Yes I understand what you are saying. But what purpose does that serve them? To go through the same experience? She has improved now and learned a lot from experimenting with me, because I almost always stood up to her manipulations. Except the ones which exploited my true desires and weaknesses. I wouldn't budge and give in to for example donating money or buying her something she really wanted. Because I had firm beliefs and boundaries on that.
I worked a lot on myself the past few years, my integrity and self worth - knowing how to avoid getting exploited by people. Developing stronger integrity, confidence and becoming a better man. So what if she finds a weaker (sadly, nicer) man with less dignity? I lost about 70% of my net worth while with her. I can't put words as to how or why. I just wasn't able to work nor think clearly. I have a decently profitable job online but at times I felt so drained I couldn't do it, or her subtle attention seeking drew me away and devastated my efficiency. It really is hard to put into words and explain. Obviously, I might have been weaker than I expected to be. Self insight is hard.

I care about the well being of my neighbor. I am fine with dying now (and I realize it sounds weird/emo), because I have experienced everything I wanted in life already, so self safety isn't that important. Males don't know about abusive women. They hear phrases like "all womens are psycho, deal with it" which is retarded. Women are emotional and different from men, yes, and it can be challenging to deal with. But not like this. I am pretty sure this is one of the reasons female Psychopath aren't reported. And another reason is that some men are wussies that wouldn't imagine deflating their ego admitting they were being used as a tool by a woman. Because that's how society views it.

If I posted my thread in another forum, the responses I would get would be;
"Lol grow up loser"
"Does your vagina hurt now?"
"Just be a man you fkin emo"
"Grow a pair"
"You must be terrible dealing with relationships. I suggest you become a hermit"

And so on. Those were improvised but probably accurate.


-I will add I was warned. On 1 or 2 occasions by outsiders. Problem was, they struck me as people with low credibility. I might elaborate further later. When confronted she would say "What? They are just gossiping. It is what they do. You believe them over me? You don't even know them" and things like that. Sadly, they were right.

Thanks Monroe.

-James

Diane;

If you are reading this.
I am looking for blogs or articles/posts from psychopaths/ASPDs who know/realize what they are. I cannot PM. I am extremely interested in viewpoints of these different humans. Hopefully honestly, yet I expect naturally even in an anonymous blog they would probably exaggerate/lie or be grandiose about themselves/their worldview. In any case, it would be super interesting. I don't want to read the psychoanalyzed version of being a psychopath. I want it first hand. I want to hear it from the source.

Any such knowledge or links that are confirmed or appear genuine, PM me or post here. Not looking for biased interviews in general. I'm looking for actual thought processes and world views of ASPDs. How they feel in everyday life, what they want to achieve, the uncensored material.

Hi James,

First I must agree with Monroe about blasting her information online. When someone is in the "honeymoon" stage things will fall of deaf ears and give them more of the victim image that they live by. You will not have any gain but more reminders of your terrible relationship. You said that people tried to warn you to no avail.

There are forums out there who allow Psychopaths to post. There is also a group of self proclaimed Narcissists online. We don't give out links to other forums. I had to make this decision many years ago since this was the first online support group, we do our own thing. Some forums encourage people to name the Psychopath in the life with their actual name and photos, we don't operate that way. Same reason we don't allow Psychopaths to post here. What could you possible extract from a person who lies as easily as they breathe? I no longer even read their emails when they challenge being banned because they claim to be a Psychopath. I have no interest in communicating with evil. I doubt anyone in our community would appreciate being overrun with a bunch of self proclaimed Psychopaths or having any communication from them or with them.

I hope you will think about your position for telling the world about her. If you continue you will only be keeping yourself on her radar screen.

She may not be your size but she is still to be considered dangerous so why keep in her range of target?

Seeking revenge may sound like a good idea but consider who you are up against. Will the time and energy help you to heal?

I understand and can feel your pain from your posts and we are here to support you, only you can make the decision to pursue any revenge against her. I have never seen or heard that tactic works, it only keeps a person stuck in a cycle of evil.

I am sure there are many men who are in your situation that read because you can tell by the views vs. the posts, that is why the forum is open for anyone, registered or not to read. You are getting your message out by your posts and for that we are are thankful because your words reach a wide audience.

Talk to us, take out your frustrations but please try and think about the implications of "exposing her".

Di

Please try to understand. This isn't revenge...it's attempted prevention. I can tell you reacted strong, and likely with good reason. I understand she is who she is, and will possibly always be that way. If there was anything I wanted for her, it was for her to be happy and to be "cleansed", live a magnificent fulfilling life. I used to love this woman, I tried to understand her and I felt sorry for her. I wanted to show her the way to happiness isn't through malicious actions. But being good natured in a true way. I have never been able to see the world in black and white. I didn't use to believe in "evil" people, merely that they have a reason for being the way they are, whether from society or childhood, something that happened - someone that taught them in a wrong way...I just see gray zones. I don't believe in saints, - people aren't perfect. Even great, positive, influential people have their dark side....maybe this is why I felt so much affection for my Psychopath...I tried to see all her good sides, and to show her that by being her genuine self and a person with good intentions, the world would love her back. I guess I was wrong...

Hi James,



I think being able to love like you did isn't necessarily wrong in the slightest way, just the wrong person. They are predators and skilled at manipulation beyond what a rational person can imagine. Without a conscience all bets are off in regards to what they might do. Revenge is really their motive, that is why it sometimes is best to step out of the range of revenge knowing that Psychopaths all love the revenge part.

I know your intentions are based in goodness to advise others about her but I am concerned to what it might do to you in the process. Maybe this is one of those things we can contemplate more clearly what our actions should be when we have healed first. You have a voice, it is a matter of how you choose to use it.

Di

Thanks for being so understanding, Diane. I could tell my story to a hundred random people. They wouldn't understand. They would say it is normal for women to be somewhat dramatic, that I was weak and let her walk all over me. It was just strange...

There were times, probably about 5 of them, when I was taking a break and having brief moments of clarity...in my mind, I was thinking "OK what is this, really. This is quite clear. She's been using me all along. It is obvious. She's constantly lying and disrespecting my personal space. She has an agenda. This is obvious, I have to get out. For my own sake".
Somehow, she sensed this I think every time I was thinking like this. She would say "Hey, what are you doing? I'm worried about you. Don't think too much. If you think too much, you will go crazy. It's not good". She would either say that or start feigning being sick. It is strange. The perception of these people, they are so good sometimes at interpreting body language and knowing what the other person is about...

When I woke up today...I felt pretty bad. I went to take a shower, and thoughts struck me..."Maybe I'm just projecting it all onto her. Maybe I'm the psychopath. Maybe I'm the wrong doer?" it was so twisted. I know I have mistakes and sometimes I feel resentful and capable of prejudice and if I'm angry I might say something bad. It became so twisted. My inner voice was saying "You are exaggerating. This is normal. Maybe you are the evil one".

I just don't get it. I can't understand having pure malicious intentions. What is the point? There is nothing rational about it. I am a thinking person and I have seen a lot of different parts in the world. I just don't believe in true evil.
It is however dawning upon me now...slowly...the feeling is weird. That it was all pretend. Pretend every day, all the time. The stories were never real. Every time we were apart and she said she went to "visit her sister", I'm about 85% sure she did something else...

I'm writing a bit long responses..I am drinking rather frequently lately. I started remembering stories and conversations we had.
I particularly remembered two

I am a humorous guy and I'm quite open minded. We were at a concert together and I asked her "So. Have you ever had someone propose to you?" - "Yes. 3 times (lie but probably once). I remember my ex Ian. He really loved me. It was strange. I didn't care about him that much but he was rich.... I remember when we were having sex. He would tell me he loved me. I didn't feel the same way. It was funny, sometimes when we were making love, he had tears in his eyes
She said this in a way of bragging. I didn't think much of it then and laughed it off together with her.

Another time. This is a little freaky...
She was always asking for us to take a picture together when we were in an amusement park. I don't care for pictures at all, and I said "What's the point. We are together right now enjoying, that's what matters. I don't want an overpriced picture". She would say "Well actually I like pictures. I have pictures of all my exes" - "Really? I thought once you ended a relationship, the first thing you wanted was to move on and forget about them." - "Remember when you were in my place the first night together? Over my bed there, I had pictures of all my exes. 6 of them" - "Really? Like some kind of trophy? Haha...well if you are bringing someone there, if they see that they are gonna freak out" - "Yes, my neighbor said they were gonna think I'm crazy. So when you visited my place, I took them down" - "Heh, you're such a freak". The conversation went like that, and I didn't really think of it at all.

Till I realized now, she keeps trophies of her victims. Take care I'm a bit drunk and rambling a bit...