I think the weird disconnect is two different things.

From one perspective it's what they try to do to people, lots of different types of disconnect. The thinking-feeling one being one of the main ones. Because if you disconnect, if you can't connect your feelings with your thoughts, they can always talk you round, talk you into things, stop you from doing what you really want to do. It's a way of breaking you down.

From another perspective, the weird disconnect is also way of protecting yourself. It's something that has kept you safe (in the past). I've definitely done it, and sometimes revert to it if I'm feeling very overwhelmed. When I was with my dad I lost entire days and days to the disconnect.

The downside of this is that you're not present, you're not in yourself. You're absent.

The imagery (bell jar, space suit, velvet cape) is a very powerful way of creating the protective space around your physical self rather than retreating into and then away from yourself. It's a very proactive assertion of your space (physical, emotional) rather than a defence mechanism you're forced into using when your back is to the wall. And it's a very powerful way of remaining connected to yourself and your processes.

The more you use it, the easier it gets and the more powerful it feels.

I use it a lot now. And I started using it with negative people too. I don't want their negativity near me, I don't want their negativity to touch my soul. And it feels great. I used to feel constantly overwhelmed by people, suffocated, claustrophobic almost. Now things are much easier.

Yep,
I find imagining myself in this sealed space-suit seems to work for me. I even imagine the bubble around my head, which means I can't hear him, I can hear my own breathing instead, odd, I know, but it makes me feel safe and protected. I imagine everything is covered and sealed off from him- hands, feet, every part of me, so there's no way he can get in, no way his poisonous aura can seep inside and disturb me, it doesn't matter what he throws at me, he can turn a flamethrower on me, gas me, shoot weapons at me, whatever, it just bounces off the suit. I am in my own totally sealed off micro-climate, my own life support system, and he can't get in. I know it sounds really strange, but it works. Like I said, when I got the registered solicitor's letter my heart started to beat really fast and I got a tightening in my chest, a sick feeling, then I just retreated into my space suit and focused on breathing and on feeling calm. It took some doing but I had to just focus on it - These are only words, words on paper, that are the rantings of a foolish and sick old man who isn't getting his own way.

SoP I know where you are coming from - my stepfather also has made it very clear that we are at war. The last time I saw him in person he used words to that effect, 'there needs to be peace between you and I.' There never will be, only distance. As much as possible. There is no peace anywhere in his vicinity or in any of the people he holds close. I am sorry that yours calls you on the phone, I at least have the luck that he won't call me, and he doesn't live in the same city. He can only try and get at me through letters, emails, and via my brother. But I totally know what you mean when you say contact upsets your emotional equilibrium, it does mine as well, even distant, written things.

But down with these weird, alien tricks! We can fight back, we have powerful tools and tricks as well. It's the strangest kind of mind-game: they only have the power we allow them to have. It's only sinking in now, after years and years of being like the walking dead, believing myself to be so damaged by him that there was no coming back. It's not true. They have as much power as we give them. True they are dangerous and manipulative, they catch us out, catch us off guard and hurt us, but we can always wake up again, connect again, and get stronger. Like I said in my last post, I'm an adult now, I don't need to be afraid of him any more. It sucks to realise the person you looked up to as your father did not love you, despite your loving him, and that he was in fact at war with you, an enemy of your soul from the very start. It's a hard thing to come to terms with, that someone abused your innocence and screwed with you at such a young age. But that doesn't define you, does it? It's just what happened in the past, in a time we had no choice and no control. But we do now.

Anyway, I'm starting to ramble....
Every day it becomes clearer to me: no contact, not even messages and letters, no information running between me and him, so he has no idea who I am or what is going on in my life, no contact with anyone in his circle so the smear campaign is kept contained. And if that means my brother as well, then it means him as well. I have to protect myself. I am also using that 'thought-stopping' tactic I read about: no thinking about him (well, obsessing or getting sucked into negative thought-spirals.) I catch myself doing it and just repeat in my head really firmly 'STOP!' and re-tune my thoughts to something positive. That's all. It's time for his influence and poison to STOP affecting me. I am fighting back with indifference, which is by far my most powerful weapon, and wow, is it empowering and liberating, like you said.

Must got to bed!
x
cjp

What an amazing post cjp. So much strength and so inspiring as well.

Thank you for sharing