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#13113 - 04/26/12 09:53 AM Re: Depression and healing [Re: becky]
Dianne E. Offline

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member

Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2788
Loc: United States
Hi becky, I can "hear" how strongly this is having an effect on you.

I can only say what I would do and that is to hold your head up high and do not tell her anything, like many have said and tried before there is not much of a chance that it will do anything than harm yourself in the end.

I know it is hard but you have to protect yourself. I don't think you want to put yourself back in his firing range. When the next victim is in the honeymoon stage the Psychopath has already set them up with lies about why they are such a victim from their past relationships and only they understand them.

You have yourself to protect in this situation. I would say in a normal situation things could be handled differently but in this kind of situation it is a very bad move, imo.

You now know the truth about what he is and it will be impossible to move on until you are able to be at peace with it being in the past. Don't bring it all back into the present with starting talking. You said you have children and a business, think of yourself and them first.

Please write every time you think it is a good idea and each time we will help and tell you that it isn't a wise move.

We all want to help others but there are situations and these are indeed extreme situations and I can understand your frustrations.

Why not try to make a list to explain why this is a good idea and what would be the possible outcomes. I can say that one outcome won't be good or healthy for you. You are the one who needs to heal and it is a hard enough road and you are heading in the right direction by asking for help here.

Do you want to be back on his radar of evil full force? Telling her would certainly be the outcome of that.

Think of him like a rattlesnake, if you were walking in the woods one day and see one what would a person do? RUN or actually slowly back off and get away.

In their lifetimes Psychopaths ruin more lives than a person can calculate that high, you could spend the rest of your life trying to warn victims or try to heal the horrible damage that it has done in your life.

We can't really help others until we have helped ourselves and are in a healthy place.

Unless someone asks for help, providing unsolicited information in what could become a highly toxic and possibly dangerous situation for YOU would never help you heal.

You may feel like it is good to get it off your chest, do it here, we are here for you. He is out of your life, why ask to have him focus his evil back in your direction? What would you gain.

Di

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#13116 - 04/26/12 02:06 PM Re: Depression and healing [Re: Dianne E.]
becky Offline
member

Registered: 03/26/12
Posts: 86
Thank you so much for your continued help!.....I hope you know how wonderful it is... You have helped me so much. I know you and everyone here is right.. I hope I didnt already get on his radar by telling a few people in this town that he is a psychopath....I'm no longer doing that....thank God...
But, this woman who lives in my old apt building saw me at the store a wk ago and said "are you still dating that dog?"...(Apparently he's been spending many nights at the same complex with another woman parking in the same parking spot!).....(I cant help but think he's trying to piss me off)....anyway I said no...it's been 3 mos..she said she noticed his truck about 2 mos ago early in the morning...I told her to tell her he's a dog and a psychopath and she could come talk to me if she wanted!!! I really hope she doesnt tell her what I said....The woman who I ran into at the store knew from before he kept cheating on me....It's a small complex with lots of single woman...I'm thinking other woman might warn her too.......maybe not....I just wish it wasn't so close to me....

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#13118 - 04/26/12 02:48 PM Re: Depression and healing [Re: becky]
FreeBird Offline
member

Registered: 08/24/11
Posts: 230
becky, its totally normal. I was telling people too. It doesnt really matter that they dont listen.What matters is not sitting silent. If it can get you in too much trouble though, its bad. But this is exactly what they do, terrorize. If we give in we lose. I went and told everybody anyway. It did and does feel better I must say. Even with the horrible fear that Ive had it was still worth it.

Its one of these things, where you dont really have a voice, no one can hear you, but we all together do. Its like voting, your vote alone doesnt matter, only once we gather together it can matter something.
Other said, it means something if you look at the bigger picture.

I do not want to encourage you to do anything. But I can understand how you feel.
What I wrote earlier only meant to inform you youre not gonna change anything with that. Really.

But I believe we all will. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow. But soon. Maybe not soon enough but soon in the end.
That's why I told everyone and I'll keep telling everyone as long as I am able to speak.
Because in situations like this, the first thing you do
is stand up
and tell the truth.

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#13119 - 04/26/12 03:16 PM Re: Depression and healing [Re: FreeBird]
becky Offline
member

Registered: 03/26/12
Posts: 86
so wait....your saying as long as I feel safe I could tell......??

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#13120 - 04/26/12 03:53 PM Re: Depression and healing [Re: becky]
becky Offline
member

Registered: 03/26/12
Posts: 86
NewBird.....I forgot to mention he carries a gun.....probably not a good idea huh? I don't think he'd do anything though....He does seem to be a coward towards confrontation..

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#13123 - 04/26/12 06:45 PM Re: Depression and healing [Re: becky]
Dianne E. Offline

Administrator
member

Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2788
Loc: United States
Hi Becky, trying to figure out if he could turn violent is an impossible thing to calculate. It is impossible for us "normal" people to process what goes on in the mind of true evil.

I followed the Lacey Peterson murder trial and I think she must have confronted him the night he murdered her and her unborn child. I would put nothing past evil.

Like NewBird, I spoke out until I was blue in the face and was still back in the same place, no one wanted to believe me. When you mention the word Psychopath all bets are off, people think of the Ted Bundys of the word when they associate the word Psychopath.

It sounds like a great idea but really is it? If I had a chance to play back those years I would have walked away and not fought. People I had known for years believed this evil person so what do you think people do when you try to tell them, they will make you the one who they think is the crazy one in the deal. That is what happened to me, it started to make people think I was crazy.

Di

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#13126 - 04/27/12 08:36 AM Re: Depression and healing [Re: Dianne E.]
starry Offline
member

Registered: 01/06/11
Posts: 350
These people are experts at manipulation, at confrontation. They've spent their entire life working on it, working on it and refining their techniques. It's their life's mission and they make it their area of expertise. You know that already, you've been through it, and have seen it first hand.

They're experts at pitching people against each other. You/them, them/the rest of the world, them/your friends, them/your family, you/your family, you/your friends, you/the rest of the world. They start from the very first millisecond they've checked you out, their ears have pricked up and they've picked you out as a target.

He's already picked her out as a target and he's already pitched her against you, have no doubt at all about that. He's told every single lie about you he can think of that will work on this woman. He's already winning as regards her.

If you step into the arena and take up the challenge, try to wrestle her away from him, you're stepping right into his area of expertise. He'll have done this before, played this scenario before. And it'll only excite him more, as he's got more people to play with.

They do anything to have space inside your head, to have any kind of reaction from you. You want to warn her? That means you've been thinking about him, he's in your head, he's affecting the way your body is reacting (pounding heart, surge of stress hormones). He's winning.

I've been in this situation with my brother, trying to warn him about our dad. It's taken me years to recover, and it still affects me.


Sorry, it's a bit disjointed and I'm a bit incoherent today. I hope it makes sense.


Edited by starry (04/27/12 08:38 AM)

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#13129 - 04/27/12 12:58 PM Re: Depression and healing [Re: Dianne E.]
becky Offline
member

Registered: 03/26/12
Posts: 86
Dianne I know your right....I feel that......I especially feel he would like nothing more than for me to go tell her something.......I always confronted the ones I found out about when I was seeing him! He told me that's how he knew I loved him so much....and since he realized that he would never do it again....puke! And yes! I looked like the nut case!!

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#13130 - 04/27/12 01:12 PM Re: Depression and healing [Re: becky]
TheChallenger Offline
member

Registered: 04/24/12
Posts: 11
It seems you are in a more unique situation that he doesn't expect you of knowing of his intentions, am I correct?

First of all, the above are quite correct, be careful, really careful, for you will be stepping in to his territory, you need to use your intelligence over his primal instinct of hunting and causing havoc around other people.

Do not tell anyone you know or think he's a psychopath, this is a horrible move, but you can do more as I did, but it's a hard thing. Give him nothing from you, nothing at all, watch your words, and IGNORE him. Try to freeze him out indirectly, avoid him at all costs, but if you do not know if he's aggressive or not, better find it out and arm yourself with something to bring to your own defence if he decides to assault you.

You want to save yourself, your surroundings and friends, do so by getting something on HIM, and disslike him for his actions against others and not yourself, do not say he did this to you or you think, just keep a distance, people make choices like these in the real world, not to hang out with these and these people just because of how they are. Do not give people concrete things, just when you are directly confronted, and when they ask something, use vague words which will confuse HIM..Like emphasize or highlight himself around others, for they love doing that.

Just tell them you do no like him for his personality, do not give him a cause or reason to defend himself, they are masters at that, to twist and bend, give him stuff he can't defend himself against. If you're known as a trustworthy person among your kin, people will start to react, the Psychopath will react as well, and this is where you need to know if he's aggressive or not, for YOU are passing the thinking cap to him and pressing HIM against the wall, this will cause them to react..Some cowers and hide behind lies/words others may even assault you, lies might be said about you, but do not say anything against him, just say I've never done/said that.

You start calling him names or so, or accuse him he will just turn these accusation straight around and use them against you.

For him this is just a game, for you this is dead serious, you need to remember that, only time a Psychopath will react is when he's pressed against a wall or loosing the game, so be extremely careful. You have a chance to take him by suprise and you should use this to your advantage, give him hell, make him feel powerless. To expose a Psychopath is a hard thing and will take time, in my case, it took me nine months with pure hell for myself..But if you decide, as I can't stop you, just advice you, to take him on..Make sure it's for the right reason, for this will go in on you in ways you can not imagine.

I hope my words have helped you and given you some broader sight on things, but I can just say one thing as everyone else says, be careful..and it can't be used enough.

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#13131 - 04/27/12 01:16 PM Re: Depression and healing [Re: starry]
becky Offline
member

Registered: 03/26/12
Posts: 86
Wow thanks starry! That really puts it into perspective for me!I called him (left messages) 2x's .1st time was a month and a half after our last conversation that he blew up at me about....just to say sorry things didnt work out and thank you for all the good we had...trying to emphasize good (so the evil would hear me!)..The second was a wk ago to ask if he could leave my sons dirt bike outside so that we could pick it up...which I haven't yet...I was very nice and congratulated him (I said I had heard he had a new girlfriend) and glad he was doing well....I didnt want to give him any idea I was still thinking about him or how much he hurt me.......I did however tell a few people what he did to me and hope that doesnt get back to him ...I hope it doesn't.....I want so bad to move out of this town ....I have a business here it's so hard...He's been in this area his whole life and people know him as the poor guy that just doesn't cut a break with woman..... a real nice guy!

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