becky!
I was gonna write an aswer to your last post, but my life is crazy now, Im moving to another city.

What you're experiencing is typical. It's been a while for me and I still have this quite strong gut feeling, that I cannot really read.
I find it the hardest coz with a Psychopath you get all these feelings, like anxiety and so on, that DO NOT occur in a normal life. I find it strange, coz I cannot understand those feelings. They are just weird. I guess they are your gut feelings, and with Psychopaths you just get a lot of them.

And it is hard coz if you dont understand what youre feeling you cannot do anything about it to make it go away.

I am at this stage right now, where I finally can let it all go. And maybe I am just somehow afraid if it's possible at all.
These web they waive upon us is really really strong.

Thank you newbird for your comments....I guess i'm loving the support here and get disappointed when no one's interacting with me...it feels isolating..I'm looking for some kind of abuse support group in my area..haven't found anything yet... Thank you again for corresponding.

Hi Becky, I am truly sorry that you have not received support. Have had a couple of surgeries this last week.

I think you are on the right path, yes, feeling sick is a good description of how it feels. Even after all these years when the one person who could have helped me passed away, the old sickening feelings returned.

Personally since we are talking about forgiveness, I am not sure it is in the cards for me. I wish that after all these years I would have felt some compassion but I honestly didn't. It is like the crappy gift that keeps on giving.

I am sure with time it will feel better but it is a process and a tough one indeed. I think that in order to view it more objectively sometimes it can take years. I think until we are healed and who knows how long that takes it is for me at least to even consider the act of forgiveness.

I sincerely hope we can help you and will be watching for your posts. I think it is important to have a place for support and hope we can be there for you. Many times community members just need to take a break, don't think it is anything personal.

Please know we are there for you,

Di

Thank you Dianne....I know this is stuff that I need to deal with in my own time..I sure do appreciate your support..I'm hoping for a quick recovery for you....sorry you've been under the weather.

Dianne, I can relate to what you wrote, I dont think Ill ever forgive this.

In times like now it gets really hard. It just made me realize recently how much of this anxiety they cause, how hard it is to go on like this. You would not believe it all, these people are such evil that I just cannot think about it all without this stomachache. I'm trying to get to the bottom of it and I cant. There are times when I feel so confident about it all, when its all so clear, and I feel alright. And then always times like these come back and I dont know where to start again. Its like Im back to the beginning. I need to constantly remind myself what it all really is, and I cannot find a better explanation for all this now as being in a state of rejection the whole evil - its just too much to take.
I still just wish it wasnt what it was and it never happened.

I hate this, i really really hate this, and I dont see me getting any better in handling it. In times like these, nothing makes sense. I feel hopeless. I feel like nothing can help...

So becky, yeah, good news is youre not alone and we totally understand. Bad news is its a long way up... But if youre going through hell, just keep going.

newbird....i'm having a good day today...thank God....obviously still obsessing that's why i'm here!...That stomach ache thing is good....we need to feel sick in order to stay away!!....This totally sucks I know..let's hope sooner rather than later!..

I'm glad you have a better day.
I myself felt much better yesterday. These wrse days just come along once in a while. Its like a rollercoaster. The only thing Ive learned to do is to always remember that IT WILL go away. Its just a phase. Then it gets a little easier. It pisses me off coz it blocks my whole energy and I feel hopeless. But then next day comes and I feel OK, I am myself again.

The good thing is it gets weaker with time. I hope it eventually fades out, at least so much to not be more that a sad memory.

Hi Becky and Newbird, glad to hear today is a better day;)

Di

3 months of silent treatment after he blew up my world,hurt me physically,mentally and financially,blamed it on me and has given me a total silent treatment for 3 months. I dont excist to him anymore,no more than a dead fly he killed and threw in the garbage. I feel i am healing a little,slowly,veeery slowly. He is like a scorpion,they seem to have no special purpose on earth,well yeah they eat incects i guess to stay alive,but i doubt they make anyone or anything happy. He stung me,i didnt die but i have the poison in my vains,i feel it in my vains,i dont know how to get rid of it from my body and from my soal,maybe mostly from my soal. But i will get better,i promise that to myself,i will find the help i need to get rid of his poison. He denies me closure.

I feel bad now,i needed to get this out. Thanks for this place.

Tang

Hi Tang, I am very sorry for your pain, yes it is like being stabbed and the wound feels like it will never heal. It will but it is a process. Even after all these years I still struggle with the injustice and pain. When I find myself going into a mental spin I sit quietly and find my center. Life is a work in progress.

I think until we can heal ourselves then we can find the closure for ourselves by being able to find peace for ourselves be in a better place and know that we are wiser and not let it happen again. You did nothing wrong, there is nothing you could do to change what happened. They target nice and kind people.

I saw a quote today that spoke to what our community is about and will post it also in the quote thread.

The longer you keep it to yourself the harder it is to make it go away.

Di