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#13161 - 04/29/12 09:44 AM When you spot your psychopath after it all...
FreeBird Offline
member

Registered: 08/24/11
Posts: 230
I cannot help but post here. I hope new topic is ok.

I just saw my Psychopath...
I am only getting back to peace now after 15minutes.
I am back in town where i moved from and I couldnt help but still fear.
Ive been literally running around hoping that i dont see him.
And now there he was. Close to my old house, but i think he was with his current victim.

My heart stopped. My whole [censored] world stopped, I almost stopped my car because i let go of gas after i saw him.
I have never in my life shaken so much from fear. Even now as i type my hands are trembling and ive got tears running down my face.

I probably have hours if not days od emotional mess

Ill keep post here how i feel.

What i feel now is im glad that all i saw was evil, a dead stare, somebody really awful.

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#13163 - 04/29/12 10:07 AM Re: When you spot your psychopath after it all... [Re: FreeBird]
starry Offline
member

Registered: 01/06/11
Posts: 350
That must have been awful!

Glad you took the time to post on here. How are you now?

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#13165 - 04/29/12 12:11 PM Re: When you spot your psychopath after it all... [Re: starry]
FreeBird Offline
member

Registered: 08/24/11
Posts: 230
I am at peace. I really am. Its a good feeling.
I am so glad i can share it with you.

I am also not anxious about all to come, coz i bet this will have some impact on me.
I am looking forward patiently to go through whatever comes with calm coz i now somehow know that whatever it will be i am strong enough to face it.

In some weird way i may even be glad it happened. I was in a state of constant fear the past few days. I am ok now. It may be coz im coming back home and leaving this town.

I am pretty sure he drove with his current victim (one he "caught" in his net before crashing m life).
It made me feel pity for her (even though i dont want to-she knew he had a relationship when contacting him- something i find disgusting and really sad and extremely stupid-i would never do that). I actually feel some kind of release - that its not me, that i am free.

What i find sad is they looked so sad. They stared ahead in silence at the traffic lights and he had his dead face on, the face of a psychopath. She looked hypnotized. It was very surreal. Very weird.

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#13167 - 04/29/12 05:38 PM Re: When you spot your psychopath after it all... [Re: FreeBird]
Smokey Offline
member

Registered: 03/21/12
Posts: 78
Hi Newbird,

Thankfully my Psychopath and I now live a long way apart and are very very unlikely to meet but it wasn't always so and I used to live in dread of coming across him.

Having said that, if you can now see him and see what he is, clear of the mask and the deceit, maybe that can help you recover and heal? Be thankful that it wasn't you looking sad and hypnotised in the car?

I hope this can help enable you to gradually move forward. smile


Edited by Smokey (04/29/12 05:41 PM)

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#13168 - 04/30/12 12:49 AM Re: When you spot your psychopath after it all... [Re: Smokey]
FreeBird Offline
member

Registered: 08/24/11
Posts: 230
Thank you smokey, I hope so too.

Nevertheless there's still emotions and PTSD and that sucks. I dont want this man to control me anymore.
Since yesterday though, I've been sad and thinking too much. The same questions pop up in my head again and again even though I've answered them a hundred times already.

I've been thinking about this woman a lot also. On one hand I pity her a lot, as she is denying reality so much it's really really sad, and she thinks it's a way to live. That makes her a perfect victim for him, as he doesn't even have to try so hard, she herself makes him a perfect man in her mind and denies the obvious. She thinks that if she thinks good of someone or something it will be good. That is such a stupid way to live. The reality will bite you in the ass sooner than later no matter how much you try to avoid it.

On the other hand though, she did something really stupid and disgusting that is involving in an email-'relationship' with a man who was in a relationship. I know she was cheated on by one of her boyfriends like this, which makes the situation even more pathetic.
And guess what - she thinks it was OK. Well, you know, he 'fell in love' with someone else, while with her, but it's OK, right? He cannot be a bad man, because there are no bad men, right?:)

When I think about it, it looks really sad. I am glad I was smart enough to face the truth even though nobody else wants to coz it's so surreal and evil you can hardly take it.


I love the fact that I've gained so much strength and stopped living in a fantasy world where everyone is good at their core and don't mean bad. I've become even more self confident than I was, I am not afraid to tell the truth even though nobody wants to hear it. I've become a realist, who stands her ground and doesn't let people treat me in any way that I dislike. And if I see wrong I just say it's wrong. Even though everybody goes along coz well, that's cool now.


But even though it's good and helps me face this world without fear now, I still miss somehow, in a weird way, the fantasy world I used to live in. It wasn't firm and it was bound to fall, but it made me feel somehow good for moments... I guess living in reality is hard, much more hard than denying it and trying to make a man out of a psychopath. But I see it as a potencial, a great potencial, because what's hard now will pay off in the future. Am I right?


Edited by NewBird (04/30/12 12:52 AM)

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#13169 - 04/30/12 04:40 AM Re: When you spot your psychopath after it all... [Re: FreeBird]
starry Offline
member

Registered: 01/06/11
Posts: 350
NewBird, I recognise so much of what you're talking about!

I've put together a few thoughts, which I hope will help in some way.

Originally Posted By: NewBird
Nevertheless there's still emotions and PTSD and that sucks. I dont want this man to control me anymore.
Since yesterday though, I've been sad and thinking too much. The same questions pop up in my head again and again even though I've answered them a hundred times already.


I think this is how people (people in general, not just us, here) solve problems. We face a question, find an answer, and we seem to get stuck there, asking the same question and coming up with the same answer. I don't we're not stuck though, we're processing the question and answer until we can be free of it, so we can move onto the next question.


Originally Posted By: NewBird

I've been thinking about this woman a lot also. On one hand I pity her a lot, as she is denying reality so much it's really really sad, and she thinks it's a way to live. That makes her a perfect victim for him, as he doesn't even have to try so hard, she herself makes him a perfect man in her mind and denies the obvious. She thinks that if she thinks good of someone or something it will be good. That is such a stupid way to live. The reality will bite you in the ass sooner than later no matter how much you try to avoid it.


I so recognise this! My brother and I went through exactly the same thing. I was in your situation, and he was the one denying reality. It drove me crazy trying to get him to see how things really were (I actually had a breakdown because of it).

It felt like whatever I was saying to him was hitting a big wad of cotton wool. I know there were a couple of occasions when what I said really hit home, it was more like dropping a golf ball on a tiled floor then. Horrible. And the effect on my brother on those occasions was awful, like a kind of stunned realisation. Then that sort of clouded over and he became really angry with me, really angry.

This went on for a couple of years. It was all we talked about. It ended up at a pitch of viciousness that is hard to describe.

I felt so frustrated with him for not seeing, and for denying my reality. It all seemed so obvious to me. But I understand very well now, that the web our dad had already spun around him was so strong, too strong for any person to get through.

So I feel nothing but compassion for him now. There is nothing anyone can do to reach him at this point. I only hope that there will be some tiny shard of lucidity on my brother's part at some point. Perhaps when my dad is painting me in the blackest of lights, my brother will have a flash of 'but I know her, she's not like that', and that will be the start of the end for him. But I have only compassion for him.


Originally Posted By: NewBird

On the other hand though, she did something really stupid and disgusting that is involving in an email-'relationship' with a man who was in a relationship. I know she was cheated on by one of her boyfriends like this, which makes the situation even more pathetic.

And guess what - she thinks it was OK. Well, you know, he 'fell in love' with someone else, while with her, but it's OK, right? He cannot be a bad man, because there are no bad men, right?:)


So I'm thinking he'd already spun his web on her at this point? He'd already reeled her in? If so, she wasn't really acting out of her own free will.


Originally Posted By: NewBird

When I think about it, it looks really sad. I am glad I was smart enough to face the truth even though nobody else wants to coz it's so surreal and evil you can hardly take it.

I love the fact that I've gained so much strength and stopped living in a fantasy world where everyone is good at their core and don't mean bad. I've become even more self confident than I was, I am not afraid to tell the truth even though nobody wants to hear it. I've become a realist, who stands her ground and doesn't let people treat me in any way that I dislike. And if I see wrong I just say it's wrong. Even though everybody goes along coz well, that's cool now.

But even though it's good and helps me face this world without fear now, I still miss somehow, in a weird way, the fantasy world I used to live in. It wasn't firm and it was bound to fall, but it made me feel somehow good for moments... I guess living in reality is hard, much more hard than denying it and trying to make a man out of a psychopath. But I see it as a potencial, a great potencial, because what's hard now will pay off in the future. Am I right?


You're incredibly strong to have been able to tear apart the 'reality' that he constructed and to get away from him and begin your own journey of self discovery.

I think that you have the capacity to regain that 'good' feeling you are mourning. I don't think that feeling is dependant on someone else giving it to you though, I think you have the capacity within yourself to nurture that feeling and help it grow wink

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#13170 - 04/30/12 10:28 AM Re: When you spot your psychopath after it all... [Re: FreeBird]
becky Offline
member

Registered: 03/26/12
Posts: 86
NewBird sorry I haven't been on for a couple days....I hope you're doing ok........you have helped me so much.....

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#13172 - 04/30/12 03:30 PM Re: When you spot your psychopath after it all... [Re: becky]
FreeBird Offline
member

Registered: 08/24/11
Posts: 230
Thank you becky!
Im glad I could help.


Starry - yes, I bet she was in his net already. She probably showed interest in him and he felt he found a new prey. He started the email contact with her, but she revealed to him in the first or second already that she was into him so much, and he kept being with me until he was sure she was already taken in. And she knew he had a gf coz he told her. Of course I bet he told her all the crap of how hard I am and other [censored] when he while sending me texts how much he misses me...
It fits the description of Psychopath, when they look for a new victim they still keep the old close just in case.
Oh, and did I mention it happened 2 months after I broke with him definitely, only to get back together coz of his crocodile tears but this time, I told him - he has to change something. So he changed me:D
They are so predictable.

I've had ups and downs today, most downs. I couldn't concentrate and these questions pop again and again, it's frustrating. What I've come to realize though, is that the hardest part for me must be the lack of closure. You cant get closure with a Psychopath, thats impossible. I think of all these ex boyfriends and how good it makes me feel to see them happy. And the Psychopath makes me tremble with fear...

These questions piss me off, can you believe Im still wondering if maybe, could be, maybe, he is not a Psychopath and maybe just fell in love truly with someone else and then changed... This is so stupid, but I guess that would make the world easier for me, as I wouldnt have to deal with this.
But well, he is. He is an evil person, who manipulated me for years and lied to me and used me and almost killed me...

The sad thing also is he got away with everything... and probably will in the future...
I bet you, Starry, know how to deal with this anger. I got myself in a moment of such and anger today, it was really intense. I wanted to scream my lungs out with the same stupid question - WHY?

The thought of him living this miserable life and going nowhere (all he ever got he got from me, and now is probably getting from the new victim) makes me feel a lot better. I have to constantly remember myself why I am here, where I am now and what great knowledge and skills I posses that others dont which enables me to do what I do with love and be on a road to success.

The thing that still bothers me is this feeling of emptiness, seems I got everything I could dream of and the opportunities now and yet I keep asking myself - if this is what I really want. Sometimes it is even hard to do some things for me as I see no value, no sense in it. Like I miss the big picture for a moment. Then I look at it again and its fine.
I've felt like this for a long time, and already when I was with him, and I think he caused it, and I also think it's depression that I am probably still recovering from.
I just wish I could find this peace and energy to go on happy like I do sometimes. I have better days and worse days still. These definitely are the worse ones...


Edited by NewBird (04/30/12 03:32 PM)

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#13174 - 04/30/12 03:44 PM Re: When you spot your psychopath after it all... [Re: FreeBird]
Tang Offline
member

Registered: 03/20/12
Posts: 8
I know what you are feeling cos last week i was there,feeling all this,asking Why? and i even sent him text asking if he was happy now(wich he didnt respond to as i knew he wouldnt) sending the text was stupid of me i know,i feel like i was needy and desprate (wich i was) sending this. Anyway,just thinking positive,and everytime something negative,something he did or didnt do,said or didnt say comes to my mind i start thinking of something nice positive and wishing him well and it makes me feel better,i trying to train my brain to do this ad its working for the moment.

I hope you get out of this pain and emptyness quickly cos it is so damaging and energy stealing.

Please try to smile and think of something sweet and nice when he crosses your mind. And remember how you felt
before he came to your life....i beleve it can and will come back to us.

Tang smile

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#13175 - 04/30/12 04:23 PM Re: When you spot your psychopath after it all... [Re: FreeBird]
starry Offline
member

Registered: 01/06/11
Posts: 350
I get you, on the anger, the disbelief, the lack of closure.

The closure thing...I decided I wasn't going to get any answers form my dad, so I pieced things together myself, found my own answers to all my questions and made my own truth. At times it feels very fragile, but I've had some incredible validation (from the police. I know they believe me). And I know that other people might find it unbelievable, so I don't tell them. But in a sense, it's not even important any more in my friendships, because it's the past and more important to me now is who I am in the present.

I don't even know if he's dead or alive now. It's like the bond that we had, that he had played on and manipulated, is broken now. I feel he's very much a stranger to me now, and his way of thinking and seeing the world seems really alien to me. I know it well, but it's not me any more. I don't want any of that in my head and in my present life.

The anger, yes, the sheer frustration of knowing that he had got away with it all, as you say. It used to make me physically sick. I spent months and months and months retching and being sick. But it's gone now. I just feel this incredible peace and calm. I think one of the turning points was one of my counsellors saying to me that his actions were not my responsibility. That was a couple of years ago now. I remember that I found it really difficult to process that at the time, but it must have planted a seed in my head that kept growing, and I think it was ultimately very freeing.

Maybe that was something that was keeping me shackled to him? The thought that I was somehow responsible for his future actions? I mean, he made me feel responsible for everything he did to me while he was in my life, so it doesn't seem such an extraordinary theory. Perhaps that's another way they try to keep us bound close to them?

I was unlucky enough to be in very close proximity when my dad got to work on someone. It was absolutely incredible. He knew straight away, like an instinct, that they were vulnerable and had them totally hooked within the first 15 minutes of conversation. It was so quick, so well aimed, so lethal.

The why question. I don't know. Maybe because we're good, honest, kind, caring people, with hope and imagination and that's what they can't bear to see in someone else, because they don't have that and they know that they never will. So they set out to try and crush it and destroy it.

I know the feeling of emptiness will pass. There was a time when I couldn't even get up out of bed because all the feelings were so overwhelming, panic, fear, emptiness, disconnection. It's taken a good few years of hard work, and I now have only a few days where I feel empty and disconnected. I think I've done it by really focussing on whatever it is that I'm doing, even if it's for a short time only. So things like feeling the hot water when I'm washing the dishes, and enjoying the feeling of the soapy water and of getting things clean too. The small everyday things that you need to do for everyday life are really useful for this. It was my counsellor that suggested it, at a time when I couldn't even wash the couple of glasses that I'd used that day.


Edited by starry (04/30/12 04:23 PM)

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#13176 - 04/30/12 07:38 PM Re: When you spot your psychopath after it all... [Re: FreeBird]
becky Offline
member

Registered: 03/26/12
Posts: 86
I can so relate to you guys! My ex psychopath was going to have his new victim move in with him while I was still dating and engaged to him behind my back!....She ended up going back with her husband and so he stayed with me and made up some lame excuses....of course it was all about me not loving him enough or something like that...but, yeah...he was going to tell me (cause I asked him what were you going to tell me if she did move in)...sorry things just aren't working out!!!and I stayed for another year and a half....with other victims as well..........cant we just castrate these monsters!

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#13192 - 05/02/12 02:22 PM Re: When you spot your psychopath after it all... [Re: becky]
FreeBird Offline
member

Registered: 08/24/11
Posts: 230
This is exactly what they do. They feast on you, and whenever you stop feeding them they start looking for a new victim. But what my Psychopath did amazes me to this very day. He turned his reality 180 degrees around. I feel that he had to destroy me, no one would ever do what he did to me without such a purpose. It suited him to make me look crazy so that he can move on to another victim.

I remembered just yesterday how I felt at that crazy time. I was leaving him because I was out of any patience. I didnt want to be with him anymore and told him many times this was over. However, I couldnt hurt him even with all the crazy stuff he did, I just couldn‘t. When he saw that he cannot control me anymore he changed totally. I became the woe. He started by treating me mean, screaming at me, criticizing every single thing I did, devaluing everything I did. I felt like my ground was falling apart, literally. I could not understand a single thing. Of course he told me everything was my fault coz I (SIC) lied to him! Only to follow that statement with 'It is not your fault'.

They really dont understand these words, so no wonder they never use them right. (Hare's Without COnscience has a whole chapter on this).



Thinking about this made me realize and important thing - I was fine and freeing myself about a month before the Psychopath turned the world around. Then after that I was miserable and lost like never. He was able to crush my world within days... He made me believe he was the next best thing and that I lost something amazing...
And it still affects me. I still have to fight it because I have moments when I forget who he was and think that maybe this what he said about me and told me is true...

He made me believe I was crazy, and then told everyone he knew I was... And all these things he was saying for 2 months to me, and after that, it still hurts so much...

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#13692 - 08/12/12 07:45 AM Re: When you spot your psychopath after it all... [Re: FreeBird]
Whitefeather Offline
member

Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 39
I'm only new here and just come out into safety, I saw the psychopath two days ago I believe now with his visa bought new one his face was in anger not smiling stared ahead like he didn't see me pissed off! Hers was I'm sorry to say just dumb no real expression. Yes I've experienced the same the last one a girl he was to marry because I was just the hoare for three years sorry I put that wrong I'm Delilah and he is sampson oh yep you heard right he acts scenes from the bible when he discards it's interesting but myself three years with one year exact to the season over here the stalking occurs his last girlfriend the same three years and a year of stalking in my time frame 6 different girls 1 underager 1 to be married she just got released from rehab word on the street he drugged her bad with animal tranquilisers took her virginity then showed a group of youths who reported him he got off through his discipleship of ministry of having the best interests as she self harms and is a crazy one. The sadness I feel for you as well as understanding the grief. If it's any consellation since reading your threads articles I realised in a abrupt way I havnt dreamt all this there are others as far away like me and you cannot imagine how isolated I am I thank you so much for having the courage to post your feelings it's given me strength you will never believe I got out of my room for two days as I read this forum I realise too I'm in recovery thank you so much for some truth.

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