Hello,

I'm new here, and in need of some support I guess. Ive been drained emotionally and financially by an ex-friend. Now ive been split black. This is nothing new, I guess, its happened before, and I have no one but myself to blame for letting it happen again.

Im sure you're all aware of the familiar pattern...Psychopath starts talking to you again, because they want something...tells you you're their "best friend"...you foolishly start to believe it, and help them out of jam (again). Then after they get what they want, they're done with you and you are split black...this is a back and forth that ensues until they locate their next "victim" ...then, at that point they have no more use for you, and act as if you were dead...only to return a few weeks/months/years later when the need arises. Repeat, repeat, repeat. Sound familar to anyone?

So the most recent episode involving my "friend" was when she was awaiting indictment on felony charges related to drug use. Everyone else had "abandoned" her at the time, and I was essentially her only friend. Like a stooge, I felt sorry for her and helped at a time her own family had thrown in the towel. I paid for a private lawyer to spare her prison time, sent $ to her in jail for personal items, oh, and opened a prepaid phone line so she could call anytime. I also made sure I sent a letter everyday. Now, please keep in mind, I am an educated professional and do not typically associate myself with felon drug addicts...but I made an exception in this case, and stuck by my "friend" because THATS how much I cared. Ive known her a long time, and in a sense knew what I was dealing with from the start...but somehow I guess I thought this time would be different. I really believed her BS that "you were the only one there," and "I could never have gotten through this without you" "you're my best friend" ect ect (yeah I know, stupid)

So anyway, because of the lawyer I hired...she only had to serve a few months in jail (instead of the several years she would have received in prison had she been left with the public defender) and then was released to some drug rehab facility about an hour out of town. Well, wouldnt you know, the day she was released (unexpectedly and because I made a donation to the organization to secure a bed...otherwise she'd have been waiting in jail several months) she didnt even call to tell me! I had to call her, and only after hearing from the lawyer she was released. Like the typical BP she told me I was overreacting to be upset. Then, as expected, communication from her there has steadily waned. After 5 days in rehab, she finally gave me a call ...but only because her mother got on her a** about it. Pretty sad huh? She cut off communication two weeks afterward…changing her cell phone number, email and messenger. She also notified the staff there I was harassing and stalking her, and I was warned if I so much as sent a letter (i.e: the only way to make contact at this point) the police would be notified. It has been 3.5 months now, and I still cannot believe this…

Can anyone relate, or offer any suggestions or advice? All I know is that I am emotionally drained and out thousands of dollars. I feel sick. What’s even sicker, however, is I KNOW she’ll be back….

Hi Frieda, sorry for not responding earlier. If you know she will be back and she more than likely will be, no contact or just polite excuses on why you are not available when she tries to contact you again. She is not your friend and be kind to yourself, you are not stupid these people are very slick. They go after the good in people in order to play the victim which they excel at.

The last thing you need is something on record with the authorities that you were stalking her, remind yourself of that if she does contact you that she could drag you in the mud with her. You tried your best but it was the goodness in you that made you think you could be there for her. She is the only one she is concerned about. You don't need her or her druggie friends in your life.

If I may ask what is her drug of choice?

Di

Hi there

Her drug of choice is heroin, but she'll take anything she can get her hands on. She is diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder however I really believe she's a Psychopath. This is what she has done:

stolen her parents wedding rings and pawned them for drugs
stolen pain medication from a terminally ill child
stolen jewerly off a family member's corpse during a funeral.
stood up her fiance at the altar
conned me out of $7,000 (ie: laywer fees, money on jail acct)
stolen the family's christmas money
stolen her 85 year old grandmother's money for medicine
been arrested 6 times, 5 felonies, 3 misdeam on record...does not seem to care or learn from mistakes
zero empathy or remorse
Falsely accused me of stalking/harassment after I spent 7k helping her
Falsely accused her father of rape, making him almost lose his nursing license
Stole prescription pads from drs office her mother works at, almost making her lose her job

She also self injures/loathes but this is just a ploy for sympathy...deep down she has a VERY high opinion of herself....and ive seen the way she uses people like toys (and then laughs about it)....its very scary.

Please someone correct me if im wrong, but there seems to be WAY more than BPD going on here...do any of you believe this is also sociopathy?

Hi Frieda, my mother was a diagnosed BPD, I had figured it out and finally as she got older it showed up on her charts.

I did not see any lack of conscience with my mother which is the dividing line between them and us. From reading your list I don't see any BPD but more Psychopathic behaviors. Trust me I would know I spent a lot of time figuring out my mother and while it was tough being raised by her she didn't do anything on the list that you describe. She felt remorse in her later years and we were able to thankfully heal our relationship before she died. My brother and I were her targets growing up. No Psychopath would ever feel a tiny bit of remorse.

I think you "friend" just got the wrong diagnosis and you have a more accurate one on your list of things she has done.

My brother was a heroin addict for over 20 years and he never did any of those things so I can't say it is the drugs making her do the things she did, sure drug addicts can steal but doesn't appear she has a conscience. He did spend time in prison a couple of time over drug deals gone bad and he had the sense to shake it all loose eventually, he had a fear of more time in prison. He has built a good life, finished college after all those years so I can't really say that drugs are making her what she is.

She could have BPD along with Psychopathy but it doesn't sound like she is just your garden variety BPD. Lots of people get the wrong diagnosis at the hands of shrinks.

Is she still in contact with you?

Di

Some drug addicts can mimic a lack of conscience with their need to steal to buy drugs. I am curious who diagnosed her with BPD?

Six residential treatment centers...Her current court ordered treatment center, however, insists Bipolar. lol.

Thank you for sharing your story...my mother is BPD also (with NPD) and ive never, EVER seen her behave in the way my friend has. Then again, my mother is also very high functioning (i.e: 2 PhDs, tenured professor) and my "friend" is low functioning (i.e: cant hold job, complete college) despite having a very high IQ...its sad really.

She hasnt been in contact for 8 months because she doesnt need anything right now...no way to contact her as she has changed all contact information...I have no doubt Satan will be back though...

She needs to return to jail. Any ideas on how to make this happen? I cannot sit back while another innocent person gets victimized.

Hi FreidaB, unfortunately there really aren't any answers on how to expose them without tipping your hand that you are behind it, you will just return to their target range by trying to warn others, a sad state indeed.

It is hard to get the police to pay attention, it sounds like she will keep herself tripped up and not follow any terms of probation etc. and will wind up back in the system on her own.

I have some neighbors that are heavy meth users, like they all are, have tried for a year to get the police involved. The police all know their names etc., the best we can do is sit and wait, we know one is out of prison on a suspended license due to multiple DUI's so we are just sitting waiting for him to get behind the wheel and call him in. Our hands are tied otherwise, we know what the are up to and so do the police but we are stuck until we can get them back in prison which they seem to do a good job of on their own.

From experience meth users operate very much like Psychopaths they will steal you blind and help you look for it. The drug seems to take away any conscience. Knowing that there is no way that I would get in their path.

I understand where you are coming from to try and warn others but it is a tricky road to go down. Perhaps knowing what you now know it will be easier to not let her get you into her drama in the future.

Perhaps you could make a list of the pros and cons of taking any action to expose her. When I had a run in recently with a jr. Psychopath I decided that it wasn't a battle that I wanted to enter into, I have my home and kids to protect and they are more important than entering into a gun fight holding a toothpick.

Di

That is true, however how long do you have to wait? The little maggot seems to be doing ok in rehab, and its been 8 months. I wonder how many more people she has screwed (besides the AIDS charity where she is pretending to have to disease and collecting funds). ugh. Shes already been fired from 2 jobs in 5 months but im wondering how the hell she got them so fast in the first place with 5 felonies, 3 misdeam...how is that possible? Unless shes lying again of course. Defrauding the AIDS charity is real , however,