Well i was a winner tonight
i took a baby step
with the help of many ladies friend

p came to look for me at the club
where there is a lot of dancing
i love dancing
he was asking for me (he is bared from this club)
so he was asking for me me moi
but i knew that he was just showing off
his (i mean hers) fancy car
if he wanted to be with me
he would have called earlier
to tell me that he wanted to be with me
but no he just wanted to tease me
he just wanted me to see how good looking
he looks in his new lady's car

my friends kept me busy dancing
so i would not go out there
but i did not feel like going where he was
because he is only a figment of my imagination
he is a tease
for a foolish woman that i am

thank you so much for being here

freedom tonight

now why doesn't he call me
just to tell me he loves me
he can even leave a message

fact just the fact
i gotta stick with the fact
there is nothing there
but fantasy land
and yes he hasn't gone anywhere yet
so it was another lie
aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh

freedom

Dear Freedom: I'm sorry to hear you "stumbled" - but you're human - and the P isn't. Don't beat yourself up. Be strong. The disentaglement takes time - one step at a time. And they know just how to stick their foot in and trip you up. I know what you're saying about the plight of some women in other countries - it's horrifying. And here we are with freedom to not get involved with P's. And we still do. Please hang in there - take care of you. P's have nothing to offer - but mirages, smoke and mirrors.
Let Freedom Ring!!!

Dear Finished: I wanted to share because everyone on here has helped me so much too. Thank you! I know for awhile that I wanted to keep some kind of contact with the P - and I also wanted revenge somehow. He made himself "uncontactable", except through e-mail. I finally made myself stop that - because everytime I'd log on the computer I started shaking. There was always that hope there in my heart that he was normal and I'd get some kind of normal reaction to it all. One counselor said as long as I continued the contact - I was still in his game.
The more I read about P's and how evil they can be - I became frightened and didn't and still don't know exactly what he'd do. As far as revenge - I did try that - by contacting the person I knew he was living with, via anonymous e-mail. I got a reply but think it was actually him responding. And then I started getting porno junk mail on my computer - and had never ever had anything like that. I know he did it. When he was using my computer at my house - on his own accounts - and I opened the one up that he told me about - I found all kinds of porno. And I even found he had put a personal ad in a Russian Meet-A-Bride site, while professing his love for me!! Unbelievable. I recently rented the movie "Birthday Girl" because it was about a lonely man in England, who met a Russian woman on a site - and had her fly to England to meet him. That's a movie I'd recommend about P's. Only this one was a woman with a couple P men. I couldn't help but hope that my P would order one of these Russian women and have the same experience - at least in the first half of the movie. I didn't think it would end positively -but things in movies do most times.
Anyway, keep strong - this experience does have a silver lining of making us more aware and taking better care of our own lives. Although now I am totally afraid of getting near anyone ever again. And I guess that's alright too. I just can't go down those roads anymore. Even though I'd like to have a good person (man) in my life. But I have a couple other good people in my life - friends to the end, I hope.
Yes, I feel that connection to the people I've "talked" to on this forum too. Thank you all! Be good to yourselves.

Freedom

It is such a game with him isn't it? It is like he is trying to deliberately torment you driving around in his new ladys car in a place where you would be sure to see him. I can only imagine your emotional devestation Freedom. I know you want him to love you.. . .his treatment of you is dispicable. I know how that feels, I have been treated that way also. Sometimes it takes awhile to really really get it. I know it was that way for me. Keep at it sister friend. . .you'll get over this P experience if you don't quit!
Blessings
finished

I would prefer to be able to forget but the ramifications keep going on. The P stirs up the trouble - maybe a drop in the ocean, but ripples keeps moving out, gathering pace until we are left facing a storm fronted by the people being manipulated by the P, directly, or even 2, 4, 6 ripples down the track.


I can't face starting another writeup so I have edited a file I prepared a while ago. It gives some of the story and some of the misery etc. with a lot taken out so I hope it makes some kind of sense

I hope attaching it will work.

rcovery

obviously did not want to attachemy ramblings - Dianne any suggestions - it was a 6 page word document?

Hi recovery, maybe it is too large for the system. I will adjust the amount the system can handle. Please try again and if that doesn't work please let me know.

Thanks
Di

oh Finished
i am climbing that moutain and
i don't want to fall anymore
with all of you in this group
your hands are pulling me so strong
even the silence is peaceful
we know where we are
in unison
the truth shall set us free

i am so weak
and yet i will be strong

freedom
it is all my imagination
there is nothing there
it is all a drama on television
accross the street
in a window
i see the person
who it is happening
it is not me
i want to come out
from the veil of deceit

"I know you want him to love you.. . .his treatment of you is dispicable."

No i do not want him to love me

but he keeps saying he does
trying to prove it to me
by calling my husband
coming to my job
and when i give in after a month of it
he is nice the first meeting
and after that he tears me apart
or he'll be with another woman
so he can have a laugh
at me coming back
i know the guy doesn't love me
but he begs me so much to come around
and i love him
so i go
but no more going back


before he went to rehab
he did visit the girlfriend he had before me
in 98
she told him to hit the road

when my lady friend told me he called her yesterday
my stomach was churning
and now i have to admit
everytime the phone rings
i wonder if it is him
and i do not want it be that way
i want peace
peace that surpasses all understanding
this morning at work
i kept thinking how i will react when i see him
how the body goes in a wild transformation
you'all know what i'm talking about

well i don't want those feeling anymore
i just want to dance
like i was before i met him
just having a good time
with everybody
just dancing all night long
until it is time to go home
and take care of my family
my family are ok with me going out
they understand i need to get out the house
and it is ok to dance and meet people
but no more p

freedom
i can see these helping hands slapping me in the face
"wake up freedom, wake up"

I will try again to attach the document - maybe it does not want to be told - it is so horrifying to know how totally gullible I was - now I trust no-one.

recovery