Great for you blueheron, glad you had the margarita stop, lol.

If they get themselves in deep enough and it sounds like they are heading into even deeper hot water, my first hunch is before long the clamp will come down and that is great news if they get MIL and she loses the place to live the others will get the automatic boot. I just have this feeling that they are in so deep even if their boat had paddles they can't escape this "jam" they have themselves in.

I also don't think they are very clear thinkers, anyone with 1/2 a brain wouldn't trot into a bank and sign up for a safe deposit box to stash "missing" items from an estate after just getting caught by Medicaid for fraud. I would be getting a shovel, it would be safer in a hole in my backyard than signing my name at a bank when they are already after me, jeez.

To me they are really, really stupid criminals and their days are numbered. NO one in their right mind would cook up such a plot. You would never have a bunch of stuff in a safe deposit box anytime a person is trying to commit fraud, holy moly. Now they want to stash it in the most exposed place in the world, a bank, after being caught, pretty stupid criminals, imo. They will be dust soon, they lack the skills to get away with what they are doing.

Thanks for checking in, I think your attorney was a great pick and sounds like he gave you the advice you needed to just get in your neutral zone over them. They just don't exist, it will be hard living next door to them throughout this I am clearly not trying to minimize that but really why should they have to exist in your own mind's space and be in your head just because they live next door. They are nothing but dangerous.

Congratulations, the truth shall set you free. Besides when they get hauled off you don't want the neighbors to think you were chummy with them but the opposite, people will notice that they never see you going over there or communicating so you will end up with clean hands. The last thing you need is to continue living where the community might even think you just might have been involved. They will notice, communities tend to pay attention to the neighbors and know you were always not part of what gets them hauled off sooner than later.

Since they are nothing, start thinking of the fun ways you will celebrate when you see them going away. Three cheers for your peace of mind. They are too stupid so I don't get the idea it will be long. Heck, they can't even drive down the street and keep the simple fact that when you are driving, trying to catch your MIL's ice cream isn't the wisest move as a driver.

Their one big idea is to go to a bank and hide their criminal activities, they are truly stupid criminals that would be the last place that any sane person would consider and frankly a good criminal would find a bank the LAST place to take things to hide, have to give it to them, they should be featured on some Stupidest Criminals TV show ; )

So relieved you know the facts, great for you.

Di

Dianne and starry, once again, thank you so much.

Now that the alcohol has worn off, well ... we are feeling a bit beat up. But we are a lot clearer, if sadder, about what we need to do and not do.

I am very grateful to everyone who is a bit further down the road on this journey and takes their time to help the rest of us along. Hugs and blessings.

Hi, all,

I need help with an issue that is ruining my day.

We live in a gated community with rules about pets. The in-laws (read: the psychopaths) next door pay no attention to any of those rules. Residents are not supposed to allow their pets outside without a leash, nor allow them to mess in other people's yards. So what? The Psychopaths put in a pet flap so their dogs can go outside on their own any time they want. The dogs come directly to our yard to poop. The Psychopaths yard is all one big cement patio surrounded by big rocks, so there's no place for the dogs to go in their back yard. How convenient.

Our little patch of back yard is so loaded with their dogs' poop, you can't walk two feet without stepping in it. Then there's the smell and the flies. We cannot go out and enjoy our own yard.

At first, my husband and I thought about verbally asking them to take care of it. But they have notoriously poor memories, and they twist everything you say. They would blithely tell management that we made no such request to them. So then I thought about making a copy of the pet rules and putting my request in writing, with a copy to the management. I don't really care who cleans it up, or how they do it, I just want it done by a certain day or I will go talk to the manager about it.

Hubby and I have hashed and argued over this, and truly, there is no way to come out unscathed, even though it is our in-laws' lawful responsibility. I am so overheated by everything else they've done, I cannot think straight to come up with a strong, neutral wording for the letter.

Since any way I word the request will cause an uproar and backlash, maybe some of you who've been through this kind of thing can help me come up with something that will look reasonable and sane to the management or whoever else sees it.

I just want my yard cleaned up. NOW.

Thanks!

Hi blueheron, being a person who has 3 dogs, I HATE it when someone lets their dogs go in my front yard, fortunately I have a privacy fence in my back yard. I have caught people a couple of times over the years and what I did was go and give them a bag if I catch them. I got really mad when I was living in California and had neighbors that did that. I lived in a mixed neighborhood and when I tried to speak to them, they only spoke Chinese so I went to the corner market and had the owner write the note in Chinese. Then they continued so I started to go out and tell their dog to get away. Then I finally had it so I scooped the poop and put it in a bag on their front door steps, lol. They stopped after that.

Personally I think it is very unhealthy to have poop in your yard and I clean up after my dogs in the back yard a couple times a day. I don't want to step in it and I don't want them to step in it and come in the house. I have a large lot, close to a 1/2 acre and I find it much easier to deal with it more often, call me compulsive but I do not like poop from even my own kids in my yard. When we go for a walk I have a pocket of baggies just in case. I don't allow them to pee on peoples bushes or plants and only let them go in an area that doesn't have houses. It is called respecting others boundaries.

What is the deal with the pet flags? If their dog is small which I suspect it is since communities often have rules over the size of dog, could you put up a small fence around your area? I suspect you would have to get approval but I would figure out a way. You have enough on your mind living next door to them. Maybe if you approach it from the angle that you want approval to put up a small fence to block their dog that might get the attention of management. I would make them come by every day personally if you can't fence in your area. Take photos if you can. Also if you want try some cayenne pepper on the outer area of your yard. I use that to keep my kids from digging where I have plants. Make sure and wear gloves and wash your hands after you sprinkle it around. I did that in my house to keep my kittens from getting into the plant in my office. Maybe before you do anything try cayenne pepper and see if that keeps their dog out of your area. You can also mix the cayenne pepper in a small amount of water and pour it around your boundary area.

I had neighbors who lived a few blocks from me before who let their two dogs run loose so I keep leashes by my front door, one day I got them to come to me so I put leashes on them and turned them into the police department because that was how animal control worked in that town. Never saw the dogs running loose again. They weren't doing anything in my yard but I felt since they didn't have the brains to keep their dogs in their own area I sure didn't want to see them get hit by a car.

I am sure you can tell I am quite rabid on this issue, lol.

Di

As usual, great feedback, Dianne. Thanks so much.

But get this! A MIRACLE HAPPENED.

About the time I finished writing my plea and had the mouse over the "submit" button, I saw one of MIL's great-granddaughters (10 yrs old) out in our back yard. She had gone out there to play with one of their little dogs. After she stepped in dog poop about three times and had to clean her shoes off, she disappeared for a little while. The next time I saw her, she was out there with a pooper-scooper, cleaning up our yard! She raked and scooped the entire thing spotless so she could play. Amazing. Bless that child. She probably fussed at her grandmother and great-grandmother for not dealing with it sooner, if I know her. I don't know what to say to thank her without causing some kind of backlash.

So, the old psychopaths dodge the bullet once again. I don't know how they keep doing that; they get away with murder half the time.

I think I will start with cayenne pepper, as several online sources say it does a pretty good job. Then I'm going to hook my water hose up by the back door and have it ready whenever I see one of them out there squatting. Plus, photos are a good idea. The manager is very open to photos and helped us out when he was able to see how our back yard floods when it rains.

One foot in front of the other ... step at a time ...

Well, guess what. I am trying hard not to have a stroke. I have no idea what to do now.

Today is MIL psycho's birthday. Dear Husband insisted on taking a birthday card to her next door. No sooner than he got in there to say hello, SIL psycho was there, interrupting everything to talk about her great news.

"Guess what! Guess what! [MIL's Granddaughter, who's been the caregiver] is moving out next week, and we are moving in here to take care of Mother!" yakyakyakkety yak, ad nauseum ... not a word edgewise when she gets started ...

OMG.

My blood pressure is through the roof. I literally cannot see straight.

God bless Granddaughter (our niece) for finally escaping. She's moving close to her sweetheart, 60 miles away. Trying to deal with her grandmother and aunt all this time I think has broken her beyond repair.

How do I escape???

Six days from now, psycho-SIL and her husband (who I'm not sure has any say-so in the matter, poor guy) are giving up their apartment down the street and moving everything in next door. What a great way to suck up all the assets while MIL is still living, so she can legitimately say to the other three heirs that there's nothing left when MIL is gone.

We already weren't planning on any of the other three getting anything, anyhow, so that's not the big issue. The big issue is having that woman over here 24/7 and having to work to avoid her, try not to hear her voice through the wall, try not to imagine what she is going to pull next. It's too close for comfort.

All I can say is, I sincerely, terribly, horribly hope that the management has not told SIL she gets to stay on in that unit after MIL is gone. (It's not just a rental or a lease, it is a large lump-sum lease that was purchased on day one of residency, and it is NOT transferable. It better not be. There are other people waiting in line for one of these units, and they are supposed to get first consideration.) I would rather live in a tent in the desert than try putting up with that woman.

My main problem is, I am already unwell, on disability. I have been dealing with these people for over a year now. I've had to start blood pressure medicine -- me, who has never had a problem all my life! I am having to take care of a husband who has cognitive problems and a mood disorder. I do NOT have any reserve for dealing with those people. In the past I might have been able to kick butt and take names, but I don't think I have the wherewithal to protect myself from them right now.

I AM SO UPSET, I AM BESIDE MYSELF! I don't know what to do.

I know what I would like to do. I cannot stop daydreaming about getting in SIL's face and calling her every ugly thing I can think of, tell her I know what she is, know what she's done, then assaulting her until she is a pile of jello. I've only had one or two people in my life I ever felt this way about, and she's one of them. I do not know how to keep from "giving her my day."

I hate this. Why does she get to win, and I have to lose? I didn't ask for this!

Yes OMG is a good way to describe this. I guess it is good your husband found out but he really needs to stop going over there and coming back with predictable bad news.

Let me get this straight, now your MIL is the sole signer, is there some rules about how many people can occupy a unit?

Hopefully your SIL will avoid you since she is really there to live rent free and drain the $.

I can understand really wanting to live in a tent but since you are stuck there how do we help you to avoid them and the chaos? Having high blood pressure can be very serious and we have to figure out a way to block them out. It must be worst than ever with this bad news.

If your husband would stop visiting you can eliminate even hearing what they are up to. What ever happened to their fraud with the State?

I am only hoping that your SIL will try to avoid you, do you think she will be dropping by, it seems like if you can get your husband to stop the visits she may just want to cut you out anyways since you know she is doing it for the $ and will probably be cooking up more schemes like before.

Does your MIL ever come over, do you think your SIL will be dropping by? I think you will need to also avoid her husband, even though he is a victim, it will continue the chaos.

I hope they will keep their games and secrets about the money they are robbing to themselves. Your husband needs to stand up and stop visiting with them.

They wanted to cut you out over the holidays, maybe they will continue to do so, is that possible?

Di

Sorry to say, I haven't been on here for a bit.

My dear husband was able to avert disaster for the time being. He went to see his step-mother (MIL) and her granddaughter (our niece) next door and discovered that it wasn't their idea for step-sister and her husband to move in there. They had been told that's how it was going to be, and they weren't real thrilled with it.

So in rare form, husband painted them a great word picture about what it would be like, based on what SIL told him. How lots of MIL's furniture would be given away to make room for SIL's, and how all of SIL's stuff would be hung on the walls instead of what's there now, etc. In essence, daughter wouldn't be living at her mom's to take care of her, mom would be living in daughter's new home.

Well, immediately after that, MIL and granddaughter called and told SIL they changed their mind and didn't want to do it. That put SIL into a royal rage and she raged around for several days. Slamming doors, doing the silent treatment, revving the car and screeching tires ...

But there's always more. Husband's brother called MIL to see about something, and when the conversation was over, old MIL failed to hang up the phone. So he got to hear MIL and SIL having a shocking conversation (which he recorded!), where SIL was trying to talk MIL into turning over all her cash so SIL could put it into her own bank account for "safe keeping." That b***h. I don't know what it is going to take to stop her.

I was right. This will only end when they are all dead. Which I hope for daily. Sheesh.

When I wrote the last entry, I failed to tell everything. Husband and I went to see the manager of this community, and he told us of a little-known loophole that even he hadn't known about. If a family member moves in to be a caregiver of a resident here, and if the resident dies, the caregiver can "step in" to the lease, provided they are old enough.

When I heard that, I just sat back in the chair and tried not to cry. We begged the manager to please do what he could to keep this from happening. And as much as he cares for us, he said it had already been done, and the only thing that would keep her out was if she was a danger to herself or others (Oh, hahahahaaa!!!!), or if she had committed a felony (hahahahahaaa some more!!!). We told him we had the goods on her for both of those things, and he said okay, do what you gotta do.

But so far, we haven't had to, because hubby talked MIL and her granddaughter into refusing SIL's arrangement. Except you all know it ain't over 'til it's over.

In retrospect, I see that SIL is making a full time job of finding all the loop holes and ways to bend the law that she can. Truly, I did not think she was that smart. She must be utterly desperate with greed. It is disgusting to watch and hear about.

My hubby's brother is one who can fritz your circuits with the truth if you mess with him, and he has offered to give SIL a call and tell her we know everything, and we are not going to allow it to continue. Then he thought better of it and said truly, SIL is cooking her own goose, why should we interfere?

Thanks for letting me vent. Y'all are super.
blue heron

Hi. I m new here.

Yes. It almost same as happened to me. My mother died because of her heartbroken. No one came to see her in 1 week after she returned from hospital of her successive backbone operations. In the hospital no one beside her. Only me who was beside her and cheer her up. My father kept informing by SMS or call he couldn't go to hospital today or tomorrow because of his work or he wants to do this or that. All her children also did it. Busy with their works or life. I feel awful to know (around few minutes before my mother passed away, she told me) I m adopted n my mother and father are not my true parents and her husband is psychopath as one result of his mental test years ago.

When I asked my mother why she adopted me she told it was tough time and I always brought lucky in my life area. My mother told it is proofed after I joined this family the doors are open. May be from God, she told me. So all this family should thank to me, she told me. At the time I decided to tell my mother not to tell my sibling that I am adopted but my mother insisted it, so I told her that she could tell them but not tell them that I know I m adopted. When my mother agreed, I gave her my phone and she told them one by one.

When all her children came they asked her inheritance. I want to play them as I want to know their reactions a few while because I know nothing left from her. I paid all the operations and all the medicines. I told her she left some money. All their eyes getting bigger and shouted all should be for them. After some time I understand they don't have single thing to think about this mother. When I told them it is debt, they all gone. I am staying alone now. No one want to share or help me to pay the debt or gave me some money.

The father also left the house and got some money from people out there and never gave me a single thing. I am happy with his decision to leave me alone. Before mother died, it were not only once he asked to sleep with him, but I kept on yelled to him saying if he miss my mother he should came to my mother or what is he doing never try to care after make it. (He doesn't know that I know I am not his). It were not once he told or yelled that he wants to kill me. I never afraid but remind him should be clever to kill me if don't want to get in jail. My mother told me that I m even with my father in arguing which no one in the family can do.

After I read the story, I m thinking the genetic of the psychopath. I was read from some source of it. Luckily they all life away from me. Because they don't want to get near me when I paid debt from hospital, I told them due my financial problem, I have to pay back in longer time. I think it is give me more time to repair my health and financial so if anything happen again, I can do something. I have to change my job and my church. Even the Rev in my church told me not to go to his church because some problem I don't understand. He told he got dream that everybody wants to kill me and that's why I should not go to church because he wants to protect all his congregation.

Last time when he heard that I am adopted (I didn't say it to him), he told me I should accept my true parents before can go to church because he wants to get some money from the ones who told I m adopted. I told the person not to give him money then he told I was under Satan spell because the money is for church which mean for God himself. It sound awful but I don't think much. Whenever I pray, I told God about this problem. For me, if it is not solved, so let it be. I don't know about that dream. The Rev told that I should came to him to ask and to obey whatever he told me. No. I never go to him. I know everyone was being told I m from Satan, etc. The conditions worse ever anyone can imagine, I never cry, but thinking how to solve it. I don't know what will happen next, sometimes it is eerie, but I try the best NEVER GIVE UP AND PLAN AND THINK CLEARLY WHAT TO DO NEXT STEP. Because the unseen race of life and living is there. My life and my living.