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#13278 - 05/13/12 09:55 AM How to have no contact?
Dianne E. Offline

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Registered: 11/15/02
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This is for you Becky and all those reading about what to do if you live near the Psychopath in your life.

Di

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#13282 - 05/13/12 10:23 AM Re: How to have no contact? [Re: Dianne E.]
becky Offline
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Registered: 03/26/12
Posts: 86
Thanks.......

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#13283 - 05/13/12 10:43 AM Re: How to have no contact? [Re: Dianne E.]
becky Offline
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Registered: 03/26/12
Posts: 86
I'm trying to act as if they don't exist....as if they are nothing....nothing except a blob of skin taking up space....lol..that actually makes me laugh!..I hope the next is time I see this blob of skin driving down the road I can think of ghostbusters!...I think i'm cracking up....but i'm smiling!!

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#13284 - 05/13/12 11:41 AM Re: How to have no contact? [Re: becky]
starry Offline
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Registered: 01/06/11
Posts: 350
A technique I've used and liked, has been to imagine turning down the sound on them, like a TV. You can turn it down so much you can eventually mute them.

And then once you've done that, imagine shrinking them in size until they're really tiny.

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#13286 - 05/13/12 02:50 PM Re: How to have no contact? [Re: starry]
FreeBird Offline
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Registered: 08/24/11
Posts: 230
haha, great ones starry! I like the idea!

Becky, there's a long and bumpy road ahead, but keep going! Do not stop and look back. OK maybe you can stop, but dont look back:)
It is a process, and every little step takes you either further into the bright future or takes you back. Contacting him takes you back. Every time you feel weak just try to remember that. And instead of taking that step back take one forward. Not sending that text msg will be a step forward. Meeting new people will be a step forward. Avoiding places where you might meet him will be a step forward. Thinking about YOU, what YOU want, what YOU can, what YOU will is a step forward. Keep going!!

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#13927 - 10/10/12 07:25 AM Re: How to have no contact? [Re: FreeBird]
Brightwhitetruck Offline
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Registered: 10/09/12
Posts: 3
When I had my psychopath arrested, the cops kinda forced us into contact with 2 social workers, one for me, one for him. Unfortunaly he lured them both in aswell, and the so called mediation-sessions always ended up in more advantages for him, never for me.

Eventually I refused more sessions and handed it all over to my lawyer, much to the dismay of the social workers, who told that those "arrangements" made during the "mediation" were valid until the divorce is final. One of those arrangements was that my daughter and me had to leave the house 3x weekly for 2 hours so he could be there and when I told this so called social worker that this was very stressing for my daughter and me and if this could be cut down to 1x per week she simply told me to move out than and leave the house to him! mad

I was like "yeah right", but avoided any further discussion and my lawyer requested in court that the house would be assigned to me - he of course contested it, but I won, exchanged the locks and now this house is officially mine (and my daughters of course).

The divorce isn't final yet, it's gonna be a long battle, but it all goes through the lawyers now, no personal contact required. And I have no urge to see him or to have any sort of contact with him. I don't miss him at all.

So yeah, my advice would be to avoid the mediation/social worker route if you're dealing with a psychopath-divorce - go straight to the lawyer and play it as hard as you can and have to. A psychopath will be tough to deal with, let the lawyers deal with this, they do have the personal distance to sort it all out. They don't get emotional about it.

Put all emotions aside for the divorce ordeal. If he calls or messages, don't react. Just ignore. Also ignore what kinda gossip he spreads about you and walk with your head high. Let people see that you're doing well, this will hurt his reputation especially in small communities. You don't need to dig a hole for a psychopath - they're excellent in doing so themselves. My psychopath ex now goes for underage-girls - just a matter of time for him to be ruined.

Get to know the social networks in your community if he still lives there. And don't be ashamed of what happened to you, if people ask for your side of the story, tell them. Not in all details of course, but if there was domestic violence, don't hold it back out of shame - YOU have nothing to be ashamed about.

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#13990 - 10/27/12 04:13 AM Re: How to have no contact? [Re: becky]
FriedaB Offline
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Registered: 10/24/11
Posts: 63
Originally Posted By: becky
I'm trying to act as if they don't exist....as if they are nothing....nothing except a blob of skin taking up space....lol..that actually makes me laugh!..I hope the next is time I see this blob of skin driving down the road I can think of ghostbusters!...I think i'm cracking up....but i'm smiling!!


If your psychopath gets hit by a truck they will be blob for real =) lol.

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#14160 - 01/02/13 02:07 AM Re: How to have no contact? [Re: FreeBird]
becky Offline
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Registered: 03/26/12
Posts: 86
Hi Freebird! I just wanted to let you know I check in from time to time and i'm doing much better.....I have not had any contact in many months and i'm still moving thru the pain....Thanks for helping me so much....I'll check back soon. Love your sista friend : )

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#14216 - 01/20/13 06:46 PM Re: How to have no contact? [Re: FreeBird]
Vgbwi Offline
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Registered: 01/18/13
Posts: 2
Thank you for these words. I am one month out of a marriage with a Psychopath. I am two weeks into no contact and it is still very hard. I love the man that I thought I knew. The fact that he does not exist does not make me miss the figment on my imagination any less. I loved this man for two years and was married to him.

The fact that he was planning to kill me for life insurance money makes me not pick up the phone. But I am ashamed to admit that I still think about it.

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#14217 - 01/20/13 09:44 PM Re: How to have no contact? [Re: Vgbwi]
Dianne E. Offline

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Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2788
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Hi Vgbwi, welcome to our community.

I know there is a lot of shame involved however please be kind to yourself, there is nothing you did wrong and glad you are here to share your story when you feel up to it.

I think in these regards it is quite normal to still have feelings, that is what we do when we have a conscience unlike how they feel. Normally it is because we are still hoping for what we saw as the good in the honeymoon stage and trying to recapture that.

I hope we can help support you as you need.

Di

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#14225 - 01/21/13 06:48 PM Re: How to have no contact? [Re: Vgbwi]
Smokey Offline
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Registered: 03/21/12
Posts: 78
I think we can all identify with your words.
It is so difficult to try to reconcile our emotional, hopeful hearts that get hooked on false image and false promise, with our logical heads, as we come to see the real demon behind the idealised partner.
So difficult to explain to anyone who has not experienced it. I found I had to keep reminding myself of the dark reality, and to try not to dwell on the beautiful but unattainable fantasy, and to come to recognise where the devastating reality lay.


Edited by Smokey (01/21/13 06:49 PM)

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#14333 - 02/26/13 05:00 PM Re: How to have no contact? [Re: Dianne E.]
newbeginnings Offline
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Registered: 02/26/13
Posts: 6
This forum has been a life saver - been reading so much and I dont know where to start posting - but the concept of no contact is one I can aim for.

I have been in a relationship with what I now realise was `a very typical Psychopath/s for 8 years. I loved him and we were engaged, but there were enough warning signs of something wrong that I procrastinated on actually doing the wedding bit. I can pat myself on teh back for that now!

I was 47 and had been divorced from a verbally abusive husband of 25 years shortly before I met Psychopath/s and he took advantage of my vulnerability. Did I mention he was gorgeous, intelligent, charming, musical and amazing in bed... I am intelligent and successful and financially independent - naive, trusting and was totally duped.

After heart surgery, he developed ED - I was concerned that the relationship fizzle was going, but accepted these things happen as we age... until one night 8 weeks ago he made me a coffee at 6pm while we planned dinner after a lovely day out together and he announced he was moving out to live with someone else. He said her name, that they both wanted to be friends, and gave me a hug. Five minutes later he was gone. Bam.
I was bewildered for the rest of the evening - tearful and shattered.
I tossed and turned and couldnt sleep. SO I went online and used the passwords of his that I knew to see if I could open anything - I wanted to know when it all started and who she was - as you do...

OMG. I got in - and I could not believe what I was reading. The man was a sick, sadistic sex predator. Pages and pages of perverted, disgusting messages. and that was without seeing most of it in online chat rooms.

Still shattered, but understanding that I was well rid of him, I picked up the pieces and coped with his moving his stuff out.
At soem point I found a hard drive and had the sense to hide it. After two weeks, I managed to unlock it and hit the mother lode... videos of him performing sadistic acts - he is now under police investigation for home movies containing objectionable material - full of humiliation, pain, torture and punishment. He is advertising for a slave to share his life with his new woman/ or sub/concubine as he refers to her. He has at least six otehr private profiles on bdsm sites looking for women to hurt....
He doesn't know I have the hard drive... next month I will hear what the police will do ( or not).
I will need a protection order and stil have to face this....

The one positive is that although I miss the illusion of the relationship I thought I had, I have seen with my own eyes the alter ego at work and can quickly squash any fantasy of what we had. He was cheating all the time we were together - and with prostitutes, slaves, bdsm, you name it. Life as I knew it disintegrated and the journey through recoery hell began,

No contact - no regrets - it was not my fault - I was groomed, chosen, preyed on and spat out.
Hurt, bruised, yes. It will tkae a long time, if ever, before I trust or love again. But at least I can - and I will. He will hopefully go to prison.

I expect some of this can go into other forum areas - but overall I just want to say thank you for reminding me that this was DONE to me.

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#14336 - 02/27/13 07:39 PM Re: How to have no contact? [Re: newbeginnings]
Dianne E. Offline

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Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2788
Loc: United States
Hi newbeginnings, welcome to our community, whew where to begin. So very sorry for all you have been through.

Quote:
that this was DONE to me


So very true and a great way to look at this. There is really nothing you could have done to prevent all of this, that is the hardest thing that victims aka survivors learn to understand.

It is indeed sick the level these people will go to, I think cheating, and out of the norm sexual tendencies are part of what happens when a person is missing a conscience. These people bring new meaning to living a compartmentalized life

I hope you are very safe, and we can help you in your journey to mental well being.

Di

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#14375 - 03/07/13 07:41 AM Re: How to have no contact? [Re: Dianne E.]
Shayna Offline
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Registered: 03/05/13
Posts: 120
I am just 2 days into my no contact. I too miss the phantom I fell in love with and the fantasy life we were building. I don't miss the emotional abuse I took and that's what I keep reminding myself of when I feel the need to talk to him... besides, I realize now that even if we did talk almost anything he'd say would be a lie.

The last contact we had was when we met and I officially broke up with him. All the typical behaviour ensued, the crying, the temper tantrum- he even flung himself on the floor. It was unbelievable. I never imagined a 41 year old man could behave like that. Before we met I read through this site and dozens of others to learn what I was up against, so knowing all that made me stronger. It's almost laughable how perfectly textbook his reactions and answers were that night; like a programmed robot.

I think my demeanor and what I said that night might've made him decide I wasn't going to be manipulated anymore so he might not waste his time. I've read that they come back to try again but I'm not counting on him returning. I'm sure he knows that I know what he is at this point. I wonder if HE knows what he is sometimes. But that's not my burden to shoulder anymore.

Of course I miss him. If I'm not doing anything at night I come home from work and just go to bed so I can get past the worst of it. I can't wait until I'm normal again.

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#14378 - 03/07/13 07:10 PM Re: How to have no contact? [Re: Shayna]
1962 Offline
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Registered: 01/31/13
Posts: 206
Shayna,

I had to smile when I read your description of your break up. I was with my "Psychopath" husband for 31 years and he had never shown much emotion rather than anger all these years. The day I confronted him he threw himself on the floor, pounded the ground and grabbed at his face. His facial features actually were quite appropriate- he looked distraught. I must had had an odd smile on my face (as I found this whole scenario quite predictable also). He got up off the floor, pulled down his shirt and said," I guess this means we won't be wroking things out." This was after I told him I knew he poisoned me and that I had been deathly sick for months. This was Christmas- I still miss what I thought was the life and person who I would retire with. I still find it hard to believe that I didn't know what he was all this time. Hurts like hell to know now.

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#14387 - 03/11/13 11:53 AM Re: How to have no contact? [Re: 1962]
Shayna Offline
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Registered: 03/05/13
Posts: 120
I'm so sorry 1962. Even though I've been through what I have I still can't begin to imagine what you've been though. frown After my N threw himself on the floor he crawled under a desk and barricaded himself with two chairs. I had a general understanding of it then, but after reading everything I can on narcissism, that reaction was quite "normal" for him. He got up after a few minutes but continued on his rant of how awful I was.

Getting back to the no contact thing- he emailed me 4 days ago to give me a 'heads up' that he was going to be emailing a few of my friends in some sort of smear campaign. By the time I got the email one of my friends texted me very upset, another contacted me via Facebook asking what the heck is going on. I made the mistake of calling him, so I gave him what he wanted. No more.

He also stopped by my house the next day to drop something off that I'd left at his house. Nothing important and something I had forgotten all about; i could have lived without it. I was home all day but he didn't knock; he just left it outside on my porch, just to let me know he was there I suppose. He lives an hour away.

I unfriended and blocked him and his ex-wife on FB (he told me in his email he's still seeing her and had been the whole time we were together, not a big surprise there) and am in the process of changing my email addresses.

I now believe he won't stop contacting me or trying to ruin my life. I hope I'm wrong.

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#14388 - 03/11/13 06:32 PM Re: How to have no contact? [Re: Shayna]
1962 Offline
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Registered: 01/31/13
Posts: 206
Thanks Shayna- My "Psychopath" is in the devalue and discard phase I believe. He doesn't contact me at all any more, but tells our sons that I refuse to speak with him. Not true, but it is useless to speak and try and resolve any asset distribution with him (circular speaking- says one thing then changes his mind- then back again).

My other concern is that he is just planning his next attack- always on guard with this one.

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#14407 - 03/17/13 03:33 AM Re: How to have no contact? [Re: Shayna]
warrioress Offline
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Registered: 03/16/13
Posts: 72
Shayna, I know about that 'fantasy life'. He kept promising me too -great returns on our mutual business, which was always somehow just beyond the horizon, month after month. I still to this day don't know the truth of it.

When I went in for a 'protection order' , it shamed me that my first reaction before court while he was sitting there outside- was to 'talk to him'. On the other side of the bench I kept asking myself , WHY? He's a delusional freak of nature and every contact you ever had diminished you, not one ever nourished you. Your mind has to talk to your emotional body.
Then we went into the court. He was SO full of rage that he had been caught, he was acting like the 'cock of the walk', he denied doing anything to me or breaking any of my stuff, and the Judge got pissed off. There he was, with a cast on his hand, denying that he broke my windshield. I was instantly issued a 10 year order of protection with no hearing and damages. He was so rage-filled everyone saw it.

In talking to the DA, they see this [censored] all the time.

You dont MISS HIM, you miss a fantasy. Its very important we understand the difference!
I know weekends are the hardest for me, so I try to spend time with people who care about me, even though sometimes I break down and cry, I dont give a crap anymore about what they think.

A month into no-contact, I have some stable days, a few bad moments, then Im ok again. Healing happens fast, though it seems slow. I had extra added bad since it's likely he killed my dog, and that's been the worst of it. Really, the worst thing ever.
People say stupid stuff, like 'just love yourself' but it's hard to know what that even means. So lets talk about specifics:

Take a shower everyday, use products you like that smell good and familiar to you, or change them if they remind you. I notice smells I love ground me.

I watch movies or whatever to distract me for a few hours. Comedies and things like that.

Eating can be hard, but I filled my fridge with goodies, fruit and softer foods I can manage. Even if I cant eat much, a full fridge makes you feel normal.

Rebuild whatever he broke: replace material goods, stop feeling sorry for yourself in any way you can do, incrementally.

Sleep it off.

Walk.

I know advice is stupid, I hate people who give me advice. Like 'get over it' or whatever. But I really recommend, other than remembering every bad thing he did to you, remember the look in his eyes and the knowing in your heart that it wasnt right from whenever that started. Your sub-concious knew and don't second guess that. Mine Totally knew. I had bad dreams when sleeping with him. My dog got in between us all the time. He thought she was loving on him, but I knew better. I always felt she was scared and was trying to convince him not to harm me. We know somehow. Take that knowing and stick with it for your life.




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#14467 - 03/20/13 06:07 AM Re: How to have no contact? [Re: warrioress]
Shayna Offline
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Registered: 03/05/13
Posts: 120
Warrioress, those are all excellent suggestions. Hard to do at times but you're right.

One of the reasons I redid one of the rooms in my house last weekend was because it was painted/decorated between us both, and we compromised on the colour. After I left him that was the first thing I did when I was able to. Now I can't love that room more... so glad I flushed him out of that space.

6 days no contact for me. I'm almost ready to cancel the email addresses he knows about and my phone number; I intend to do everything all at once, so if he sends something and realizes he can't get through, all other means he knows are dead as well. I hope to have everything done by next week.

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#14475 - 03/20/13 09:51 AM Re: How to have no contact? [Re: Shayna]
1962 Offline
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Registered: 01/31/13
Posts: 206
Good idea to break contact all at once if possible. It's best to go "cold turkey". I think the reason I will never ever get NC is that my boys are a source of contact and then soon my grandkids will be too. I hate to think that I will feel this limbo for the rest of my life frown

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#14918 - 04/25/13 01:27 PM Re: How to have no contact? [Re: becky]
Katabasis Offline
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Registered: 04/25/13
Posts: 3
For me, no more contact meant exactly that. I stopped talking to her. In my case I stopped answering the phone entirely. I set up my phones to not ring and to transfer my calls to my answering machine. My friends know that the only way to contact me is to leave a message and I will get back to them. I have done this now since January 1998. I haven't answered my phone in person for over fifteen years now. And it has been necessary because she has from time to time over the years attempted to call me (I suppose when her latest relationship blows up and she needs to find another victim to play "fireman" and put out her fires for her).
I'm not saying that this is the answer for you. I'm just giving you a "heads up" as to the kind of lengths it may be necessary to go to in order to solve the problem. For me, my former S.O. was so persuasive and manipulative that it is very important for me to never give her the opportunity to speak directly with me.


Edited by Katabasis (04/25/13 01:28 PM)

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#14975 - 04/28/13 07:41 PM Re: How to have no contact? [Re: warrioress]
crocodile Offline
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Registered: 04/25/13
Posts: 329
Maybe you should also get a new dog if you can? Having an animal around when you're alone is great, I guess it helps the feeling as well...

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#14989 - 04/30/13 08:38 PM Re: How to have no contact? [Re: Dianne E.]
pisces Offline
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Registered: 04/25/13
Posts: 3
My psychopath is my mother. I have greatly reduced contact as she is dangerous to my health. I still have extremely limited contact because she is married to my father. He pretty much behaves the same as her now though. I guess nearing 50 years of marriage he has to do whatever she says.

I moved overseas to keep her phsyically at a distance and she has said she will never visit. She has said she will never phone again after the only call she ever made cost over $10. I am expected to call her though, but it doesn't happen.

We maintain communication by email. That is until my parents went OS on a three month holiday and didn't bother to contact me for weeks. Finally a letter, but no way to contact them.

I see them at Christmas for a few days. I never, ever will see either of them alone and make sure I am not alone with my mother for more than a few minutes at most as her rage can surface very, very fast and it triggers my panic attacks.

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#14991 - 04/30/13 08:41 PM Re: How to have no contact? [Re: pisces]
1962 Offline
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Registered: 01/31/13
Posts: 206
Pisces,

How difficult it must be for you to deal with your mom, and then losing your dad in the mix too.

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#14997 - 05/01/13 08:23 AM Re: How to have no contact? [Re: pisces]
Katabasis Offline
member

Registered: 04/25/13
Posts: 3
Pisces,

I hear you on the panic attack thing.
I can only now stand to hear a ringing telephone without tensing up from anxiety. It took me about fifteen years before I STARTED to feel comfortable around ringing telephones. This is one of the reasons I still have my phones set up to not ring, but to transfer calls directly to my answering machine.


Edited by Katabasis (05/01/13 08:23 AM)

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#15001 - 05/01/13 11:16 AM Re: How to have no contact? [Re: Katabasis]
Shayna Offline
member

Registered: 03/05/13
Posts: 120
I had to change the sound when a text message comes in through my phone because each time it did with the old sound, I'd get anxiety over whether the text was from my Psychopath or not.

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#15922 - 08/16/13 07:42 PM Re: How to have no contact? [Re: Shayna]
Ishewatching Offline
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Registered: 06/12/13
Posts: 10
If I hear tyres on the stones on the drive I feel fear and anxiety. If I hear sentances he used I feel anxiety. If I know he will pass my home to get to school I feel sick ....yet he is in my ife and I cant get rid of him!!! We have children who he has access too

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#15928 - 08/17/13 02:41 PM Re: How to have no contact? [Re: Ishewatching]
crocodile Offline
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Registered: 04/25/13
Posts: 329
I also can't stand the sound of phone - he used to have one of the most popular rings on his phone, whenever I hear it it reminds me of him, though it's much better now. I used to freeze and have the cold sweat all over my body on the sound of it, now it just makes me flinch which is actually an improvement.

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#15936 - 08/18/13 02:53 PM Re: How to have no contact? [Re: crocodile]
Ishewatching Offline
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Registered: 06/12/13
Posts: 10
Crocodile I understand that . I describe my ex as Bambino with teeth . Looks sweet and lovely but will tear you up as soon as layout back is turned :-( I took a long time to accept that his type of love isn't normal or healthy and that the man I fell in live with doesn't actually exist

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#15997 - 08/25/13 04:05 PM Re: How to have no contact? [Re: Ishewatching]
Bunnyshy Offline
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Registered: 08/22/13
Posts: 11
I'm still new at this, only here a few days now. This is foolish to ask, but why isn't he calling me? NC for 1 month now. He was seeing me 4 days a week before i left him (he lives an hour away and came over acting ADDICTED to me). "We are soulmates. Telepathically connected my love". I am crying and I don't know why. He lied, cheated, faked everything, I was even afraid for my life a few times in the four months together, yet "I want him to call me"?! Im not naive like I seem...I am CRUSHED. I can't take this pain anymore. Have not seen him in 9 weeks. I miss him badly.

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#15998 - 08/25/13 04:30 PM Re: How to have no contact? [Re: Bunnyshy]
crocodile Offline
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Registered: 04/25/13
Posts: 329
Originally Posted By: Bunnyshy
I'm still new at this, only here a few days now. This is foolish to ask, but why isn't he calling me? NC for 1 month now. He was seeing me 4 days a week before i left him (he lives an hour away and came over acting ADDICTED to me). "We are soulmates. Telepathically connected my love". I am crying and I don't know why. He lied, cheated, faked everything, I was even afraid for my life a few times in the four months together, yet "I want him to call me"?! Im not naive like I seem...I am CRUSHED. I can't take this pain anymore. Have not seen him in 9 weeks. I miss him badly.

Keep strong Bunny. And don't try to understand the Psychopath. He can stop contact with you for weeks and months and then show up like nothing happened. Or he can be around 24/7 even when you want him to go away. There is no rhyme or reason and don't try to understand why - it'll drive you mad. It's really better he left you alone, you don't have to cope with love bombing and lies which you'd want to believe.

I totally know how you feel, I tried to kill myself because of this son of a [censored]. He first told me he hated me and couldn't stand me and then he came back to pat me on the shoulder because I was so sad. And of course I was again confused - so which one is it: do you hate me and can't stand or are you sympathetic for my pain? I finally realised that him leaving was the best he has ever done to me and I was angry at myself that I was not strong enough to make this decision myself. You've made it and that's really admirable. All you need is to distract yourself. He has probably not hurt you badly enough (I know it sounds weird) to be able to really appreciate the lack of him in your life but as soon as you're over the pain it's going to be a new start.

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#16002 - 08/26/13 09:39 AM Re: How to have no contact? [Re: crocodile]
Bunnyshy Offline
member

Registered: 08/22/13
Posts: 11
I am deeply sorry for what you went through. I could see a victim feeling that way. These people are an abomination. We are worthy of so much more. I told him "I know what you are". He asked what my analysis was and I told him I don't want to say it out loud. I added "just meet people to sleep with them since you don't want to get close to anyone". He said "I'm gonna go now". Ha! Exactly. The truth hurts? Idk why. He's a Psychopath :-/

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#16336 - 04/25/14 05:39 PM Re: How to have no contact? [Re: Dianne E.]
Nolongerblind Offline
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Registered: 04/25/14
Posts: 5
I went no contact after reading about it and realizing it was more for my own sanity and to maintain it than it was anything else. I think part of it is the constant anxiety early on that they are going to come knocking, calling or writing and it keeps you in state of looking over your shoulder. SO, I went no contact , but I knew I was being stalked, at home with driving by the house, and on Facebook.. What stopped it was posting meme's about Psychopathy , Quotes from Thomas Sheridan and the Like, Martha Stout as well.. I originally did it to kind of spread the word about the topic, but soon realized after a while that feeling of being stalked had gone away. That connection was broken and quiet returned. I then heard Thomas Sheridan mention the only thing they fear is being outed, is someone actually knowing the brutal truth about them, and once they know you know what they are? they vanish.. If any of you are on FB, obviously block them if they are there too, but we all know that doesnt stop them totally.. Try , if you want , posting up memes , quotes and informational videos on the subject.. it might just work for you too... Its been 2 months of peace now, im still getting my soul and sanity back together little by little. No contact at all costs is definitely the way...

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#16338 - 04/25/14 09:19 PM Re: How to have no contact? [Re: Nolongerblind]
Dianne E. Offline

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Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2788
Loc: United States
Hi Nolongerblind,

Welcome to our community. If you are willing, it would be very interesting to hear more of your story.

You brought up a new angle to no contact. I think lots of them know who they are, and yes they don't want to be found out. I think the main reason is quite simple; they don't want the chaos in their lives that the knowledge would bring, see how it circles back to them.

Mirroring others is their only way to learn and get more skilled. So many things we just know by instincts that they have to study and figure out which buttons do what.

I would still continue to be on guard. They do seem to cycle back and around.

Di

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#16339 - 04/26/14 06:13 AM Re: How to have no contact? [Re: Dianne E.]
Nolongerblind Offline
member

Registered: 04/25/14
Posts: 5
Thank you very much DI ... I am still on guard, very much so. Just the thought of having to deal with it ever again is exhausting to say the least. As far as the meme's ... it seemed to work very well, and hopefully that can help someone else in the same shitty situation. My story? Well, the gaslighting and outright lies were unbelievable and it never seemed to stop. It was a constant thing. Thankfully I have always been a thinker, and apply logic deductive reasoning to everything in life so when things were blurred or twisted, or little lies were told my intuition hit me like a truck...If I had only listened right? lol Im sure we all say that at one time.. Ill post more of the story when I have a bit of time. Mirroring.... oh man.. yes... very chilling.

Have a great day...and thank you again..

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#16670 - 11/11/15 03:21 PM Re: How to have no contact? [Re: crocodile]
Notmyfault Offline
member

Registered: 11/05/15
Posts: 17
How are you doing? Breaking away is painful as hell . A psychopath becomes like a drug, even when it stops feeling good you crave it...it fulfilled you in some way and once you were hooked, good times are over. It's good you reach out to forums on this subject. The main stream doesn't quite get it yet, though there are people like Dianne trying to change that. I remember after my relationship ended and he just moved on, it was killing me. The one example. I remember because I REALLY meant it. I was so low and there was a 135 million dollar. Lottery going on. I remember frowning thinking I could care less about money, I wanted him. Now as I look back, I laugh. Surround yourself with supportive people, if those who care about you are ahowing concern...let them in. My niece couldn't let go of her guy either. While she was away he sodomized and dismembered her son. Just like you and so many of us..she couldn't break away.

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