Betrayed,
I am actually scared that what I wrote will be used against me because I have the same story from him about past women or past I don't what. I have the feeling it will be used against me, that is why I have the impression I am getting tougher these days: to absorb the coming negative things I doome to receive.

Hi All. . .

I am back from my mini break.

While I was away, i applied for another job. i did the second interview today. Please pray for me that I get it.

>>>>It is so hard for me to believe that everthing a person does could be evil. I am understanding the "No Contact" rule even more. The self respect that we talked about on an earlier post must kick in, I must find a way to turn off the tapes. He doesn't deserve one more moment in my head.<<

I had to stop by P#2 store two days ago. he was ordering a present for someone over the phone. when he hung up i was joking and asked if he was ordering my present. he said if you would have been at the christmas party you would have got some money. but since you weren't there i (p#2) gave your money to someone else. i was embarrassed and humiliated as he said it in front of his employees. they just looked at me sorta strange. i immediately left feeling totally humilated and mad at myself for even putting myself in that position to be put down by him.

i find i am thinking of him less and less. and am so grateful.

i am so appreciative for my groups that i am attending as they really validate my experience and also help me to understand more clearly how very vulnerable i was to this. probably the most helpful although it was the hardest on me emotionally, was DVIS. (department of violence intervention services). that probably is the most hardcore information of dealing with abuse issues which P's excel in. it also confirms everything that we post here as far as behavior and mind game stuff.

i didn't have time to really read carefully all the new posts (i think there were 67) but scanned through them. I am looking forward to going back though them when i have more time and reading carefully.

I thought of you all so much the past several days. It is good to be back. . .

finished

Welcome back, finished. I missed all your insightful posts. Hope you had a nice break!

Betterway

((((betterway))))

Thanks so much! Yes it was really nice. I "accidently" ran into a wonderful job opportunity on my break time. I so hope it works out for me! It would take me completely away from P#2 and my job with him. He is such a mean spirited person. I could not believe my ears when he told me he gave my Christmas bonus to someone else. . .i know you can imagine how i felt. and really. . .was SO mad at myself for thinking I could make a fun remark and expect him to take it in the spirit I meant it. .

I am more determined than EVER to get away and STAY away. And it sounds like YOU are doing better. . getting stronger. . .we are making progress girl!

finished

>>>>against me because I have the same story from him about past women or past I don't what>>>>

When the memories flooded out a month after he left the store, I said to everyone, "Oh my god, he's going to use that letter against me." They all said, "No he won't, don't worry about it."

Well he did.

You need to think about all the other things he accused people of, and be prepared for any and all of them to be set up as him as the victim and you as the abuser.

The P about a year after knowing him, started complaining to me about all the women that were coming on to him. I had never, ever, heard a guy complain about this before. If he would go to someones house to repair something, the woman would come on to him. Anybody and everybody was coming on to him. He was disgusted. Now knowing how much he had come on to me, once we were in our own store, and how I was accused by him of wanting to have sex with him. I believe a lot of people have been set up by him. That last day, when the police were called, he was screaming at me, what's a woman like you, want with a young boy like me. He complained of the girl back in Quebec, who had their 2 children, of her only wanting him for his sex.

I realize now, he had been sexually abused as a child, by one of his parents or maybe both, plus a priest, and he is just setting people up to relive the trauma over and over again. Those words he screamed about "whats a woman like you want with a young boy like me", were not directed at me, but at his original abuser.

These P's all seem to have big sexual hang ups. Any abusive types I have talked with, have all been sexually abused as children. In reliving their drama/trauma, innocent people are being accused of what the original abusers did to the P's.

All you can do Hopefull, is protect yourself, stay away from him, and hopefully he will move on to the next victim. Mine was an extraordinary case, they don't usually cause so much damage. Usually they move on within six months or so, according to my friends that have been involved in abusive relationships. The more "intimately" involved and dependent they are on you the harder it is for them to let go. It depends on how much time they have invested with you and how much the target continues interaction with them. Plus how much their hidden agendas for you were frustrated. And some will just drop you immediately and move on to the next one.

Betrayed.

>>It would take me completely away from P#2 and my job with him.<<

This is what my therapists keeps telling me I need to do - GET AWAY! I know I will get away, I am doing it slowly, but at least I am going in the right direction now.

I am so happy for you. I will be praying for you. Would the job take you out of the same city? Would you be doing the same type of work?

>>was SO mad at myself for thinking I could make a fun remark and expect him to take it in the spirit I meant it. . <<

I understand, finished. The P. use to be so easy going with me. That was one thing I liked about the P. in the beginning was that the P. and I seemed to be in the same frame of mind (gosh, thats a scary thought now, lol). He always knew where I was coming from, and supported me on everything. I could do no wrong. He took all my insecurities and threw them out the window. Built me up to knock me down later. Now he takes everything I say and twists it around. And I mean everything, even if I attempt small talk. I am not allowed to exist in his world, unless I exist for him. He says he told people at the office he needs me and I need him. So strange. He needs me as a narsacitic (spelling?) supplier. Yuck. After being at the office with him yesterday, I feel violated. Like he invaded my space, used me to fufill his sick emotional needs. I just did what I had to do, and got the heck out of there. Tried small talk, and he turned it around to say something mean, in a jokingly kinda way. Just another attack on my spirit.

Yes, we are making progress. I have had quite a few days where a I hardly think about him. Thats a miracle. Yesterday was a set back. Didn't sleep good at all. But I knew to come here, to try to get back on track.

betterway

>>>>I could not believe my ears when he told me he gave my Christmas bonus to someone else. . .i know you can imagine how i felt. and really. . .was SO mad at myself for thinking I could make a fun remark and expect him to take it in the spirit I meant it. . <<<<

Hi Finished. Welcome back!!!

Don't be too down on yourself about this. No matter what you said or did, he would have managed to do the same number on you. He was just waiting for a chance, to do this to you. You're the enemy, anything you say or do will be used against you.Expect the worst from them, and you usually won't be disappointed. Probably if you had said nothing and not even looked at him, he would have managed to get it in. Its so hard to keep our guard up, at all times, with these people. When you least expect it they zing you. Probably next time you see him he'll be nice as pie, to soften you up for the next time. Believe me, I still get zapped by these types, BUT usually I remember to throw it right back at them. Its so hard to have your guard up all the time. That's why No Contact is so important.
Let's hope you get that new job, and you won't have to deal with this idiot ever again.

Betrayed.

Betterway wrote:
"He has poisoned my mind and the mind of others. Their perception of me has changed, thanks to him (its just a feeling I get). Does that make since?"

It makes perfect sense when you are dealing with a P. It rarely happens with people who are not P's. And it makes no sense to someone who has never been involved with a P.
The best advice I got to deal with it, was from a man who informed me about the lies and trap that the P was spreading around about me. This man was concerned for my safety and for my reputation in the community. He advised me to carry myself with dignity and remain aloof and above it. He and others also advised me that the P would eventually reveal himself as a liar. And he has, to many. I echo the advice about not putting anything in writing. My emails to P got turned around and taken out of context, to make it look as if I was stalking him. When I see him, I have to remind mylelf, aloof, no response, disengage, detach.
Hang in there, you're doing fine.
-Leti

My emails to P got turned around and taken out of context, to make it look as if I was stalking him. When I see him, I have to remind mylelf, aloof, no response, disengage, detach.
I should have that advice before. Probably we should open a discussion folder on immediate advices. As I said before anything that has to do with the P is bound to trouble. I could tell so many more story about stalking but it sounds too obvious whom I am talking about.

Welcome back Finished. I hope you get that new job.