Can you direct me to where I find the rest of the top 10 list.....Thank you

Hi becky, welcome to our community. At the top you will see what page you are on, you are at the end of the discussion thread and are looking to be on page 1 to view the rest.

Di

I left my relationship with psychopath after telling him "thank you for all the good that we had in our relationship" and we just want different things.....I was thinking that saying these things would help me to let go of my anger and move forward. I still am so hurt and completely grossed out that I was dancing with this animal....That I had him in my bed....around my children.....I hope in time I can let go of this nauseating feeling....I was always taught that there is good and bad in everyone. It's so hard to get the concept of pure evil....Do these people have their hell on earth?...Do they face judgement....karma....it makes me really rethink so many spiritual concepts i've been taught..

Hi Becky,

Can I ask how he reacted to you leaving him?

My psychopath flipped out when I left him, even though I told him I loved him and he meant the world to me. He's left me a million times and I've always taken him back. This is the first time im ignoring him for good.

I'm just curious xx

Hi Curious....Well this is actually the 2nd time I've left him without running back immediately. I hope to God i'm done with the insanity. This time is different I can totally say i'm scared of him.....as well as being totally grossed out. I can only hope these feelings will continue forever.I left him by telling him that there where things in the relationship that weren't meeting my needs.He of course screamed at me and told me This is was deal breaker (in so many words) AND WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO..YOU TOLD ME YOU WOULDN'T TALK ABOUT THAT AGAIN..which I never said that ( the topic was ..stop disappearing (hours, days of disappearing), start contributing financially emotionally and ) ..This of course was after way too many chances....

This relationship was crazy.....abusive....controlling....manipulative...and yes scary.
Well let me also tell you the real reason that pushed me over the edge was the fact that for 2 yrs we had been talking about going to see his friend in Ohio ..(we never went anywhere that I didn't set up or pay for). Well one night while driving to a restaurant he says ...soo... excitedly...I'm going to Ohio for the wkend!..I was shocked! I said I thought we were going together?( We never spent any time together to speak of after the first few months). His response was well i'm driving a camper down with someone and if I really want to come He can put a pillow in the back but I won't like it..(it was an extremely old, dark, filthy camper). I knew he was going somewhere (probably not Ohio)...and I knew he was going to or about to cheat on me (again.....I'm sure he never stopped)....It's scary how excited he got about trying to lie to me and get away with it.

I haven't heard from him yet(from what I understand from this site it's a matter of time). It's been (almost) 3 months. He did call my friend and asked her about me several wks ago. The longer time goes by the more I think about (remember) things....Bad things..Like when I had just caught him cheating on me with a woman who worked close to me at a convenience store. This went on for several months and she almost moved in with him!)I use to see his truck there all the time and it never occurred to me he was interested anyone else...I thought he was playing the lottery.after that I forgave him and he said he didn't ever want to hurt me again and gave me a diamond (he never took the blame for cheating everything was my fault...(I didn't think I cared that much for him)....blah blah bla) and then proceeded to have ah sexual affair with a woman who had just opened a bakery with her husband at the end of my street!...I would pass by his truck all day long and he would tell me he was just getting cookies,and when I asked what he was always doing there he'd say WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT ME TO DO GO TO THE OTHER BAKERY!....

He never visited any other bakery or coffee house before this place opened.Everyday after work he would go straight there before calling or seeing me....btw I worked about 300 yrds from the bakery as well.....This was the first time I broke it off completely with him..it lasted 2 months . Then we had a tornado in town and he called and asked if I was alright and said he loved and cared for me and his parents so much and would never want to lose any of us. Then I went back for more....and I broke up with him another time but I couldn't stand the thought of being with someone else and that he didn't even care to call...so I kept calling him and chasing him to get him back....after 2 months we got back together ( he would not respond in any way to me I found him one day in a parking lot and confronted and begged him to come back...after his reluctance...he did)I was crazy with out him! ...and I thought things were different...WRONG>

I feel crazy! Why the hell did I allow this to happen..and continue with this man? I need to get my head back on straight.....I feel like I had satan himself in my life....I sound nuts. Thanks for listening....it helps.

You don't sound nuts becky. All the chaos, the confusion, the blame, the constantly shifting goalposts, the voids...they all sound very, very familiar.

Hi Becky, I agree with Starry, I could have written both what you say above, and what Starry said as a description of my own Psychopaths relationship.

That was several years ago and I still dread ever hearing from him, in case I am tempted by the dream, the lies, the false promises and the manipulation to go back again.

This forum and everyone's posts help remind why that would be disastrous. It is astonishing to me how similar so many difference people's experiences are, they really do have an mutual MO don't they?!

Thank you so much Smokey..for validating this craziness.....nobody understands.....except very few....this forum true and the people on it are true gifts....

This is in response to an old post about somehow getting your father to act or to do something you want him to do. Through hindsight with the ex Psychopath I realize that whatever I really wanted him to do, he would do nearly the opposite. Maybe not immediately but eventually. Since they seem to live in opposite world where they flip everything try suggesting what you WANT as something that you don't want. Tell him it would make you "feel_____" (fill in your own blank) something that would make him feel he has the power to cause you to squirm.

Hi Becky,



I´ve been reading your posts and hope you´ll keep as far away as you can from that monster.
I always thought it was an arrogant attitude when people would say things like: "you had to be in my shoes to understand it." And i still do because people who say that often had it so easy on them that they try to make it look as if it was a big deal whatever they´ve been trough and it´s some kind of stupid vanity i can´t understand. Unfortunately that´s not our case.

You see, these parasites will lower your self esteem making you feel like you don´t deserve them that they´re the best thing that ever happened in your life. At first they will treat you so good like no one has ever had only to show their true faces later. We try to understand it because in our minds nobody can be that evil, especially the one we love and then they blame you for everything they´ve done wrong and in that situation where your mind can´t conceive and understand what´s going on you believe them. At this point your self esteem is so low that you doubt and blame yourself.

After that you make everything to rescue that perfect relationship with that perfect person thinking everything can turn back to normal but that relationship never existed and we find that out we´re so broken that it feels so bad, so heavy that we just want it to stop and go away but sadly for us that´s not the worst of it. These monsters will turn everyone they can against you and often people will come at you telling you to go back. You doubt your sanity: "Am i wrong?" "Why nobody is at my side?" "How can´t they see what i see?" But the final blow... the one that scars you for life... is when you find out there is a name for these monster, a name you thought was only for serial-killers that appear on tv and movies from time to time. A Psychopath. Fear takes you over as soon as you understand their nature.

At this point, the damage they´ve done through this whole sick experience have a different effect on each and everyone of their victims. Many perish before they realize what these monsters really are and many after. I know that because after i figured it all out i tried to take my own life and i thank myself now i didn´t suceeded because when you do that to yourself you don´t go alone you take everyone who loves you with you and they will suffer through the rest of their lives blaming themselves and asking how blind were they that they didn´t noticed you were that bad.

So you see, Becky, you´re not crazy and never was and never will be. You´re still here, still standing, still fighting and that´s how strong you are. People may not understand what you´ve been trough but we do. This forum has helped me a lot and will help you too.