I fully agree with your husband's observation Pat, and it does indeed lend a disturbing new dimension, particularly in as much that if I had known then what I know now, I would have spotted my dear older son before he was eight.
He will be twenty five in a couple of weeks. He popped up beside me as I was in my usual watering hole a few days ago, having just had an interview with the social security. The unemployment won't give him any money unless he attacks his previous employer for unfair dismissal, and the social security lawyer has told him that if he files charges against the employer, they will certainly countersue for the money that everyone, just under the surface, is reasonably sure that he nicked. $12,000.
But of course, the social security is there for those in need, so he gets the existential minimum- he has to go along with his bills, and they pay them directly. Humiliating? You'd never guess it to talk to him. He also makes no reference to having applied for any jobs over the last couple of months. A twenty five year old, in perfect health, with an exclusive school and private college behind him- and he is a bum!
The futility of all the worry for all the years stuns me. His mother- a high flying professional, just returned from a trip to Washington DC and heading off to Australia soon - she outright bit my daughter's head off last year for suggesting that something was wrong. "You're like your father" she screamed- "if your brother doesn't behave like him he can't stand it".
Well, Mother in a conference in Washington DC, and son a social case? Case proved. Full stop.
Of course, the last six years have drastically affected every aspect of my life in a way which is impossible to explain adequately to anyone, because there simply is no cure. And very very few people have any idea that a kid can be just plain rotten. And people's clear view, often expressed is that you are complaining too much, you certainly must have a guilty conscience (and of course there are recollections in every parent's mind, of things which they greatly wish that they had not done) . And all the time you have to watch a life deteriorating to the level of scum, his little child being comprehensively denied his fundamental rights, and the inevitable expectation that the social security will get him dead to rights, and give him a broom to push. I was watching one of those jokers the other day pushing his cart along. Long greasy grey hair, mid forties, cigarette between the lips. At a certain moment he stopped and selected his birch twig broom.
I was amazed, he actually placed the broom on the ground, and made a couple of sweepin g motions behind a parked car. He did not exaggerate and take the long handled dust pan of course- no need to over egg the pudding eh! - Then he leaned on the broom and finnished his smoke before flicking the stub into the gutter. My thought was why did he bother taking the damned broom out?
I guess of all the negative aspects on my life, work has been the main one to suffer. I'm supposed to be an expert in a very narrow engineering field, and essentially I solve technical problems for companies. It's very important not to tell the CEO that he is a chump, and I have noticed an increasing tendency for an unnecessary forthrightness.
There are some positive effects on me though. I notice the efforts to succeed of ordinary people, at any level and it affects me very much. I saw a couple of kids just now in a coffee shop. About sixteen, clearly in love, chatting away quietly. The boy has a crash helmet beside him, and he's nicely dressed in jeans and casual jacket. They're obviously making some plans and they are so obviously not antisocials. They stood up. The boy, six foot tall, the pretty girl up to his shoulder. Whether they are apprentices or university students, success shines from them. Lovely really.
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