I have 2 kids and am pregnant with my 3rd by a Psychopath. I have always known that he wasn't normal, or right in the head, but am coming to the conclusion that he is a Psychopath because he fits almost every single characteristic of each kind. We split for years, which the kids are 9 and 10, but he worked on me for over a year, promising me the moon, telling me he would change, and the sucker that I am, I got back with him this past Feb. and got pregnant (I knew better). Lost respect, family upset, lost friends, you name it. But that was great for him, he was gaining the control over me and set up the stones to be the center of my universe. So I moved in with him in July, and now it is October and I'm finally getting away from him. (More history and stories - we met when we were 17, 30 now. Have had him locked up for DV, history of telephone harassment and stalking, etc.).

I went through that 'honeymoon stage' and he was my 'soul mate'. He said the greatest things, but I always knew to be on guard with this individual. The warning signs of his pathological/habitual lying started immediately after I moved in. We both struggled very hard to get settled. We were always behind in the bills and there was always evidence of booze or scratch offs (new addiction to gambling). He knew that he had to at least bring in a few hundred dollars a month to pay bills, I'm unemployed and nobody will hire a pregnant person (tried trust me). But he would always accuse me of things. He could not keep a job, after getting a new job, he started lying about his work. He always complained and moaned to me, about me, and I telling people that I was unstable and the one nagging him all the time. He got a bank account, and wouldn't show me anything - he knew I didn't trust him b/c I always had to show him where my money went (my money was his money). He would come home drunk, telling me that he should be allowed to stop at the bar after work (he's an alcoholic). He would lie about his hours, everything just wasn't adding up (I'd listen and put the pieces together). He got a bank account and wouldn't let me see anything, yet he was all over my bank account asking where my money went. The week before I officially moved out, I had left for that week. He had begged me back after 2 days saying that he couldn't function without me, that he needed someone like me to keep him in check - all because he had missed work due to drinking so heavily the previous night. It was almost the end of the month and rent still had not been paid, yet he had had the money, which concerned me. But I went back and his promises faded in the matter of hours, maybe a day when he came home with alcohol on his breath. He had known he had a drinking problem, but those acknowledgements turned into not giving a damn and he was going to drink regardless if we liked it or not. The alcohol helped reveal his true self as well, he was that monster, that bully, blank dead eyes but he claimed that I was the only one that claimed he was a mean drunk b/c everyone else said he was a nice drunk. He literally had me questioning my own sanity, which thankfully I better. He was driving me to the mad house in such a short time.

On our son's birthday, he kept saying he was on his way home around 6 and didn't get home until 11. Asked him where he had been and he lied to my face, said he was at work which we went by there & he wasn't. I told him that is why I was leaving him. The following day, that Friday morning, he kissed my butt telling me how he didn't want me to leave and he loved me. He had even talked about marriage, you name it but I just gave him the cold shoulder (which he later said all I did was [censored] but I didn't). He got his 2nd paycheck that day, from this new job, he took off in my truck (which he said he was at work all day) and as time went on, he started ignoring my texts and phone calls. He had went 45 minutes to another town and blew almost all of his money on booze, bar whores and cocaine (saw receipts and bank account withdrawals that he had thrown around my truck which was trashed). I had to track him down, and took the truck at 1am in the morning. He knew how I felt about drinking and driving, not to mention that he lost his license for not paying a traffic ticket. He had admitted to buying cocaine to 'sober up to drive home'. I can only imagine now how much he lied about working. He gave me the silent treatment all weekend and I've only got maybe 2 phone calls all week, which is soooo very unusual for this guy who used to call, harass, stalk, etc. in the past. He knows that we know about all of his lies about that day, his money, etc. So that left me to the conclusion that he found another 'sucker' or host to parasite from.

He now claims that he left me when I took the truck, because I am crazy. He had to work Sat. & Sun. but didn't even have the nerve to call me until Monday afternoon to ask for 'his truck' (which was his main concern - material items). He didn't know I had talked to his boss, and instead of confronting him I offered to drive him to work myself. Of course he blew that idea off. I did get the upper hand by him being stuck in another town and the dirtballs that he was around started contacting me (of course they seemed like nice people but by the looks of them you could tell they were drug addicted toothless hillbillies which of course boast my ex's self esteem). One husband said that they thought he was messing with his wife, and gave me my ex's phone, which my ex did not want me to have. So I got the phone and there he was, taking pictures of some nasty naked woman, the woman giving another man head and my child's father shoving beer bottles up the girl's you know what. One pic had his face right beside the beer bottle and her vajayjay. I am having a difficult time understanding how these sub-human people can just move on in the matter of seconds, or in the matter of hours mess with anyone else (so sex obviously is nothing to them of course). No conscious, nothing. And who could do that to a 8 month pregnant woman? These predators and manipulators are amazingly deceptive in everything they do.

And then after finding out he had been building up the case against me for weeks to his brother (sure he talks bad about me to everyone else) and his mother (who takes him in and uses excuses for this 30 year old man), making up stories and making me sound like the crazy one, so we could break up and he could come out shining. It didn't work with his family (who have always been there for him). His brother is furious with him, which is shocking! But now I'm moving, all by myself, having to hire people to help with the big items, selling items so I didn't have to drag them, etc. My kids are enormous helps. It is just extremely upsetting how all of this when down and to slap myself for being so utterly foolish! And all he could say about the money and not paying rent (which we would get evicted is that I didn't bring in that much money each week, yet total I have brought the amount he has had times 10 since Feb. so he financially drained me dry.

So he blew $1300 hundred bucks in just the matter of days (less than a week) - 500-800 one hard partying night alone. Had nothing to show for it, lost a house, wheels, 2 beautiful kids and a 8 month old pregnant fiance. His only job was to pay rent, which he couldn't even do that. He's homeless to boot, with no money, couch surfing again. He only has a few garage bags of clothes, no assets, everything was literally mine that I bought. He was there the entire pregnancy, acting so caring (which is hard for me to accept that it was all a show). I can't get over the selfishness and the thought that he didn't care if we had somewhere to live or not (he loved to couch surf in the past). And I tried so many times to negotiate with him - maybe we should be friends, room mates, if we split I don't want war, what do you want, all of that to no avail. I had told him he loved that 'street life' and he'd constantly tell me that he wanted a family and didn't want that type of lifestyle. He hated talking about our relationship, which is so odd to me. He only wanted to talk about himself or what a crazy person I was. He complained about our kids to others, which they are the best kids in the world, another stab in the back.

And he pounded it into my head that nobody wants to be with a pregnant woman, or with a woman that has 3 kids. And I don't know why, but I still believe that! He wanted to make me 100% dependent on me, with the power and control, even had the nerve to say that he didn't want me to leave yet he wanted to go out and play whenever he wanted. He didn't know I have places to go and I can't live like that. I have morals and going out and partying was fun when I was a kid. But everyone GROWS UP. He reminds me of Peter Pan. And of course Dr.Jekyl/Hyde to a TEE. Loves me, hates me, loves me, hates me in the matter of seconds. It is like with age, he is getting worse. And now I have to face everyone that 'told me so', but with another baby that I have to race alone. I've done it with 2 before, so I don't know why I even allow my mind to get STUCK in that area. I'm still in love with the person that he is not! His performance has been amazing! And I'm the 'sucker' again.

What I'm having a hard time with, the kids. To drag the kids through this roller coaster is unforgivable. I don't understand how someone can talk bad about their kids? But with my own track record and I have recently figured out that I have the 'Doormat Syndrome' along with 'Stockholm Syndrome', I am worried that he will get a hold of me and push my buttons to make me sympathetic towards his 'act' that he wants to see the baby and the kids (which it is obvious he doesn't give a hoot about but I want him to for some unknown reason). I have always longed for that 'family' that doesn't exist with him, but I always look past it thinking he will change (typical codependent characteristics). I don't know if I will be strong enough to hear the cries and whimpers. The constant apologies. I do know that when he gets upset and I call him out in his lies or don't feel that compassion to feed into his super-ego, that he gets extremely furious and has the potential to be violent and/or threatening. I would absolutely love to have some advice on the situation. I have tried the no-contact before and it never works. I've had restraining orders. Pressed charges. You name it. It is like this 'nightmare' and 'relationship mistake' is always coming back to haunt me. I've done therapy and I've found that online support/advice works better from those that have experienced the same type of behavior.

So what do I do about this baby that I'm having next month? He already owes child support for our or 'my' first 2 children, and I have maybe saw a few hundred bucks in 10 years. I am at the point that when we all lived under the same roof and he couldn't even share any of his money, even to pay bills for our children, that hopes of seeing anything are minimal (unless he wins the lotto for his new gambling addiction lol). I don't want this little girl to know/see their biological father in and out of their lives. I'm just so frightened he is going to want to see the baby, only to see me. He has done this in the past and it has always worked b/c he plays on my sympathy cords. I just want to be strong enough to see through the [censored]. Any advice would be greatly appreciated and thanks for reading the start of my book about my decade long experience with a Psychopath