Hi everyone,

I am new here and I would like to share my story. Maybe I can get some advice, and one day, peace.

It is over between us, but he wants me in his life. Which is hard, as I am stupid enough to love him, but I know that I need to stay away from him.

Whilst living together I would clean, cook and tend to the animals. He would prevent me from feeding them, blame my cooking for making him fat (and calling me a bad woman if I didn't cook), he dropped his clothes on the floor and refused to pick up trash from the floor, step over it and say 'why don't you do it?'
He was addicted to internet porn and would touch himself to it daily, even though we had a full, and very intense, sexual life. He would put a pillow on my head, he would not say anything nice, and it's all about his pleasure, at the cost of my pain.

He was paid through my company and took everything he could get, but was lazy and complained about the work. Whatever I suggested (I was 1 year into the project when he arrived, and his superior too), he would say that I was wrong. He would agree with anyone but me. He would criticize the clothes I wore and my make-up, really anything. He didn't think women should drive cars and would laugh at stories from my childhood of suffering, calling me spoiled- thinking many times that maybe there is something wrong with me. He would email with old girlfriends and ex's and post pics of them on facebook. He would not like any pictures of us be taken, it was so strange.

The worst thing was when he told me, an animal lover, that I could never understand the connection between him and an animal he was killing. Some sort of transfer of power I think. He told me of shooting a cow, drowning kittens in a bag (like what else can you do.. oh, spay the mother maybe??)and working and being rough with animals and hunting for joy, not eating.

He makes racial jokes, dressed like Hitler on Halloween or painted himself black. He comes from an upper middle-class upbringing and find immigrants (like me) inferior culturally to the English..

He has inherited money from his dead father whom he never speaks of, he doesn't look sad when he does, just very practical about life and death, too practical? His mom, whom he lives with now, he is her prince, her youngest. Introducing me to her he said the first day at dinner 'mum has a mink coat, mum, xxx (me) don't approve of fur', SO awkward.
The first time I met his friends he said he wanted to go to a strip club to see v'''' (female genitalia)
On new years he told me all men want a harem of women to (insert bad word) but that porn fills that void for him.

Is this normal??? And why am I attracted to him still, I am very sad and emotional about suffering and there are things in his behavior I wish I had! The ability to disconnect feelings. He's so cold, and I sort of seem to admire this ability!

Well, I know better, it is over but I am so distressed that he is in the world, feeling fine- unfaced, and me who gave so much is left with a terrible self-esteem, crushed confidence feeling 'maybe I should have not argued about the porn, maybe I should not have cried so much, maybe I could have given more'

I am so confused, I have never been with anyone like this. Does this seem like psychopathic behavior?
What can I do?
He wants to have me in his life he says, and me, silly me still love him and I don't know why..

Thank you for reading,
x

Maja, in my opinion you are describing a psychopath! They usually want what they can't have. Psychopaths have a preditory nature, so they are into the chase/hunt, rather than capture. Once they have their prey they will soon move on. It's what they do, like Starry is saying...

When I was married to now ex h, he really thought he was normal as to his behaviors similar to waht you are describing.

It's up to you Maja, if you are asking will he change, not likely. They rarely do.

Ex h would disappear for months at a time but when he would be back, within a few months he would typically be back to his old self. The last time we were together he stayed over a yr I believe but at the end he said he had been miserable for some time & had to go. He said he worked hard to hold it together.. but he was not happy. Yet he said he loved me & I was his other half & we were meant to be & of God.. & a mission together.. ON & ON & ON..
I am sure he will be forever in search of, the one, & that ideal which doesn't exist. It may for a short time for him, but reality is not something they live in.

If I were you & he is gone I would do all I could to gather some supports & get yourself prepared to let go. Protect yourself, from further loss, chaos, diseases (if he is sleeping with others), & realize this is the real guy.. He does sound psychopath.

Typically they have a very charming nature which enables them to move quickly into people's lives, they read people easily.. But they usually always have something started or contemplating something or someone else as to moving on.. I've read their maturity emotionally is that of a 5 yr old. That's how it seemed when we were together.

I know it's sad, & how can someone so smart be also so immature & confusing.. I kept taking now ex h back & then went through a divorce & bankruptcy because of it. You may be further ahead by staying away. Take care.