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#12362 - 11/24/11 11:41 PM Re: Dealing with the holidays [Re: blueheron]
blueheron Offline
member

Registered: 10/14/11
Posts: 84
Something else that really hurt me today.

For the short time I was at the dinner, I ended up at the end of a long table, close to a grand-niece, and one of SIL's young sons and his wife. I set my plate down and offered a hello with some small pleasantries and a question asking how they were. I have liked them, didn't have anything against them because of their mother, and was hoping to find out what they were doing lately.

And they just talked on top of me like I wasn't there.

So when a small lull came along, I tried again, and nobody replied anything to me.

Then I said, slightly louder, "Is something wrong with my voice today? Is my voice hearable?"

And without looking at me, they said, "Oh, we hear you." And they went on eating and talking to others.

That hurts almost worse than anything else that happened today, because it tells me that SIL has been telling them things. And God only knows what.

I'm sure a lot of you can fill in the blanks. My imagination is running wild. I can see how easy it is for the psychopath to make sure you are the one who looks bad, crazy, etc.

I don't know if it is worth my effort to ask them what on earth they have heard, and see why they didn't check it out to see if it's true. But I don't guess my side of the story is worth a plugged nickel.

Ptooey.

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#12364 - 11/25/11 03:10 PM Re: Dealing with the holidays [Re: blueheron]
1Healing Offline
member

Registered: 10/25/11
Posts: 87
blueheron, Yes, not just related to family/ relationships, etc as to JESUS Coming Back..
the whole world is just way out there now/ economy etc...


Do you have to see MIL & SIL in between holidays? What about.. a St. Benedict's cross.. isn't that the exorcism crucifix? perhaps next gathering you could get a large one & wear it during the meal! smile

What if you sign up to help at a shelter to serve meals next Thanksgiving & just say you are busy helping others WHO NEED & APPRECIATE YOU.


I pray this weekend goes better. Just fyi it is NOT normal to do what they did to you.. you know that but it's good to hear it from others.


Edited by 1Healing (11/25/11 03:11 PM)

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#12366 - 11/25/11 04:04 PM Re: Dealing with the holidays [Re: 1Healing]
blueheron Offline
member

Registered: 10/14/11
Posts: 84
Thanks very much, 1Healing. Tender weekend hug to you.

blue heron

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#12367 - 11/25/11 04:19 PM Re: Dealing with the holidays [Re: blueheron]
blueheron Offline
member

Registered: 10/14/11
Posts: 84
Well, I want you all to know that today I am so upset I am about sick. The more I think about what MIL and especially SIL have done, and may have done, and may have planned, the worse I feel.

If I can't get anyone to talk to me and find out what on earth is happening, then we are walking in the dark, into Heaven knows what.

I have worked myself up so much that I am afraid to leave our little home and go see my family for Christmas. I am afraid MIL or SIL will schmooze the management with lies, like how they were supposed to keep watch over our place and go in a few times and check if things are all right, but in our hurry we forgot to give them a key. Or something along those lines. I am concerned that any chance they get, they will go through our papers and valuables and help themselves.

The more I think about it all, the more I wonder if they have something big planned. Not just to take the inheritance away from three of the four children -- that's already happened -- but to take from us what we already own. Hey, we're convenient, eh?

See, I have worked myself up into a frenzy, a headache, chest pains, and if they knew that next door they would be delighted.

I have GOT to find out what is on their agenda, so we can protect ourselves. This is ridiculous.

As an aside to this line of thought, I will confess my malicious feelings yesterday at Thanksgiving dinner, when SIL was serving her plate from the buffet. She all of a sudden started choking, and it sounded pretty serious. And I was sitting there silently rooting for her to keep on choking until she was gone. Good heavens, that is not like me.

blue heron

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#12368 - 11/25/11 04:42 PM Re: Dealing with the holidays [Re: blueheron]
1Healing Offline
member

Registered: 10/25/11
Posts: 87
blueheron,

Is there any more you can do to protect your home, papers, etc? Could you install a camera maybe via your computer so if someone did come in you would be able to see, ie, even leaving a computer running with webcam up pointed toward the door while you are gone & watch via another computer.. just ideas.

I have alarms on my doors, they are affordable now, sold almost anywhere (walmart, walgreens, etc). Maybe check into various types.

Can you find some excuse to skip Christmas with them? You put in your, "duty," time with them Thanksgiving.. if it were me I would skip that one under the circumstances. You could say you don't feel well even, which would be a true as to wanting to be there.

Hang in there. Try not to project too much if you can. Just do what you can do NOW.
My own thoughts about everything that is going on in my life now which is incredibly difficult in total.. I tell myself it is also mimicking what is going on in the world/ the magnitude of my losses of all of this.. I hang crosses on doorknobs, use holy oil & blessed salt, say prayer of protection.. the spiritual peace is important in all of this I think too/ there is only so much one Can do, & I keep saying to self, God's In Charge/ bigger picture/ etc...

She can't touch your spirit & soul!

Hugs.

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#12376 - 11/27/11 06:38 PM Re: Dealing with the holidays [Re: blueheron]
Dianne E. Offline

Administrator
member

Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2788
Loc: United States
Hi blue heron, I am sorry for you having to be the odd one out as far as the conversation, seems pretty clear the others have accepted the lies about you and your husband.

Just a thought, how about writing up a contract of sorts for the managers and have them sign it that under no condition is ANYONE allowed in your home. Give them a cell number that they can reach you 24/7 in the event there is some emergency that only management is allowed in to handle. I would also install a camera to watch from online. It would be a shame after such an unspeakable Thanksgiving to not enjoy Christmas with your family. Is your family a long ways away? Maybe even a short visit might lift your spirits. I am truly sorry for all of this. Since my mother has passed away I really don't have any relatives unless you call my brother and sister relatives, they don't even bother to call. In some ways I am glad, they bring back too many ugly thoughts. I am glad that at least you have your family that loves you and hope you can figure out a way to even see them for a short visit just to be around normal loving people who care deeply for you.

Have you thought more about contacting an attorney to at least know if you have any rights? Or an elder abuse group in the event your FIL was not in his right state of mind while signing legal documents?

Di

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#12377 - 11/28/11 12:25 AM Re: Dealing with the holidays [Re: Dianne E.]
blueheron Offline
member

Registered: 10/14/11
Posts: 84
Hello, Dianne,

We are getting the name of an attorney this week. Since we are so new to this area, we don't know who is known for handling such matters. But a professional in the community has recommended someone to us; we just need to get the particulars. Yes, we really do need to know where things stand and if we have any claim on the estate. Even if we didn't get a penny, I would be happy to see SIL under the jail for her felonies. At this point I don't care how unfit for jail she is.

As for taking a trip, I think we must do it for our own sanity. It's a thousand miles each way. My family has its shortcomings, but they are royalty compared to this! We will write a letter to the management asking them to allow no one into our unit no matter what they say, etc., and ask them to keep a copy of it or a note about it on their desk so all three people who run that desk will be reminded. The camera thing is an excellent idea, but not sure how to do all that. Guess a little research is in order. I don't have a whole bunch of time for that, but ...

People can rest assured I will never spend another holiday (or any other day) with the in-laws again.

I hate to hear you have siblings that don't keep in touch, and know holidays are never the same once a parent is gone. We need to treat ourselves kindly during the holidays.

Thanks much,
blue heron

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#12379 - 11/28/11 11:41 AM Re: Dealing with the holidays [Re: blueheron]
Dianne E. Offline

Administrator
member

Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2788
Loc: United States
Hi blue heron, thanks for you kind words. I have my "kids", my dogs are the best relatives, they are always happy to be with me so I am thankful for their love.

There is some information about nanny cams, if I were going to get one I would probably do the smoke detector but since you are under management they might notice. Ebay had the best prices, you want something with audio and that you can log on to view and hear.

I would have the manager also sign the paperwork, puts more teeth into it and shows you are serious. If you find an attorney I would have them write up a letter to give to management so they know they are crossing a legal line if they let anyone into your space. You need to be able to go away and rest and be vague about when you are coming and going.

I would think any elder abuse organization might have some referrals for attorneys since this is a specialty area of the law.

Personally I would take any paperwork or computers with you just to be on the safe side. If you can't pick up a smoke detector cam then you can get a really small one to hide focused on the door.

If you don't have roadside insurance I use Allstate Motor Club, you can pay monthly and you will have to read the fine print but I don't think you are committed to a contract so you could just have it in case you run into any problems on the road. It is a great service and would be worth a months payment (around $10). I use it here because just the price of one tow and it pays for itself.

I'll go get the link and post it in a sec.

Di

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#12380 - 11/28/11 12:17 PM Re: Dealing with the holidays [Re: Dianne E.]
Dianne E. Offline

Administrator
member

Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2788
Loc: United States
Allstate Motor Club

Membership Plans

It comes with a 30 day no questions guarantee so you can cancel when you return and only pay for a month, well worth the $10. They also have an Elite Plan which would run around $20 for higher coverage since there will be you and your husband.

I have the Deluxe Plan and pay around $10 per month for it. You can also access their member coupons etc. for hotel discounts etc. Also if you are traveling across state lines if you get stopped for a violation they can take your drivers license and this covers you for that also. You and your husband can both get a card under the same plan for the same price.

DELUXE PLAN
$108.00 /year

24-HOUR EMERGENCY SERVICE
Roadside Assistance: $150 Benefit
Road and Towing Service
Tire Change Service
Fuel Delivery
Lockout Service
On-Time Arrival Guarantee
Trip Interruption: $1500 Benefit
Arrest Bond Certificate: $1000 Benefit *
1Pricing will vary by state

Quick and Exceptional Emergency Roadside Assistance for you and your family. 24/7.
Driving a car, van, SUV, pick-up or motorhome? You and your spouse (or other household adult) are eligible for benefits in any non-commercial vehicle, whether you own, lease, rent or borrow it. Even your 16 to 18 year old teenagers receive your Emergency Roadside Assistance benefits for no additional cost!
We'll get you back on the road...fast!

Need a jump-start? A tire changed? Fuel delivered? A tow? Locked out? When you call us toll-free, we'll pay for eligible emergency services up to your $150 benefit allowance. We have more than 35,000 service providers in our nationwide network. Our On-Time Arrival Guarantee ensures you'll receive help within 30 minutes from the designated dispatch time. And there's no paperwork to worry about. Just sign the service provider's job ticket and drive on. It's that easy.

Getting stranded interrupts your life. We'll ease the hassles.

If you can't safely drive your car due to collision more than 100 miles from home, you may request Trip Interruption reimbursement for certain meal, lodging and transportation expenses up to $1500.
A little help when you've been pulled over.

Use your $1000 Arrest Bond Certificate* in lieu of cash—or to avoid surrendering your driver's license—if you're arrested for certain moving traffic violations.

We'll make your life easier every day...not only when things go wrong.
Being an Allstate Motor Club member means you receive special member privileges. These include our helpful Travel services - from mapping your travel route to suggestions on hotels and must-see destinations. You'll also find great savings on rental cars, restaurants, entertainment and more.
EVERY MEMBERSHIP COMES WITH OUR
30-DAY MONEY-BACK SATISFACTION GUARANTEE!

Allstate Motor Club App: We Go Where You Go
Roadside assistance starts with one-touch access on your phone - anytime

Note: if you are traveling like where I am it is a lot of miles in between service places so if I were you I would consider paying for the Elite Service which will cost around $20 since they pay higher benefits. When I traveled to Arizona a couple of years ago I used the Elite Service for the month then switched back to the Deluxe when I got home.

PLATINUM ELITE PLAN

$174.00 /year (would be under $20 for a months coverage).

MyAutoExpertTM
CARFAX® Vehicle History ReportsTM
Personal Assist 24/7 Concierge
Road Hazard Program: $250 Benefit†
24-HOUR EMERGENCY SERVICE
Roadside Assistance: $250 Benefit
Road and Towing Service
Tire Change Service
Fuel Delivery
Lockout Service
On-Time Arrival Guarantee
Trip Interruption: $1500 Benefit
Arrest Bond Certificate: $2000 Benefit *
1Pricing will vary by state


Our new Platinum Elite plan offers exclusive benefits you won't find at other motor clubs:
Road Hazard Program: † - Tire and wheel damage repair on the road
Personal Assist - Live, 24/7 concierge service
My AutoExpert™ Repair and Referral Services
CARFAX® Vehicle History Reports™

Quick and Exceptional Emergency Roadside Assistance for you and your family. 24/7.
You and your spouse (or other household adult) are eligible for benefits in any non-commercial vehicle. Even your 16 to 18 year old teenagers receive Emergency Roadside Assistance benefits for no additional cost!
We'll get you back on the road...fast!

Need a jump-start? A tire changed? We'll cover eligible emergency services up to $250. With over 35,000 service providers in our nationwide network and our On-Time Arrival Guarantee, you'll receive the help you need.

Getting stranded interrupts your life. We'll ease the hassles.
If you are more than 100 miles away from home and can't safely drive your car due to collision or mechanical failure, we offer Trip Interruption reimbursement for certain meal, lodging and transportation expenses up to $1500.
Note: The deluxe plan only covers for if you are in an accident and have to stay somewhere, this is a much better deal in the unlikely event you have mechanical problems.

A little help when you've been pulled over.
Use your $2000 Arrest Bond Certificate* in lieu of cash—or to avoid surrendering your driver's license—if you're arrested for certain moving traffic violations.

We'll make your life easier every day...not only when things go wrong.
Find great rates on airfare and accommodations for destinations all over the world at our full-service online Travel agency. You'll also have access to great savings on rental cars, restaurants, entertainment and more.
EVERY MEMBERSHIP COMES WITH OUR
30-DAY MONEY-BACK SATISFACTION GUARANTEE!
Allstate Motor Club App: We Go Where You Go
Roadside assistance starts with one-touch access on your phone - anytime, anywhere

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#12396 - 12/02/11 08:11 PM Re: Dealing with the holidays [Re: Dianne E.]
blueheron Offline
member

Registered: 10/14/11
Posts: 84
Thanks for posting that, Dianne. Here's an irony for you. I didn't get to read this group for a day or so. Meanwhile, we traded in two cars for a "new" (used) one, and my husband opted to add a plan similar to the platinum to the monthly car payment. (Then I read your post.) Makes me feel much better.

I'm not sure what prompted you to post that. Great minds ... :-)

Thanks. This group is helping me feel much better. The info and the people. Of course, on nights like tonight, when what I guess is PTSD is flaring up, I still want to go whomp the younger culprit.

blue heron

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