Cwilliams, wow, it must feel by now that we are all beating on you. (((Sending you hugs right now.))) And sending the message that we've been through it, and are farther down the road. We're just telling you what we've seen, in hopes that it will help, not hurt. I know it's painful because reading all these responses make my heart hurt too.

Be kind to yourself today.

Hi - a family member of mine was engaged to a man with a very controlling and manipulative mother. Very close to the wedding date, she saw that he could or would not stand up to his mother on her behalf and she broke off the engagement. It was very heart breaking to her - she felt like it was a death. But now she is married to a wonderful man without all the baggage and is very happy.

As heart wrenching as a decision to walk away might be, you still have a great chance of happiness in your future. If you stay, your future will most likely be full of drama and heart ache, unless he is willing to completely turn his back on his family.

Wishing you all the best.

Concerned

If it's any help...

Before we married I knew the ex's mother was an evil woman. I was aware that her family was all jacked up. But I was led to believe that the ex and I would be a family of our own, separate from the in-laws.

That was a lie. To make a long story short, I was finally set free from my chains with little more than the shirt on my back to show for many years of unappreciated indentured servitude. I grabbed my shirt and ran like hell, never to look back.

When I started dating again I met a few women who seemed decent. Dating after 40 isn't all it's cracked up to be. Many folks who are single at that age are single for a reason. And it didn't take me long to figure that out.

This time around, I was older and wiser. I wasn't letting the little head do the thinking for the big head. This time around I was aware of the signs: Mountains of debt, inability to control spending. Hidden agendas, family members who interfere and can't or won't mind their own damn business. Looking not for a soulmate, but rather someone to take care of them. They didn't want a husband, they wanted a nurse.

There were a couple of times I thought I'd found a soulmate. But the more time I spent with 'em the more things I found that worried me. Every door opened to reveal another load of baggage. I hated to call it off but I just could not risk getting myself stuck in another intolerable situation. I would live under a bridge before I allowed that to happen again.

I may die a lonely, old man, alone some day. But I shall not die in shackles and chains.

Personal freedom is a precious thing and should never be taken for granted, not for a moment.

Sometimes you've just gotta say no. Sometimes, no matter how much you care for someone, you have to weigh your options, make the decision and say "this won't work for me." And stick by that decision. Don't dwell on what-ifs or what-could-have-beens. Put it behind you. Move on and move up.

It is better to be lonely alone than to be lonely with someone.