Challenge? Funny question. I understand it intuitively but to explain it. He's deceptive on every level and revisionist and self absorbed.
Let's see. He may want me to do something for him. I say I can't because 1) I have to work or 2) I am not feeling well 3) I don't like that restaurant. these are challenges to him. he's pissed now because he's not getting what he wants.. so his responses are 1) I worked my whole life taking care of everyone, EVERYONE... or 2) Sick? you're not feeling well? You're mother and I aren't feeling well. 3)We've been going to that restaurant for years. It's very special to us.- on the restaurants he actually gets pissed if i don't go to his favorite place when he's NOT around - it's like a religion.
When I'm on the phone with him I can't be doing anything else because he can tell. It pisses him off. If her hears me at all, or senses that I'm distracted - that's a challenge because he get's pissed and angry.
Any kind of logical communication.. he's pissed if it contrasts with what he wants at the time.
I actually lived with them when my son was little (i was still minimizing the problem) and he brought a dog home.. and boy did i need a friend in that house.. and that dog knew it and we bonded.. man - he didn't like that. She became my dog - I loved her. (I believe my pets have saved me - gave me the love I needed) So, he actually got another dog - so now there were 2 big dogs in the house for years. So after I moved away... I needed someone to watch her... so - although he never offered... i did a really brave thing (cause he does NOT like to be asked for anything) I asked if he could take her.. and he said.. what? what? I can't have 2 dogs in this house? WTF.. YOU brought BOTH dogs into the house?
It is a constant continuous illogical experience - always peppered with rage. If you don't fall into it.. and I guess it's called co-dependent (mother and brother) or something? You'll go mad interacting with him.
Anytime I assert my needs or wants is challenging to him.
Hey, even a yawn when your talking to him is a challenge. I have alot of issues - I'm such a lucky girl.. who said daddy never gave me anything.
Off topic.. kindof.. so anyone reading this.. please what are the people called who are sucked in to these Psychopaths? How do they get so lost? As I wrote above - co-dependent? But it must be more than that. My mother and now my brother are completely sympatico with him - minions. Actually my mom with alzheimers (induced by torture of Psychopath and brother) in her confused state was a total mina bird.. yes dear, your right dear, you had to dear - when he knew she was not all there - it drove him NUTS - and he and my brother were abusive. And now unbeknownst to me and my son, they unilaterally put my mother in a home - and brother has all of daddy's attention. Been working on that for 62 year.. score.. done.. the work paid off. The day after they put her in (yesterday) (which in actuality is the best place for her - anyone would be better than them) I called to ask how things were.. holy smokes.. the rage.. and now (i mean wow instantaneous she's gone one day and my brother sounds just like my mother did) they ganged up on me - one on each phone.. excerpts: "we've been talking about this for 12 year" "why would we discuss it with you/son?" " you don't care, You're not here" (we can't be 'here', he moved my mom out of state.. so we should follow them?) Who says this? You can't fix crazy (i know it's you can't fix stupid).
My son says it's time to cut them off. He's devastated by this. (he was heart broken when my dad moved her). My mom (no prize - i'll say that - she's a pretty mean 'you know what') was different with him. Which until he was in his teens worked for all of us. They spent alot of time together when I was working. They had a really funny relationship. It was sweet. I think she finally had the freedom to love someone. It kept her busy for daddy Psychopath so he could 'do his thing', so he encouraged it.
I think I need to go to Alanon meetings.. my one friend said that's where people like US are
Because they are NOT in my realm. I just hate this S*@t and feel horrible that I wasn't savy (?) enough to have kept my son away from this. damnit!!!!!