I'm going to Ohio for the wkend!..I was shocked! I said I thought we were going together?( We never spent any time together to speak of after the first few months). His response was well i'm driving a camper down with someone and if I really want to come He can put a pillow in the back but I won't like it..(it was an extremely old, dark, filthy camper). I knew he was going somewhere (probably not Ohio)...and I knew he was going to or about to cheat on me (again.....I'm sure he never stopped)....It's scary how excited he got about trying to lie to me and get away with it.

I haven't heard from him yet(from what I understand from this site it's a matter of time). It's been (almost) 3 months. He did call my friend and asked her about me several wks ago. The longer time goes by the more I think about (remember) things....Bad things..Like when I had just caught him cheating on me with a woman who worked close to me at a convenience store. This went on for several months and she almost moved in with him!)I use to see his truck there all the time and it never occurred to me he was interested anyone else...I thought he was playing the lottery.after that I forgave him and he said he didn't ever want to hurt me again and gave me a diamond (he never took the blame for cheating everything was my fault...(I didn't think I cared that much for him)....blah blah bla) and then proceeded to have ah sexual affair with a woman who had just opened a bakery with her husband at the end of my street!...I would pass by his truck all day long and he would tell me he was just getting cookies,and when I asked what he was always doing there he'd say WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT ME TO DO GO TO THE OTHER BAKERY!....

He never visited any other bakery or coffee house before this place opened.Everyday after work he would go straight there before calling or seeing me....btw I worked about 300 yrds from the bakery as well.....This was the first time I broke it off completely with him..it lasted 2 months . Then we had a tornado in town and he called and asked if I was alright and said he loved and cared for me and his parents so much and would never want to lose any of us. Then I went back for more....and I broke up with him another time but I couldn't stand the thought of being with someone else and that he didn't even care to call...so I kept calling him and chasing him to get him back....after 2 months we got back together ( he would not respond in any way to me I found him one day in a parking lot and confronted and begged him to come back...after his reluctance...he did)I was crazy with out him! ...and I thought things were different...WRONG>

I feel crazy! Why the hell did I allow this to happen..and continue with this man? I need to get my head back on straight.....I feel like I had satan himself in my life....I sound nuts. Thanks for listening....it helps.

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#13006 - 04/05/12 03:52 AM Re: **Top Ten List - What to do [Re: becky]
starry Offline
member

Registered: 01/06/11
Posts: 350
You don't sound nuts becky. All the chaos, the confusion, the blame, the constantly shifting goalposts, the voids...they all sound very, very familiar.

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#13014 - 04/05/12 06:43 PM Re: **Top Ten List - What to do [Re: becky]
Smokey Offline
member

Registered: 03/21/12
Posts: 78
Originally Posted By: becky
......He of course screamed at me and told me This is was deal breaker (in so many words) AND WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO..YOU TOLD ME YOU WOULDN'T TALK ABOUT THAT AGAIN..which I never said that ( the topic was ..stop disappearing (hours, days of disappearing), start contributing financially emotionally and ) ..This of course was after way too many chances....

This relationship was crazy.....abusive....controlling....manipulative...and yes scary.


..... Then I went back for more......and I thought things were different...WRONG>

I feel crazy! Why the hell did I allow this to happen..and continue with this man? I need to get my head back on straight.....I feel like I had satan himself in my life....I sound nuts. Thanks for listening....it helps.


Hi Becky, I agree with Starry, I could have written both what you say above, and what Starry said as a description of my own Psychopaths relationship.

That was several years ago and I still dread ever hearing from him, in case I am tempted by the dream, the lies, the false promises and the manipulation to go back again.

This forum and everyone's posts help remind why that would be disastrous. It is astonishing to me how similar so many difference people's experiences are, they really do have an mutual MO don't they?!


Edited by Smokey (04/05/12 06:45 PM)

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#13017 - 04/06/12 01:21 PM Re: **Top Ten List - What to do [Re: Smokey]
becky Offline
member

Registered: 03/26/12
Posts: 86
Thank you so much Smokey..for validating this craziness.....nobody understands.....except very few....this forum true and the people on it are true gifts....

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#14088 - 11/30/12 01:05 AM Re: **Top Ten List - What to do [Re: daddysproblem]
trudy Offline
member

Registered: 04/28/12
Posts: 24
This is in response to an old post about somehow getting your father to act or to do something you want him to do. Through hindsight with the ex Psychopath I realize that whatever I really wanted him to do, he would do nearly the opposite. Maybe not immediately but eventually. Since they seem to live in opposite world where they flip everything try suggesting what you WANT as something that you don't want. Tell him it would make you "feel_____" (fill in your own blank) something that would make him feel he has the power to cause you to squirm.

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#14709 - 04/05/13 01:08 PM Re: **Top Ten List - What to do [Re: becky]
overcome Offline
member

Registered: 04/02/13
Posts: 8
Hi Becky,

Quote:
I feel crazy! Why the hell did I allow this to happen..and continue with this man? I need to get my head back on straight.....I feel like I had satan himself in my life....I sound nuts. Thanks for listening....it helps.


Ive been reading your posts and hope youll keep as far away as you can from that monster.
I always thought it was an arrogant attitude when people would say things like: "you had to be in my shoes to understand it." And i still do because people who say that often had it so easy on them that they try to make it look as if it was a big deal whatever theyve been trough and its some kind of stupid vanity i cant understand. Unfortunately thats not our case.

You see, these parasites will lower your self esteem making you feel like you dont deserve them that theyre the best thing that ever happened in your life. At first they will treat you so good like no one has ever had only to show their true faces later. We try to understand it because in our minds nobody can be that evil, especially the one we love and then they blame you for everything theyve done wrong and in that situation where your mind cant conceive and understand whats going on you believe them. At this point your self esteem is so low that you doubt and blame yourself.

After that you make everything to rescue that perfect relationship with that perfect person thinking everything can turn back to normal but that relationship never existed and we find that out were so broken that it feels so bad, so heavy that we just want it to stop and go away but sadly for us thats not the worst of it. These monsters will turn everyone they can against you and often people will come at you telling you to go back. You doubt your sanity: "Am i wrong?" "Why nobody is at my side?" "How cant they see what i see?" But the final blow... the one that scars you for life... is when you find out there is a name for these monster, a name you thought was only for serial-killers that appear on tv and movies from time to time. A Psychopath. Fear takes you over as soon as you understand their nature.

At this point, the damage theyve done through this whole sick experience have a different effect on each and everyone of their victims. Many perish before they realize what these monsters really are and many after. I know that because after i figured it all out i tried to take my own life and i thank myself now i didnt suceeded because when you do that to yourself you dont go alone you take everyone who loves you with you and they will suffer through the rest of their lives blaming themselves and asking how blind were they that they didnt noticed you were that bad.

So you see, Becky, youre not crazy and never was and never will be. Youre still here, still standing, still fighting and thats how strong you are. People may not understand what youve been trough but we do. This forum has helped me a lot and will help you too.

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#14710 - 04/05/13 01:37 PM Re: **Top Ten List - What to do [Re: planetchildren]
overcome Offline
member

Registered: 04/02/13
Posts: 8
Getting back to the main subject of the topic...

One thing i learned from my experience is to check the family background of someone you meet. A good relationship with parents is important.
The eyes too, they look straight in your eyes like tryind to figure something out and not just the eyes but your whole facial expression, your mouth, cheeks, the way you frown your eyebrows. its weird. I remenber the way my ex used to look at me when we had a fight learning of my reactions to use it later. sick.
Be aware of sad things people tell you about their lives. People who want you to have pity on them all the time cos thats a commom tatic to make you drop your guard.

Of course that none of what just wrote is absolute. Its just something we all learned from our experiences that made us all more alert.

Its also important to keep in mind that we should not drive people away assuming in advance that they could be Psychopaths that only leads to isolation which is not good but everyone heals in a different way. Im glad im over this part but obviously today im much more cautious.

See ya.

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#14711 - 04/05/13 02:53 PM Re: **Top Ten List - What to do [Re: overcome]
1962 Offline
member

Registered: 01/31/13
Posts: 206
Overcome


The biggest thing to me now is the pity story.


When someone feels sorry for you they have empathy and want to help. Right???

The "Psychopath" still tried to get me to feel sorry for him yesterday (we were discussing income taxes that needed to be filed) He wanted a share of the taxes to help off set the fuel bill and then complained bitterly about having to maintain the marital assets (in my state once I filed for divorce he had to do this). Well I fled the house because he tried to kill me and he is still living there, enjoying the stability of being in the marital home.

I said "I don't feel sorry for you at all- you are in the house, you pay for the heat to keep you warm. Just common sense reply to his pity play.

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#14712 - 04/05/13 05:14 PM Re: **Top Ten List - What to do [Re: 1962]
overcome Offline
member

Registered: 04/02/13
Posts: 8
Originally Posted By: 1962
Overcome


The biggest thing to me now is the pity story.


When someone feels sorry for you they have empathy and want to help. Right???

The "Psychopath" still tried to get me to feel sorry for him yesterday (we were discussing income taxes that needed to be filed) He wanted a share of the taxes to help off set the fuel bill and then complained bitterly about having to maintain the marital assets (in my state once I filed for divorce he had to do this). Well I fled the house because he tried to kill me and he is still living there, enjoying the stability of being in the marital home.

I said "I don't feel sorry for you at all- you are in the house, you pay for the heat to keep you warm. Just common sense reply to his pity play.




Male psychopaths will often use the economic excuse to get leverage over his partner. My advice for you is that you solve this as quick as you can and get away as far as possible. Id say that you should try to solve things with him first to see if he would cause much trouble but since your life is in danger is best that you inform the police and everyone else you feel you can really trust of your current situation and hire a lawyer to take care of the rest. Stay away from him! Do not be tempted! Hell propably try to appeal to your emotions to get you back but you have to remain strong and resilient. You said he tried to kill you so the idea must still be in his head. Stay Away.

Best of Luck.

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#14713 - 04/06/13 06:22 AM Re: **Top Ten List - What to do [Re: overcome]
1962 Offline
member

Registered: 01/31/13
Posts: 206
Overcome,

I am living with my eldest son right now and have learned to take a second look (and sometimes a third) at what the "Psychopath" I am married to says and his motivation. Apparently money is his big motivator. I think he has planned to kill me off and have all of our assets for himself. I was great at doing the books and he had a steady income- unlike most of the "Psychopath"s here we were a fairly stable married couplee types of things you would expect a couple to have after all these years.

Imagine my surprise when it all went to H#LL.

I did go to the police with my evidence, and it's still an active case. The most difficult thing for me is trying to wrap my brain around the betrayal of believing that I was in a loving and permament relationship for 31 years. He was an amazingly good actor and liar.

Fortunately, I will have assests. I have my education and I am a strong person. I think he under estimated my intelligence in figuring out what he was doing to me in the end. I must have believed so many of his lies for so long that he figured he could continue on without my being suspicious.


The main thing that concerns me now is that I read the higher they hold you in esteem, the worse it is for the victim-even if they try to kill you. His friends always said he put me on a pedastool. Of course who would be good enough to marry a narcissistic "Psychopath" like him. I got along well with his business associates and their wives, took care of the house and kids, got my Masters and started pursing my own career.

I guess I cleaned up well and was a good front of normalcy for him. I even think he may be gay- or at least using other men for his deeds. I know for a fact that he has at least had oral sex with other women.

I have to realize that I am still that capable woman- just a lot more aware that there is evil in this world....wrapped up in a humanlike body!

Feel like I am waking up from a really awlful dream.


Edit: yes he still insists that he did nothing wrong and does not want to divorce and I can come home and he

will take me back lovingly...the last time I spoke with him he was clueless about what I valued and wanted

out of life.

Guess it's true-empty shell who will only mirror you

Hope his next wife measures up to his grand expectations!


Edited by 1962 (04/06/13 06:27 AM)

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#14835 - 04/17/13 10:02 AM Re: **Top Ten List - What to do [Re: overcome]
daddysproblem Offline
member

Registered: 06/23/11
Posts: 99
Overcome: You state here: "One thing i learned from my experience is to check the family background of someone you meet. A good relationship with parents is important."

I found this to be very upsetting. You posted this comment in the section "psychopath in the family". I do not have a relationship with my family. Does that mean people should stay away from me? My father, the Psychopath, has a GREAT relationship with all his family members. Except me. So, he's the good guy, and I'm the problem.

This is why it's so hard to form and maintain relationships for the children of the psychopath. What you said is what most believe. That the familial relationship is the thermometer to how good or bad a person is. That is someone doesn't have a good relationship with their family, they are the problem.

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#14838 - 04/17/13 11:05 AM Re: **Top Ten List - What to do [Re: daddysproblem]
Nan Offline
member

Registered: 01/12/04
Posts: 501
Originally Posted By: daddysproblem
Overcome: You state here: "One thing i learned from my experience is to check the family background of someone you meet. A good relationship with parents is important."

I found this to be very upsetting. You posted this comment in the section "psychopath in the family". I do not have a relationship with my family. Does that mean people should stay away from me? My father, the Psychopath, has a GREAT relationship with all his family members. Except me. So, he's the good guy, and I'm the problem.

This is why it's so hard to form and maintain relationships for the children of the psychopath. What you said is what most believe. That the familial relationship is the thermometer to how good or bad a person is. That is someone doesn't have a good relationship with their family, they are the problem.


Hi Daddysproblem,

Overcome mentions that a good relationship with one's parents is important. She didnt write that it's the only thing that counts or that a single parent cannot do a good job or that an orphan is floating down the river by virtue of being parentless.

Here's what Overcome wrote: My emphasis about parents and their importance:

*******

"One thing i learned from my experience is to check the family background of someone you meet. A good relationship with parents is important.

[]

Of course that none of what just wrote is absolute. ...

Its also important to keep in mind that we should not drive people away assuming in advance that they could be Psychopaths that only leads to isolation which is not good but everyone heals in a different way. Im glad im over this part but obviously today im much more cautious."

*******

I was orphaned because my parents died when I was very young. Would I have been better educated, nicer looking, richer or sweeter or who knows what superlative smile if I had not ended up in an orphanage? Maybe and maybe not. Certainly, having loving and caring parents that hang around while you are growing up can only be considered a godsend.

Sometimes, life just doesn't turn up the way we want it to turn up, but that doesn't mean that we are less or that we are a problem or that people should stay away from us. Maybe it makes us stronger!

Here's a quote from a book entitled In the Dark Places of Wisdom by Peter Kingsley

" We want healing from illness, but it's through illness that we grow and are healed of our complacency. We're afraid of loss, and yet it's though what we lose that we are able to find what nothing can take away from us. We run from sadness and depression. But if we really face our sadness we find that it speaks with the voice of our deepest longing; and if we face it a little longer we find that it teaches us the way to attain what we long for."

Hugs,

Nan


Edited by Nan (04/17/13 11:06 AM)

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#14928 - 04/26/13 06:45 AM Re: **Top Ten List - What to do [Re: daddysproblem]
pisces Offline
member

Registered: 04/25/13
Posts: 3
My mother is the psychopath in my family. I disagree also that seeing how the family relationship appears is not a good measure. My mother had what appeared to be an excellent relationship with her parents. She usually behaved herself quite well around them. Her rage was pretty much reserved for me, more than anyone else.

I have moved countries and have almost no dealings with my parents (who are still married). We mostly communicate by email as she won't pay for phone calls. I almost never communicate with my father. He backs her no matter how badly she behaves. He's like her little cult disciple.

Low or no contact is the only way to deal with a psychopath.


Edited by pisces (04/26/13 06:46 AM)

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#15455 - 07/02/13 11:58 AM Re: **Top Ten List - What to do [Re: NoesMama3]
xela007 Offline
member

Registered: 06/13/13
Posts: 134
Cut the Psychopath off completely!

^^

In my opinion the only good advice is the one above (it's quit obvious why)

The Psychopath. will always be a psychopath - even if he/she is pretending/acting to be nice and human you'll know Psychopath. isn't.

Move along, even if it's a close family member.
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#16513 - 01/13/15 12:45 PM Re: **Top Ten List - What to do [Re: planetchildren]
Rich21 Offline
member

Registered: 12/28/14
Posts: 3
Do psycopaths try to find out how the mind of there target works? And do they worship there mothers (non sexual way )
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#16514 - 01/13/15 01:05 PM Re: **Top Ten List - What to do [Re: Rich21]
Dianne E. Offline

Administrator
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Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2788
Loc: United States
Hi Rich, I think one of their top skills is knowing how their targets operate. They know from trial and error growing up which buttons do what. They look for certain types, so I would have to say they know how their victims will react to what. What I wonder about if they really know what people see in them that gives them away.

Years ago, I used to think would be impossible for them to have any connection with their parents or family. I have really thought a lot about it and read books about many different types of psychopaths. They do seem to have a type of feeling that they want to protect their family from their actions. I remember a book I was reading about a serial killer that was written in the "voice" of the killer by Jack Olsen, and it does seem to be true. Now if push came to shove, and they could justify doing something awful to their family like they did their victims is the question I would have.

The reason I would question what they would really do is because they always fall back to the victim position themselves. Like as a simple explanation, I did this because after all, they pushed me, and they deserved it type of logic.

Do you have an example or experience you might share, and perhaps we can elaborate more on this?

Di

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#16515 - 01/13/15 10:56 PM Re: **Top Ten List - What to do [Re: Dianne E.]
Rich21 Offline
member

Registered: 12/28/14
Posts: 3
To be quite honest Di I think my eldest brother may be a psycopath he manipulates me by using guilt but I have found way to combat this. He always gets very aggresive when I visit. Recently,without being paranoid he has been watching T.V. shows & movies I like which I think do not fit in with his personality if you know what I mean. and he always goes on about certain mistakes I have made 20 years ago. I do not think this is normal.

Rich 21
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#16632 - 09/18/15 04:00 PM Re: **Top Ten List - What to do [Re: planetchildren]
agnim Offline
member

Registered: 09/18/15
Posts: 1
Another devastating situation here, and need to hear from people who have experience with psychopaths
3 years ago, my husband just walked away leaving me with 3 little kids

Ever since divorce started I have been discovering him in such a strange ways that were kind of present while we were married, but he would always charm me into it, and put another mask, but now he obviously started twisting things, giving me illogical explanations, lies,,,, and I would go ballistic not understanding any of it. For a long time I couldnt stop crying from sadness and confusion. I had seen him lie before, take advantage of people, but it was mild and he always made a joke about it like no big deal, but once we started divorce those lies and games started growing bigger, meaner, devastating, it seemed as if he was trying to persuade himself in the stories he was fabricating

At the same time he was rapidly climbing up business pyramid becoming a CEO of a big marketing agency having only high school diploma, just another thing to confuse me. So pretty soon I learned of psychopaths and found him in every description I read. He gave me a clue on this, after starting counseling which I begged for a few years ago, and then he stopped after 3 sessions, but told me that the therapist told him, he was missing center for processing emotions, then I put pieces together

I have been having hell of a life for the past 3 years. I also took my kids for counseling, and they are still doing it, but when I told the psychologist about my suspicion that he might be Psychopath, she told me she cant do anything till the damage is done. He will not harm them physically, but emotionally he manipulates them and has only been providing entertaining and materialistic aspects of relationship so much of it that my 10 y old son, said, daddy is ok but doesnt have a hearth
No one except for my best girlfriend could understand what Im experiencing. I was left suddenly in the middle of the night without any conversation about divorce, tho he left me 2 times in the past and come back, this time with a baby less then a year old, and 8 & 11 years old kids, no job, in a very isolated area out of the city.

My family did not understand the heaviness of my situation even when I ended up in the emergency 10 months ago and had a spine surgery, disc hernia, and Im about to lose the house for he took the kids while I was in recovery and stop pay mortgagee

I started seeing a therapist some time ago only to come to the issues with my mother, the drama queen, who goes from grandiose to depressed, who always has been accusing one of the family members for something wrong in her life, first was my father for many years, the moment I become an adult it was me, when I moved to the other country, my sister become the enemy. Then my father suddenly passed away from hearth attack .The whole family is always in fights, there are accusations, misinterpretations, and mother always rules the game, its all about her needs and unhappiness.
The therapist tells me I had allowed the psychopath in my life, because I developed the model of empathizing and serving a person with narcissist disorder or something like that

Now I have a double fire in my life, and the moment I heard this I wanted to cut already heavy and sick relationship with her, but the growing problem is the relationship with my 4 siblings. Im learning from my psychopath husband that cutting contacts and minimizing conversations is the only possible way, but I cant do this with my mother, because my siblings, unaware of her diagnosis and regardless of the fact that none one of them live happy lives, are backfiring on me

They didn't have the wake up call I got from Psychopath. in order to realize that we were raised by narcissist, and They dont sympathize with my situation

when Im not available for family fights and discussions over another game my mother is playing, they call my kids who already have difficult childhood, dealing with divorce, psychopath father, and now my sisters telling them what to do
Im getting into another spider web, which I cannot afford, and want to take a distance from all of them until I heal. feel very alone in the experience

What to do
English is my second language, so please tolerate






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#16633 - 09/21/15 08:40 AM Re: **Top Ten List - What to do [Re: agnim]
Dianne E. Offline

Administrator
member

Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2788
Loc: United States
Hi Agnim, I am very sorry to read about your situation. I apologize for the delay in responding as I have been finishing editing my book for publication this week.

I am trying to clear up a few questions I have about your situation.

How long were you married to him? Did you know him for a long time before marriage?
If I am reading this correctly he currently has custody or your kids? Was this approved by the legal system where you live? I am not asking what country you are in but maybe there are laws there that would be very different than here.

Do you get to visit with your kids and how are they doing?

I am sorry for asking so many questions but there are some things I don't understand.

I look forward to your reply.

Di

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#16737 - 05/19/16 05:04 PM Re: **Top Ten List - What to do [Re: planetchildren]
Styx Offline
member

Registered: 05/13/16
Posts: 19
planetchildren ~

I have no idea if you will get this or not because I see that you signed up for the group over 5 years ago. I hope you have found your way through it all.

What annoys a psychopath the most?

Being ignored. Not answering their questions or giving them any attention at all. They thrive on being the center of attention, and when they do not get it will make them anxious. (Make sure you are safe at all times.) They HAVE TO know all the answers, know what is coming next so they can control the outcome. In many ways they manipulate others because of what we casually talk about. Subjects as mundane as the weather they can twist to their favor and used as a weapon.

What makes a psychopath go away?

Well, this one is tough.
Some psychopaths never go away, they will forever believe a part of you belongs to them.
Some unknowingly will stalk you until something or someone more interesting comes along. They say it will take about 3 - 4 months before they start to lose interest.And
Some will go away if you are just flat boring. Be the most boring person you can be. Unexciting, depressed, sickly, etc ... whatever it takes. They will eventually get bored and find something or someone new. This could take awhile.
Sometimes you just have to start over somewhere else and make sure they do not follow.

I hope that helps.

Styx

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#16976 - 09/09/17 11:52 AM Re: **Top Ten List - What to do [Re: planetchildren]
jewls Offline
member

Registered: 09/01/17
Posts: 6
Thank you for the list. Where can I find more information on what to do? I am still married to mine and have only just come to the realization he might be a Psychopath. It is just something I've denied for years and have just been blaming myself and tried to fix what he didn't like about me rather than realizing he is a Psychopath. and there will never be any fixes good enough for him.
I had been keeping a journal as best I can for a while which is something that has helped me keep focus.
Since Dec. of last year strange things started happening at night while I was sleeping and I decided to record my sleeping to see what it could be if anything? (I did this privately) What surprised me is when I listened to it
I heard whispering in the background. It sounded like someone in our house?
IE: I love you, You are the woman I want.... I hear a young person say a name then, I want to go home?

I asked my husband about it and he said that I am now hearing things? I said no I'm sure I'm not cant you hear that?
He says: Now you have completely lost it if you don't get a grip on reality I want a divorce because if you think I am like that then I am afraid of you and what you might do to me?
This took me by complete surprise? I had no idea he would react in such a way? Now I hallucinate and am paranoid delusional?according to him. He came up with there are "ghost in the house"
He has actually almost convinced me that I am loosing it and he is announcing to ppl. that I am delusional.

A couple of months ago his Brother broke up with his wife and came to stay with us for a while. He didn't know anything about the recordings.
And I told him that I was busy with recording EVP's I explained to him that we thought their may be ghosts in our house
and I would love to know if he could take a listen? He said sure and told me that he thought it was really strange but
that he could hear the same thing I heard.
That to me was my moment I actually had someone else confirm what I had heard and now I know Im not crazy or
loosing my mind . His sister heard it also.
Im wondering just how bad is it when you stumble upon something like that? I was never really afraid before but now I am concerned? He has never hurt me physically so I never thought about him doing something physical to me. What concerned me I suppose was last week he woke me up out of a deep sleep (which is something I seem to be in lately not sure why?) and told me that he had just had a scary dream about me.
He said that a man had come up behind me at the grocery market while I was getting into my car and slit my throat with a knife. ?

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#16991 - 09/29/17 08:16 PM Re: **Top Ten List - What to do [Re: jewls]
DadofRad Online
member

Registered: 07/18/14
Posts: 129
That is very spooky. Dianne and I talked about this on the podcast. If you are in a situation like that where you suspect something. Get some hidden recorders or cameras and monitor for a couple of weeks to a month. Don't let him know you are monitoring. You can even get cameras that hide in smoke detectors and only turn on when there is motion or sound.

Dadforad

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