Hi there,
I'm new to this forum.
After many months/years researching psychopathy and narcissism I have truly come to accept
that my mother and father are true psychopaths.

I'm an only child, so I feel so completely lost
and terrified. I'm a young adult now.

However, I have had severe depression/anxiety/mental anguish that left s unable to function so I moved back with my parents.
I'm trying to heal my self, And I'm doing better by taking classes to get a better job. etc

However, I am still here.
I hoped that I would be able to heal
But it seemed like my parents enjoyed me being so weak.
They call me a loser, lazy, worthless.
I relapsed into severe depression/anxiety
and feel complety useless and inadequate most days

they love to watch the news all day long
its like they feed off of negative energy
and enjoy looking at anguish

Yesterday, my dad took something of mine. And I knew it was mine
because of how girly it was..pink and hearts/etc He claimed he bought it for himself
Complete lies.

So I tried to take it back when he wasn't looking.
He came at me and started attacking me, trying to grab my throat
and smother my face.

When I was a child he was pretty violent to me..
but only with the context of I was a 'bad' child

I would be belted enough to get welts, hit on the head.
But I thought this was my fault for 'disrepecting' him.

As I grew older he stopped because I could run away, lock my door.
And one day I just grabbed the belt and said no more!
I was strong enough to defend myself.

I was strong enough to get away from him the other day.
But it was so scary.

I called my mother out yesterday. She stood and watched as he attacked me and did not say a word.
I've never seen any emotioins from this women
And whenever I say I felt hurt.. when you did.. blank blank blank
she would just laugh and say "oh that was a joke..."
or "I did not do that..."
Or just completely ignore me
and say why how I'm hurting HER for saying such things...?
so frustrating... sometimes I would feel crazy.

she is completly is in her own fantasy land.

It was truly scary, because for a glimpse I saw these really evil eyes.
It was if she was mad/raging at me for finally figuring out what she truly is

Her eyes gave me a glimpse, that her words and actions were truly false.
I'm truly terrified
And I don't really know how to deal with them
I really need to move.

I feel stronger now.
But these are the only people I have in life.
I don't want to believe that they don't love me
So I think that is what I was struggling with.
I don't want to leave them
because they are all I have

But
yesterday I saw some truly scary things
They are empty people.

Today, she is pretends to be so nice..i.e her image of the perfect mother..
Ignoring what happened. It's like saying to me 'hey, pretend I'm a normal mother, tell me it's ok to treat you like you are an object'
it's so scary.

I have no idea how to act/and who to trust.
Because I seem to attract these type of people
in my life.
My second boyfriend was where I first learned of what a psycopath was..
I found this site called "are you dating a loser" http://counsellingresource.com/lib/therapy/self-help/loser/

It seems like I attract friends who are nice at first.. but then completly use you later and drop you.
But now that I'm more aware of the charactistics
It's a lot easier to identify these people now
I felt really proud of myself
For recognizing a fellow classmate of mine before I got too close to her flattery.

She seemed to hone in on me really quickly to be a friend, but we had to work on a group project together this semester
and I quickly saw the red flags working close with her
So, I kept my distance
ehh I felt really bad because she is so 'nice'


.ehh.

I think you need to move out, otherwise they will do a lot of bad things. This I know from my own experience.

Psychopaths do not have any emotions, they fake emotions, for example my mother either sheds crocodile tears or swears on the phone. One extreme or the other.

Another psychopath I know (a woman in her 40s) always bears a smile on her face. She is undetectable.

I don't know if this may be an option for you, but some cities have mental health centeres where they have support for those in crisis & group home settings for those in transition. I wonder if maybe you would qualify under the circumstances. It sounds like you are suffering a lot of ptsd from the trauma & you need to get away from the situation in order to heal.
If they have each other (your parents) they aren't likely to change, there is no motivation if they have been like this & with you. I pray you can get yourself into a more safe situation & soon. They may love you but they don't know how to show it. It's good for you to find support so you can at least love yourself, away from the abuse.

1Healing: I need to interject here. If these parents are psychopaths they have no capacity for change. They are incapable of love. That is the crux of the matter with these aliens. When we say things like 'they love you but can't show it'.. it opens doors to possibilities that they can be taught to show it.. since the underlying love is there.

Impossible. That's why all the victims on here are so very 'special'.

IMHO

I just want to post a short reply here.

Gees your post brings up a few emotions in me – I felt the same for much of my life. This is such a hard situation for a young person to be in.

How old you are? What is your financial situation - re job? Do you have any support outside of the home? Are there any older people that you can talk to. You need some people on your side that you can trust.....

I'm someone who was caught in a horrific situation with my father who had a tight web around me and I wish I had escaped earlier in life. I also ended up attracting personality types similar to my father. It becomes a huge blind spot when you’re raised by a psychopath.

Like others have said here - if you're parents are truly Psychopaths then you needed to leave. It’s almost impossible to find your “true self” and your own “inner strength” whilst your living with them and the emotional damage can be long lasting.

Calling you “a loser, lazy, worthless” is mental abuse and its purpose is to keep you dependent and under their control. It’s not the truth – it’s just “Gas lighting”! If you can leave and go it alone you will find that your anxiety diminishes and you’ll stop feeling inadequate. It's them - not you.

If you are able to leave then treat it like a Band-Aid. Don’t tell them. Don’t infer that your leaving and don’t argue with them – just leave and never look back.

By the way - if you feel inadequate and have anxiety then you should feel good that you haven’t inherited your parent’s disorder. Such feelings are normal in your situation but they are also the play things psychopaths.

Honestly this is a very tough situation that can on;y be understood by going through it.

Your obviously on the ball enough to recognise whats happening and thats a great sign.

All the best

SOP

I was married to psychopath so that is where my perspective comes from. I think ex h Psychopath loved his children but he was not able to provide stability in their lives because he prefers chaos. I saw him come in & out of their lives at drop of hat. It seems it's about the attention he can bring to himself/what he can get from (them, others) rather than any kind of genuine grounding in life.

I do hear you about Psychopaths not being able to love, but from what I saw/experienced, I think he felt love but is not able to live in that love. He continually blocks/rejects & turns over tables. It's an arrested development (they say in early childhood).

When ex h Psychopath left I was convinced at that time he wasn't going to change, he was perfectly happy with the instability. I said a few choice words when he left for the last time, so he would not come back again! I knew exactly what I was saying, I think it probably stuck & he knew I was done playing his game.

When I post to this forum, it does help me in letting go of my anger/frustration at what happened (at least for a time & in my healing).

Totally agree with you there.

Love isn't about yourself. It's about 'the other' person, and who they are, what they think and feel, how they are different from you, what those differences are, how they change, develop, grow.

For a psychopath, 'the other' has no right to exist as a separate entity. They have no right to their own thoughts, feelings, needs. And I'm including even very basic needs here, such as food, warmth and sleep (I once went without food for 2 weeks, because my dad decided I didn't have the right to food).

The only right other people have is to act as fodder for the psychopath.

I don't see any love there. None.




Agreed, again.

My dad didn't love me. There was no underlying love.

There was no dialogue with me, ever. The dialogue was in his head, with himself. I was merely the object that facilitated that dialogue.

nomorenofear, I'm glad you found this forum, although very sad for what has brought you here.

You've already come a long way in realising the kinds of people that you are dealing with and in having an understanding of your situation and of your needs. That all shows that you have a great deal of insight, are very strong and have a great deal of courage. That's something to be very proud of and to hold on to.

I agree with SonOfaPsychopath. Some outside help with make a big difference, and give you an enormous amount of strength. Do you have domestic violence helpline that you could call? Or a child abuse line (I'm not sure how old you are)? You can call these places in confidence and on your own terms. You don't even have to tell them your real name. They won't tell you want to do, but will give you the time and space to work out how you feel and what you want to do (something that psychopaths deliberately try and deprive you of, as a way of overwhelming you).

It is really frightening to try and reach out and ask for help. I really do understand the feeling of mistrusting people and of there being no safe place. But you have a great instinct about people, as you've written in your post - there are people that you know you can't trust. There are also very kind people in the world. People who, for whatever reason, are willing to reach out and give someone a helping hand up. I promise you that you'll find them. You're already on your way

Didn't mean to step on toes. Sharing from my perspective.. I was hurt horribly by him (ex h Psychopath) & there's no doubt in my mind he is one.. I saw him as completely arrested in his development of conscious, & fitting Dr. Hare's Psychopath scale all but 2 or 3 of the 40.
I'm not making excuses for a Psychopaths behavior at all, just sharing some ideas on how to deal with (or not).
I guess how I see it too is that the bible does say to, "honor thy mother & father," it may not be that one can have any cohesive relationship with them, but since biologically related to them, but for the psyche & healing it helps to understand the reasons why (when possible) they do what they do/ spiritually & in healing.

I get so upset I can't see straight, still, as what ex h did to me is beyond my human comprehension, so I totally get this .. & again it's my own perspective I'm speaking of (just as you are saying they do not allow one to have a perspective.. this one is mine ).

1Healing

If your ex felt love... you were probably just married to an a-hole, not a psychopath.

A psychopath is a clinical term. It is a personality disorder. With characteristics such as: LACK (ABSENT OF) of empathy, LACK of compassion,LACK of remorse, LACK of conscience. Love would require all of these things.

I personally think you are in the wrong forum if your ex is not a Psychopath.

My father, the psychopath, has systematically destroyed 4 children and a wife. There is NO love... none. Everything in his mind is about him. How it affects him at the moment. He never puts anyone first (only to manipulate) HE IS EVIL.

A psychopathic parent should be removed of every parental right they have if the children are to be safe.

Personally, it's comments like yours that has made my life such anguish. I've spent my entire life trying to negotiate love from my father. I have figuratively beat my head against a concrete wall trying to behave in a way that he would love me. He just hates me more. They say the one thing a psychopath hates is people like me.. trying to express feelings and compromise. They only tolerate their minions. Minions who never question them. Or the weak.. that depend on them. There is NO room in the Psychopaths life except for the psychopath. There is a huge difference between being an a-hole and a psychopath. The psychopath will never change, can never change, doesn't see anything is wrong with THEM. PURE EVIL.

They are KILLERS. KILLERS of the soul..