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#13278 - 05/13/12 09:55 AM How to have no contact?
Dianne E. Offline

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Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2787
Loc: United States
This is for you Becky and all those reading about what to do if you live near the Psychopath in your life.

Di

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#13282 - 05/13/12 10:23 AM Re: How to have no contact? [Re: Dianne E.]
becky Offline
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Registered: 03/26/12
Posts: 86
Thanks.......

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#13283 - 05/13/12 10:43 AM Re: How to have no contact? [Re: Dianne E.]
becky Offline
member

Registered: 03/26/12
Posts: 86
I'm trying to act as if they don't exist....as if they are nothing....nothing except a blob of skin taking up space....lol..that actually makes me laugh!..I hope the next is time I see this blob of skin driving down the road I can think of ghostbusters!...I think i'm cracking up....but i'm smiling!!

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#13284 - 05/13/12 11:41 AM Re: How to have no contact? [Re: becky]
starry Offline
member

Registered: 01/06/11
Posts: 350
A technique I've used and liked, has been to imagine turning down the sound on them, like a TV. You can turn it down so much you can eventually mute them.

And then once you've done that, imagine shrinking them in size until they're really tiny.

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#13286 - 05/13/12 02:50 PM Re: How to have no contact? [Re: starry]
FreeBird Offline
member

Registered: 08/24/11
Posts: 230
haha, great ones starry! I like the idea!

Becky, there's a long and bumpy road ahead, but keep going! Do not stop and look back. OK maybe you can stop, but dont look back:)
It is a process, and every little step takes you either further into the bright future or takes you back. Contacting him takes you back. Every time you feel weak just try to remember that. And instead of taking that step back take one forward. Not sending that text msg will be a step forward. Meeting new people will be a step forward. Avoiding places where you might meet him will be a step forward. Thinking about YOU, what YOU want, what YOU can, what YOU will is a step forward. Keep going!!

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#13927 - 10/10/12 07:25 AM Re: How to have no contact? [Re: FreeBird]
Brightwhitetruck Offline
member

Registered: 10/09/12
Posts: 3
When I had my psychopath arrested, the cops kinda forced us into contact with 2 social workers, one for me, one for him. Unfortunaly he lured them both in aswell, and the so called mediation-sessions always ended up in more advantages for him, never for me.

Eventually I refused more sessions and handed it all over to my lawyer, much to the dismay of the social workers, who told that those "arrangements" made during the "mediation" were valid until the divorce is final. One of those arrangements was that my daughter and me had to leave the house 3x weekly for 2 hours so he could be there and when I told this so called social worker that this was very stressing for my daughter and me and if this could be cut down to 1x per week she simply told me to move out than and leave the house to him! mad

I was like "yeah right", but avoided any further discussion and my lawyer requested in court that the house would be assigned to me - he of course contested it, but I won, exchanged the locks and now this house is officially mine (and my daughters of course).

The divorce isn't final yet, it's gonna be a long battle, but it all goes through the lawyers now, no personal contact required. And I have no urge to see him or to have any sort of contact with him. I don't miss him at all.

So yeah, my advice would be to avoid the mediation/social worker route if you're dealing with a psychopath-divorce - go straight to the lawyer and play it as hard as you can and have to. A psychopath will be tough to deal with, let the lawyers deal with this, they do have the personal distance to sort it all out. They don't get emotional about it.

Put all emotions aside for the divorce ordeal. If he calls or messages, don't react. Just ignore. Also ignore what kinda gossip he spreads about you and walk with your head high. Let people see that you're doing well, this will hurt his reputation especially in small communities. You don't need to dig a hole for a psychopath - they're excellent in doing so themselves. My psychopath ex now goes for underage-girls - just a matter of time for him to be ruined.

Get to know the social networks in your community if he still lives there. And don't be ashamed of what happened to you, if people ask for your side of the story, tell them. Not in all details of course, but if there was domestic violence, don't hold it back out of shame - YOU have nothing to be ashamed about.

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#13990 - 10/27/12 04:13 AM Re: How to have no contact? [Re: becky]
FriedaB Offline
member

Registered: 10/24/11
Posts: 63
Originally Posted By: becky
I'm trying to act as if they don't exist....as if they are nothing....nothing except a blob of skin taking up space....lol..that actually makes me laugh!..I hope the next is time I see this blob of skin driving down the road I can think of ghostbusters!...I think i'm cracking up....but i'm smiling!!


If your psychopath gets hit by a truck they will be blob for real =) lol.

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#14160 - 01/02/13 02:07 AM Re: How to have no contact? [Re: FreeBird]
becky Offline
member

Registered: 03/26/12
Posts: 86
Hi Freebird! I just wanted to let you know I check in from time to time and i'm doing much better.....I have not had any contact in many months and i'm still moving thru the pain....Thanks for helping me so much....I'll check back soon. Love your sista friend : )

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#14216 - 01/20/13 06:46 PM Re: How to have no contact? [Re: FreeBird]
Vgbwi Offline
member

Registered: 01/18/13
Posts: 2
Thank you for these words. I am one month out of a marriage with a Psychopath. I am two weeks into no contact and it is still very hard. I love the man that I thought I knew. The fact that he does not exist does not make me miss the figment on my imagination any less. I loved this man for two years and was married to him.

The fact that he was planning to kill me for life insurance money makes me not pick up the phone. But I am ashamed to admit that I still think about it.

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#14217 - 01/20/13 09:44 PM Re: How to have no contact? [Re: Vgbwi]
Dianne E. Offline

Administrator
member

Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2787
Loc: United States
Hi Vgbwi, welcome to our community.

I know there is a lot of shame involved however please be kind to yourself, there is nothing you did wrong and glad you are here to share your story when you feel up to it.

I think in these regards it is quite normal to still have feelings, that is what we do when we have a conscience unlike how they feel. Normally it is because we are still hoping for what we saw as the good in the honeymoon stage and trying to recapture that.

I hope we can help support you as you need.

Di

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