Page 2 of 4 < 1 2 3 4 >
Topic Options
#13371 - 05/30/12 06:31 PM Re: living in the same town..... [Re: becky]
Dianne E. Offline

Administrator
member

Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2788
Loc: United States
Hi Becky, my take on this is he is just getting his hooks into her by making her jealous of you, remind yourself that a Psychopath cares about NO ONE but themselves.

As long as you engage he has his hooks into you. He is NOT capable of love, and besides would you really want him back based on his actions?

Keep in mind if you start to think of taking him back that you are sleeping with everyone he is having sex with.

I am clearly not a therapist but I sense you are in the hypervigilant state and please keep focusing on the present moment. Do not take any more calls from them, you are playing into his hands. Only you can control your actions, you are not responsible for the mind games he is playing on his current victim.

Thank your lucky stars you are going to get to go away for the summer. You need to heal and be centered. Clearly he isn't the man for you. They only move on when you move on. And yes returning is part of their process, it is like they keep track of all their victims and keep checking to see if the door is locked.

The advocate you spoke with is very correct, they don't let go, it is you that has to let go.

Di

Top
#13372 - 05/30/12 07:14 PM Re: living in the same town..... [Re: becky]
Smokey Offline
member

Registered: 03/21/12
Posts: 78
Hi Becky,

Based on personal experience and research this is fairly typical Psychopath behaviour.

They will recycle targets, so long as they are able, after all how easier it is to pick up where you left off with all the psychological pre-conditioning done, (unless one one gets wise to you so you can no longer fool them).

They will do it to get back at you for having the temerity to try to get out, and they will do it just for the fun of messing with your head and laughing about it, and of course for the power kick, and maybe most of all..............because they can.

He will use you as a stick to beat her with, and her as a stick to goad you with.

Yes he could not talk about you without thinking about the subject of his conversation, but a child may recite verbs without any affection for the task.

If it gets back to you he will be pleased if it unsettles you, if it doesn't get back to you it will have functioned to upset her and to increase her insecurity and thus her emotional dependency.

I entirely understand your desire to let her know what he is like but she will not believe what you say until she comes to discover it for herself,he will turn around anything you do say as jealousy and as part of him being the victim, and whether she believes you or not she will surely tell him, and that will give him something else to get back at you for.

I am sure no contact, direct or indirect, is the only way to handle them, while hoping that results in you dropping off their radar and out of their memory to a happier, safer place.

If you are tempted to take him back think how he treated you, how he is treating her and be very aware that he would turn the tables and keep talking about her to you, no doubt holding out the threat of then going back to her, and blaming you for that not working out.

It has taken me years to really accept that I genuinely would not want back the life I had with the Psychopath, but even now I have to battle against false nostalgia at times, when I remember the fantasy rather that the real facts.


Edited by Smokey (05/30/12 07:18 PM)

Top
#13376 - 05/31/12 12:29 AM Re: living in the same town..... [Re: Smokey]
FreeBird Offline
member

Registered: 08/24/11
Posts: 230
"They will do it to get back at you for having the temerity to try to get out, and they will do it just for the fun of messing with your head and laughing about it, and of course for the power kick, and maybe most of all..............because they can."

So true!!! This is exactly what they do.

Becky, dont wonder, he IS a Psychopath. All the symptoms are there.
I find myself thinking that maybe mine wasnt from time to time. Like I was supposed to solve something. It is most normal - because psychopaths in every day life seemed to be such good human beings... You want that fake him to be true, coz, admitting they were a monster is hard.

But reality is reality. They are monsters. Only they have this mask they put on most of the time...
I have a rule now - whenever anybody makes me a tiniest bit uncomfortable, I back out, or get really assertive with them straight away. I dont care if they're psycho, narcissistic or whatever other condition. I just know better, I trust my gut, and I never let them get closer to me, coz I know the consequences. YOU CANNOT REASON WITH PSYCHOS.


And my Psychopaths talks about me all the time. And his gf has had a major brainwashing - he told her not to talk to me and some other people:D And she assures him that she has not and will not. Yes, they talk about other gf to control the current victim - this gf of his is feeling really insecure. Thats all a game! Come on, who talks about their exes?? No decent person does, especially if the relationship ended bad, and there is no girl and absolutely no guy on this earth that wants to listen about their lovers exes! You could mention them sometimes, but hell, not talk about it all the time. Unless theres something seriously wrong with you.

I can remember, during the interrogation at the police - when he was answering some questions and I was next to him (bad memories:) he would mention his new gf - even though she had nothing to to with the case. Why would he do that? He was mentioning her name and looking at me! All he wanted was to hurt me. It is all directed to make you feel uneasy, and again - when someone is making you feel weird in your gut - GET AWAY. As psychopaths ALWAYS attack your 'unconsciousness' - you will never be able to stand them. You will never be indifferent. The only think you can do is to get away and remember that they do what they do to hurt and manipulate you. Not letting them is winning at their game.

Top
#13381 - 06/01/12 01:57 PM Re: living in the same town..... [Re: FreeBird]
becky Offline
member

Registered: 03/26/12
Posts: 86
Thanks for all your prompt responses.....I so appreciate all of you here!......It so hurts to realize the truth....but i'm on my way...thanks to all of you... I've set up counseling and working on my biceps! lol....feeling better and more aware and alive.............I love you guys : )

Top
#13384 - 06/02/12 10:58 AM Re: living in the same town..... [Re: FreeBird]
becky Offline
member

Registered: 03/26/12
Posts: 86
Has anyone lived to survive exposing them?... I mean he knows I know now and I told his ex what I could?....If I have NO contact what so ever with him, her or anyone that associates with him.. and I keep my mouth shut............do you think he'll continue to focus his energy on her and forget about me?....or will he want revenge?? Anyone have any answers??

Top
#13385 - 06/02/12 12:07 PM Re: living in the same town..... [Re: Smokey]
becky Offline
member

Registered: 03/26/12
Posts: 86
Thanks smokey......I understand everything your saying....and YES it's finally starting to sink it how scary this situation and this person really is!!!!! As much as it hurts.....I don't want this anymore....I've lost so much weight....I actually had a cigarette last night after 20 yrs..I can't continue to beat myself up and hurt....I'm starting counseling and yoga and everything else I can think of to get this under me...I think i'm starting to move forward.....one minisqual (not sure if that was spelled right!) step at a time....

Top
#13388 - 06/03/12 04:34 PM Re: living in the same town..... [Re: becky]
FreeBird Offline
member

Registered: 08/24/11
Posts: 230
becky, its a series of steps, and some unfortunately backwards.
What was comforting for me was realizing that these terrible feelings are actually what he is missing too. It made it all easier somehow. Accepting them in a way. They are there because you are able to feel. He isnt and thats what he envies. He can never understand what it feels to love. You can, and you did, and in the end you will see that it is better to have both bad and good emotions, than have none.

Top
#13389 - 06/04/12 01:18 AM Re: living in the same town..... [Re: becky]
ColoradoKathy Offline
member

Registered: 06/03/12
Posts: 1
Dear Becky,
I am a brand-new poster from Colorado, this is my first post.
I've been married 29 years to a psychopath. He inherited some money and announced he "didn't feel the same way about you and the kids." (Oh. Thanks!) He got a girlfriend. I got a job and an apartment (I am 60).
Now he says it's all my fault and I've made it "as hard on (him) as possible."

That's not why I signed on: I became a new poster just so I could say something to you all the way from Colorado:
Don't smoke.

:-)
"I actually had a cigarette last night after 20 yrs."
I read this and remembered I'd done the exact same thing after just about the same amount of time. Guess who is now doing what, harder than ever? Right. :-)

We've lost enough to those creeps! not to mention, cigs are way more expensive (and way less socially acceptable) than when we quit 20+ years ago.

Think of me and Resist! --trust me, it doesn't help, just adds another problem.
xoxox from Kathy

Top
#13398 - 06/05/12 12:41 PM Re: living in the same town..... [Re: ColoradoKathy]
becky Offline
member

Registered: 03/26/12
Posts: 86
Thanks you guys....and Kathy smile ....you made me smile ..and laugh!! Thank you!! Btw....I have not had a cigarette since!

Top
#13680 - 08/08/12 11:11 PM Re: living in the same town..... [Re: hisonlyqueen]
dazedandconfused Offline
member

Registered: 06/10/12
Posts: 11
I cut off all contact with my Psychopath three months ago and I blocked his phone number so that he could no longer text or call me. Despite the fact that we reside in neighboring cities, I had not heard a peep from him and all was well.

A few days ago I was abruptly awakened slightly before daybreak by someone ringing my doorbell incessantly. I attempted to look through the peephole prior to opening the door but my view was obstructed. As a result, I cautiously opened the door to find my Psychopath standing on my porch wearing yet another pair of his designer jeans which retail for over $200 a pair.

My Psychopath, whose breath smelled of alcohol, said that he did not want to cause any trouble or become embroiled in a verbal altercation with me, he merely wanted to see our daughter. I explained to my Psychopath that because it was the wee hours of the morning, she was still asleep. My Psychopath subsequently began to ring the doorbell again in an attempt to jar our daughter from her slumber and I demanded that he stop immediately. My Psychopath asked if he could come inside and I told him that I would prefer if he stayed on the porch. My Psychopath said that he had been watching the Olympics recently and was brought to tears by one of the gymnasts who reminded him of our daughter because they have an uncanny physical resemblance to one another.

After that we talked at length about a number of topics that he brought up and for some inexplicable reason, I requested my Psychopath’s permission to give him a hug, which he granted. I subsequently reached out and warmly embraced my Psychopath for a few moments before letting go. I then found myself telling my Psychopath that I still loved him in spite of everything that he put me through. My Psychopath then requested that I entreat him to a kiss, but I explained that I could not as I had not had an opportunity to brush my teeth prior to opening the door. My Psychopath offered to purchase breakfast for us if I would allow him to enter my residence, upon his return, but I declined citing that I would still prefer if he stayed on the porch.

Due to the fact that my Psychopath has not contributed one single solitary dime toward child support for our daughter in only God knows how long, I requested that he make a payment so that I could purchase a new pair of glasses for her. My Psychopath told me that he could not afford to make a child support payment due to the fact that his vehicle payment is nearly $500 per month and that takes precedence over child support. And on that note my Psychopath walked back to his vehicle and drove off, leaving me to feel like such an idiot for expressing my feelings to him.

After the aforementioned encounter, my Psychopath posted the following statement on his facebook wall, “because I was hurt and damaged, I hurt others.”

Top
Page 2 of 4 < 1 2 3 4 >