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#3437 - 07/07/07 06:15 PM Re: General Discussion - Part Three [Re: sylvie25]
JustAMan Offline

Registered: 09/04/04
Posts: 186
"Just a note of caution: I found one part of "Bad Influence" HIGHLY disturbing so perhaps you should read a review beforehand.

I find it helpful to watch these just to compare and contrast with "my" Ps


Hi Sylvie,

Psychopaths have perennial facscination for moviemakers because of their outrageous and violent behaviour. Unfortunately the moviemakers are too often concerned with sensationalism, concentrating on the violence, rather a realistic representation of the condition. Take any depictions with a pinch of salt and compare with what youve learned elsewhere!

A couple of my favourite movies which deal with psychopathy in a realistic way are Cape Fear, starring Robert De Niro and Nick Nolte, and the Talented Mr Ripley, starring Matt Damon and Jude Law.

The films depict two very different types of psychopath, De Niro, the typical low life criminal psychopath, and Matt Damon,the intelligent socialized psychopath who worms his way up society (leaving the typical psychopaths trail of chaos in his wake) using charm and identity theft. The talented Mr Ripley also features a major character with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, played by Jude Law. The interaction between a psychopath and a narcissist I found particularly interesting!

#3438 - 07/09/07 08:02 PM Re: General Discussion - Part Three [Re: JustAMan]
sylvie25 Offline

Registered: 08/13/04
Posts: 325

Good to see you post. True, most Ps in movies tend to be of the Hannibal Lecter sort. Funnily enough, The Talented Mr. Ripley is the one psychopath movie I havenít been able to bring myself to see yet. Perhaps Iím a little intimidated because itís about a socially-adept psychopath and that seems more unsettling. Still, I do want to see it and probably will soon (especially if it shows him interacting with an N).

Iíve seen Cape Fear a few times and yet the kitchen scene still scares me Ėmakes me want to check the closets and sleep with a nighlight on! De Niro has an amazing ability to morph into his characters whether playing a priest or a slimeball ex-con. Bet that put the fear of god (or the devil!) into a few criminal defense attorneys.

I saw ďInternal AffairsĒ recently. When I first watched it in 1990, I just thought it was about a bad cop (Richard Gere) - now I realize his character's definitely a psychopath. What struck me was he did show a glimmer of conscience at times but seemed to be able to set it aside and act out of self interest. That squares with my observations.


#7533 - 11/09/08 02:51 PM Re: General Discussi [Re: Dianne E.]

Cool. Look forward to hearing from you.

#7534 - 11/09/08 07:22 PM Re: General Discussi [Re: sylvie25]

Very true. It's my understanding that the Psychopath is incapable of any emotion except for extreme paranoia and a deep need for self-gratification. That combined with their tendency to be sexually obsessed pretty much guarantees that in one way or another they will have sexual perversions like a need to rape, or others.

My experience indicates this and so far I've been able to confirm a lot of this experience in the actual science and studies that have been coming out.

These are very dangerous and very sick people.

#7536 - 11/10/08 07:36 AM Re: General Discussi [Re: ]
Dianne E. Offline


Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2789
Loc: United States
Hi freedobeme, it is great you have read all the research and hopefully the posts here. Psychopaths are like spiders always looking for a web to weave.

I watch some true crime shows and many are about Psychopaths and they are the ones in the show who kills someone. They "seem" so normal. As women sometimes we go too far in trying to please and overlook the beginning stages of the red flags and Psychpaths are very good at holding their disguise depending how socialized they are. Once they spot a victim they are quick to move in, personaly that is what appealing in the beginning is they seem to listen to every word you say, in my opinion that makes them special and appear to be understanding. Anything they say about others should be considered a lie unless confirmed. It is only a matter of time when the mask drops and the evil eyes come forward.

Many times they will talk about how their family did this or that. I think in that case it could be possibly the reason the family is no longer in contact is because they "know" something is wrong and have caught them in so many lies and deceit over $ to cut the ties, not that the family was all bad, very few have really great families but are able to get along as a unit to support each other.

Psychopaths seem to have multiple targets and are looking for someone to drain of their finances. Even if they appear to have money of their own, my best guess it is because they have scammed to get it.

I always think of Scott Peterson who would kill his very pregnant wife, he was on the cell phone with his latest girlfriend who had no idea he was even married, and he did that on the night the community was holding a vigil hoping for her return. He was obviously never socialized for such an experience but I view his parents had highly socialized him.

It is not the outward appearance a person should look for but the inside.

They all scam their victim out of $ and most seem to move very quickly to get the victim in their web. Multiple partners, cruising the internet "looking for love" and porn.

They will never be cured it isn't possible.


#7584 - 11/15/08 08:21 AM Re: General Discussi [Re: Dianne E.]

Thanks for the email Dianne.

Okay as per your request here's the background and context and my next post will give the story of my first actual encounter.

This is a story that started over 35 years ago and continues to this date.

I apologize to all for the very long posts.

I'm going to be providing general information about psychopaths with each post along with references which I hope will help others being targeted.

These people are dangerous and we victims need a voice. I'm trying to make mine heard publicly for the first time.

If anyone is reading this, please feel free to ask questions and ask for clarifications and explanations.

I'm tired of being silent and afraid and will answer any questions anyone has.

ďThe psychopath is defined by a psychological gratification in criminal, sexual, or aggressive impulses and the inability to learn from past mistakes. Individuals with this disorder gain satisfaction through their antisocial behavior and also lack a conscience.

Psychopathy is frequently co-morbid with other psychological disorders (particularly narcissistic personality disorder). The psychopath differs slightly from the Psychopath, and may differ even more so from an individual with an antisocial personality disorder diagnosis. Nevertheless, the three terms are frequently used interchangeably. While nearly all psychopaths have antisocial personality disorder, only some individuals with antisocial personality disorder are psychopaths. Many psychologists believe that psychopathy falls on a spectrum of pathological narcissism, ranging from narcissistic personality disorder on the low end, malignant narcissism in the middle, and psychopathy on the high end.Ē

ďHare describes people he calls psychopaths as "intraspecies predators[29][30] who use charm, manipulation, intimidation, sex and violence[31][32][33] to control others and to satisfy their own selfish needs. Lacking in conscience and empathy, they take what they want and do as they please, violating social norms and expectations without guilt or remorse".[20] "What is missing, in other words, are the very qualities that allow a human being to live in social harmony."[34]Ē

The above describes CR and his behavior to a tee, in my opinion and based on my direct experience as an early target and one who has been his victim since 1973.

There is a lot more to the story than I am indicating below but in the interests of brevity and readability I havenít included things that I believe are irrelevant to the current situation.

I would also like to state unequivocally that despite CRs employment in the RCMP and CSIS that I have no issue whatsoever with either organization. They perform a necessary and difficult task in a difficult world. My comments regarding CR should not be considered a criticism of either organization.

I have no desire to disparage those many men and women who sacrifice their lives to protect us.

However, I do hope that both organizations might learn from my experience and put controls and hiring practices in place to ensure that no more CRs are hired who can be put in a position to grossly abuse and misuse their power in the way that CR has done.

Now my story.

My background.
I grew up in an upper middle class area in Canada. My father was a Mechanical Engineer and my mother was a stay at home housewife attending University. She was 26 years younger than my father and was preparing to join the workforce on his retirement. He passed away when he was 63 and my mother joined the workforce at that time.

My Uncle who was approximately 15 years older than me was a Left wing organizer in Canada and leader of various extreme Left wing organizations.

I was loosely involved with the Left, his organizations, from the time I was 18 until I was 21.

To be perfectly clear, I never once engaged in any illegal or terrorist activity under the auspices of the Left and if I had been asked to at that time I would have refused. On a personal level, I have always been against the use of violence and terrorism in the avocation of any cause.

Youíll understand why Iím making this statement as the story evolves.

My uncle was a leader of one of the many Left wing organizations in Canada at that time. He passed away in 1997. I joined his organization in 1971 but was never ďgrantedĒ official membership. I left this organization in 1974 but married a member and so maintained some peripheral involvement until I left my husband, with my two children, in 1983 due to physical abuse.

CRs background.
CR grew up in Montreal. His family is very wealthy and is co-owners of a well known Canadian chain of retail stores. He was a VP of this company.

He appears to have joined the RCMP Red Squad, later incorporated into CSIS (1984) sometime before 1972.

He was at that time, and continues to be a member of Kahane Chai (also known as Jewish Defense League in North America), an extremist organization which believes in the restoration of biblical Israel.

This organization is so extremist that Israel, quite sensibly, has banned them as a terrorist organization. They were responsible for the assassination of Yitzak Rabin, a moderate Jew, and Prime Minister of Israel who was negotiating a Peace Pact with the Palestinians in the 1990s because they didnít like the terms of the Pact. They have also been responsible for terrorist acts in the US and are listed on the Terrorist Watch lists of the EU, Canada, and the US.

So please don't insult me by calling me anti-semitic simply because I don't agree with Kahane Chai. Most Jews don't agree with or like Kahane Chai either.

I have Jewish relatives, detest the Holocaust, and believe that Hitler, himself, may have been a psychopath.

Kahane Chai is not included on the UK watch list which is significant when one evaluates CRs current activities. Something Iíll explain later since I donít want to sidetrack the story.

I believe that I came to CRs attention in 1972 and that he became obsessed with me on a personal level at that time. His obsession was both sadistic and sexual.

Based on CRs actions, I do not believe that anything heís done has ever had anything to do with my past politics or his responsibilities as a member of the RCMP Red Squad.

I do believe that CR joined the RCMP Red Squad because of the power it gave him, since he certainly didnít need the money.

#7585 - 11/15/08 08:41 AM Re: General Discussi [Re: Dianne E.]

Dianne said: "They will never be cured it isn't possible."

Sadly Dianne I think you're probably right here. I've heard that they just become better psychopaths.

But there must be some way of protecting us from them.

CR is wealthy, a multi-millionaire, and because of his past intelligence connections had unlimited resources.

He has ruined my life, financially, socially, and in every way possible.

It's become impossible for me to live a normal life because of his constant sadistic and manipulative interventions.

And he's getting worse all of the time.

What can be done under the circumstances?

How do I, and others, protect ourselves from such insanity? I'm not his only target.

I can't tell you how frustrated I am right now.

Thank goodness you're here so that I can come and vent!

I went public on my blog and he's backed off a little bit, but I'm afraid that was just shock because it was unexpected.

Once he gets his act together I'm sure he'll come up with a way to use that against me too.

It was, however, the only option left to me.

I was trying to work things out with my older brother to help me, and while we are arguing I think I was getting through to him for the first time.

He died two weeks later from an unexpected and massive heartattack. Emergency vehicles were there within minutes but he couldn't be saved.

He was in very good health with no heart or other health problems.

Now I've been offered a job in the Caribbean and indications are that CR is behind that job offer.

I'm working now for a local company. There are indications that he might be an investor.

How do I get this man out of my life????

In addition to all of this. My older brothers death has resulted in my younger brother taking over my mothers finances (and ultimately my and my sisters and his inheritance).

My younger brother is a psychopath as well. He's conned my younger sister who will do whatever he says no matter how much it hurts her.

My older brother would have ensured my interests were protected. My younger brother is going to ensure they're not.

So, in addition to the financial ruin caused by CR, I don't even have my inheritance to look forward to as a cushion when I retire anymore.

I know you don't have the answers and can just be the great support you were to me privately a year or so ago.

#13232 - 05/08/12 07:53 AM Re: General Discussion - Part Three [Re: Dianne E.]
Ccce Offline

Registered: 05/07/12
Posts: 5
Hi all. So glad I found this site! Thanks to you Diane our moderator and to all who add so much to the conversations!

Hi Cynthia, I started a new thread you will find here: My Neighbor is a Psychopath

I hope you don't mind, I moved the posts there because over the years this subject has come up and since we have so many people who can only read I think it is an important subject.


#13306 - 05/17/12 05:30 PM Re: General Discussion - Part Three [Re: Dianne E.]
hollym10 Offline

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1
I'm new to this forum. I had a short term 'relationship'/thing with a guy that i ended in January and it has left me in pieces. I had literally just ended a relationship with a wonderful man who i'd been with for 9 years, and had been due to marry in August, last October. I'm a student and this guy, an international student who was studying one of the same modules as me, took no time at all in offering himself as a 'friend to talk to'. I knew he was insincere from the start and all my friends found him arrogant and predatory but i felt sorry for him and overode any sense of clarity of judgement with him. It was as if i was hypnotised. He engulfed me. From the get go it was all about sex. Even the first time was bizarre. His voice changed and he would say really weird things that just seemed quite 'off'. I asked him what colour his eyes were and he said 'the colour af the abyss' and i asked him what he enjoyed and he said 'Everything'. At first this seemed exciting. Something about his lack of caring what others thought about him and his total lack of shame and boundaries was very attractive and i found it initially freeing. I ignored his inability to give me eye contact during sex or his ability to stop and take a phone call from his 'mother' during the activity as easily as if he was just watching tv. He would push me to do things i didn't want to do and then essentially make me feel as though i was frigid because i didn't want to do them. All done in a patronising voice. At first he seemed to take time to make me feel good too but very quickly it was all about him. He would use distraction and then just do the things i asked him not to anyway, then on seeing the horror on my face he would smile, obviously getting a kick out of it. When i said i didn't want that done to me he would put on that patronising voice and say 'but sweetness you looked like you seemed to be enjoying it'. Having just come out of a relationship i had told him that i didn't see us as any more than a short lived fling. At first he was ok with this but literally within days he was telling me that he wanted to make me pregnant and would i go back to Romania with him when he finished Uni. Within a couple of weeks my head was well and truly not my own anymore. He was very controlling, very lazy, would get me to wait around for him, travel to his flat (he would never come to mine), would tell me what to wear and how to do my make up. He would try and touch me inappropriately in public and berrate me for my caring what other people thought when i told him that his behaviour was not respectful to those around us. He would ask me if i found any of my female friends attractive so he could have a threesome, he told me that two of my friends especially turned him on but he hated the girl who spoke up to him with clear dislike of him as he hated all people who didn't buy his [censored]. Always my guts told me that i should get out but always my head said 'you're being paranoid, give him the benefit of the doubt'. I asked him if he was a player and he said with a smirk 'what do you think. Does my behaviour not show you that i am otherwise? You are entitled to think what you want. I'm sorry but i can do nothing to prevent your paranoia'. This was over one of our many skype conversations he insisted on that would be late at night and on this occasion he was informing me that at 11pm he was off to see some 'Thai chicks' to play cards. I really don't think that was part of that nights agenda for him.
He lived with other friends from Romania and they would often have conversations with him in Romanian so i couldn't understand (even though they all spoke perfect english).
I sunk into further and further depression, all my friends said i should leave and that i needed to look after myself. I knew they were right but i couldn't listen to the part of me that saw sense any more.
During the time i spent with him he never had a job, hardly did any college work and yet seemed to sweet talk tutors and his family into getting his way. Thats what he did with me.
I ended it first when he went back to Romania for Christmas. I emailed him. He immediately skyped me. I stuck with the decision but it was like he needed to be looking into my eyes to control me and i could feel the pull. He didn't seem upset but he was using every attempt to change my mind, all of a sudden telling my how much he 'loved' me, how my eyes were just 'something else' and how 'bright' i am (although he pointed out that he didn't mean in the intelligent way).
I stuck to my decision but then he kept emailing and when he came back i agreed to meet him for coffee. I tried to keep my personal space but he kept stroking my hair, calling me 'sweetness' and eventually resorting to 'but i love you'. He had this cheshire cat, sly grin and would pull a really insincere 'cute' face when i insisted i wanted to be nothing more than friends. Within days i caved in and told him i was sorry and that i still wanted to see him. I saw the look of shock on his flatmates faces when i walked back into his flat. One of them had had conversations with me before asking me why i was seeing his friend, what i was getting from the 'relationship'.
This time the sex was totally selfish on his part. He no longer attempted to please me in any way. His 'sweetness' act had gotten extreme though, especially in public and i noticed that he hated me hanging out and chatting to his flatmates. I knew something was really wrong. I had once asked if he had a girlfriend in romania and he had said 'yes, and one in china and one in Russia and one in Canada etc.' then laughed and said 'what do you think, you don't really think i have another girlfriend do you?' I knew at the time that the 'yes' had been the truth and that he had then covered his tracks. I had always been honest, too honest with him, and even though my insides screamed that he was fake, that it was all lies, i ignored it all the way. He often asked me what i would do if another 'chick' (as he called girls) was to try hitting on him, he would tell me of girls that did, he would love to make me jealous.
One night i had come round to his and i knew something was really wrong, he looked as though he was high on adrenaline and i sensed he had just had sex with another girl. By this time i'd started to see past his [censored] but for some reason was still unable to break free. On that night, after he had gone upstairs (he asked me to follow but i stayed in the kitchen to have a cigarrette) his housemate told me all the truths i had suspected. That he had at least one other girlfriend, that he didn't really care about me and that the things he said behind my back were apalling. His flatmate said he couldn't bare to watch it any more, that i needed to see him for what he was, that i deserved better, that i should go and spend some time being single and learning to be ok with myself, that i had made the right decision to leave the guy at christmas and definitely the wrong one to come back. That all of the flatmates were sick of this guy and that i looked so unhappy and that they all just found it unbearable to watch. I left without saying goodbye. The guy phoned in the morning acting all surprised 'Where are you? I'm confused. I woke up and my girlfriend is gone' i told him i wasn't his girlfriend and that i didn't want any contact with him of any kind, that he could have been honest and saved us both the hassle. He denied everything, he didn't sound at all upset. He just had mock confusion and wanted to find out what his housemate had said. The only emotion i could tell was anger at his housemate. He continued to text me over the next few days. At first i didn't respond. As they continued i would reply leave me alone. I eventually had to reply that i found him repulsive and that he should go **** himself. Then i got a sorry and the texts ended. Unfortunately i've had to bump into him a couple of times where he has said hello as if nothing bad ever happened between us and i just ignore him.
However i've now lost a lot of trust in people, i'm on a waiting list for therapy, i have lost a lot of self esteem, i have horrific mental images pop into my mind of his awful smirking face, i feel disgusted, ashamed and embarrased at my behaviour of staying with him as long as a did and putting up with his abuse and he is still putting on the charm and making people feel sorry for him, completely without guilt or consequences. I still have nightmares. I want to wash my body and mind of the whole experience.

#13336 - 05/26/12 03:43 PM Re: General Discussion - Part Three [Re: sarah]
worried female Offline

Registered: 05/25/12
Posts: 8
hi there i am new here i just found this forum last night, i am very worried as i got involved with a man who is a very dangerous psychopath he has a very young child the man has fooled police and social services, i need advice please urgently thank you

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