Hi all.

First, I'd like to thank everyone for sharing their own experiences. It's been very helpful.

I'm here primarily seeking information on dealing with a Psychopath in the periphery of my life.

My sis-in-law seems to meet most of the criteria of a Psychopath, with two major exceptions. She has a very light criminal record (I think this is due to her mother and grandmother constantly fronting high-cost attorneys for her) and she has no substance abuse issues that I know of.

I've managed to cut ties with her, for the most part. I've even managed to get my husband to see the destructive force of her behavior on our own home, which has been much easier since our own daughter was born a year ago. My husband had his financial affairs and many emotional hopes very tied up in his sister for most of their lives, and I'm very proud of him for setting boundaries. When I was able to show him how much money she had drained us for over the course of our marriage, and show him how she had manipulated him into doing what she wanted over the course of our relationship, he made a painful but crucial decision: cut her off. No contact.

My husband is something of a white knight. His generosity is one of the reasons I adore him. If he has a dime, everyone he knows gets a penny. If he cooks a meal, everyone he knows eats. If he has time, it is freely given to anyone who asks.

We are not financially wealthy, but our home is rich with love and laughter, and I am incredibly protective of all of our resources, from money to material to time to tranquility.

Sil (sister-in-law, this is an abbreviation not a name) recently moved out of state. She has 5 children and I believe that her sole reason for moving was to get child protective services out of her hair. (They had threatened to move her children completely out of her reach by placing them in foster care. She moved mid-investigation.) My husband and I have cared for the children off and on for months at a time, until I told him I refused to do it anymore (I guess you haven't lived until you've felt compelled to call the police on an 11 yo because you feared for your own safety and that of his younger siblings). Of the 5, 3 show behavior that causes me distinct concern for the safety of the other two: the eldest (now 13, a boy) is a master manipulator. I once caught him trying to smother his younger brother with a pillow while the brother was asleep. No surprise there, given his upbringing. The middle child (now 9, a girl) is possibly the most disturbing. She seems to take genuine pleasure from physically harming others or emotionally manipulating them to tears. The second-youngest, a boy, now 6, refuses to talk, but also seems to take joy from physically hurting others. The second eldest and the youngest are the only "typical" children--if any child in their circumstances can be expected to be "typical". The second eldest (a boy, now 11) is good company, if a bit wild, when separated from his siblings. The youngest (now 4, a girl) was run over by a farm tractor right before her 2nd birthday and is a special needs child (though her cognitive ability has not seemed to suffer, she has several physical impairments due to brain damage). I believe that her consistent contact with people outside of the family has saved her.

I have a lot of guilt for not doing more for these two. I have more guilt because I've effectively written off the other three. Over the past several months, I've been having nightmares in which Sil shows up at my house and leaves her kids, or kidnaps my own daughter, or other strange and equally unlikely events that wake me up screaming. I feel like I can't talk to my husband about it because he's already sacrificed so much for our family, and there's really nothing he can do or say to make me feel better.

I'm fortunate. I've had what I believe to be a Psychopath deeply involved in my life, and I've been able to walk away and take my family with me. So my questions are these, and I hope somebody has some ideas:
1. How do I let go of this guilt?
2. How do I let go of this anxiety?

Thanks.

Also, there's been a new development, though minor: she's been sending my husband messages online making various demands (which she could easily take care of herself). I believe that she's trying to draw him back into her web. Any suggestions?