Hi Betterway. . .

>>I found my thoughts straying today, thinking well maybe he is just narsicistic and there is hope for him. As if I could somehow handle narsicism better than a P. <<<

Oh I so relate to that one. I do think P#2 is a Narcissist. At first I thought. . .well. . .maybe there is some hope here. I continue to read and learn. What I have learned is this, the only way to stay in a relationship with a Narcissist is to become an inverted narcissist (which when I read THAT profile, saw I was on my way to becoming).

I can see that I was grasping. Grasping for some shred of hope to keep my denial thing going on. I am more accepting these days that he knew what he was doing when he "targeted" me. See, I thought he REALLY cared about me, REALLY was my friend. That went on for years (three and a half to four). I genuinely trusted him. I would have never gone "there" if I hadn't. Oh he was the patient one. . .

>>The P. calls me up and says, "whats going on, why don't you call me as much anymore". I say I'm just busy working and going Christmas shopping. Wouldn't he just be shocked if he really knew what I was doing. That I am learning about what he has done to me. I am getting stronger, , < < <

Same here! He calls and says "what's finished doing" how's business etc. Oh yes. . .he would be FLOORED to know what's really going on with me. TOTALLY FLOORED! He underestimates me that way. . .you know. He dosn't think I'm that smart and why would he, I have been in his power and control for over five years.

I don't know of a book on trauma bonding but found a web site that spoke of it. I will have to go find it for you. There is a test online and information in regards to this. Betrayed recommeded some info also (books) just before I took my vacation. I'll go look. These days just running as fast as I can to get the Christmas stuff done. . . :-)
finished

betterway,

I found my thoughts straying today, thinking well maybe he is just narsicistic and there is hope for him. As if I could somehow handle narsicism better than a P. I'm learning to talk myself out of those kinds of thoughts. I have to remind myself regularly of this last year. I was an absolute mess. Like you said in another post, you were at his beck and call. That's me. He treated me so badly, and I kept going back for more.

At the end , it doesn't matter the diagnostic. We felt they did something wrong to us, and the trauma is real. I tell myself, what if the Ps I knew weren't Ps , I still can't handle them. ( but everyday, wtih more distance, I do believe that they were Ps. What strikes me the most is that all the posts confirm some patterns implicit or explicit in all of them as they were programmed to a a certain behavior and tunnel of troubles.

I have had people say to me "Oh just let it blow over, don't think another thing about it". Yeah, right!! LOL

I have decided that I won't either talk about it. I have friend that do attract some kind of bad people and they don t quite understand either. They have lived with sunglasses all their lives. Since they bad people aren't evidently bad and not that bad compare to Ps, they will never really hit a wall so they can't udnerstand. Positively, we have potential for growth, if that is what we have to celebrate.

Betterway and Finished,
...I was like "Wonder Woman". . . until. . .he had hooked me and was done with me. And then. . .I was only good for what I could contribute to his bottomline or whatever he needed me for. And. . .I, zombied out, was there at his beck and call. Tramua bonded! to the max. . .the max! .....

I have been to be a Wonder Woman before I met the P. I also zombied out even at the beginning. I guess it is a little what my friend the psychologist was telling about, the motive of their relations is always power. It makes sense that in their limited cone of vision and on the layers of their perception appears selected "power" people in whatever form they could take. Women are strong, they go through more emotionally because we give birth, we handle more at once and we nurture. All that morphs us in great business caterpillars and great preys.

Called me about an hour later. . .nice, nice, nice! Said we'll have to do lunch sometime next week (yeh. . uhhuh. . .right. . .). . .WRONG!!! But I just said, (sweetly) "yes that will be nice".

I am allergic to those words. I can no longer hear them. It seems that Ps said them compulsively. When the P said that last, I blew up but days after.

Hopeful!!! I love your words!

>>Women are strong, they go through more emotionally because we give birth, we handle more at once and we nurture. All that morphs us in great business caterpillars and great preys.<<

Absolutely great!!!. . .and so true. . .

finished

Hopeful!!

More good words!

>> . . . they will never really hit a wall so they can't udnerstand. Positively, we have potential for growth, if that is what we have to celebrate. <<

Oh that is so RIGHT ON!! It is what I am focusing on these days. . .

Many thanks Hopeful,
Finished

Hopeful!

So many of the words in your posts captured my attention today! Good words!

>> At the end , it doesn't matter the diagnostic. We felt they did something wrong to us, and the trauma is real. I tell myself, what if the Ps I knew weren't Ps , I still can't handle them. ( but everyday, wtih more distance, I do believe that they were Ps. What strikes me the most is that all the posts confirm some patterns implicit or explicit in all of them as they were programmed to a a certain behavior and tunnel of troubles. <<<

Yes indeed! The tunnel of troubles.

But, THANKFULLY. . .I am beginning to see LIGHT at the END of this TUNNEL OF TROUBLES. . .

The train is moving faster in that direction (forward). I have been in reverse for to long.

Blessings
finished

Hi finished, I found one book on trauma bonding that looked interesting:

Betrayal Bonds
By Patrick Carnes

Exploitive relationships can create trauma bonds - chains of trust that link you to someone who is dangerous, abusive, and toxic. Divorce, employee relations, litigation, incest and child abuse, family and marital systems, domestic violence, hostage situations, kidnapping, professional exploitation and religious abuse are all areas of trauma bonding. Each of these relationships shares one thing: it is a situation of incredible intensity or importance where there is an exploitation of trust or power.

Ordering information

Thank you Dianne!

This is one I will definitely get. . .I have browsed through some of his other books but have not seen this one. Thank you again. .
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