My Son,17
My son was born the most beautiful baby in the world. The youngest of four boys. Charismatic, and so cute. Musically inclined. Creative, charming, and very very intelligent.
He began showing signs of 'independence' at two. Rebellion at three. Defiance at four.
He began family counselling with the rest of us at age three.
Punishment excited him. “Time-out” meant he had a game to win.
He began individual therapy at 7. He was 'labeled' “Oppositional Defiant” with attention deficit. I chose not to put him on medication. He did not need a future label...a 'Ritalin child'.
I took him to several different therapists, and together we tried all sorts of behavior modification plans. ...And I forbid him to eat 'Skittles' and 'Fruit Loops' and other red dye containing goodies. Just in case the “red dye number three” stories were true.
As he became a teenager his adrenalin seeking behavior, lying and other antics, got worse. When I told him I would take away his stereo as a consequence he laughed, pulled the cords out of the wall and threw it at me. “I don't care, b***”...
In all he has seen about 11 therapists, four psychiatrists, been inpatient (twice) out patient, been 10-13'd twice, completed after-school behavior programs through the hospital, and the long term 'in home family therapy program' (TFIP) has had three psych-evaluations and been diagnosed with ADHD, Oppositional defiance, Depression, Narcissism, Social Conduct Disorder and Bi-polar. He has been on ADHD med, anti depressants, and psychotic meds. I have called the police on him about seven times, only to be told,
“Lady, it is your job to control your son. Not ours.”
Once he jumped out of my moving vehicle (age 14) The police chased him on foot, and gave him a lecture.
He has been to court, YDC, home-schooled, public schooled, alternative schooled, (5 different high schools in two years.
He mellowed out when he 'dropped out of 9th grade, and began to work with horses, and was being trained to train them. Unfortunately family and friends called him a “Looser” and he was convinced to go back to school. I tried to support his love for working with the horses, for it was the first time I noticed that he was happy, focused, had drive to achieve, and his adrenalin 'addiction' was fed with fresh air and God's natural environment.
He did not take my support, and he rebelled.
He has lived with six different families in an effort to find “himself”.
I moved into my current home last Spring, one reason being there is a horse stable across the street from us. He got excited. He begged to come home, but not for the horses or the reasons I thought at the time. I later found out he befriended a drug dealer who lives nearby.
He began reeking havoc with the current school teacher he had been staying with and they sent him 'home'.
I was very happy. Gleeful. But suspicious and cautiously optimistic. I know my son.
Within one week he went to Canton, bought a car (with stolen money) got in a wreck, got arrested, five tickets (no insurance, and no drivers license). He got himself out. I never received a call from the police, and still have not received one piece of mail about this incident. He borrowed money to get the car out of impound, brought it home and spent the day washing it. He told us all that he bought it for his brother, to help his mommy (so I did not have to drive my other son to and from work every day).
After one week in his new school he said he was embarrassed and was going to drop out.
He was 'home' for two weeks (total) when I received a call from the new school I had just enrolled him in. I cannot say I was surprised.
He had been arrested for 16 felony charges in Paulding County and three pending in ****. He has been in jail since Sept. 29, 2011
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He and his friends went to Walmart and bought BB guns. They went on a two county shooting spree. The charges include: aggravated assault (3), criminal property damage (7) gun on school property (2)...and others.
Everyone who has ever known me knows that I am anti-gun, anti-violence and have never permitted my sons to have BB guns.
I have been doing research and believe he is a Psychopath. He shows no signs of empathy or remorse (except if it will get him out of trouble or jail) has admitted to liking it when someone cries, and blames the other kids involved. His friends robbed my house twice, but he refuses to accept any part of it, although he 'invited' them in, to 'clean his mommy's house' one day.
I now have a Doberman Pincher to protect us.
My son is very, very sick.
He has a terrible fear of needles and shots, yet while in jail he has created art on his body. He is an artist without paint or canvas in jail, so he has chosen to draw with his nails and his skin. He is scarred for life in more than one way.
He slashed his arms in the second jail he went to and complained that no one would clean his wounds.
He bragged how he 'convinced' a judge to let him off 70 thousand dollars worth of bail 'for free'. He says he will do anything to get out of jail. I believe him. And it is sad. He has been on suicide watch ever since he was jailed.
I told everyone involved with the case that he could not come home, as it would endanger him (he owes drug dealers money) It would endanger him, and his siblings and myself. I was assured they would not release him if he did not have a place to go. They promised me.
Last week, without warning, the jail let him out on his own recognizance (OR Bond) FREE!! With the contingency that he had 30 days to be placed in residential treatment (long term, in patient psychiatric care) I have been trying for years to accomplish this.
30 DAYS?? I can only imagine what he would do with 30 days of free time??!!!????
What would he do to me, knowing I did not bail him out of jail for the past three months?
He confessed to the judge that he was not sorry for his crime because “it may get him help, and change his life”. The judge was impressed with his unique manner of words, and his clever use of “honesty”. His act.
He wanted his Hollister clothes, and his 'car'... his Camaro.
He walked out of jail a free man, and got a ride from a fellow inmate who had just been released too. The jail did not call me. C borrowed the other guy's cell phone and he called me.
I picked him up in the middle of the night (12 AM) not knowing what to do with him. He was not coming to my house, tho. My children were sleeping and I am very protective.
I headed to a hotel, so I could at least get some sleep so I would be able to think straight in the morning. He would be safe there with me.
In the car, within five minutes his ugly personality took over. At one stage he leaned over and kissed me on the cheek stating “Everything will be ok, Mommy...”.
Then he began his games again, and torn into me verbally as tho all of his problems were my fault. I was driving 50 miles per hour and all of a sudden he opened the car door. Talking about suicide. I called 911 and asked them to have an officer meet me at the hospital. They were waiting for us when we pulled up to the ER. It was now 2am.
He was 10-13'd to a nearby stabilization unit. It was 5 am when I went to bed... Grateful to God that my son was safe, again. Safe from himself.
He was there for seven days, and told all the therapists he would kill himself if they did not place him at a treatment center like the court order stated.
I told the stabilization center I could not bring him home. I called every court and social service number I could find. The only answer I could get was...”call this number”.
His insurance money ran out on the 7th day, and I was told that the sheriff would be called “on me” if I did not pick him up.
Child neglect.
To all of us who know my son, it is child endangerment to bring him home. To himself and the other siblings. He did not ask to come home. He asked for treatment. So he did not have to go back to jail.
Expecting to be arrested myself, I made one last call. Thank God the judge re-wrote his bond. He will remain in custody until a bed becomes available at a residential treatment center.
Sounds good, right? Here is the catch.
The 3-way party has to get together... A core provider has to submit a request to the insurance (Peach State Medicaid/Cenpatico) and he has to meet the criteria of the receiving facility. The hospital he was just released from denies it is their responsibility to do this referral/assessment. The insurance people say they do have the obligation to do it.
Now, back in jail, I have no parental rights to request a doctor goes to see him. Not that one would, anyway...??!! He is being held as an adult and my parental rights do not exist there. The jail infirmary does not have the right to release his chart.
This is the most frustrating situation I have ever experienced. In fact, I have been trying to get him placed in residential treatment for five years. What does it take to cut through this red tape and all these catch 22's?
I'd like to know. In the meantime I continue to hear his voice on the phone and in my mind.
“Please help me, mommy”.
I will continue to advocate for my child's health care, until the day that I die. Or he does.
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