What is difficult for me to wrap my head around is how they claim to be the victim, everytime.

In my life prior to this person, I had a well rounded existance that was stable. It wasn't perfect but it was overall stable. He undid all of this, very methodically & purposed to where my life doesn't even resemble what it did before. He wanted me away from my faith of origin, those connections in regard (practicing the faith, etc), I moved, he moved us over & over; he wanted us to follow through on supposed mission from God & EVERYTHING was at my expense. He walked away.. dismissed himself from it all/ & would then say, that he was abused.

HUH? He would suck me in & spit me out, until I as toast/ in debt/etc. I had to sell property that I took a huge loss on & had noone to help me sell it which would not be a big deal but I couldn't even get to it so I had to everything via the telephone which was insane. The help I did get cost me a lot of money, & it was not in a way where I could have gotten sold on my own. Anyways, what nauseates me to no end is their continual merging with others (promiscuous lifestyle/multiple marriages) & in the name of God is what ex h Psychopath would do as well. It feels to me like soul rape.

I do not believe I will recover in the respect of making sense of it all & since I wanted to marry one time it's not easy for me to think of dating again/ although at times I do & am processing in regards. I want to be out there again/ have relationships, I miss being touched,hugged & kissed & I do think of the other men that I have met since he left/ of which I do have more feelings for. Noone did me more wrong than ex h Psychopath. IF he had wanted out, if he didn't want to be with me he could have ended it early on, but it was a game/cat & mouse/ toy with (me), in the name of GOD, a mission, other half. It is a con artist. I'm guessing he goes about sleeping with whomever would pay the rent/ having affairs & looking again for his other half/soulmate. No other person has strung me along & kicked me to the curb as this. The disability I have causes me many limitations when my life is not set up to where I can function well & he made sure to undo all of what I had. The whole of it is surreal yet to me/cruelty beyond belief.

Starry, I had a therapist when I was still with him tell me that she was concerned about me & my safety. He was gone at the time & then came back but she had said at that time she didn't have a good feeling about it. The incidents of his packing my bags at drop of hat, making me homeless numerous times, many other instances, & to this day & likely for a long time to come, it will be of repair from the damage he caused. I believe we answer to GOD & I can say, I forgive but I do not forget. Forgiveness to me means I do not go back, that I don't pretend but that I live in reality.

It's like having a storm of unGodly proportion come along & wreak havoc on one's life. The ONLY insurance I had was my relationship with GOD/ ex h Psychopath walked away with everything else.

My rebuilding will take years. It is beyond human understanding.

I appreciate the forum, insight/s .. Starry when I read your replies I am aware this was your dad, your biological parent & it is important to your psyche that you see things in balance, his positive traits along with the negative; which is the way people do need to see others anyway, in balance (& you do).

The thing is with psychopaths they never live a life of balance, it's continual upheaval/chaos/undoing..

The whole thing was a joke to him, no different than a computer game; I meant nothing to this individual. When with them/ they force the person to focus on them, not on anything outside of themselves, a greater purpose is not allowed (by their addiction to the chaos/arguing). It's feined, mentioned but the stability is never permitted/ thus the focus remains on them. THAT is what became so clear & why it was easy in the end to let go. He was like a little kid, wanting a mother & forever seeking, "time-out." He got what he wanted.

Thank you for that.

But he has no positive traits. Not one.

A child needs love, comfort, support. He gave me none of that. And there were a million other things he chose to withhold from me (sleep, food, clothes...).

No, I can't find any positive traits about him at all.

I have to agree with Starry, I could spend the rest of my life and can't think of a single aspect that is positive about a Psychopath. I can think of a million of ways they destroy and destruct everyone in their path and can't think of anything positive they offer the world.

Di

They seem to be good at taking. One can give & give & they take. Relat ion ships are a two way street. Takes commitment/interaction.. give & take. In my adult life I am big into boundaries/ have been for yrs. I did end up with walls around my life but frankly I think a lot of that is also that I have been burned. The walls Are gone BUT I am still into boundaries. I do not give & give when I get nothing back. It's one thing for me to tithe for instance, or to do what I have to do in life, for the order of things, but with people, I think it's imperative to have boundaries, direction, & for those one is close to, give & take.

I am repulsed by disorder/chaos/ drama.. Whether it's online, in my own life, etc., I will detach from a situation that is way out of kilter. Those I am close to I work hard WITH THEM but if they block me at every turn/ run from/ will not talk thru & work out things/issues/ etc., to an agreeable state, then I can see it's NOT HEALTHY & I'm not afraid to walk away. The ONLY time I felt this was not an option was when I was married.. because of my vows I took which were binding in my eyes, HOWEVER he didn't see it that way & he was the one that LOVED chaos & dysfunction (in other words he walked, & oh well he wasn't wanting to be with me/// & for the life of me I have no idea why he married me.. if I was so repulsive to him that he had to fight/argue/come & go & leave me in HUGE debt).

Where I see such extreme dysfunction in society, relationships, the order of.. is where there is not a give & take. I don't/can't control others, I don't want to, it's ridiculous to even think a person can do so. My own belief system is one of free will (Christianity). God Allows us to choose/make choices in life!!!

What I remember with ex h Psychopath is this continual wanting to work through things... I would get up each day happy that I had him in my life, thinking what I would do that day, clean, volunteer, dinner, whatever it is.. would tell him I love him, but at each turn it seemed he was not happy/ would want to argue/ fight, etc. It was NEVER EVER about happiness, peace, give & take, solidity. Waht he GAVE was disorder/fighting/complete & utter unhappiness of.. whatever it was he chose that day. It was CRAZY.

I see a lot of that with others too. I've spent most of my life alone as in single. I HAVE to get along with myself.. LOL I HAVE to enjoy my own company. So I guess it just blows my mind when I see these games people play with each other. To me a relat ion ship is give & take.. like.. here I am, this is who I am.. can we work on..???? this /that etc.

Also I have not had the luxury of leaning into one person, I HAVE TO have a wellrounded life, friendS, get along with others that I am around because in order for my life to work since I don't have one person to lean into .. & ideally healthy marriage people DO work through things & DO have a well rounded life.. it takes time to adjust in a marriage BUT it's part of the goal (except for when with a Psychopath).

OVERALL I feel happy/at peace & those in my life that are around me like me it seems.. if they don't I can sense this & back off. I don't have to control people or believe that everyone is just like I am. Life IS about give & take. ie.. here's what I have to offer .. can we get along? that sort of thing. It has been nails on chalkboard for me over my lifetime to watch the arrogance that I see in some. I LOVE, & WANT TO get along with people, I WANT TO make a difference.. It also nauseates me to no end that I spent all that time with ex h Psychopath & I am sure he would not have one nice thing to say about me.. why was he in my life? why?

Something too I notice about some .. is the ones who are in dysfunctional relationships/marriages many yrs & have gotten comfortable/making excuses for another & then ongoing throw others under the bus.. I guess I am way too upfront /direct of a person to wind up like that/ & to each their own.. but leave me out of the crackerjack mess. IE if I was married to say, alcoholic husband & he was drinking I am NOT going to pretend he isn't, I would seek help (ie alanon), counseling etc to continue to work on.. but I see a lot of folks that PRETEND & make excuses for.. that's not me. I did take my vows with EVERY intention of keeping them & I didn't walk he did.. & I am NOT judging someone else for leaving a marriage but I know who I am.. & too I told him this upfront/ & he said he was the same exact way.. he would NEVER leave me & he would do EVERYTHING POSSIBLE for us to have a good life.. LIES LIES & MORE LIES. What do they do fabricate a new reality for each person they are with? I guess I am REALLY confused some days/minutes in regards.
Just feeling upset today.. at immaturity & disrespect that seems to be so rampant in society..the arrogance of/psychopathy/ drama.. YUCK!