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#12724 - 02/27/12 03:06 PM I think my father is a psychopath
Confusedchild Offline
member

Registered: 02/27/12
Posts: 1
Hi. My parents seperated when I was seven. Shortly after that my Mum decided that my Dad is a psychopath. Now he is seperated from the new partner (after several years) and she says she also believes he is one. Today is the first time I've looked it up, and I'd say he seems to be a classic.

There are 7 of us by 3 different mothers and he delights in treating us differently. When I'm away from him I feel I can see clearly how damaging he is but when I get dragged back in he convinces me that I am at fault. He is very intelligent and delights in fooling and tripping up inferior people. He's also very litigious never dropping a fight.

For several years now he's been telling us that he has heart troubles and is going to die. Certainly he does seems to get stressed very quickly and has had surgery. Everytime I separate myself from him well meaning people tell me that unless I make my peace I'll regret everything for ever.

An example of his behaviour is at Christmas. When he left my mum he had more children with the other woman. At christmas he would spend hundreds of pounds on the boys and put twenty in an envelope for us. He said that we had been ruined by our mother and that his new children were so clever etc. because their mum let him have control. When I was 11 he brought a child over from the philippeans that he had had there. She's the same age as me and it rocked my foundations.

He has favourites amongst us. The two elder children (of each brood) are set to inherit lots of money and the rest of us are ordered in order of favour . He changes his will regularly depending on who he want to punish etc.

When people meet him they think that he is misunderstood. He goes on about how our mothers have turned us against him and we don't know the full story. However his stories always change. He says one thing and then changes it and you can't prove what he says.

He's also paranoid. Every inch of his property is covered by cc tv and we often think he bugs rooms so he can hear what we say about him. He always knows all our secrets and smirks and says he has spies. Making you distrust everyone around you.

I've tried to maintain a healthy life away from him but his views that no woman is enough for any man make me sometimes doubt my marriage.

The trouble is I do think that if he does die he'll leave everything to his favourites and as much as that shouldn't matter I don't want his last word to be that he didn't like/love me. Nothing I do seems to make him change his mind about me and I always wonder why he likes my sister more?

Sometimes I think he hates the fact that my sibling all love me and he can't turn them against me. He's managed to split my sister up from her husband but I won't let him into my relationships.

I hate to give him this much importance but I feel that if he never approves of me then I can never move on. I don't want to just survive this I want to florish as a person.

Sometimes he does show emotion, that he is hurt by what one of my brothers says when he shouts at him, but now I think this is just to rub it in that he cares more about the others?

I feel like a confused child but I am in fact 35. My younger brother once went to councilling with Dad and Dad is so reasonable that the councillor just added to the problems by telling him he should listen to him more. But lets be honest he doesn''t care enough about me to bother going to councilling with me.

As most children in my situation I could rattle on for ever. No one ever understands how I feel, including my husband, because he seems to be the only person like this. How can you want to hurt your children?

Everytime a see a dad hug his daughter or hear of a friend complaining about their dads' I think, YOU DON'T KNOW HOW LUCKY YOU ARE!

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#12725 - 02/27/12 05:47 PM Re: I think my father is a psychopath [Re: Confusedchild]
starry Offline
member

Registered: 01/06/11
Posts: 350
Yup.

I could have written a lot of what you wrote there.

I have a slightly different take now though. My dad, well, I'll never get the 'stamp of approval' from him. Whatever I do, it would never be good enough, or quite the right thing. But I don't really care any more. I'm not playing his game any more. Because it is a game he's playing, keeping people hanging on, toying with them, hurting them, making them suffer, enjoying their pain and confusion, toying some more...so I just turned my back on him and walked off in the opposite direction.

And I know that if he dies I won't regret not having spoken to him for two decades and counting. I won't regret it one single bit. I'll be relieved if anything.

Why do you need his approval? What for?

You strike me as a very intelligent, brave and perceptive person. Your intentions are honest and good. Your life is here, now, in the moment with your spouse. To me, that's what matters.

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#12726 - 02/28/12 12:26 AM Re: I think my father is a psychopath [Re: starry]
FreeBird Offline
member

Registered: 08/24/11
Posts: 230
Confusedchild, all you wrote here is typical of Psychopaths.

It is good that you are looking for answers, they will help you understand. I recommend getting a book (there are several good ones, but I wont advertise here). Get informed. It will clear all the doubt someday.

And, as starry already wrote - there is no way a Psychopath will ever "approve" of you. It is nowhere in your power to change. Psychopaths do not feel like we feel. They act like wild animals. He is not capable of these feelings therefore can never approve of anyone else but himself.

I think Confusedchild hit the main problem here - Ive been striving with it for a long time - make them see a human being in us - which they cant, coz they arent one.

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#12729 - 02/29/12 09:17 AM Re: I think my father is a psychopath [Re: Confusedchild]
daddysproblem Offline
member

Registered: 06/23/11
Posts: 99
confusedchild. i thought i had written your message. only i'm much older than you. it took me much longer to figure this out. maybe because more is being learned about the psychopath.

please take some time (if u want) and read my posts. i think i'm in the same spot as you with your dad and siblings. i will also guess that the siblings that he 'values' do not see his character as you do.

you see the psychopath is also (in my opinion) a narcissist in that they feed off of others response to them. because they don't experience empathy and compassion.. they don't relate to humans.. they are very intuned - like a wild animal - to how others perceive them. he knows you don't trust him, that you 'SEE' him. i doubt you can ever change that. and since he is not getting the adulation that he demands from you he will not reward you - with anything.. things, nice treatment.

and people who tell you to make ammends.. it's impossible. it takes two to have a relationship. he's not in a relationship with anyone. he's the omnipotent one.. with servants. only people who have been this close to a Psychopath can see this. so it's great that you came here. i've beat myself upside the head in conversations with friends and they don't know the animal that is my dad... they only know what they know. it is inconceivable in society to have a parent who does not love their children or wife or parents or siblings let alone anyone else. but it happens.. probably more than we know. my old dad now is traveling around after putting my poor mother in a home.. he got all he could out of her. and she has no value anymore. just a burden. bye bye.. he's not visiting.. he's traveling.. and he won't let us see her or even speak to the staff there. unbelievable.. where does this crap happen...

it can only happen with a Psychopath.

keep reading here. the only way to thrive is to stay away. you wouldn't run back into a burning building would you? same here.

and thank you for your post.. another someone that i can relate to. because we all need to find a place we can fit in.

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#12730 - 02/29/12 09:21 AM Re: I think my father is a psychopath [Re: starry]
daddysproblem Offline
member

Registered: 06/23/11
Posts: 99
starry, just want to thank you ... as your posts are always helpful for me. i guess it's the dad connection. and your firm conviction to care for yourself and 'SEE' him. a child growing up and being dependent on this psychopath parent is almost unbearable. I do feel bad for the partners of them.. but the children - are helpless victims.

thanks again.

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#12766 - 03/06/12 06:21 PM Re: I think my father is a psychopath [Re: daddysproblem]
Mug42Long Offline
member

Registered: 03/03/12
Posts: 16
Just remember, Psychopaths can walk away without a second thought, even a parent.
You thought you had a relationship with them, you never had. You were there to serve their purpose, so it's easy to walk.

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#12957 - 03/27/12 05:02 AM Re: I think my father is a psychopath [Re: Mug42Long]
marinde Offline
member

Registered: 09/19/11
Posts: 58
Hey there,

I just wanted to give all the people here who have psychopath mum or dad a great big compliment.. If I see what my psychopath ex did to me in just 2.5 years time..and what he threatens to do to my son. I so admire your power.

Especially that you have the courage to face your past in an honest way and choose a different path than your psychopath father (or mother). Not look away and live out the abuse in your past on others. You have a real strong character to overcome this.

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#12976 - 03/27/12 03:52 PM Re: I think my father is a psychopath [Re: marinde]
coping Offline
member

Registered: 03/13/12
Posts: 34
I am in complete agreement with Marinde. I had a romantic involvement with a Psychopath and am now going through with 'no contact'. I've been reading a lot on here tonight about abuse to children through the hands of psychopath parents. The strength shown by all those children and now adults is nothing short of amazing.


Thank you to you all for posting stories and experiences that must be hard to talk about xx

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#13241 - 05/09/12 01:34 AM Re: I think my father is a psychopath [Re: Mug42Long]
satan's child Offline
member

Registered: 04/21/12
Posts: 13
My Father is the complete definition of Psychopath. I've been reading for some time now (just registered) and relate to many of you in such depth, it is almost surreal...

My earliest memory I have from about the age of mayble the first 24-28 months of my life is of My Monster Father trying to literally KILL My Mother, and I still remember it as if it was yesterday when it plays in my mind. It took me many years, even after getting a Bachelor of Science in Behavioral Science-Psychology, even though I always saw through him and he knew it..did it then hit me like a bomb...and I am a product of this evil. My Mother and I left for the last time when I was Three. It was hard, but peace of mind is priceless. I cut off all contact with him from about the ages of 23-26.

My Half-Sister (his only two kids), and his Minion who is a "game player" so to speak. He never beat on her like he did me. He never beat her Mother to the degree and severity as he did to mine. One day, she informs me of how he has been crying (which is doesn't do..ever) over "how much he misses his baby, he's changed and his heart is breaking" over me cutting off all contact.. and the rest of the lies & BS. Even though I encompass many of his horrible tempermental aggressive traits, I'm a Loyal Leo w/ a HEART & CONSCIENCE. That being said, I decided that since he's getting old now and the same feelings of the what if's that I know most of us go through...

So I finally decided to go visit him (remembering we DID have good times)... Long story short, the visit lasted about 30 mins. and as soon I saw those eyes change on him, I decided to just pick up my purse and walk out the garage door since it was open & and quicker escape route...Halfway through the garage, I get a sucker punch on the back of my neck/shoulder area, (made sure to hit the side that he knows I have undergone much physical therapy, etc... The thing is, as evil as he is, he quit scaring me a long time ago..And He KNOWS It. I went and got X-Rays the next day and they said that it was very abnormal on that side and that I needed to go get an MRI which I still need to get.

I read these stories about other Psychopathic Father's and it is all extreme and pure torture at times, however each story/event/example is My Genetic Father to the 10th Power. Except for any Sexual Abuse which Thank You Jesus, never occured, or even came virtually close. These Forums has given me much insight that I feel I need to thank all of you for making me not feel like I'm the only Daughter of a Psychopath as others, (as much as they try) DO NOT & CAN NOT UNDERSTAND. It took a a lot from within for me to finally post anything on here.. Sorry for the rambling, it's just that I could seriously write a book with ALL that I have seen, and somehow am not a serial killer.

Much Thanks, to Starry, daddysproblem & many others that I feel I have already made a connection with.

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#13248 - 05/09/12 06:11 PM Re: I think my father is a psychopath [Re: satan's child]
Dianne E. Offline

Administrator
member

Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2788
Loc: United States
Hi satans child, welcome to our community. Thanks so much for telling your story. Do you think you have damage on that side due to his possible hitting you as a young child? I hope your MRI goes well. You are a strong person and lucky that you see him clearly. I think we all have that ah ha moment and it sounds like you had yours, it is a hard thing to grapple with. People in general just don't get it but if you want to tell more of your story we are here for you.

Thank you lucky stars your mother left when she did, how is she now? I am sure she is very proud of your education and turning out so well. Clearly you didn't inherit the gene.

He may not have stuck the other children and his wife but I can be sure they suffered great mental abuse.

Di

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