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#14918 - 04/25/13 01:27 PM Re: How to have no contact? [Re: becky]
Katabasis Offline
member

Registered: 04/25/13
Posts: 3
For me, no more contact meant exactly that. I stopped talking to her. In my case I stopped answering the phone entirely. I set up my phones to not ring and to transfer my calls to my answering machine. My friends know that the only way to contact me is to leave a message and I will get back to them. I have done this now since January 1998. I haven't answered my phone in person for over fifteen years now. And it has been necessary because she has from time to time over the years attempted to call me (I suppose when her latest relationship blows up and she needs to find another victim to play "fireman" and put out her fires for her).
I'm not saying that this is the answer for you. I'm just giving you a "heads up" as to the kind of lengths it may be necessary to go to in order to solve the problem. For me, my former S.O. was so persuasive and manipulative that it is very important for me to never give her the opportunity to speak directly with me.


Edited by Katabasis (04/25/13 01:28 PM)

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#14975 - 04/28/13 07:41 PM Re: How to have no contact? [Re: warrioress]
crocodile Offline
member

Registered: 04/25/13
Posts: 329
Maybe you should also get a new dog if you can? Having an animal around when you're alone is great, I guess it helps the feeling as well...

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#14989 - 04/30/13 08:38 PM Re: How to have no contact? [Re: Dianne E.]
pisces Offline
member

Registered: 04/25/13
Posts: 3
My psychopath is my mother. I have greatly reduced contact as she is dangerous to my health. I still have extremely limited contact because she is married to my father. He pretty much behaves the same as her now though. I guess nearing 50 years of marriage he has to do whatever she says.

I moved overseas to keep her phsyically at a distance and she has said she will never visit. She has said she will never phone again after the only call she ever made cost over $10. I am expected to call her though, but it doesn't happen.

We maintain communication by email. That is until my parents went OS on a three month holiday and didn't bother to contact me for weeks. Finally a letter, but no way to contact them.

I see them at Christmas for a few days. I never, ever will see either of them alone and make sure I am not alone with my mother for more than a few minutes at most as her rage can surface very, very fast and it triggers my panic attacks.

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#14991 - 04/30/13 08:41 PM Re: How to have no contact? [Re: pisces]
1962 Offline
member

Registered: 01/31/13
Posts: 206
Pisces,

How difficult it must be for you to deal with your mom, and then losing your dad in the mix too.

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#14997 - 05/01/13 08:23 AM Re: How to have no contact? [Re: pisces]
Katabasis Offline
member

Registered: 04/25/13
Posts: 3
Pisces,

I hear you on the panic attack thing.
I can only now stand to hear a ringing telephone without tensing up from anxiety. It took me about fifteen years before I STARTED to feel comfortable around ringing telephones. This is one of the reasons I still have my phones set up to not ring, but to transfer calls directly to my answering machine.


Edited by Katabasis (05/01/13 08:23 AM)

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#15001 - 05/01/13 11:16 AM Re: How to have no contact? [Re: Katabasis]
Shayna Offline
member

Registered: 03/05/13
Posts: 120
I had to change the sound when a text message comes in through my phone because each time it did with the old sound, I'd get anxiety over whether the text was from my Psychopath or not.

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#15922 - 08/16/13 07:42 PM Re: How to have no contact? [Re: Shayna]
Ishewatching Offline
member

Registered: 06/12/13
Posts: 10
If I hear tyres on the stones on the drive I feel fear and anxiety. If I hear sentances he used I feel anxiety. If I know he will pass my home to get to school I feel sick ....yet he is in my ife and I cant get rid of him!!! We have children who he has access too

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#15928 - 08/17/13 02:41 PM Re: How to have no contact? [Re: Ishewatching]
crocodile Offline
member

Registered: 04/25/13
Posts: 329
I also can't stand the sound of phone - he used to have one of the most popular rings on his phone, whenever I hear it it reminds me of him, though it's much better now. I used to freeze and have the cold sweat all over my body on the sound of it, now it just makes me flinch which is actually an improvement.

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#15936 - 08/18/13 02:53 PM Re: How to have no contact? [Re: crocodile]
Ishewatching Offline
member

Registered: 06/12/13
Posts: 10
Crocodile I understand that . I describe my ex as Bambino with teeth . Looks sweet and lovely but will tear you up as soon as layout back is turned :-( I took a long time to accept that his type of love isn't normal or healthy and that the man I fell in live with doesn't actually exist

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#15997 - 08/25/13 04:05 PM Re: How to have no contact? [Re: Ishewatching]
Bunnyshy Offline
member

Registered: 08/22/13
Posts: 11
I'm still new at this, only here a few days now. This is foolish to ask, but why isn't he calling me? NC for 1 month now. He was seeing me 4 days a week before i left him (he lives an hour away and came over acting ADDICTED to me). "We are soulmates. Telepathically connected my love". I am crying and I don't know why. He lied, cheated, faked everything, I was even afraid for my life a few times in the four months together, yet "I want him to call me"?! Im not naive like I seem...I am CRUSHED. I can't take this pain anymore. Have not seen him in 9 weeks. I miss him badly.

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