This is what people usually try to help me see as well. & I SO agree with you about healing /not latching on, people peddling as you say.. that is huge with me & why I do NOT want to be in another relationship now. I need to heal & get my life together.

I was big on this before I met him, that I have myself in order before dating.. & too why this healing is going to take so long because everything I worked yrs to build is now pretty much gone. I'm starting over & without a car etc.. IF I drove, IF it were easy for me to get around town begin again it may not be as bad. This is what you are saying too & even for myself I have to own the fact /responsibility of repairing.

He took up with me & what I found out later (he said he was divorced), is the divorce had been filed & I am not even sure it was filed/ they weren't living together. My sister mentioned that the file date of divorce was after he & I met.. I guess if someone told me they were divorced I believed they were. He said he was already over her.. she had left him, etc.
I did keep him at arm's length in that I wanted time to know him.. Back to what you are saying & I think this also maybe comes with loss? That one realizes IF they want to be, "healthy," it is hard work, not in latching onto one person but doing the work of healing on many levels.

The Psychopaths seem to? just keep latching onto someone else. He left me, sleeps around (but calls himself Christian?), goes back to his ex prior to me, I think she allows the dysfunction / they seem to live a very chaotic life, drinking, smoking pot, etc. To me? it's nuts.. Plus he was married to me, then goes back to another ex?
WHATEVER!

I hear you/ but it's not total that I have let go of it yet Starry.. I still don't have the support yet to really heal/ it's been a few yrs of legal b.s.
I do not think I can save him, I'm well aware my plate is full NOW & as to finger pointing, anger, etc.. I choose who gets real close to me.. I am not in a position to be with another man right now till I work on /heal my own situation & get that well rounded life back.
There are some things that are in place/but still more changes to where I can get connected as I am needing..

I do hear you.. it's SERIOUS to take someone's life/ turn it upside down/ laugh at them & then latch onto someone else in a continual ego/victim charade...

anyways.. Happy Thanksgiving. I know my own self/ I have to think of GOD/ Loving always
& believing that the reparation of/ is in HIS HANDS.

I do think it shocked him that I wasn't like some women he has been with who put up with his crap.. I did love him, I was commited but I also expected him to do his part..he would have none of that/ he blocked the love/ & would run. it's who he is.. yes. I get that.
God Will Heal the wounds, the binding is in HIS LOVE & in HIS TIMING.
I leave it in HIS HANDS.
still longer yet on my healing journey...

... starry, It sounds like you have come a long way too. I hear your words as realistic. I think it is important to see one's parent in a well balanced sense.. what you write it sounds like you do/ you see that your dad did have assets/ but that he abused these with others. The Psychopaths often are of very high IQ but their emotional IQ is very low, they do not know how to function properly in society with relationships.
In healthy famlies there are boundaries, love with expectations, just as God Deals with us.
It's So important to have boundaries.. it seems that this part is just not in them.
It's all or nothing. They crave to attach themselves but it's the endless cycle of relationships/affairs/marriages..

You have so much awareness of where you are in all of this and how you feel. This gives me a great deal of hope for you.

I think there came a point where I stopped listening to the words my dad was using and just looked at his actions instead. I discovered he had been married a total of six times. Had he been divorced as well? I don't think so. Why would he? Too much bother. I reckon he just omitted to tell the other women about his other marriages. Just like he omitted to tell me about all the other children he had had. Lying by omission.

starry, thank you. You are doing well too.

There comes a time in life when growing up is part of the deal. & I don't think they ever do.
I know situations propell people to deal with issues or parts of their lives the previously did not.. I know that I grow continually in life. For me my faith has been my rock, without it I would be so lost. BUT this is still by far the most difficult situation I have been in.
I have been crying more lately, not that I miss him, I haven't since he left. What is there to miss, a man that hated me & didn't want to be with me apparently, no thanks.
As I say I don't even feel I have hit bottom yet, that as a disabled person I am not getting the help I am needing/ it's so serious.. I do fine when my life is in balance, in fact I do great overall as I love to exercise/ eat right etc., but if there is a huge inbalance then it's so hard on me. That's where I'm at. It's almost as if that was his intent, to knock me completely out of kilter /destroy my prior existance then leave.
I read that in purgatory (& hell) there is a replay of how a person inflicted pain on others.. the ones that intentionally hurt people.. if there is not reparation made in this lifetime to this, there has to be a cleansing before entering Heaven & for the life of me it's the only peace of mind I have in this, that if he only had a smidgen of a clue what he did to my life & the pain/ utter destruction he did to me/ also that has affected my parents because they do worry about me... my siblings are affected but not the extent my elderly folks are.
At some point in time I do believe that people's actions catch up to them. The psychopaths continue to run, they never face this, what they do. I ALWAYS see God & I attach to HIM, that peace, within & with HIM, but the day to day existance of my life has been so changed.

The affairs & marriages seem to mean nothing to them, what you said/ their large ego & then the Psychopaths victims.. it's a cycle ongoing.

I understand that they are not wired like non psychopaths, but it's almost a possession seemingly in the way it plays out & the aftermath. I saw a video on you tube someone mentioned, the guy wrote a book (other than Dr. Hare), & he mentions that the Psychopaths are inbedded too in society & it's like this running of/ by them too, that the battle good vs. evil is in regards... I do love God & trust in HIM but I pray so hard everyday to get past this, to hit bottom finally even to heal.. I yet do not have the help/ situations in place, that balance ...
post all of this.

They don't have a clue who they are as to lying, they live a facade existance & at the expense of others. I so hear you.. It was like this mr. nice guy/ then he would turn the tables every 48 hrs., to a monster, sit & laugh.. at my pain. at least I am removed from that. He was so sick. God Will Heal in time. I really think he is very lost but it's my life I have to mend & tend to.

Guys, from my observation, my Psychopath was aware of his shortcomings in the social-life. He was constantly trying to hide sth and was incredibly insecure around people. Either youre their "friend" from the start or youre the enemy. Neutral is not an option.

When my Psychopath crashed my world I was so confused I thought I was supposed to be like him. I wished I had no feelings. He convinced me that I was crazy coz I had feelings.

Now Im so glad I do. It comes with great price, but its still totally worth it. The way I can experience life now, it's incredible. And not long ago I still thought I would not be able to be happy again, and now here I am, waking up with a smile on my face every freakin day, and I could not be more happy:D

Sure I've my ups and downs. But each time I am so greatful that I am not like him.
I guess true happiness doesn't come from outside, it is inside, if you love yourself, feel great with yourself, you will always be happy, no matter what.

1Healing, invest in yourself. Every little moment you have for yourself. You have to find yourself again, that happy person you used to be still lives inside, she just needs a little help to come back:)
Love yourself first, only then are you able to love others.

Newbird, I think getting the physical help I need would make a difference. I know myself / I have spent a good deal of time developing me, over the yrs & always grow from my experiences in life.. What I seem to run up against ongoing is my ability to physically get past things/ which is more external. I do have peace in my heart & soul/ I love God & love @ all times..
There ARE days I struggle with anger toward ex h.. this I am aware is part of grieving & the losses. But I think what you are saying & I do agree/ that time heals wounds & getting the help LITERALLY, as to easier access to others/ a situation that is more affordable for me now, etc.. will help. It's been such that I really have had to take one step at a time in all of these things. I'm loving/ kind.. I was with him & affectionate natured..
He would say otherwise but he is projecting his own anger.
Too, about these types/ that they are so afraid to truely bond/ intimacy, with others, they do not allow the commitment ongoing..

The friends I did have took me yrs to build/my life & I don't have trouble making friendships but my struggle is getting to people easily.. with my disability.
It is very frustrating to me/ because I DO need help/ lots of help right now, but cannot afford to go on the bus more than a few times a week at $8 a trip/ etc...
Irons in the fire, I have not given up hope.. I have faith in GOD & I love @ all times.
I do have short outs when it comes to exh though.. I admit.. like a brain shortwired / disconnect at my fury some days in all of this.
It will work out in time.

I am happy/ I have too much time/ investing in myself is not where I am stuck.. LOL
if I had a quarter for every hour I am investing in myself/ I may be rich.
I need people.. that's my goal/ to find better access/ more ways to reconnect..
Winters are not good either where I am living currently, they don't clean well at all & when it's snowy or very cold it's hard for me to get out at all sometimes for a week or more.

With ex h, there would be one or two that were above reproach..
He wouldn't keep the balance going in his life.. with others. he had to keep things upheavaled in one or more areas..
I think life is about seeing things in balance.
Some days/hrs. I cringe because of it all.. I see this too shall pass/ YES it is about LOVE... loving @ all times..
Even if one has to fling it in their face & walk away.. THE LIGHT OF GOD.

Yes,the eyes, its like looking into Satin. My mothers eyes buldge and her nostrils literally flare and turn red. Her lips purse and look like ugly bird lips. You can see PURE evil! And then one knows the physical violence is about to begin. I'm in therapy at age 59! I still fear her. And, yes she is still violent. 9 months ago she beat my 80 year. Old father in the head, he had a massive stroke during the beating. She did NOT call for help, she went to bed for the night. My 40 year. Old nephew found her the next am, sitting at the table drinking coffee. My nephew found my father. He survived, but cannot speak. No police report. We wait for her to finish him off. Seems nothing can be done because of no paper trail.

I am sorry for not being able to say much due to time off due to illness. CALL the elder abuse group in your local area.

A general welcome to all the new member that have come to our community, sorry I haven't welcomed you individually.

Di

The psychopath in my life has a glassy empty stare when she is angry. It is terrifying. When i got up to deliver my eulogy at our mother's funeral, she was sitting staring straight ahead because she could not bear to acknowledge that i was addressing her as one of the mourners, so she had to pretend that i wasn't there. It was spooky but i also saw that it was pathetic and absurd....something changed between us in those moments, the power shifted a little from her to me.

Karma: What happens to a Psychopath when they are making other plans.

I am so sorry to hear of your situation! How are you doing these days?

The times I talked to and met my psychopath it was indeed something in his eyes that scared me.

I remember the first time I ever met him. We were at a party at a friend's house and he was invited, as one of my friends was his neighbour. He struck me as a great guy, funny, cool to hang out with, stories he spoke and he facinated everyone. His eyes however, they seemed empty. I at first thought that this person had gone through something horrible, and was afraid or something. When staring in to his eyes I saw nothing, it was just two gaping hole, no emotions, as if a dead person looked back at me.

Only time I ever saw any emotion was when he assaulted me, it was anger, perhaps even desperation.

I think psychopaths feel emotions, but just their own. They can feel joy, they can feel anger, perhaps even sadness, but they can not comprehend the empathy, perhaps why they pull people through what they do. They make people misserable, as if a hint to see how it feels, they enjoy being liked , and enjoy watching people cry, perhaps it's a way for them to try and feel something as we do, but these are questions for me, left unanswerd.

I however never saw my psychopath cry nor did I ever hear about it.