Hi, I am 57 and just realised, last XMas that my mother is a psychopath! I now feel betrayed and dumb for not realising sooner. I always felt I was waging an unseen battle, every time I saw my mother. My daughter in law is a psychologist and suggested it. After a particularly awful visit (they always are)
, I talked to her about my mother and it sent up red flags.
What is normal behaviour to me, is abnormal to others. My family are so used to her, they see it as normal. Now that it has all been pointed out, we get it.
I have researched, everything makes sense now. I have always felt my mother was evil but couldnít pin it down. My gut feeling differed to how she presented herself to others. I know now, I must listen to my gut. I have always believed I was the horrible person that she has implied that I was. My family are wary of her and know she weird and not very nice. I sent my mother a letter, before I learned fully about the condition, of course she has cut me off. This suits me well, I have decided it would be best for me to sever contact. My children keep in contact, but are torn feeling loyalty to me. I have informed them of what she is, and they agree.
Firstly, we must all realise psychopaths donít think like us. So we should stop trying to analyse them, to excuse their behaviour Ė MISTAKE 1
. Blaming poor upbringing, to justify why they are that way wonít help.
They are that way, we canít change that. We must change. We must control contact, or no contact. We must not permit them to hurt us. It is all a game to them.
When I meet someone my mother knows, I get the warning stare. The stare says - what have you told them about me, it better be good. The stare is very animal, cold, evil.
My mother knows I am loyal, thatís how she has gotten away with this for so long. She knows I wonít talk about her behaviour and keep quiet Ė MISTAKE 2
. I now talk about it and what she has done, even to her friends. She likes to have the appearance of normality.
By keeping quiet, I have enabled her to continue to abuse me. You start to wonder if you are imagining it, are you the one thatís crazy?
I have now reviewed my past and the behaviours. I now see everything in a different light, and present behaviours are confirming my diagnosis.
I now realise why my mother has no interest in my new home, what I do, etc. Itís all about her and what she wants.
I used to see families and wonder what it was like to have a normal mother. I thought one day that might happen, DELUSION! Silly, naive, me, LOL! Fodder for the psychopath.
As a child I was beaten by a thong (flip-flop) and because I struggled, she got angrier and beat me more, even with her hands, like a demented woman. I then saw the madness. Afterwards, she was nice, I thought she was sorry. I now believe it was so I wouldnít tell my father. Either she did this when my father was at work, or he was weak and did not stop it. Heís dead now, so I canít ask him. I now have negative feelings towards him and feel betrayed.
When I was older, I remember fighting back, to stop her from hitting me. I think it may have scared her. Not that I would hurt her, but someone might hear. She then stopped the beatings. It was more about how I embarrassed her, because I did something wrong. She later made comments that I did not beat my children with a thong (flip-flop) and they were bad.
My children are beautiful, caring adults now, I am proud of them. My mother even told my son not to play with his little car, he was about 10, too old to be doing that! My mother used to have dangerous, brass, ornaments in her house. When I asked her could she put them away when we visited, she said they should not touch them. Try telling a 2 year old that!
I was an only child and had no escape, I left home at 19. When I visited her, it was like prison, she tried to control everything I did. My family wonít visit now, because itís so bleak. I was the only one who bothered. She picks on my daughter, jealousy, because we are so close. She mocks our cuddles. I only got a hasty, clumsy cuddle, always in front of an audience, when I left, at the station from my mother. MISTAKE 3
, shows of affection is to give the appearance of normality to others, donít fall for it. She has always been hateful towards me, but speaks of us in glowing terms, to others to, boost her image.
I always get this from her - you never .... so it's all your fault for not ..... I have noticed that everything is because someone else did/never did something and she is the victim of that. She never takes responsibility for her actions, blames others, gets angry when you point it out and changes the subject. She changes the subject when she doesnít like what you say, if you are catching her out. Also I remember how something was so important and she made a fuss. When I turned the problem back to her, getting her to own it, she just forgot it. She dropped it, as if, that didnít work, I must try something else. It had been so important a second earlier.
They try a scatter gun approach to see what gets the reaction. I would never have believed that a mother could be so conniving to their child. Thatís how she got away with it. My gut told me she was sticking the knife in, every chance. I chose to believe what I saw and thought she cared for me as I do my children Ė MISTAKE 4
Donít worry about hurting them by cutting them off, they have no feelings to hurt. Donít feel guilty, they donít. Just remember Ė Despite you and in spite of you, I am successful. Can you say that?
Donít make them successful in hurting you/your family. CUT THE BA**ARD OFF
Look after yourself and your family first. Start the healing journer with me.